Believer's Last Prayer

[Guest JezuzFree]

I'd like to share with you the last prayer I uttered as a Christian a few weeks ago. After 28 years of being a Christian, I'm now a very happy Atheist.

 

This morning, Lord, I come before You

A Holy Soldier at Your feet

It is I, Nobody Special

A Jar of Clay that You complete

 

I’ve lived my life as a Believer

Extolled Your virtues, praised Your name

A Demon Hunter, Holy Soldier

Saved by Grace, my only claim

 

I’ve lived by faith, my Creed persistent

A Living Sacrifice for You

But where’s the proof? It’s nonexistent

Imaginary will just not due

 

An Ultimatum is before me

Set by me by my free will

The Crucified or rationality

I want real truth to set me free

 

My mind’s made up, I choose You not

It’s Evanescence of the faith

At Six Feet Deep I’ll simply rot

The soul’s not Payable On Death

 

I will not cry for Your Deliverance

When my time comes As I Lay Dying

Will love my neighbor and Die Happy

Will change the world or will die trying

 

A Barren Cross is a nice story

But so is Santa and Mother Goose

I believe not in eternal glory

Not by Christ, Allah nor Zeus

 

I’m not the Bride, and not the Stryper

I nailed You not to cross nor tree

I am no longer Your Disciple

From this day on, I’m JezuzFree

 

I can only hope that this is of some encouragement to those still “on the fence” between Christianity and Atheism. It was a big step for me, and one that I’m very happy to have taken. The recent Christian might notice that the names of multiple Christian bands are mentioned in the prayer. They’re the bands that I listened to for many years. Don’t be afraid, help others, live for love, and enjoy life. You only get one.

 

There's a reading of the prayer on my YouTube channel. http://bit.ly/i6R74

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

This is me, living JezuzFree.

[Ouroboros]

Very cool.

[Guest Justyna]

The last prayer I prayed was "God I was always taught that life without you is bad, but since leaving you, I am finding myself and peace of mind as well as happines."

[dB-Paradox]

That's a very poetic prayer. I'm guessing you prepared it before praying it?

 

My last prayer was more like...

 

"If there is a creator out there, please let me know."

 

 

As far as my last "Christian" prayer, I think I prayed for help in restoring my wavering faith. It was probably the most intense/sincere/emotional prayer I had ever prayed. If God answers any prayers, it should have been that one.

 

Just want to echo the above. I too, begged God to reveal himself to me. I even went as far as joining the Christianity.com forums and asked for prayer. Got a lot of replies in a very short time. But never felt any power at work in my life. Never had any special revelation. And God showed me nothing. Indeed, if God answers prayer, he should answer these ones. Well, that was it for me. And now....It is finished.

[Seeking]

Just want to echo the above. I too, begged God to reveal himself to me.[...] And God showed me nothing. Indeed, if God answers prayer, he should answer these ones. Well, that was it for me. And now....It is finished.

This is similar to my experience:

 

After 20 years of spiritual frustration, doubt, and heartfelt pleas to God, I recently undertook to read the whole Bible one last time, to decide whether or not I actually believe it. Before beginning this project, I prayed, "God, I am having such a hard time believing that you are real. I have neither seen nor felt evidence of you in my life. I am going to give the Bible one last try. If you are there, please help me understand it the way you intended it to be understood."

 

From the opening pages of Genesis through the end of Judges (as far as I've gotten so far), all I've found are contradictions, problems, and depictions of a cruel, fickle God. This has lead me from doubt to disbelief. As you said, if God answers prayers, that's one he should have answered!!

[Major Tom]

I’ve lived by faith, my Creed persistent

A Living Sacrifice for You

But where’s the proof? It’s nonexistent

Imaginary will just not due

 

An Ultimatum is before me

Set by me by my free will

The Crucified or rationality

I want real truth to set me free

 

Beautiful prayer!

 

As for me, I never had a chance to say a goodbye prayer. I guess it never occurred to me once I recognized that God was "puff the dragon". In an instant, "poof" he was gone: simply vanished; That was good because I hate goodbyes anyway. But I might take this opportunity to express such a prayer now. It could be this: "Dear Erroneous Concept", adios, sayonara , and, hey, don't let the door hit you on the way out".

 

This video helpful to me in letting go of faith. http://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=C64mNM4fASqXeKoz18AbGhKneDe2Z7GSx6IfsCt7o4fETEAEgsO_3BigGUM_y_sz7_____wFgycbvhsijkBnIAQGqBB5P0MlyD3euCehtbExQWqqlPGX3WbuXweCpBAa5rOk&num=1&ggladgrp=3543407677665289508&gglcreat=14816619498726508444&sig=AGiWqtz35yRF5B3VEuMEHNAqM2pu1A4WHA&q=http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000CAPZBC/%3Ftag%3Dgooghydr-20%26hvadid%3D2819909155%26ref%3Dpd_sl_24thbldj3m_b .

[Ameen]

I guess I'm just a lot more crass than the rest of you. I cursed out God in the foulest terms I could think of and felt really, really good.

 

Shortly after that, I realized I had been an atheist since about age twelve, but fear, manipulation, guilt, threats of hellfire and OCD had kept me in the dysfunctional fold.

[decafaholic]

My last prayer the first time I lost my faith was probably something along the lines of "Fuck You! " I prayed that prayer quite a bit during that time. The second, and most recent time I lost my faith I probably said something like "I miss you."

I have my moments when I miss having faith, but then I look around at the Christian organizations on my campus and I don't miss it anymore!

[RJT]

Though it wasn't my final prayer as a Christian, it definitely was THE prayer that hit the after-burners in my deconversion process. I stood in my front yard as an overseas evangelical missionary and prayed from my heart, "Lord, make me an honest man...not matter what it costs." I admit, I suspected where it might lead me, but I was done posing. That was six years ago. Now I'm a happy, tranquil non-believer, enjoying life as never before.

[Hungrydingo]

It was actually a letter I wrote when I was 18. We were on a religious retreat for school and had to write letters to god. I wrote three pages and most of it was asking why he let bad things happen to me when I had such strong faith for most of my life. I pretty much knew at that point there was no deity to write to, but it felt really good to release that energy, the frustration, the anger I felt inside. I got a lot of things off my chest I was actually too fearful to actually say or write (for fear of retribution) but I finally just let it all go say what I had wanted to say out loud for a long a time but suppressed in fear.

[oddbird1963]

Just want to echo the above. I too, begged God to reveal himself to me. I even went as far as joining the Christianity.com forums and asked for prayer. Got a lot of replies in a very short time. But never felt any power at work in my life. Never had any special revelation. And God showed me nothing. Indeed, if God answers prayer, he should answer these ones. Well, that was it for me. And now....It is finished.

 

 

Yep. Been there, done that too!

 

 

I'm late to the game on this one.

 

But that was essentially my last prayer. "If you are there, let me know in a way that's meaningful to me."

 

I still utter that prayer every once in a while, but not pleading anymore.

 

I just recognize that after all this I could still be wrong. There could be something like a God out there in some fashion, shape or form.

 

But up to now, I still consider myself an atheist.

 

OB '63

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

My last prayer was so long ago, I had to have been 14 or 15. But it went something like this with these contents:

 

"Dear heavenly father, I followed you and tried to be a believer in you, but I just couldn't. I tried to set aside my differences between what I believe and what you tell me to believe, and just couldn't. When I begged for years for you to show me a sign that you do exist and love your creation, you just couldn't. So I'll give you one last shot, the door will always be open for a sign to bring me back to you, but if not, then I guess this is farewell",

 

though I don't have a clue what I prayed, I know I was still mentally weak and prayed for something to show he existed. And brought up many of my problems I had, and troubles I had understanding "his" word and other features and facets of the religion.

 

The door was open for a while, and still is to proving its the right religion for me. Though I think that I have gone so far away, that I no longer can see that door, and will probably never again be christian. Its now just simply unlikely (well, because I don't predict the future, but I could say impossible and I would be close to right)

[Shyone]

My last prayer was so long ago, I had to have been 14 or 15. But it went something like this with these contents:

 

"Dear heavenly father, I followed you and tried to be a believer in you, but I just couldn't. I tried to set aside my differences between what I believe and what you tell me to believe, and just couldn't. When I begged for years for you to show me a sign that you do exist and love your creation, you just couldn't. So I'll give you one last shot, the door will always be open for a sign to bring me back to you, but if not, then I guess this is farewell",

 

though I don't have a clue what I prayed, I know I was still mentally weak and prayed for something to show he existed. And brought up many of my problems I had, and troubles I had understanding "his" word and other features and facets of the religion.

 

The door was open for a while, and still is to proving its the right religion for me. Though I think that I have gone so far away, that I no longer can see that door, and will probably never again be christian. Its now just simply unlikely (well, because I don't predict the future, but I could say impossible and I would be close to right)

Welcome to the forum. I like your nickname; it reminds me of a bible passage/poem, a rather pretty one IIRC. But I may be thinking about something totally different. "By the waters of Babylon"? Or was that about Lewis and Clark? "By the waters of gitchi-gumi".

 

Oh, well.

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

My last prayer was so long ago, I had to have been 14 or 15. But it went something like this with these contents:

 

"Dear heavenly father, I followed you and tried to be a believer in you, but I just couldn't. I tried to set aside my differences between what I believe and what you tell me to believe, and just couldn't. When I begged for years for you to show me a sign that you do exist and love your creation, you just couldn't. So I'll give you one last shot, the door will always be open for a sign to bring me back to you, but if not, then I guess this is farewell",

 

though I don't have a clue what I prayed, I know I was still mentally weak and prayed for something to show he existed. And brought up many of my problems I had, and troubles I had understanding "his" word and other features and facets of the religion.

 

The door was open for a while, and still is to proving its the right religion for me. Though I think that I have gone so far away, that I no longer can see that door, and will probably never again be christian. Its now just simply unlikely (well, because I don't predict the future, but I could say impossible and I would be close to right)

Welcome to the forum. I like your nickname; it reminds me of a bible passage/poem, a rather pretty one IIRC. But I may be thinking about something totally different. "By the waters of Babylon"? Or was that about Lewis and Clark? "By the waters of gitchi-gumi".

 

Oh, well.

Nah, I was a babylonian recon for a while, then I came up with babylonian dream from the constantly used term "american dream" by substituting american for babylonian.

[David]

Hi, what a great topic. I am new to this website and forum and currently pondering what to do about my faith. I will make a long story short, I was invited to a church by a new friend I had met at work and right from the get go, I sensed something was not right.

I had not been to church in many years and swore I would stay out of it but still worship God and be the best Christian I could be, on my own.

Well as time went on in this new church that my friend introduced me too, I noticed that things were starting to get a bit radical. I think you folks know the story. I went to a couple of bible studies and in one of those studies I was told that my dead relatives are burning in hell at that very moment. I was told that my wife, who happens to be Buddhist will also burn in hell when she dies unless she surrenders to God. Well that was the last straw for me. I am learning more and more about Atheism and to be honest I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Mysteriously my new friend has disappeared and so have the people at the church who claimed to love me so much. I have not heard from them. They tried to accuse me of being a horrible person and it really messed me up emotionally for awhile. I prayed about it to no avail. I feel much better as a free thinker than I did as a Christian. Thank goodness for this forum and thanks for all of the great topics here.

[Ex-Moody Finnish Dave]

Very well written.

[pinkcece]

Great prayer - my sentiments exactly. Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed reading it. I was nodding along and smiling at the end.

[Evan B]

Wow, that's a really well written poem/prayer. I'm still on the edge about my faith, and have never really thought about a 'last prayer'. I will probably always have that conviction that there is a possible God, but until I see the evidence, or see a 'sign', I will forever hold that doubt about God being imaginary.

[Searching For Mark]

toward the end of my last attempt of searching for faith I was watching the Tina Turner movie, What's love got to do with it. This is the song I wrote to the tune of that popular song:

 

We can't comprehend but are forced to contend with "Is there a God"?

Life comes and goes, yet God never shows nor does Santa Claus

There's a need for truth

But it would take a sleuth

When there's no proof existing we're just all blind sheep

 

Where's God, when we needed him,when we needed him?

where's God, when the towers were collapsing?

Where's God, when we needed him, when we needed him?

Who is our savior that won't show his face?

 

Though none understand or feel the touch of his hand but say he's still there

They pass round the plate down the aisles of pews as they tell us he paid our fare

All we ask for now

Is show your children just how

We're expected to believe this old fantasy

 

Where's God, when we needed him, when we needed him?

where's God, when G W was elected

Where's God, when we needed him, when we needed him?

Our lord is missing while his children keep dying

 

I've been seeking out his eternal plan for me, and I found no path to take

I've been thinking about my lasting imprint, and realized that it's all in vain....

 

 

Where's God, when we needed him, when we needed him?

Where's God, when we sought but could not find him?

Where's God, when we needed him, when we needed him?

They say he is with us, so why are we helpless?????

[Vixentrox]

My last prayer as a Christian involved praying to God and praying to a brick. The results were the same, that is, no results at all.

[renoliz]

Fantastic!! Voiced my thoughts in a very poetic fashion. I don't remember my last prayer but I do remember praying and praying. God didn't actually speak to me but the internet did. Strangely, my prayers to know the truth have been answered and I am now an atheist. And happy.

[Finally Awake]

I guess I'm just a lot more crass than the rest of you. I cursed out God in the foulest terms I could think of and felt really, really good.

 

Shortly after that, I realized I had been an atheist since about age twelve, but fear, manipulation, guilt, threats of hellfire and OCD had kept me in the dysfunctional fold.

That was me too. I participated in a church where we danced before the lord, spoke in tongues, fell out in the holy spirit, prophesied... I always felt like an idiot. I always thought I was doing it for nobody. But, I couldn't bring myself to accept those feelings. I thought I was the problem and didn't believe enough. Eventually I met a man who challenged me, so I set out to prove that I was correct and god existed. I went full out; classes, discussions, research. My conclusion. No god. It took a bit to get me there. But figuring it out has been the most freeing experience of my life!

[Guest Net Eng]

offer some real reasons to deny christianity

 

1. All evidence to date indicates the bible is the product of human only inspiration.

2. Prayer has been proven statistically to be as reliable as random chance

3. Christianity is just one of many religions past/present and will fall the way of Greek mythology someday.

 

I could go on but my guess is that you won't even read this post. If on the off hand you do please check out this: Link

[Xerces]

I liked that, 1+ for you.

[Guest wasachristian]

@ Seeking, interesting seeing you reading through from start to finish. I did the same thing and the breakthrough came for me when I realised that (1) the record and (2) the commentary were quite distinct. The bible may have some good history (1) but terrible speculation (2). There may be evidence that demands a verdict but it doesn't mean the biblical or Christian verdicts are right.

 

That was a huge breakthrough for me. I could separate the two and reading the bible became a whole lot less frustrating

 

Good luck with the rest of the journey.

 

Just want to echo the above. I too, begged God to reveal himself to me.[...] And God showed me nothing. Indeed, if God answers prayer, he should answer these ones. Well, that was it for me. And now....It is finished.

This is similar to my experience:

 

After 20 years of spiritual frustration, doubt, and heartfelt pleas to God, I recently undertook to read the whole Bible one last time, to decide whether or not I actually believe it. Before beginning this project, I prayed, "God, I am having such a hard time believing that you are real. I have neither seen nor felt evidence of you in my life. I am going to give the Bible one last try. If you are there, please help me understand it the way you intended it to be understood."

 

From the opening pages of Genesis through the end of Judges (as far as I've gotten so far), all I've found are contradictions, problems, and depictions of a cruel, fickle God. This has lead me from doubt to disbelief. As you said, if God answers prayers, that's one he should have answered!!