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Christianity Is Prison


alexander
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Hello all. I wrote a short testimonial a while ago and I just wanted to put my experience out there for others that may be going through the same thing. The one I submitted is here: http://exchristian.net/testimonies/2009/08/26000-kids-died-of-starvation-last.html

 

I really wasn't sure if I was going to do this because my story is LONG because my trek into Christianity spans 20 years, not including 5 I can't remember. I would love to get the whole thing down on paper, publish it, and stand across the street from the Christians and give my story away for free.

 

I spoke about the bumper sticker with the "26,000 kids died" on it. That was just one of many things that pushed me out of the religion. I remember feeling lonely quite a bit when I was growing up (only child). I used to pray for a sibling, and never got one. Eventually, around 11 or 12, it became outside the realm of possibility. But at 10, I was still in the Christian madrassa (which still writes to me TODAY begging for money in God's name) so I was told to "pray" and "have faith". I have come to know that these are code words for "wait" and "hope". Basically, do nothing. At any rate, right after I turned 11, I was put in public school. No more religion every day for me! No more uniforms! I was happy. Unfortunately, due to the social structure of the south at that time, I was persecuted more in public school due to my conservative dress and commanding mastery of the English language. I got called all kind of names, and most importantly, no girls liked me at all. By time I was 12, actually right around that exact time, I had stopped doing my school work, gone from all A-pluses to all D-minuses, and was plotting suicide. Now why would God let that happen? I was still a pretty good boy up to that point; drugs and partying came *much* later. To this day, I cannot see why a loving God would allow that thought to even cross the mind of one of his creations, especially since in Christianity, suicide is a sin, the crime being you didn't trust God, so you go to hell. That suicide was averted by a girl blackmailing me.

 

(Also at that madrassa, in thrid grade I was not allowed to listed to UB40's "Red Red Wine" because it "praised Satan".)

 

About three years ago, I noticed I started running out of defenses for Christianity. Let me say this too now, why is the name of the religion so goddamn hard to spell? Fucking hell! Anyway, my only defense came to be the tilt of the earth that provides for the distribution of sunlight. Like I said above, this is a 20-25+ year span of events, but at this point, this crap religion was the only thing that had been there for me all the life, except music (should have put all that energy in music). I couldn't believe there was no God but I couldn't believe that there was one either. Then, like an airplane in turbulence, everything started going awry. All the things that bugged me when I was 12 came back, but this time I was more educated and I could not ignore what was in front of me. Hurricane Katrina, George W. Bush, AIDS, poverty, death, and technology all pointed me to the belief that either there is no God, or if there is, he doesn't care about humanity. What kind of God would let any of the aforementioned events occur? What kind of God would let me almost kill myself? What kind of God would ignore a little boy's prayers?

 

After that, for several of the next months, I underwent changes. I pretended that everything was okay when really, the lid to Chernobyl was going to blow at any second. Sometimes I felt happy, sometimes I felt utterly depressed, sometimes I felt full of rage. It was a real crap shoot dealing with me. On the inside, I was torn apart. This all started at the same time I moved in with some DJs who seemed to have everything I ever wanted and they didn't bother with the Jesus brigade. That was a double-edged sword because while that was refreshing, the drugs were more so. I was seeing the light along with who-knows how many random drugs. That started the best and shortest six months of my life. Once that had passed, by emotions started to come together. Shock and denial turned into guilt (severe). Guilt became anger and that's when I started to lose a few friends. The God Squad told me I was going to hell and that I was bad. One individual with 3 illegitimate kids whom they do not live with or pay child support told me that I was going to hell.

 

I'm a little stuck here because I still feel anger. I beat the shit (figuratively) out of myself for not seeing the light sooner. I admire you guys that can walk away cold turkey! My exit nearly ruined my life because it was so thoroughly entrenched, like a weed.

 

Despite this, I feel that I am making headway. The longer I stay away from the God Squad, the better I feel. I stopped going to church at 14, so I never lost anything there. Since this great upheaval, my life has changed again. I'm in better shape, I moved to a place that's quite a bit better, I eat better, I earn more, I feel free and unrestrained which translates into good times, smiles, and a lot of phone numbers. I'm not sure what 2010 will bring, but I feel much more optimistic. What's weird is that I always had backbone, but now I kick ass on the phone; no one tries to screw me out my money anymore. I've never been to jail before, but I imagine that this is what it feels like to be free. I'm a little nervous about the future, but I feel more free now. It's like I have a GPS for life and can go where ever I want and do whatever I like. This is because I ultimately learned to believe in myself because my belief in self was snatched from me before I could even speak.

 

Sorry if that's hard to read. This is a tough topic to write about because my mind jumps from place to place regarding the noxious odor of Christianity.

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I don't think most of us walked away cold turkey. If I've implied that, it certainly wasn't intended. For most of us, it's a journey. The walking away was preceeded by months or years of pain, searching, doubting, praying, and other Christian garbage.

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I don't think most of us walked away cold turkey. If I've implied that, it certainly wasn't intended. For most of us, it's a journey. The walking away was preceeded by months or years of pain, searching, doubting, praying, and other Christian garbage.

 

mine was more praying and other christian garbage then searching and pain. doubt was first.

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Welcome.

 

 

"Christianity. Let me say this too now, why is the name of the religion so goddamn hard to spell?"

 

 

I had to laugh....my fingers seem to have a mind of their own and automatically type "christinsanity" for christianity. lol

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Actually, few of us just "walk away" as though we are leaving the scene of a bad car accident with a shrug.

 

 

The tentacles of belief, fear, "mysterious processes", guilt, and so on often do rip the "flesh" as one is escaping.

 

 

There's a lot of reworking one's outlook, explaining away bothersome things, and trying to push aside the fantasy thinking for that which is more objective and realistic.

 

 

For many, there is a lot of trauma leaving "that world", even though we know it must be done.

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:HappyCry: very very sad story, you are not stupid, it takes incredible courage to not only question your beliefs but chose a different conclusion, you should be commending your bravery...IMO....

 

you can use your anger in healthy ways you just did by sharing your story ....You may just be a light for someone else who wants to move on......

 

One of the prevalent things I have noticed about the hard core religious is the joylessness and misery they battle with and settle for..... I am so happy to hear you will not be doing that... enjoy and live your life to the fullest its a gift.......

 

All the best to you...(((HUGS)))

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Welcome.

 

 

"Christianity. Let me say this too now, why is the name of the religion so goddamn hard to spell?"

 

 

I had to laugh....my fingers seem to have a mind of their own and automatically type "christinsanity" for christianity. lol

OMG so true I do that too...LOL :lmao:

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I don't imagine anyone who frequents these forums walked away from Christianity without a lot of painful soul searching. What you're doing is trading a man-made set of explanations of the universe for a set of your own. I submit that your set is easily as valuable as any other set, with the added value that it's all yours. Everyone who walks (or crawls) away from an oppressive religion has to find his or her own way, and it's a rough road.

 

Rob

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I don't imagine anyone who frequents these forums walked away from Christianity without a lot of painful soul searching. What you're doing is trading a man-made set of explanations of the universe for a set of your own. I submit that your set is easily as valuable as any other set, with the added value that it's all yours. Everyone who walks (or crawls) away from an oppressive religion has to find his or her own way, and it's a rough road.

 

Rob

 

I read on one of those testimonials that is on the front that one guy became disillusioned with that Madness and just walked away. I was floored because I thought that was also the common reaction (my other non-believing friends also seemed to never have an issue leaving the Madness) whereas mine was like watching an airplane slam into the ground.

 

You're right when you say the road is rough. Even after leaving the Quicksand, people are still trying to get me back into it. The worst part is when it comes from those family members who you really love to be around, and they are speaking like its the truth. I've got one family member who pretty much has everything right but still clings to the God-belief part only. It would be great if they could just cross that last hurdle!

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It frees up a lot of energy when you stop trying to make sense of something that makes no damn sense. Congratulations!

 

Amen to that! ;)

 

My brain can now go about working on important things and not fearing a movement behind an old, heavily-edited Greco-Latin version of Aesop's Fables.

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Welcome.

 

 

"Christianity. Let me say this too now, why is the name of the religion so goddamn hard to spell?"

 

 

I had to laugh....my fingers seem to have a mind of their own and automatically type "christinsanity" for christianity. lol

OMG so true I do that too...LOL :lmao:

 

I thought I was the only one that thought that! Sometimes I'd even type christinsanity too!

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I don't know how to edit my messages here, but I wanted to point out something else I noticed. I have a strong dislike for gangs mostly because they can't be professional and hand their business in private. Why is there a need to kill so many people just trying to get 1 in a drive-by? Christinsanity is like a gang. If you ever look into the Crips or Bloods, especially in LA, you'll see there are all these little subsets. 18th Street Crips, Rolling 60s, Eight-Tray, Hoover, etc.

 

Christinsanity is the same way. You got all these little subsets fighting over nothing. Methodist, Baptist, Anglican, Catholic... what's the difference? It's all just a bunch of ignorance and the sooner those childish gang members realize the foolishnees of dying for a color and the sooner those idiot Christians realize the foolishness of dying for something you heard and yet cannot prove, the sooner the world would be dramatically better.

 

In the gang, you give up your personal freedom and defer to the OG (original gangsta). In religion, you give up your personal freedom and defer to the OG (Ol' God). In the gang, they will kill you before they let you out (you've seen crimes happen, you may snitch). In religion, some will also kill you before they let you out (you've seen moral crimes happen, you may snitch). The gang has a uniform: colors. The religion has a uniform: Sunday dress. The gang speaks in coded language. The religion speaks in a coded language (Latin or "tongues"). Gangs have special dances (the C-Walk and the B-Walk). The religion has special dances ("feelin the Holy Spirit", communion, etc.) The similarities are striking.

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I don't know how to edit my messages here,

 

The edit function shows up after you make 25 posts, if I recall correctly.

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