Jump to content

My Testimony In Short


HermanNZ
 Share

Recommended Posts

My name is Herman Annandale, and here follows .

 

Born in South Africa; and Immigrated to New Zealand. My parents were fundamentalist Christians. We attended the Apostolic Faith Mission Church. If I think back now on my youth it was always Church, God and Christianity from one day to the next. I heard many people talk about indoctrination – well I can agree with that.

 

My parents got divorced when I was 13 years old. I turned to Christianity and God to help me through the hard time. I can remember how earnestly I prayed to God. I asked God to give me a sign. To tell me that he was listening. Even the smallest sign would do – but nothing; just silence, no reply. And this was my relationship with God when I was young. A one way relationship. I talk and pray and …. Nothing.

 

When I was 25 years old, me and my wife re-dedicated our lives to Christ, because as we thought, we have backslidden and that is because we hear nothing from God. At this stage my spiritual life took a drastic turn. I started reading the bible as though there was no tomorrow. I prayed and talked to god almost every minute of the day.

 

But my new boost of faith was short lived. The more zealous I got, the more I recognized all the errors around me. What I read in the bible didn’t correspond with what I saw with my eyes. The church pastors was fake and shallow. Money was the main motivator and if you were not in with the pastor you were an outcast. The Christian brothers and sisters was unloving, a bunch of groupies, and for most it was all about your status. Most Christians didn’t give a damn about what was commanded to them in the bible – they played the game of church; and as long as the pastor said you are ok; then that’s fine by me.

 

I also started questioning the bible. The more I learned the more I got confused. Things contradicted each other, sometimes there was no clear answer for very serious questions.

 

When I was 34 years old I decided to become a missionary. I took the leap of faith. I sold everything I had and enrolled at a missionary school called Africa School of Missions in White River. Thank God for ASM because they opened up my eyes to the fallacies in Christianity. Funny – a missionary school saving me from Christianity. The more I learned and the more I spent time with Christian pastors, leaders, and students, the more I said to myself – If this is what a Christian is; then I don’t want to become a Christian. I could not, and would not stand before men and tell them to follow me, if I knew for a fact that the way was wrong.

 

My life was shattered. I lost my faith, lost my job, lost money, lost friends. At that stage I still counted myself as a Christian, but I didn’t want anything to do with Christians.

 

Since then I immigrated to New Zealand. It has taken me 3 years to finally come to the decision to leave my faith as a Christian. Its hard. Its very hard. I read in many of the letters how hard it is, and I agree. I am still not over my pain. I am still searching for something to fill the void.

 

I have prayed so earnestly to God this past few years. I have begged god to show me a sign, to give me a dream, anything, anything. I have prayed thousands of times, fasted many days, and nothing.

 

If I have to stand before God today – I will be able to say:

 

I have tried.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A different country, and a different life, but so many elements of your story are very similar to many other here. The struggle of losing something you tried so hard to keep, but one sided relationships will only last for so long for anyone who's willing to realize that's what's going on (or has the ability to seperate emotions and logic and realize that the feelings were just that).

 

Great to have you here, I'm sure you will find solace and support on the board.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My name is Herman Annandale, and here follows .

 

My life was shattered. I lost my faith, lost my job, lost money, lost friends. At that stage I still counted myself as a Christian, but I didn’t want anything to do with Christians.

 

Since then I immigrated to New Zealand. It has taken me 3 years to finally come to the decision to leave my faith as a Christian. Its hard. Its very hard. I read in many of the letters how hard it is, and I agree. I am still not over my pain. I am still searching for something to fill the void.

 

I have prayed so earnestly to God this past few years. I have begged god to show me a sign, to give me a dream, anything, anything. I have prayed thousands of times, fasted many days, and nothing.

 

If I have to stand before God today – I will be able to say:

 

I have tried.

Welcome. I'm new here myself. I'm still trying to understand why some people lose their faith and others don't. I have seen that when Christian behavior is poor, this causes some people to wonder. It never bothered me. I have seen that people ask for a sign which (of course) isn't delivered, but I never did.

 

It is becoming clearer and clearer that belief and loss of belief do not follow any narrow guide or pathway. We have to deal with our feelings and beliefs individually, but it is definitely interesting to see how others have arrived at the same destination despite taking very different journeys.

 

I look forward to seeing how you view the rest of life. That is, of course, what really counts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Welcome. I'm new here myself. I'm still trying to understand why some people lose their faith and others don't. I have seen that when Christian behavior is poor, this causes some people to wonder. It never bothered me. I have seen that people ask for a sign which (of course) isn't delivered, but I never did.

 

It is becoming clearer and clearer that belief and loss of belief do not follow any narrow guide or pathway. We have to deal with our feelings and beliefs individually, but it is definitely interesting to see how others have arrived at the same destination despite taking very different journeys.

 

I look forward to seeing how you view the rest of life. That is, of course, what really counts.

 

I love reading about how people lost their faith because each story is different and though the story is written with an end, it is of course continuing. I kept journals during the time of my deconversion and its fascinating to re-read my thoughts at that time and see the progression away. I feel lucky that I got out young because I see the sorrow that people have when it takes them a bit longer and they feel like that time was wasted. I don't think it was wasted, you got what you needed to be intellectually honest and make a tough and life changing decision. My mom says there are two times of life when things like this will be most likely to happen - adolescence and middle age - these are the two times of life that people are most trying to figure out who they are. Of course people can change at any time, but in general this seems to be the case.

 

My sympathies as you try and fill that void. It is difficult, probably more so the longer you've had god there. For me, the void was filled with relationships with real people and with self discovery. You gave so much of yourself to the religion, it must be really hard to walk away from it.

 

I think I would love to live in New Zealand. Is it as great as it looks?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome, Herman. I hope this website can be of some help in your healing process.

 

All of our stories are different, but they do have a few things in common. One thing I've seen that might help is this: healing takes time, and it's slow, but it does eventually come. Life can be good without "god."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Greetings, HermanNZ.

 

Things are tough and healing takes time, but from my experience (and others here also affirm) I can say that things will improve. Over time, you will feel more and more freed from the shackles, and you will see more and more how silly Christian beliefs are.

 

Anyway, I don't know what else to say, other than that I want to encourage you on your journey. Enjoy the road ahead of you....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Powerful story, man.

 

If I have to stand before God today – I will be able to say:

 

I have tried.

 

Well-said.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was kind of moved by your story; I thought I had a rough time and yet went through nowhere near the commitment that you have given it.

 

 

There comes a time when you have to realize that "higher power" is yourself. I've filled the void with love of family, friends, and engaging in things that make me happy. Strangely enough, I've probably been more helpful to my fellow man since I deconverted.

 

Hope you will enjoy our forums and talk more about your experiences. Sounds like you have some interesting stories to tell.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.