I Wish I Had Never Heard The Name Of “Jesus”

[Non-Redneck]

In the interest of brevity, I have decided to write a short introduction. I could write pages (as we probably all could), but this should hit the major points.

 

Christianity is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I wish I had never heard the name of “Jesus”.

 

I was raised Roman Catholic and endured Catholic brainwashing until my last year in high school. I converted to hardcore KJV-only fundamentalism for about a year until I went to college. In college I went evangelical for about 2 years. During my evangelical years I also attended a “Messianic Jewish” synagogue (actually just Baptist junk wrapped in Jewish liturgy).

 

I wasted a good deal of my time reading apologetic works, reading junk creation science, praying, “witnessing” (trying to convert people) and going to church during my Christian years. Not to mention the waste of money. I prayed several times daily, spoke in tongues, and studied the Bible almost every day. My life was almost 100% religion. I even learned Hebrew (I don’t regret this one because I like the language and continue my studies even after my deconversion). I had some hobbies outside religion but not many, and those I had usually involved a church group. I cut non-Christians off from me; pissed off everybody I formerly knew by trying to convert them.

 

What triggered my leaving was the disconnect between reality and what the Bible said should happen. All the “fruits of the spirits” never happened. I felt guilty and fearful almost every day. Yet, I’m being blamed for this (it’s never “God’s” fault, right?). I was doing what was required, yet “God” wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain. Asked for an answer, never got one.

 

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and one day just left. No planning. Just stopped going to church. Fortunately no one really bothered me when I left. Some not very religious Christians I knew in that group mentioned that people were praying for me. Whenever I saw a member from my former group, they either acted hostile or acted like I was some evil creature that was going to eat them.

 

But man, did Christianity f--- me up. I had my sense of interacting with people destroyed (due to viewing them as items to convert and not as human beings), almost no friends then, and no support network. My sense of reality was totally messed up. Yet I could not heal myself. I did manage to finish college with a lot of anger and resentment (not to mention ignorance of reality). I moved to a new city and tried to get on with my life.

 

Several years after I moved, I went back to Christianity. I did not go to church, but I did stuff on my own. I tried to reconcile Christianity with science. I studied Christianity trying to understand Jewish customs. I read more apologetics books. Yet the more I dug into it, the worse it became. I found I was making excuses for most everything. I was still wasting my time trying to prove Christianity was right, devoting massive time and effort. But reality and science did not agree with Christianity. At this point, I decided it was bull****. I decided that I was doing all the work, receiving no answers, wasting my life.

 

I do not regret going back to Christianity the second time. It gave me the closure I needed. I finally understood why it was wrong and why I was wasting my time with it.

 

I really don’t have any major problems with my parents. My mom would like for me to be Catholic again and still does the Catholic prayer junk. However, she doesn’t treat me like an outcast, though tensions do exist.

 

It has taken me 12 years to get to this point where my confidence, where the anger has nearly died. About 95% of my life to date has been f***ed up by Christianity. I consider myself “clean” for about 1 year. I know that I am not completely healed, and will probably never be completely healed. However, I have made significant progress. I no longer kick myself about it; try not to dwell on Christianity. I am simply moving on, socializing more, trying to make new friends, and trying some new stuff, and trying to be happy. That is the best way to defeat Christianity.

[Ouroboros]

Welcome Non-Redneck,

 

If there's any comfort, I spent 30 years as a Christian, and basically I neglected a good education and a successful career just because I thought Jesus was coming back tomorrow.

[HRDWarrior]

Hi and welcome to the forum, great testimony. Funny how you just can't reconcile it without using a lot of excuses, isn't it?

[Non-Redneck]

Hi and welcome to the forum, great testimony. Funny how you just can't reconcile it without using a lot of excuses, isn't it?

 

Indeed. I also concluded that if this sh*t was true, then why does it take all this work to prove that it's true? After all, isn't the Christian gospel supposed to be simple (according to Paul at least)?

[dB-Paradox]

Hi Non-Redneck!

 

I really enjoyed reading your brief introduction/testimony. I was never Roman Catholic and never spoke in tongues, but I was a hardcore creationist. It took me a long time to de-convert. For some, it may be a life-long process. I think that will be me. However, having said that, I have found peace in understanding Christianity as a myth. It really fits and it really has a lot more meaning this way. I no longer feel angry toward it (as I used to deal with it for a long time) and I feel like a better person having abandoned my "personal relationship" with Jesus. Anyway, welcome here and thanks for sharing!

[Franko47]

Welcome, man....

 

 

 

It really gets to be a system of excuses after a while, doesn't it ? But when that time comes where you realize that it is not compatible with honest, rational examination; when it becomes evident that it's most enthusiastic representatives are in fact kooks; and that it is just as delusional as any other weirdo belief system around; there comes that moment where one realizes that they have been the victim of an ongoing charade.

 

Try not to blame yourself; there are a great number of honest and intelligent people that have been controlled by it's methods; intimidated into accepting things that don't make sense, and even taught to view "other" people as somehow incomplete or even evil because they don't think the same way.

 

This is a good place to get your sanity back.

[Midnight-mindwanderings]

I feel like Christianity fucked me up too, but I got out of it earlier. I had help, really all it took was for a human being to show me the compassion, acceptance and support that I had always craved from god. With that it was like - boom! Humanity is as much 'god' and 'satan' as we are ever going to find. Isn't it strange how people act when you deconvert? They either treat you like a leper or hassle you non stop. A precious few accept you afterwards. Making a new social network must have been very difficult for you, but I am glad you got closure and I hope you are more or less socially activated by now. Welcome to the boards there are some great people here .

[JoeChicago]

Thats exactly what I felt and sadly still do. I cant help it but feel the rage and anger of years spent in that nonsense. What it is its the deprivation of possibilities I could've done from those times. I feel like I was robbed of something. Something great that I miss out that I'll never know. Fuck I feel your pain.....