Skepticaldude541 Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I know plenty of others have went through this but it surprised me. I haven't attended church for about 2 weeks now. I haven't gotten 1 phone call or visit. The most I've gotten was the pseudo-youth pastor coming to talk to me for a few minutes the last time I went. The leaders there told me over and over when I was a Christian, "We have high hopes for you, we love you, we are there if you need us," etc. The pastor wouldn't even bother trying to talk to me. When my mother spoke to him about how I was getting skeptical, he basically told her there was no hope in talking to me and that I'll do what I want to do. What the hell?! This comes from the same man that claimed to be concerned, there for me, and is supposed to be my "brother". I guess I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand I'm glad people aren't bugging me. On the other hand I'm annoyed that I was so blatantly lied to and that the love I felt from those people (Which I only felt because they told me they loved me, not because of any actions they did) was completely false. I thought I always came across to them as someone who would listen to reason, yet they think I'm closed minded. Well fuck them. Maybe if they grow some balls (and start actually following what their holy book says) they will visit me in the future. Not that I really want them to... lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraOlive Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I went through this and it still kind of makes me sad/angry that no one cared enough to talk with me. Even if people become obnoxious and try to convince you to return, that's still a kind of caring based on their beliefs. I was part of a weekly small group for two years, and I was regular attendee. The leader of the group was an elder in the church. When I stopped going, I was also going through a divorce. Not one single person contacted me to ask how I was doing. I don't blame the other group members that much especially since my ex-husband was still in the group- it's not just Christians who avoid dealing with an uncomfortable situation. But I 100% blame the leader and his wife. Making sure that someone who was part of their group and church is alright isn't just the right thing for them to do, it's their JOB. And what's worse about how they failed me is that about a year later, I ran into someone from the group in town. He had been joining the group while I was leaving, so he wasn't someone I thought should have contacted me. I told him briefly why I wasn't involved anymore. Later, he emailed me and said that it had troubled him and his wife that I hadn't been reached out to in any way, so his wife had asked the elder's wife if there had been a reason for that. The answer she got was that I hadn't ASKED for help and that I was welcome to come back to the group if I wanted. I hadn't asked them to intercede for me (I did appreciate it though), but when I found out they had, I thought it would be a good test to see if now the elder and his wife would step up and do their jobs. They had been alerted that I was still in town and that I'd noticed that no one had contacted me- even though it was awfully late, now was their big chance to make things right, huh? Yeah, guess who still didn't contact me. Occasionally I have ideas about writing a scathing letter to the church, but after talking to several friends, I've abandoned the idea. There just doesn't seem like any good that could come from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddlingAround Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I had the strangest experience at my brother's wedding. It was at the church I'd been in as a teenager. I'd left several years before I deconverted, and at the time my experience was like yours: no calls. But at the wedding this one couple I'd only sort of known came up to me and asked where'd I'd been all these years and none-too-subtly hinted that I ought to be coming back. So maybe in ten years or so somebody will really surprise you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Non-Redneck Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Skepticaldude541 Don't be surprised. No one tried to talk to me when I left. I got one phone call from somebody who was more concerned about why I wasn't coming to church. I suspect it has to do with maybe they don't want to be seen associating with an outsider. If you think of church as a snobbish social organization, it makes more sense that way. If you're not one of them, they don't care for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skepticaldude541 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Share Posted September 30, 2009 My feelings and Clara's are very similar. I am frustrated that no one even tried, and it is their job! Even when I was still a Christian and started to differ theologically from some of the people in the church the reaction was not, "Let's see why." but "Let's shun him and separate from him." The youth leader did this without even asking me one question. It's simply ridiculous and hypocritical. I know not to expect much from them, especially from the stories I've read here. I just thought that maybe the church I attended was different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I only had one person contact me after I started missing church (not counting a couple who approached me at church on weeks I didn't miss). He was concerned, but personally I'd rather not be bothered with Christians' "concern." Some of them mean well, of course, but their worldview is fucked up. Anyway, there are probably others who have thought about contacting me, but figured that it would be awkward or that I already "know the truth" (I taught Sunday school and Bible studies) and therefore assumed that I am just being rebellious. On the same token, I suspect that for each of you who were never contacted, there may very well have been some who thought about contacting you but weren't sure if they should or not and just didn't get around to it. Maybe they feel that since we left, we don't want contact with them. And, by the same token, have we contacted them? I know I haven't, nor do I desire to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraOlive Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 On the same token, I suspect that for each of you who were never contacted, there may very well have been some who thought about contacting you but weren't sure if they should or not and just didn't get around to it. Maybe they feel that since we left, we don't want contact with them. That's why I'm not angry or upset about the "normal" people in the group who didn't contact me. But if you were close to a pastor, elder, or church leader and that person didn't contact you when their position in the church is to be there for people who need support- I have nothing good to say about that person. I was way too distressed over the divorce to be thinking about getting in touch with a lot of people. I had to move to another town for a few months (but everyone in the group had my cell number and email address). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Net Eng Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I know plenty of others have went through this but it surprised me. I haven't attended church for about 2 weeks now. I haven't gotten 1 phone call or visit. My wife and I were stopped going to church and did not receive a call for 2 years!! When the pastor's wife called it was only to ask about our son who she heard went into the military. The lack of interest on the part of people who we considered "friends" hurt for awhile. Now we are just amused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagnarus Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 My feelings and Clara's are very similar. I am frustrated that no one even tried, and it is their job! Even when I was still a Christian and started to differ theologically from some of the people in the church the reaction was not, "Let's see why." but "Let's shun him and separate from him." The youth leader did this without even asking me one question. It's simply ridiculous and hypocritical. You've got to remember that based upon their world-view they have the absolute truth, which if you don't subscribe to your going to burn in hell forever. So it's easy to see why they would see you and your ideas as being somewhat akin to a contagious disease. Quite simply if they were open to seeing your counter point of view then quite frankly the wouldn't be Christians. The only reason why people are open to other people's points of view is because they don't have all the answers. Entertaining other people's points of view which are in contradiction to the bible is (or their interpretation of the bible) is tantamount to admitting that the bible might not have all the answers (or alternately orthodoxy), given that their world-view suggest that entertaining such thoughts are worthy of hellfire it's understandable that they would be reluctant to entertain them. Furthermore you were once one of them. Thus making you more dangerous to them. Your an example of somebody who once saw the "truth" yet now repudiates it, this is worse than an atheist as it demonstrates to them how somebody like them could be blinded by Satan. This also means that your more likely to be able to drag others with you. From their point of view you have a horrible disease which they must protect the rest of the congregation from, even if they like you as a person your ideas represent a serious threat to them (at least in their mind). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franko47 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I was surprised as well at the lack of contact when I quit my Church. Although my situation was more of "slipping away". Ironically, a couple of people did contact me, but as it turned out they were thinking of leaving, too. (And they did) I've never really put a whole lot of stock in the Church scene anyway. I've just seem so much pettiness that come from these people that I don't really expect much. I had more people phoning me up when I quit playing community ball hockey and from my car club. As long as you are faithfull and committed, you're at the top of everyone's list. The moment that falters, it's often indifference or even hostility. But then again, it took me a while to notice just how strange religious people really are; once you've gotten out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skepticaldude541 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Well, I got what I wished for. The pastor of my church stopped by today. By FSM's mighty providence I was not home. He will probably come back again. I really don't want him to come in my house and confront me for my beliefs, but I might have fun with it, so what the hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRDWarrior Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 For us, we never were contacted, or asked about our lack of attendence. The worst part was, we didn't just suddenly stop showing up, it slowed over time till we quit altogether. Heck, last time I saw the pastor he was telling us how he was going to give us a call to come see our house (we had bought while attending there). We were open to his visit at the time, and would have happily arranged a time then, but instead he talked about coming out for days, weeks, and finally months on end. We never did get a call. I think it's been well over a year since I've set foot in there, and well over two years since I attended even somewhat regularly. Never a call, question, or otherwise. We figured with this church anyways, once they got you in and baptised that was the main thing, from there on out who cared. We were getting that opinion before I even gave up christianity because I was so bored with the very basic teachings which was all they taught in any of the classes, services or anything else - all geared towards newbies, and most churches seemed that way. I wanted to tackle the hard questions, no one would - so I did on my own, and found out the truth of the matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeygirl Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I haven't been in church regularly for a year, I haven't received a phone call from anyone. I do have one girlfriend that I talk to and she knows whats up but none from my other friends, I guess they are too busy reaching out for a non existant god...that does take up a LOT of time. Its sad cause I thought I had real friends there. Whats funny is that my church is cocky about how great of a community they are. In reality they are as bad as the mega churches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evelyn Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I had a similar experience when my husband and I left a fundy church to join an Episcopal church on the way to leaving x-ianity all together. No one called. If anything, I was dreading a call if we left so stayed in the church longer because of that. I didn't want them to call me. We didn't get a call from anyone in the fundy church until about seven years later, when the pastor's daughter married an insurance salesman and he called asking if we were interested in insurance. I was appalled that our name and number were given to him to call as prospects. I didn't say anything about that, though, just chuckled and told him we hadn't been to that church in seven years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 We didn't get a call from anyone in the fundy church until about seven years later, when the pastor's daughter married an insurance salesman and he called asking if we were interested in insurance. I was appalled that our name and number were given to him to call as prospects. Maybe he raided an old church directory or his wife's or in-laws' address book. Just a thought.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jin Kisaragi Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Learning a lot here. In the church I often hear stuff like "we need to talk to people during the week". Very interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdog Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 What's sad to me is that no one is reaching out to you in regards to matters not related to faith...just your general health and well-being. I guess if you come from a group for whom faith and life are one and the same and inseparable, there is no motivation for them there. Phanta Yeh it's a shame, the two can't be separate for most believers. I received a couple of phone calls and e-mails when I left the church but it was mainly spiritual or church related, no one is interested in building a friendship or are interested in you personally if you are no longer part of the church. Even if you did receive a phone call or a visit from a Christian from your ex church there is always going to be the ulterior motive behind their action of wanting to discuss faith and spiritual matters with you. I had the pastor visit me out of the blue one day, and yep that is what he wanted to talk about after we had gotten the small chit chat out of the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts