Can No Longer Post On This Board And Will Not Be Back

[Guest ephymeris]

I don't want to sound all woo-woo and stuff but do you ever have the sudden realization of your own consciousness? Every now and then I have a moment of either clarity or confusion, depending on how you look at it, where I'm suddenly very aware that my own thoughts are just chemical and electrical impulses and that's what composes the "me" in my head....The "I'm really real??" epiphany.

[sarahgrace]

I'm not real. I'm a cyber-figment of your imagination. Nothing but a collection of coded packages of information zipping through virtual space.

[Shyone]

I don't want to sound all woo-woo and stuff but do you ever have the sudden realization of your own consciousness? Every now and then I have a moment of either clarity or confusion, depending on how you look at it, where I'm suddenly very aware that my own thoughts are just chemical and electrical impulses and that's what composes the "me" in my head....The "I'm really real??" epiphany.

Yes. I do. It reminds me of a joke about a millipede that was asked, "How do you know what leg to start with and which leg comes after that?" The millipede replied, "I don't know" and from that moment was unable to walk as he tried to actually figure out how to walk.

 

It also reminds me of when, many many years ago, I was stoned. The thoughts are "deep" but kind of silly. You can feel the little electrical impulses running around in your head if you concentrate real hard.

[Legion]

I don't want to sound all woo-woo and stuff but do you ever have the sudden realization of your own consciousness? Every now and then I have a moment of either clarity or confusion, depending on how you look at it, where I'm suddenly very aware that my own thoughts are just chemical and electrical impulses and that's what composes the "me" in my head....The "I'm really real??" epiphany.

I do believe there is often a huge discrepancy between what we understand ourselves to be and what we truly are.

 

I’ve heard some people describe enlightenment as a realization of one’s own true nature.

[Ouroboros]

Whoa, you mean I'm real too? Damn. We are all real, how about that?

We interact, therefore we exist.

 

We come to agreements, therefore the collective exists.

 

Damn borgs. We are corrupted by our own minds.

[hereticzero]

...

and thus think it is all right for mods to allow a Christian to challenge our identity

...

 

Well, why not allow Christians to challenge what they want? We challenge Christians over everything they assert. Why are you any different just because you are on this board? Got something to say, say it. I don't expect anyone to kiss my butt just cuz I make posts or am a supporting member.

[Astreja]

It reminds me of a joke about a millipede that was asked, "How do you know what leg to start with and which leg comes after that?" The millipede replied, "I don't know" and from that moment was unable to walk as he tried to actually figure out how to walk.

Here it is:

 

A centipede was happy quite,

Until a frog in fun

Said, "Pray, which leg comes after which?"

This raised her mind to such a pitch,

She lay distracted in the ditch

Considering how to run.

 

- Anonymous

 

In this whole kerfuffle, I'm most concerned about the "If you aren't actively standing up for me, you're against me" stance you've taken, Ameen. If you imagine that enemies are everywhere, you *will* find them.

 

That said, if this board is triggering intense emotions in you, I do think it's better to withdraw from the fray and give yourself time to heal. Hope this finds you feeling better.

[agnosticator]

YES! I do know very well what pain is...

 

 

I thank you Han, for sharing your family's hardships and sufferings. It shows your family's human spirit, love, and perseverance in the face of staggering pain. I will have more hope and remember this when there are difficult situations to face. Also thanks for being a great Mod. and thinker. I continue to learn from this site in the little time I spend here.

[Ouroboros]

...and thinker. I continue to learn from this site in the little time I spend here.

The best thing we can do in life is to start using the brain we got. Too many have shut off their minds and blindly follow the media, party line, or church. So continue to learn. And continue to think. That's the only thing that really can save out future.

[qec]

...and thinker. I continue to learn from this site in the little time I spend here.

The best thing we can do in life is to start using the brain we got. Too many have shut off their minds and blindly follow the media, party line, or church. So continue to learn. And continue to think. That's the only thing that really can save out future.

 

It was very heart breaking to read about your experiences Hans. I am so glad you guys continue to "make it".

[Neon Genesis]

I hope you'll reconsider not leaving Ameen because I think you're still a valuable part of the site and I'll miss your presence on the forums. I don't like Abiyoyo anymore than you do but just because we can't understand everything you're going through right now doesn't mean we haven't been through pain. Maybe some of us have gone through more pain than other members but most of us have experienced it sometime in our lives but we've experienced it in different ways and you'll never find someone who can understand you 100% because everyone is different and has different life experiences. I still don't think it's cowardly to put the Christians on ignore and even if you think it is, I don't believe in absolutes and I don't believe being cowardly is always absolutely a bad thing. If someone is doing reckless stunts that could cost you your life, it's not a bad thing to be "cowardly" in that instance, it's just being practical. Think of it like this. When you used to post at GayChristian.net, did you like it when they claimed to welcome non-Christians to the site but would mistreat the non-Christian members at the site? Did you like it when the Christians there were allowed to say whatever they wanted about non-Christians but you couldn't say anything about them? Do you really want Ex-christian.net to become the ex-c counterpart version of GCN? I'm not saying you're as bad as they were to you, but do you really want to risk turning ex-c into a more restrictive site that pretends to welcome everyone while putting excessive restrictions and censoring what anyone can say if it's not the "orthodox" view of the site?

[ShallowByThyGame]

Never say that you're unhappy about being fat in front of a quadriplegic.

 

 

Ameen you talked a lot about needing to heal but that will come from you, not any internet forum. Stop rolling the stone back up the hill. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. Get up and go for a walk, and enjoy being alive. Nothing else matters.

[SilentLoner]

It sucks to see you go over something like this Ameen. But I have to agree you overreacted in the mentioned thread and unfortunately continue to do so.

If you feel you need to leave then do so. I wish you the best in your recovery and hope you find yourself in a place where you can return to the forums one day with confidence.

[ContraBardus]

I just think that a lot of people don't look at pain in the right context. Sure, it sucks, and it's not pleasant, but you know what, most of the time it ends up being a good thing, with positive results.

 

In the immortal words of every Drill Sergent I've ever had: "Pain is weakness leaving the body." I'm sure they stole that line, but my experience in the military did a lot to change my attitude about what pain is, and how it can be used.

 

I find this is true both metaphorically, and physically speaking. It is something that can be used to your advantage if properly applied.

 

"That which does not kill me, makes me stronger."

 

It's how I've always viewed pain, emotional, physical, or otherwise.

 

If you look at it and use it in the right way, it's not the destruction of the spirit, the breaking of the will, or the failure of the body but the strengthening of them all.

 

Pain, such as it is, is all about attitude and how you take it. Get up and take some more, and you'll find that it's less and less effective a tool to be used against you.

 

My advice, as harsh as it sounds, get up, move on, get over it. There's more coming, and while you don't ever have to enjoy it, you should discover a way to make use of it.

 

Stand up, put your chin up, and keep a stiff upper lip. It can only beat you if you let it.

 

Hooah!

[qec]

Well I dunno if I agree with ContraBardus; there are some things in this world that simply fucking break you, and I am not just talking about being a POW. I mean sucking up pain only goes so far, and unlike the Marine Corps sometimes you deal with people where nothing is ever good enough which effectively means it doesn't matter how much you suck it up because you won't get a goddamn bit of recognition for it anyway. In the Marines you do, in other things you just don't or you so seldom get recognition you might as well not get any goddamn recognition at all. You just keep getting told how fucking worthless you are, and the compliments are utterly disproportional to the pain you suck up.

 

Some things are just designed to break you down and never build you back up, until there is no you left and you are like an O with the ring rubbed out. How the fuck do I know? I grew up with a Dad like that, I grew up with a Mother like that, and I was in a fucking group like that. In the shit I got away from, you weren't ever going to live up to anything and you where never going to get built back up; you where just going to get broke down more and more until there was less and less of you and more and more of what they wanted from you. You would never get built back up, just fucked with more and more. Getting owned until you are fucking owned by someone else isn't my idea of sucking anything up, it's my idea of inhumane treatment.

[ContraBardus]

It's a matter of philosophy and how one deals with that sort of thing. Not really referring to the 'limits' or anything of the sort.

 

It's more about making the most of both physical and mental pain.

 

For example, I've been through some very painful experiences in my life. Both physically and emotionally. I did not enjoy it, and have no intention of doing anything of the sort again if I can help it.

 

However, having experienced such a things in the past, I am now better equipped to deal with them. I know what to do, how to handle them, and how to get through it.

 

This does not mean I intentionally subject myself to pain or actively seek out painful experiences. It just means that since I've been through high stress situations, I am more able to deal with them. I'm better at it because I've been through pain before.

 

Some are inevitable, some are avoidable, some are surprises. Still, at the end of it all, I'm stronger because of the pain in my life. I accept it when it happens, deal with it as best I can, and push through the worst of it. Some things just never go away completely.

 

It really is a matter of attitude, and while I realize some people are sensitive, and I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the victim, but it really is true. No one can hurt your feelings without your permission.

 

Being broken is something that a person allows to happen by giving up, giving in, and allowing themselves to fall.

 

I've seen a lot of truly horrible things, and I don't get nightmares. I don't know why, but given some of my past, I should. I remember things like that when I'm awake. Sometimes the oddest things will set them off. I'll zone out for a few seconds, and it passes.

 

I deal with it, and it goes away. Then I can get on with a normal day, without anything but minor annoyances to deal with.

 

The real secret to dealing with pain is accepting it, mentally minimizing it's importance, because it's really not in the majority of a person's life, and making the most of the times without it.

 

There really is such a thing as being too sensitive. Worrying so much about the opinions of others regardless of how mean spirited they might be, is a person's own fault.

 

Not because what the others are doing is right, but because how a person accepts the words and malice of others is under their own control.

 

Note I only mention 'opinions' in this. Physical violence or abuse is another matter, and how to best deal with it varies from situation to situation. Most often, getting help is the best option in those kinds of situations.

 

I'm being targeted by the local chapter of the Co$ for example. I'm what's called an 'SP' [suppressive Person] in their terminology. I do not deal with this myself, and my neighbors all help watch my back. Not just on the physical side, but we record them when they show up in the neighborhood. We show up outside in groups when they come prowling about, they never show up with less than four people.

 

I'm 'Fair Game' to them, and they're quite verbally abusive, and I've gotten a lot of threatening calls, and had people try all sorts of nasty things. If I hear the words 'kiddie porn' or 'Child Molester' I know exactly who it is I'm hearing. I've been in more physical fights in the last year than any other period of my life. I've started exactly 0 of those encounters. I do not go out unarmed, and have a concealed weapons permit.

 

They've passed my photo around somehow to local Co$ members somehow. I get recognized and harassed by people I don't know and have never seen before when I'm in public sometimes.

 

I'm also not scared of them. I don't spend my time looking over my shoulder, feeling sorry about pissing them off. I enjoy my time as I always have, and deal with them when they show up and forget about them when they are gone.

 

It is painful to deal with, both physically and mentally. I've yet to seriously hurt one of them, though I have damaged a few vehicles and some equipment. I'm not aggressive or confrontational in my dealings with them. They are however.

 

The police do nothing, they can't. I usually come out of it without any evidence I've been attacked, and they stay in the gray area of 'yeah we'd arrest them if we caught them, but we can't take your word for it either'. The cops can't do anything until they 'do' something.

 

It's infrequent. It's not quite as bad as it sounds in text form, though all of it is true. I'm not a terribly great threat to them or their church, however it's also yet to stop. They'll show up once every couple of weeks, and one out of nine times I go out I'll run into a couple and have them follow me about getting into my face and tossing insults. Oddly, the exact same set of insults in a consistent pattern every time. I'm positive there's some sort of form they get that gives them an approved set of insults to use. Child Molester and Kiddie Porn always, and I mean -always- come up.

 

I've had physical encounters six times. Mostly shoving or trying to bully me in a particular direction. I have little ethical issues with responding in kind or in other words 'going through them'. Two serious encounters as in fistfights. One incident with a group of cars trying to corral me into a parking lot, and pretty much nothing else.

 

These days they just watch me, follow me, and park around the apartment complex until the cops show up and force them to move. They don't really approach me anymore, just a few nasty phone calls from unidentified numbers, and the occasional jerk running up to my face, throwing a few insults and scurrying off.

 

No message board or text based insult can match that level of harassment, and even if coupled with the real life harassment, it wouldn't bother me any more than a twelve year old Christian cussing me out and calling me evil on the web does, as in, not at all.

 

Honestly, it's an annoyance more than anything else. I've dealt with worse in the past. Even if it does kill me, I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees. In my mind it's better to die for something than of something.

 

If you're really hurt by a message board forum post, you really do need to suck it up in my opinion.

 

Maybe I'm just made of harder stuff, but I think that's not because I was that way to begin with. I was made that way by pain and suffering, beaten and tempered into it. Now, I feel I have little to fear, and while I do not welcome pain, I accept and deal with it when it comes, and forget about it when it passes to enjoy the times without it.

 

I'm no Marine BTW. Those guys are just fuckin crazy. Go ARMY, Hooah!

[qec]

It's a matter of philosophy and how one deals with that sort of thing. Not really referring to the 'limits' or anything of the sort.

 

It's more about making the most of both physical and mental pain.

 

For example, I've been through some very painful experiences in my life. Both physically and emotionally. I did not enjoy it, and have no intention of doing anything of the sort again if I can help it.

 

However, having experienced such a things in the past, I am now better equipped to deal with them. I know what to do, how to handle them, and how to get through it.

 

This does not mean I intentionally subject myself to pain or actively seek out painful experiences. It just means that since I've been through high stress situations, I am more able to deal with them. I'm better at it because I've been through pain before.

 

Some are inevitable, some are avoidable, some are surprises. Still, at the end of it all, I'm stronger because of the pain in my life. I accept it when it happens, deal with it as best I can, and push through the worst of it. Some things just never go away completely.

 

It really is a matter of attitude, and while I realize some people are sensitive, and I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the victim, but it really is true. No one can hurt your feelings without your permission.

 

Being broken is something that a person allows to happen by giving up, giving in, and allowing themselves to fall.

 

I've seen a lot of truly horrible things, and I don't get nightmares. I don't know why, but given some of my past, I should. I remember things like that when I'm awake. Sometimes the oddest things will set them off. I'll zone out for a few seconds, and it passes.

 

I deal with it, and it goes away. Then I can get on with a normal day, without anything but minor annoyances to deal with.

 

The real secret to dealing with pain is accepting it, mentally minimizing it's importance, because it's really not in the majority of a person's life, and making the most of the times without it.

 

There really is such a thing as being too sensitive. Worrying so much about the opinions of others regardless of how mean spirited they might be, is a person's own fault.

 

Not because what the others are doing is right, but because how a person accepts the words and malice of others is under their own control.

 

Note I only mention 'opinions' in this. Physical violence or abuse is another matter, and how to best deal with it varies from situation to situation. Most often, getting help is the best option in those kinds of situations.

 

I'm being targeted by the local chapter of the Co$ for example. I'm what's called an 'SP' [suppressive Person] in their terminology. I do not deal with this myself, and my neighbors all help watch my back. Not just on the physical side, but we record them when they show up in the neighborhood. We show up outside in groups when they come prowling about, they never show up with less than four people.

 

I'm 'Fair Game' to them, and they're quite verbally abusive, and I've gotten a lot of threatening calls, and had people try all sorts of nasty things. If I hear the words 'kiddie porn' or 'Child Molester' I know exactly who it is I'm hearing. I've been in more physical fights in the last year than any other period of my life. I've started exactly 0 of those encounters. I do not go out unarmed, and have a concealed weapons permit.

 

They've passed my photo around somehow to local Co$ members somehow. I get recognized and harassed by people I don't know and have never seen before when I'm in public sometimes.

 

I'm also not scared of them. I don't spend my time looking over my shoulder, feeling sorry about pissing them off. I enjoy my time as I always have, and deal with them when they show up and forget about them when they are gone.

 

It is painful to deal with, both physically and mentally. I've yet to seriously hurt one of them, though I have damaged a few vehicles and some equipment. I'm not aggressive or confrontational in my dealings with them. They are however.

 

The police do nothing, they can't. I usually come out of it without any evidence I've been attacked, and they stay in the gray area of 'yeah we'd arrest them if we caught them, but we can't take your word for it either'. The cops can't do anything until they 'do' something.

 

It's infrequent. It's not quite as bad as it sounds in text form, though all of it is true. I'm not a terribly great threat to them or their church, however it's also yet to stop. They'll show up once every couple of weeks, and one out of nine times I go out I'll run into a couple and have them follow me about getting into my face and tossing insults. Oddly, the exact same set of insults in a consistent pattern every time. I'm positive there's some sort of form they get that gives them an approved set of insults to use. Child Molester and Kiddie Porn always, and I mean -always- come up.

 

I've had physical encounters six times. Mostly shoving or trying to bully me in a particular direction. I have little ethical issues with responding in kind or in other words 'going through them'. Two serious encounters as in fistfights. One incident with a group of cars trying to corral me into a parking lot, and pretty much nothing else.

 

These days they just watch me, follow me, and park around the apartment complex until the cops show up and force them to move. They don't really approach me anymore, just a few nasty phone calls from unidentified numbers, and the occasional jerk running up to my face, throwing a few insults and scurrying off.

 

No message board or text based insult can match that level of harassment, and even if coupled with the real life harassment, it wouldn't bother me any more than a twelve year old Christian cussing me out and calling me evil on the web does, as in, not at all.

 

Honestly, it's an annoyance more than anything else. I've dealt with worse in the past. Even if it does kill me, I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees. In my mind it's better to die for something than of something.

 

If you're really hurt by a message board forum post, you really do need to suck it up in my opinion.

 

Maybe I'm just made of harder stuff, but I think that's not because I was that way to begin with. I was made that way by pain and suffering, beaten and tempered into it. Now, I feel I have little to fear, and while I do not welcome pain, I accept and deal with it when it comes, and forget about it when it passes to enjoy the times without it.

 

I'm no Marine BTW. Those guys are just fuckin crazy. Go ARMY, Hooah!

 

 

Nah man, what you are speaking is bullshit; if you where a POW you would have been fucking broken with no way out..... I have been through such a "Trial by Fire" and I can tell you if you had ever been through such a thing you would know exactly what I am talking about. You wouldn't get stronger because you would never be allowed to recover; you would get weaker and weaker until there was no "You" left. I have been through such and I can tell you that you have no fucking clue what you are talking about. There are people in this world who will fucking break you until you are totally broken, who will break you down again and again until there is nothing but what they want from you left. I have been in such a situation, and I know what that's like and I can tell you it isn't something you get "built back up" from. No, you get broke down, and that's it. You just get broke down, again and again, and again. You just get psychologically raped again and again and again. You just get broken down again, and again, and again, until you don't even know who "You" is.

 

If you ever where in such a situation then you would know that you get your philosophy broken down, you get your "Self" broken down, you get your "worldview" broken down, you get everything you ever loved and cherished broken down, until there is nothing left but what they need and want you to do. And then you are Slave, doing the bidding of a Master you never wanted to serve.

[ContraBardus]

 

 

 

Nah man, what you are speaking is bullshit; if you where a POW you would have been fucking broken with no way out..... I have been through such a "Trial by Fire" and I can tell you if you had ever been through such a thing you would know exactly what I am talking about. You wouldn't get stronger because you would never be allowed to recover; you would get weaker and weaker until there was no "You" left. I have been through such and I can tell you that you have no fucking clue what you are talking about. There are people in this world who will fucking break you until you are totally broken, who will break you down again and again until there is nothing but what they want from you left. I have been in such a situation, and I know what that's like and I can tell you it isn't something you get "built back up" from. No, you get broke down, and that's it. You just get broke down, again and again, and again. You just get psychologically raped again and again and again. You just get broken down again, and again, and again, until you don't even know who "You" is.

 

Well, I can't speak of POW experience. If there was a salute emote, I'd give you one.

 

I'm speaking of normal practice in a common environment. Not being pulled aside and put into an extreme situation well outside normal society and experience.

 

I've been there too, I've seen some nasty stuff and been in tough and dangerous situations, but never on the level of POW. That's the sort of thing that was intentionally designed to do exactly that, and is not normal practice or something your average person is subjected too.

 

That's an unusual extreme, and I'm not referring to that sort of thing at all here. Just, average experience, even the worst of it.

 

There are exceptions to everything, and I'm generalizing here. In general, for a normal person, pain can most often have a positive effect if it's dealt with in the proper manner.

 

What you're talking about is a different animal, and nothing on the level of the kind of experience that the thread is centralized on. I'm not even trying to bring that sort of extreme into it.

 

That's an extraordinary situation, not the sort of thing I'm trying to cover.

[qec]

 

 

 

Nah man, what you are speaking is bullshit; if you where a POW you would have been fucking broken with no way out..... I have been through such a "Trial by Fire" and I can tell you if you had ever been through such a thing you would know exactly what I am talking about. You wouldn't get stronger because you would never be allowed to recover; you would get weaker and weaker until there was no "You" left. I have been through such and I can tell you that you have no fucking clue what you are talking about. There are people in this world who will fucking break you until you are totally broken, who will break you down again and again until there is nothing but what they want from you left. I have been in such a situation, and I know what that's like and I can tell you it isn't something you get "built back up" from. No, you get broke down, and that's it. You just get broke down, again and again, and again. You just get psychologically raped again and again and again. You just get broken down again, and again, and again, until you don't even know who "You" is.

 

Well, I can't speak of POW experience. If there was a salute emote, I'd give you one.

 

I'm speaking of normal practice in a common environment. Not being pulled aside and put into an extreme situation well outside normal society and experience.

 

I've been there too, I've seen some nasty stuff and been in tough and dangerous situations, but never on the level of POW. That's the sort of thing that was intentionally designed to do exactly that, and is not normal practice or something your average person is subjected too.

 

That's an unusual extreme, and I'm not referring to that sort of thing at all here. Just, average experience, even the worst of it.

 

There are exceptions to everything, and I'm generalizing here. In general, for a normal person, pain can most often have a positive effect if it's dealt with in the proper manner.

 

What you're talking about is a different animal, and nothing on the level of the kind of experience that the thread is centralized on. I'm not even trying to bring that sort of extreme into it.

 

That's an extraordinary situation, not the sort of thing I'm trying to cover.

 

 

Roger. I've been there, although it's probably not relevant.

[Tabula Rasa]

I don't want to sound all woo-woo and stuff but do you ever have the sudden realization of your own consciousness? Every now and then I have a moment of either clarity or confusion, depending on how you look at it, where I'm suddenly very aware that my own thoughts are just chemical and electrical impulses and that's what composes the "me" in my head....The "I'm really real??" epiphany.

Yes. I do. It reminds me of a joke about a millipede that was asked, "How do you know what leg to start with and which leg comes after that?" The millipede replied, "I don't know" and from that moment was unable to walk as he tried to actually figure out how to walk.

 

It also reminds me of when, many many years ago, I was stoned. The thoughts are "deep" but kind of silly. You can feel the little electrical impulses running around in your head if you concentrate real hard.

 

I'm reminded of a quote by a reverend of the Church of the Subgenius-You can't see your own eyes! You can't think about your own mind! You can't run away from your own legs! MY LEGS ARE ON FIRE!!! LOL

[monkeygirl]

I say this with great love for you as a person. You need to seek a therapist.

 

Peace and Love

[NotBlinded]

Ameen, you reacted to a label and not to the words in a post. It wouldn't have mattered what Abi said, you would have reacted in a similar way. This is a reflection on you, not on what was said. I never read anything that would have been considered an attack. People prod each other often, but when you saw it was coming from Christian, you over reacted. The world doesn't revolve around you and the sooner you find that out, the sooner you will find that other people exist also.

 

I honestly hope you heal and can become a stronger person, but you have to stop thinking about yourself so much first.

[mwc]

So where do I go? How do I discuss my feelings? I cannot here because no one gets it.

You're now free to start "Ameen's Forums" and dictate the rules as you please.

 

No more trifling with xians, atheists, unsupportive gays or anyone else you find unworthy.

 

Fly away Ameen. Be free. Shine as the benevolent dictator we all know you can be.

 

mwc

[qec]

So where do I go? How do I discuss my feelings? I cannot here because no one gets it.

You're now free to start "Ameen's Forums" and dictate the rules as you please.

 

No more trifling with xians, atheists, unsupportive gays or anyone else you find unworthy.

 

Fly away Ameen. Be free. Shine as the benevolent dictator we all know you can be.

 

mwc

 

 

Look, I don't mean to burst everyone's bubble but I honestly think he just had an episode or something and will be back.

[mwc]

Look, I don't mean to burst everyone's bubble but I honestly think he just had an episode or something and will be back.

Then he'll be back. I don't know if we can guaranty his safety. He may need to hire his own security forces.

 

mwc