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Ack, My One Christian Facebook Friend


HRDWarrior
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...and now she's asking questions. I have no idea how this will go, hopefully I nipped it enough from being a problem, but her husband is in seminary, and she was probably even more fundy than me. I would hope I wouldn't lose a friend over it, but hey, guess it wouldn't be a first around here, would it?

 

Here was her post: What's this ExChristian.Net thing? What's it mean?

 

And my reponse: Some personal changes for me...and yes, my family is aware. Doesn't mean I've changed, just some different views on things. Not very new, actually...

 

Seem okay so far? We've been friends since before kindergarten - so we're talking a 25+ year friendship, at times bff's, at other times mostly just old friends, but we've stayed in touch all along.

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her: Let me amend my previous comment... I'm just curious. That's all.

 

me: Just a lot of things that always really bothered me and I just never could accept - tried to force myself to accept it for ages (20 years?) but the more I studied, tried, prayed and learned, the worse it got. The list is rather extensive, from trivial things to major things. Finally realized I just didn't believe it no matter how hard I tried, and in all honesty for the first time in my life I'm actually at peace with who I am. Nothing against what anyone else believes, just a personal thing.

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her: Good for you. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to realize that maybe what you'd always been taught isn't what you believe. You have to own it, and it sounds like you do. I'm glad that you are at peace.

 

me: Thanks for being so accepting...it really does mean a lot, I know of a number of people who have lost good friends over this particular type of situation. It wasn't an easy decision, but definitely the right one for me.

 

I think her reply meant a lot more to me than I thought - guess I was pretty sure I'd lose a friend over this, actually gave me happy tears to know that may not be the case.

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Well, it does seem like she is accepting of your change. Perhaps she is also going through changes because of seminary school, but then again she may not be because I don't know your friend.

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Well, it does seem like she is accepting of your change. Perhaps she is also going through changes because of seminary school, but then again she may not be because I don't know your friend.

 

Ya, I'm not sure (yet anyways). She did say they've changed denominations to the Greek Orthodox - unfortunately I know almost nothing about it, so not sure how different it is from the fundies we grew up as. She also mentioned that she's trying to learn to keep an open mind about things, especially personal decisions such as religion - I almost felt like warning her that that was probably where my official deconversion startedFrogsToadBigGrin.gif (being more open about other religions and the people who choose to believe in them). But that's her journey, not mine, so I let it be.

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I'm on facebook too and I have relatives that flood my pages with adorations of god and the kid, whatshisname. I hide their posts.

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Great exchange there, HRDWarrior. It's cool to see your friend be so open-minded toward you. That can be difficult for a firm christian to do, so hopefully you're right that she's questioning things.

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Thankfully FB has some filtering options available. Today I made a decision to hide my posts and status from my family. It's not the first time that I've "hidden" things from them, even though to do so really goes against my grain (I am a champion of free speech and what that really means for human beings) it is ultimately the best course of action. Since I had to move in with them last year (lost my home...long story), the fewer points of conflict/stress between us the better.

 

As to friends on FB, I had to hide myself from the search engines because some of my old fundie friends from H.S. and Bible College were finding me, and finding out that I am light years from the person I was then. Dropping F-bombs was the least shocking.

 

So I do understand some of what you are experiencing. I have been lucky not to lose close friends but then none of my friends are fundies or very religious types. Some I have lost because of politics (Fox News-ites) and others because they were closet bigots. Bottom line is you have to be true to yourself, and be as gentle with the people in your life as you can. If they do truly care about you, they will understand that you have to follow your own path.

 

Blessings,

Chris

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That exchange was truly moving. It is so refreshing when others accept changes in their friends rather than berating them for changing or abandoning them entirely.

 

That, in and of itself, is enough. Your friend might have more questions for you though. Perhaps you could point her to your extimony if she wants a detailed story. Just a suggestion.

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Greek Orthodox is miles from the Fundy-Farm, but still cultish I guess. Like any organized, ritual-based religion I suppose.

 

Your friend definitely seems accepting and open-minded. Would have given me happy-tears too... :)

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Greek Orthodox is miles from the Fundy-Farm, but still cultish I guess. Like any organized, ritual-based religion I suppose.

 

Your friend definitely seems accepting and open-minded. Would have given me happy-tears too... :)

 

My roommate is Greek. After I explained my fundy background to her, she stood there in shock. Then she told me "in the Greek Orthodox church, you get baptized in it and that's it. You don't have to do anything. You just go and live your life." I said "so are there any fundie nut-jobs within Greek Orthodoxy that take that shit really seriously?" "Nah" she said. "What about the guys that want to become priests?" "How the fuck should I know? I never knew anybody like that."

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Greek Orthodox is miles from the Fundy-Farm, but still cultish I guess. Like any organized, ritual-based religion I suppose.

 

Your friend definitely seems accepting and open-minded. Would have given me happy-tears too... smile.gif

 

My roommate is Greek. After I explained my fundy background to her, she stood there in shock. Then she told me "in the Greek Orthodox church, you get baptized in it and that's it. You don't have to do anything. You just go and live your life." I said "so are there any fundie nut-jobs within Greek Orthodoxy that take that shit really seriously?" "Nah" she said. "What about the guys that want to become priests?" "How the fuck should I know? I never knew anybody like that."

 

Her husband is considering the priesthood, but since she has also been dealing with some (extended) family issues related to their denomination change I would guess there are some rather fundamental differences. I intend to do a longer extimony sometime, so if she has further questions, hopefully by then I'd have things together in a more organized manner.

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Sounds good but I'd be wary. More than one Xtian has used this accepting tone only to bushwack you later, usually when you get some minor (or major) crisis in your life. Hope that doesn't happen though.

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Wow, a truly refreshing reaction. Sounds like a real friend rather than some conditional-friend

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That sure is extremely refreshing. I hope it continues to go well. Perhaps there's even a chance that there can be some honest and non-recriminatory (Is that a word?) discussion between the two of you which will only serve to deepen the friendship. That would be great, not just for what it means for the two of you, but conceivably, for how she relates to other Christians in her own life. It would be excellent if, as a result of that sort of thing between the two of you, she would be able to respond to slanderous assertions of other Christians in conversation with, "Well, that may sometimes be true, but I happen to know that it's not always true."

 

I join the others in hoping it continues in that vein.

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I doubt that she is being deceitful - like I said, we've known each other a LOOOONG time, practically grew up together till our mid-late teens, and since then have stayed in contact, sometimes closer sometimes further, but never out of touch completely.

 

So, yes, I'm fairly certain, and definitely hopeful that our friendship will last through this as well. We never really did a whole lot of the fluffy "god" type conversations even when we were both full-on fundies, so that shouldn't be much of a change - actually, not really a change at all. Most of our conversations revolved around life and practical approaches to things, so how we would relate probably won't be affected.

 

Thankfully she's not into posting all the fluffy god stuff - never has been. Some people who reply to her posts tend to do that, but they were never on my friend list to begin with, so that's not an issue either.

 

As long as she can be open to remaining friends with a non-believer, I think we'll be fine. She knows my background as much as I know hers, and we've both changed in that department somewhat, so I think we'll be okay!

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This is heartening, HRDW, and I am very glad for you to have such an important friendship stay with you through the transition. Good points were made about the GOC vs. fundamentalists as well, and such has been my understanding from encounters with other Greek Orthodox. Marriage between nationalities isn't even a problem as long as they agree to convert. A lovely and accepting people / faith.

 

So yay you! No need to reply I just felt the need to do a little electronic happy dance. :)

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