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Two Years And Still Remembering


Guest sugRsuccubus
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Lenbitme even after all the years I have been out of Christianity, and have long ago given up believing in God with my rational mind, I still on the rare occasion find myself wanting to pray. I don’t see that it’s that big of a deal. I recognize that I may not be entirely “rational”. And it’s okay. I think some habits are hard to break.

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There are some parts of your story that I can personally relate to, and the rest of it - well, it sounded like you were one of my friends growing up. Heck, I was even questioning if you were her for awhile!

 

First, good for seeing through it all and getting out. It's never easy, but it's great that your boyfriend is there to support you - that can make all the difference in the world. Christianity feeding into and making mental problems such as depression worse, the guilt, etc would be my friend's story if she left the faith. She has struggled with that and bipolar her entire life, been in rehab programs, and still struggles just with her normal life, and I am sure (now) that christianity has only made things that much worse for her - of course, as christians we never saw it that way, but now that I'm out, I'm sure it's been a huge factor in keeping her where she's at. Now I live too far away to be enough of an influence on her to show her the way out - but I think I needed to get away in order to find my own way out.

 

As for your parents (and mother especially) I can totally relate - my mother, although I love her dearly, has also been one of the most difficult things in my life to deal with. Things such as guilt trips, never being good enough (literally, I think never), her laying all her problems on me, manipulation, and all of it while she is convinced that she's out for everyone else's best interest - let's just say that is still a work in progress. I have had to distance myself from mom - it helped when I moved across the country, but even then the phone calls were coming in constantly. I just have finally gotten to where I can ignore her calls without feeling guilty - this has taken several years to be honest, but I'm finally there. She, too, will tend to call multiple times a day when she's in a needy mood - and drags all the stress of her life into mine despite the physical distances between us. So, I've learned to ignore her, or if I'm having trouble doing that, i simply turn my phone off for awhile - works great!

 

Currently I'm also reading a book recommended to me by someone else here called Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward. I am finding it very useful to sort through things I "knew" but didn't know why they were that way, and also to give me the ability and skills to examine my role in my relationship with my mother. Some of this stuff I was working through on my own, but she breaks it down in a much more useful and claritive way. I highly recommend it, it's pretty reader friendly, and I think I paid $5 for it on Amazon :)

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