A Rant On Christian Parenting

[Neon Genesis]

Last night I was bored and found this older book from the 90s my mother had about how to raise your children as Christians called The Power Of A Praying Parent but I was disgusted by the extremism in it. In one chapter, the author blindly asserts that all non-Christian parents are abusive to kids and you can only be a good parent if you're a Christian. The author also claimed that non-Christians have higher divorce rates, abusive families, and teen pregnancy rates than Christians but never cite any evidence for their claims. In one chapter when discussing the miraculous power of prayer, the author argues that if your child stops believing in God, God is going to stop looking after them. She uses an example of this girl she knew who stopped believing in God because her parents got a divorce and then the girl got into a car wreck. She was badly injured but barely survived, so then she reconverted back to Christianity. Apparently the moral of the story is if you stop believing in God, he's going to make you get into a car crash.

 

In another story, the author talks about the importance of godly role models and how she would take down any posters of music artists she thought were a bad influence on him because apparently having posters of famous secular people will lead you into a downward spiral to drugs and addictions. The lady said she was even concerned about some Christian rock singers even though she's also hypocritically a Christian artist. What exactly is so wrong with Christian rock that it'll lead to drugs she never explains. She also argues that children should only have close friends with other Christians. She of course adds in the disclaimer notice that comes across as protesting too much that she doesn't think you should have no non-Christian friends but only your closest friends should be Christians so you aren't lead down a slippery slope to debauchery and immorality. Once again, she never presents any evidence of her claims that having non-Christian friends will make you a non-believer or that Christians always make the best role models but fundamentalism says it, so she believes it. In the chapter on sexual immorality, the author warns Christians about how the world is out to get you and the homosexual agenda is trying to steal your kids and even health publications are promoting immorality.

 

It's funny how this book was written in '95 but the arguments haven't changed at all since then. But I think the most horrifying chapter in the book was when the author talked about how one time she found an evil "Satanic" video game in her son's bedroom and gave it back to the friend he borrowed it from and told him he couldn't play it because it was Satanic. She never proves why it's Satanic. She just knows it is because the Lord spoke to her and told her it was. Then the author said she anointed her son's room with oil and made these prayer chanting to get rid of the Satanism. She proves she was right by claiming her son stopped having nightmares after she got rid of the Satanic video game. Funny how she doesn't tell what the game is either. You'd think she would want to warn her readers what the game was and what was evil about it so they know not to buy it. But I think it's ironic that her prayer chanting sounds more like a Satanic cult to me than any video game. I think my mother only bought this book because the author is a background singer for Neil Diamond and she's a Neil Diamond fan as my mother thankfully is not as nuts as this lady is and has never used most of these suggestions on me.

[HRDWarrior]

Unfortunately, for a lot of fundy families, those lies are considered truth. I could relate to the majority of those. I remember having my "satanic" toys and videos burned before my eyes (literally) when my parents converted into a fundy church. They made my sister throw out her Cabbage Patch doll (one of her favorites) when they were said to be demon possessed toys. The list goes on - most of it I try to forget and just move on, but the craziness of these fundy groups is just nuts.

[GraphicsGuy]

Typical Xian book. I swear the writer's know they're lying and know that feeding this shit to gullible people is a great source of income.

 

There were tons of books out like that in the late 80s declaring the evils of Rock 'n Roll and even Christian rock. They were full of false lies and accusations. Most of the photos weren't even of the bands being discussed.

[Shyone]

Last night I was bored and found this older book from the 90s my mother had about how to raise your children as Christians called The Power Of A Praying Parent but I was disgusted by the extremism in it. In one chapter, the author blindly asserts that all non-Christian parents are abusive to kids and you can only be a good parent if you're a Christian. The author also claimed that non-Christians have higher divorce rates, abusive families, and teen pregnancy rates than Christians but never cite any evidence for their claims. In one chapter when discussing the miraculous power of prayer, the author argues that if your child stops believing in God, God is going to stop looking after them. She uses an example of this girl she knew who stopped believing in God because her parents got a divorce and then the girl got into a car wreck. She was badly injured but barely survived, so then she reconverted back to Christianity. Apparently the moral of the story is if you stop believing in God, he's going to make you get into a car crash.

Lying for Jesus. It never gets old. I just love the morality of making shit up to scare people into raising their Children as Christians.

 

Perhaps a google search with appropriate citations to counter the lies might be helpful if you wanted to refute the book for any reason, but I think you're past that. Your mother, after all, is not to blame for the shit in that foul book.

[Neon Genesis]

 

Lying for Jesus. It never gets old. I just love the morality of making shit up to scare people into raising their Children as Christians.

 

Speaking of scaring people with Jebuz, there was one chapter where the author talks about how when she caught her son swearing and she cussed at him to show him why cussing is bad. So, if her son got into a fight, would she abuse her kid to show him why fighting is bad?

[Shawn Truesdell]

Ahh I remember the days. The church used to get our parents to leave us in their care for the afternoon on sunday's and they would play videos with all the production value of homemade horror movies. These movies would depict our journey to hell if we listened to Kiss or Bon Jovi or any number of other rock bands. They spent a lot of time explaining why Kiss worked directly for Satan, that the twin lightening bolts in their name were the same God used to send Lucifer down to hell after his unfortunate rebellion. They also delved into Dungeons and Dragons and other RPG style games and how they were evil and conjured up evil spirits that would posses us and cause us to slaughter our parents in our sleep. All really bloody and gory stuff. Exactly the kind of stuff you should be showing an 8 to 10 year old. NOT.

 

That is kinda where I started falling off the band wagon. My step brother, who only visited in the summers and christmas, was a lover of rock and RPG games, particularly Dungeons and Dragons. I really looked up to him and knew he was not an evil person and could thus see that the music and games were not bad.

 

Didn't stop my mom from interfering, she and my fundie brother constantly tried to stop me from listening to Guns and Roses, Nirvana and just about any other band I took an interest in. Luckily my father would usually tell them to STFU and leave me alone, but he was away working a lot so I still copped a lot of flack.

 

I think it is totally irresponsible of publishes to print such books, they should honestly be stopped, but good luck in this country!

[Autonomous]

Ah the lovely Ms Stormie Omartian. I used to be really into her stuff along with Joyce Meyer. I had that book and a praying wife one as well as several on personal healing- her story is she was messed up, very depressed, on drugs etc and got converted and instantly fixed... well I was fine before I was a Christian and my problems went from bad to worse no matter how hard I tried to follow the advice of her and Meyer and Neil Anderson. Imagine the condemnation and guilt I felt because of that.

 

Even if I did somehow one day go back to Christianity, I will never ever touch that stuff again.

[Guest]

I found a bunch of books about parenting on my mom's bookshelf written by..."Dr." James Dobson. At first it explained soooo much of my mother from my childhood years, but after a day or so I started to get very angry, because things would have been so much easier for me to handle if she would have looked to sane, secular advice to raise me, but she chose the totalitarian route, and I still have the scars from it.

 

I brought this up to my xtian therapist, it was one of the first times I realized she was a xtian before a therapist. She started defending the books until I asked her if she knew Dobson or had read any of his works. Being a catholick, she hadn't,, but defended him still, I can only assume because he was a xtian, and she never validated my anger at xtianity or the church, she always tried to turn it around on me. I didn't last long with her.

[Max]

In one chapter, the author blindly asserts that all non-Christian parents are abusive to kids and you can only be a good parent if you're a Christian.

 

Odd claim, since xtian parents tend to love quoting, "spare the rod and spoil the child!" In face, that approach dominates many discussions of the subject.

[Neon Genesis]

Ah the lovely Ms Stormie Omartian. I used to be really into her stuff along with Joyce Meyer. I had that book and a praying wife one as well as several on personal healing- her story is she was messed up, very depressed, on drugs etc and got converted and instantly fixed... well I was fine before I was a Christian and my problems went from bad to worse no matter how hard I tried to follow the advice of her and Meyer and Neil Anderson. Imagine the condemnation and guilt I felt because of that.

 

Is the praying wife book as sexist as I probably think it is?

[Shyone]

In one chapter, the author blindly asserts that all non-Christian parents are abusive to kids and you can only be a good parent if you're a Christian.

 

Odd claim, since xtian parents tend to love quoting, "spare the rod and spoil the child!" In face, that approach dominates many discussions of the subject.

Let me introduce you to "Rightthinking."

 

The parents that spare the rod are abusing their children by not disciplining them sufficiently. Discipline is love. Whipping is caressing. Pain is pleasure.

 

And, so, Christian children tend to have some interesting sexual behaviors.

[Autonomous]

Ah the lovely Ms Stormie Omartian. I used to be really into her stuff along with Joyce Meyer. I had that book and a praying wife one as well as several on personal healing- her story is she was messed up, very depressed, on drugs etc and got converted and instantly fixed... well I was fine before I was a Christian and my problems went from bad to worse no matter how hard I tried to follow the advice of her and Meyer and Neil Anderson. Imagine the condemnation and guilt I felt because of that.

 

Is the praying wife book as sexist as I probably think it is?

 

To some extent, though she's not in the "little wifey chained to the kitchen sink" fundie camp at least, after all she has her music and speaking/ writing career. However I do remember something about how she always tries to make sure there are batteries so her husband can go to the cupboard when he needs one and always find one there LOL. That sounded weird to me, I mean I try to make sure we have spare batteries on hand but not as an act of service to my husband LOL!!

[Kyle]

I found a bunch of books about parenting on my mom's bookshelf written by..."Dr." James Dobson. At first it explained soooo much of my mother from my childhood years, but after a day or so I started to get very angry, because things would have been so much easier for me to handle if she would have looked to sane, secular advice to raise me, but she chose the totalitarian route, and I still have the scars from it.

 

I brought this up to my xtian therapist, it was one of the first times I realized she was a xtian before a therapist. She started defending the books until I asked her if she knew Dobson or had read any of his works. Being a catholick, she hadn't,, but defended him still, I can only assume because he was a xtian, and she never validated my anger at xtianity or the church, she always tried to turn it around on me. I didn't last long with her.

 

That is why, on my first visit to my current therapist, I interviewed him. The first thing I covered was my recent deconversion. I asked him if he had a problem counseling an atheist. He gave me a very honest answer that he was a spiritual person rather than a religious person. Once I found out that he was not an xtian, I knew that we could proceed.

 

Therapy is about overcoming your shame, guilt, and fear. How can an xtian counsel anyone when their belief system is built on shame, guilt, and fear???

[CelticWhisper]

To some extent, though she's not in the "little wifey chained to the kitchen sink" fundie camp at least, after all she has her music and speaking/ writing career. However I do remember something about how she always tries to make sure there are batteries so her husband can go to the cupboard when he needs one and always find one there LOL. That sounded weird to me, I mean I try to make sure we have spare batteries on hand but not as an act of service to my husband LOL!!

 

I can think of a few good reasons people might want to keep extra batteries on hand. I wouldn't keep them in the cupboard though. Dresser drawer is more convenient.

[Autonomous]

To some extent, though she's not in the "little wifey chained to the kitchen sink" fundie camp at least, after all she has her music and speaking/ writing career. However I do remember something about how she always tries to make sure there are batteries so her husband can go to the cupboard when he needs one and always find one there LOL. That sounded weird to me, I mean I try to make sure we have spare batteries on hand but not as an act of service to my husband LOL!!

 

I can think of a few good reasons people might want to keep extra batteries on hand. I wouldn't keep them in the cupboard though. Dresser drawer is more convenient.

 

Personally I keep quite a few in the briefcase in the wardrobe

[Searska]

To some extent, though she's not in the "little wifey chained to the kitchen sink" fundie camp at least, after all she has her music and speaking/ writing career. However I do remember something about how she always tries to make sure there are batteries so her husband can go to the cupboard when he needs one and always find one there LOL. That sounded weird to me, I mean I try to make sure we have spare batteries on hand but not as an act of service to my husband LOL!!

 

I can think of a few good reasons people might want to keep extra batteries on hand. I wouldn't keep them in the cupboard though. Dresser drawer is more convenient.

 

Personally I keep quite a few in the briefcase in the wardrobe

 

Madness! Get the ones that plug into the wall.

[Skepticaldude541]

And, so, Christian children tend to have some interesting sexual behaviors.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed that. Not to derail the topic at hand or anything.

[Shyone]

And, so, Christian children tend to have some interesting sexual behaviors.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed that. Not to derail the topic at hand or anything.

Actually, I misspoke. I meant that Christian children - WHEN they grow UP - have some interesting sexual behaviors.

 

But you knew that.

[AC Skeptic]

Actually, I misspoke. I meant that Christian children - WHEN they grow UP - have some interesting sexual behaviors

 

Such as? My wife and I were both spanked as children, so I'm wondering if I can identify any.

[Vomit Comet]

It took deconverting to have any sexual behaviors in the fucking first place. I actually took that abstinence shit seriously, and boy did it take its fucking toll.

[Shyone]

Actually, I misspoke. I meant that Christian children - WHEN they grow UP - have some interesting sexual behaviors

 

Such as? My wife and I were both spanked as children, so I'm wondering if I can identify any.

Well, spanking counts. BDSM, although there may be some debate about whether it augments or replaces religion. And then, BDSM may stand for Bible Discussion and Study Meeting.

 

And then there's whatever Ted Haggard did with the Meth and male prostitute.

 

Here's the optomistic prognosis:

 

Ironically, century after century of holy hostility to sex hasn't dampened humanity's zest for it. A 1992 World Health Organization report estimated that more than 100 million couples around the globe make love in a single day. And people relish sexual entertainment as well. A recent issue of U.S. News & World Report was devoted to the astounding rise of the sex business in America. It said:

 

"Last year Americans spent more than $8 billion on hard-core videos, live sex acts, adult cable programming, sexual devices, computer porn and sex magazines -- an amount much larger than Hollywood's domestic box office receipts and larger than all the revenues generated by rock and country music albums. Americans now spend more money at strip clubs than at Broadway, Off-Broadway, regional and nonprofit theaters, at the opera, the ballet, and jazz and classical music performances -- combined."

 

If Americans rent 665 million X-rated videos each year, as the report said, while conservative churches still say sex is "filth" or "intrinsically evil," someone is out of step with reality. And it isn't the billions of people who know, deep in their psyches, that lovemaking is intrinsically good.

 

Most Westerners have come to regard sex as wholesome and wonderful. Sanctimonious strictures suit fewer and fewer people. Episcopal priest Raymond Lawrence wrote in a national United Methodist journal:

 

"The churches are in danger of evolving into havens for the sexually suppressed or, worse, communities of profound hypocrisy." (Quarterly Review, summer 1985)

 

True -- but the record of the centuries shows clearly that Western religion has always been a haven for the sexually suppressed.

[Dagan]

Speaking as a parent, and I guess an ex-christian parent too, I found that kind of hysterical crap rare in my parenting circles.

 

But it does plant seeds of weirdness. People hear some tidbit about evil cabbage patch dolls from somewhere or how He-Man is gay (well that was probably true) or how AC/DC is a satanic acronym or something or Proctor and Gamble is a secret satanic shell corporation and pass it along without investigating the truth.

 

But that's just human nature.

 

There are some positive sides to Christian parenting, there are good values being taught, but I think they're just the same values non-christian parents teach their kids surrounded by Jesus language.

[AC Skeptic]

If Americans rent 665 million X-rated videos each year, as the report said, while conservative churches still say sex is "filth" or "intrinsically evil," someone is out of step with reality.

 

Conservative churches do not say sex is "filth" or "intrinsically evil". Most are encouraging of "married" couples to have a vibrant sex life, often times being more open about it around their children then even the secular community is conferable with. But obviously there is a pressure for people (with a strong emphasis on women) to remain celibate until in a lifelong monogamous relationship. I think this is simply the outworking of male leadership with natural male sexual jealousy to guard their mates. Fathers don't want their daughters sleeping around, and certainly men want not only their wives to be faithful within marriage but ideally been virgins upon marrying. Of course, there is a huge double standard, as men want to spread their seed as far as they can. Hence why religious laws about adultery and fornication are almost always outlined around women (men are writing them). This sexual jealousy is just the natural outworking of evolutionary biology. Laws about strict punishment for adultery exist in almost all cultures, regardless of religious background. It wasn't like the Jews invented prudness.

 

None of it makes this right or wrong, but you can't fault a man for not wanting to share his wife if it is the result of millions of years of evolution. And if that jealousy extends in the present, it just as well extends in the past. I'm no longer a Christian, and don't see premarital sex as a sin anymore, but I will encourage my daughters to remain more on the celibate side until they are in a strong committed relationship, for the simple reason that I think they have a better chance of a long lasting relationship with a future mate if they do so. I don't regret that I was a virgin when I married. My children might decide to do otherwise, but my experience with my own piers is that those who did keep their sexual experiences to a minimum before being in their current relationships have much better relationships. A good deal of those who slept around in high school and college are now single or in unhappy relationships (I'm 31). And honestly, my sex life now is much better then theirs. Obviously my last several sentences are completely anecdotal and someone may say its all bullshit. Possible. Might just be my circle and I am not immune to confirmation bias. Feel free to disagree.

 

An aside, a lot of conservative churches I know do still think it is wrong to have sex during a woman's menstruation time, I think that is pretty silly.