The Most Hurtful Thing The Church Ever Said To You

[Crazycatlady]

When I was about sixteen years old, I confessed to a priest that I had punched someone because he was feeling me up. I expected to hear that it wasn't a sin, or at least wasn't a very big one. I did not expect to be ordered to take responsibility for "tempting a man into sin" and denied absolution when I refused. I ended up confessing to a different priest who did absolve me (didn't tell him why I punched the guy, though).

 

Oh, and that bastard is rising through the Catholic herichary (sp) rather quickly. Scary.

[Objet_trouve24]

Easily the most damaging for me was ex-gay therapy and "sex addiction" recovery. Seriously. The women in my family all have an excess of testosterone, but I was the only one to ever tell anyone how high my sex drive was, so I grew up believing myself to be an absolute freak, and not in the good way. Not knowing what else to do with me (having no experience with women with high sex drives and even less experience with bisexuals), my church had me reading books written for adult men who view pornography!

 

I was taught to not look people in my eye (http://www.purityproject.com/recovery-work/first-steps/steps-to-freedom-bounce-your-eyes/). No one ever explained to me the difference between attraction and lust, so I repented of every crush, and every time I thought someone looked good, worried it might be this "lust" thing.

 

I believed my male crushes weren't really crushes, and were just wishful thinking. Why? I'd never heard of bisexuality, so I assumed my attraction to women meant my crushes on men weren't actually happening. Yeah. My church confirmed this one for me. My counselor was even worse. She informed me that my guy friend who I had a massive crush on was MAKING ME GAY. By being effeminate. Riiiight.

 

I won't even get into the worst of this. Suffice it to say, I was severely screwed up in my high school years.

[Hungrydingo]

I did not expect to be ordered to take responsibility for "tempting a man into sin" and denied absolution when I refused. I ended up confessing to a different priest who did absolve me (didn't tell him why I punched the guy, though).

 

Ok I know that was probably traumatizing for you at the time, but I find this to be awesome. Refusing a priest's requests right to his face in the confession booth... it's comedic gold. I know how stupidly sacred those damn things are to catholics. My dad once tried to take my sister to one because he found out she was hanging out with her friends and she was the only girl there *GASP*!!!!!!! THE NERVE!!! The best part was the way he tried to explain it to me. He said "well I have something shocking to tell you about your sister". I braced myself worried about the future of our family, because this was clearly a nuclear bomb going off the way he built it up. When he told me I sat there waiting for a few seconds wondering "thats it?", then I started laughing at him so he made me clean my room as punishment.

[pinkcece]

I was such a little goodie-two-shoes growing up and never said anything to "stir things up" as my father was the pastor. I therefore don't remember anything horrible being said to me, however I have TONS of examples of things I've heard people in our church say. And my mother-in-law is really quite a prize.

 

At the age of 9 my husband is in church with his strict pentecostal Christian mother and she tells him: "Son, they're about to cast out demons now. You better go to the back of the church because if you stand to close the demon might jump out of that man and into you. Make sure you keep your eyes closed too, because demons like to jump in through your eyes". He was continuously threatened with that the "devil was going to get him". This "wonderful devoted" Christian woman believed very firmly in not sparing the rod when disciplining her children. My husband says he thought he was pretty lucky - you see his mom didn't use the buckle side of the belt.

 

Some other "favorites":

• an elderly woman in our church told my cousin that she couldn't enjoy his solo (he is an amazing singer) because he had long hair, and that was sinful and disgusting
  
• my husband was told that he ruined the church service by playing drums in the worship service. "the devil is in the drums"
  
• my friend in church, 8yrs old at the time, was told 2 weeks after her mother committed suicide that her mother would burn in hell because suicide was a sin
  
• a church in our denomination split into two congregations because half the church believed it was a sin to play the guitar with a pick
  
• an impromptu prayer meeting started when my boyfriend (now husband) and I sat next to each other in a hammock at a BBQ. Howling, crying, and screaming prayer came from the house - mainly the prayer was that God would remove "this whore" from my mother-in-law's son. Sitting next to him in a hammock was enough to classify me a whore. Judgmental much? Mind you we hadn't even kissed yet, and I was as virginal as any pastor would want his daughter to be... I was horrified.
  

 

For being so all loving and wonderful Christians sure are terrifying, judgmental, mean, hurtful, and at times downright evil.

[Vomit Comet]

For being so all loving and wonderful Christians sure are terrifying, judgmental, mean, hurtful, and at times downright evil.

 

Not to mention bat-shit crazy!

[Franko47]

 

 

 

[*]a church in our denomination split into two congregations because half the church believed it was a sin to play the guitar with a pick

 

 

 

Oh, that's hilarious. How did they come up with that theory? I am so screwed come judgement day...

[lunaticheathen]

 

 

 

[*]a church in our denomination split into two congregations because half the church believed it was a sin to play the guitar with a pick

 

 

 

Oh, that's hilarious. How did they come up with that theory? I am so screwed come judgement day...

I second that one! I've heard the drum thing, that they're "too pagan" or "demonic", but seriously, A PICK? *snerk*

Oh, and by the way, you are such a WHORE for sitting next to your boyfriend in a hammock! No holy space between your naughty naughty bums!

[pinkcece]

yeah, that pick thing truly is priceless!

[southdakota2005]

Went to a Bible Church (sort of like Southern Baptists) where the pastor preached a sermon and in it he told the story of a former church elder who left the church a few years back and had "gotten into sin." He never said what he was doing but he said that he prayed every night for his death on the basis of 1 Corinthians 5:5 which says, "To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus." He went on to say that after several months when the man didn't die he met him at the mall. They got to talking and the man told the pastor that he was no longer a Christian. The pastor then finished his sermon by saying smugly, "That's why God didn't kill him when I asked him to. The man wasn't a Believer."

 

That was probably the first nail in the coffin. The thought that if I should ever leave the church on bad terms, this pastor would be praying for my death. At the time I was still a believer and this distrubed me greatly. I began to fear, and loath this pastor. But I stayed at the church, just in case. It took another few years to finally have my revelation and escape.

[Non-Redneck]

Went to a Bible Church (sort of like Southern Baptists) where the pastor preached a sermon and in it he told the story of a former church elder who left the church a few years back and had "gotten into sin." He never said what he was doing but he said that he prayed every night for his death on the basis of 1 Corinthians 5:5 which says, "To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus." He went on to say that after several months when the man didn't die he met him at the mall. They got to talking and the man told the pastor that he was no longer a Christian. The pastor then finished his sermon by saying smugly, "That's why God didn't kill him when I asked him to. The man wasn't a Believer."

 

 

 

Hey, there fellow H-towner! Props to you for tolerating the religious idiocy that permeates Houston.

 

What's scary about that story is that there are probably people who would take it one step further and actually seek to kill the "backslider" believing it to be the will of God.

[Lanakila]

I was in the ministry and taught my kids the worst thing. That hell is real and that if you don't believe this story a certain way and repent, meaning it so that you live a godly life forevermore you will go to hell.

[millie999]

Perhaps everyone should vote on what was the most hurtful of the many things said to me that I actually remember. I blocked out alot.

1. If I would have been giving 10% of my gross income to the church, I never would have hurt my knee, I would have been given a husband, a better job, better grades in graduate school, etc.

2. If I don't work, I don't eat. (This was said to me by my longtime church when I was between jobs, like many in the USA who felt the recession. So they refused to give me some of their expired can goods)

3. My Mom did not go to heaven. And that her heart attack was really really really painful. And she is NOT watching over me.

[Shyone]

Perhaps everyone should vote on what was the most hurtful of the many things said to me that I actually remember. I blocked out alot.

1. If I would have been giving 10% of my gross income to the church, I never would have hurt my knee, I would have been given a husband, a better job, better grades in graduate school, etc.

2. If I don't work, I don't eat. (This was said to me by my longtime church when I was between jobs, like many in the USA who felt the recession. So they refused to give me some of their expired can goods)

3. My Mom did not go to heaven. And that her heart attack was really really really painful. And she is NOT watching over me.

I am stunned at the cruelty in these statements. It is dumbfounding.

 

So sorry you had to hear that.

[Naughtyhamster]

I was subjected to a two hour verbal smackdown by a youth counselor at a church who kept on going on about how Jesus hates me because I had "seduced" my father into sexually abusing me.

[Vomit Comet]

I was subjected to a two hour verbal smackdown by a youth counselor at a church who kept on going on about how Jesus hates me because I had "seduced" my father into sexually abusing me.

 

Holy shit! What fucking century is this!?

[dichotomy]

I was subjected to a two hour verbal smackdown by a youth counselor at a church who kept on going on about how Jesus hates me because I had "seduced" my father into sexually abusing me.

 

That's just disgusting. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

[Carmen]

Wow. These replies just make my blood boil! The church has never said anything extremely personally hurtful to me, but I've heard many ridiculous statements from Christians that made me angry.

 

*My friend's parents forbade me from talking to her because I was questioning my faith and "leading her into temptation." I'm still not entirely sure how I was leading her into temptation; the only answers they gave me were that I was pressuring her to get a facebook when they told her she couldn't and that she was questioning their authority and rebelling against them because of me.

*A good friend of mine claimed that God killed her uncle in a motorcycle accident because he was drifting away from the faith. WHAT?

[JustAnotherGuy]

 

 

I was taught to not look people in my eye (http://www.purityproject.com/recovery-work/first-steps/steps-to-freedom-bounce-your-eyes/).

 

 

Wow. I forgot just how fucking sick Christianity is. That's ridiculous. That reminds me of my struggle with my "lusts". Such a mindfuck.

[Snowflake]

[*]a church in our denomination split into two congregations because half the church believed it was a sin to play the guitar with a pick

 

I for one would love to have that demonic pick. It could take my guitar playing to a whole different level

[Snowflake]

The most hurtful thing that the Church has ever said to me was when I was just discharged from the hospital after recovering from a bout of postpartum depression which included a suicide attempt. I was still extremely depressed and trying to get over the stigma of being hospitalized from a mental illness.

 

My pastor actually mocked people with depression that day. He got a hang dog posture and tone of voice and proceeded to say ignorant and insulting things about how people who are depressed choose to be depressed, but if they would only do the will of God and pray, then they wouldn't be depressed and full of sin.

 

He knew that I was there that day. He knew that I was hospitalized and why. It was cruel. It was ignorant. It was also one of the last times that I went to church.

[millie999]

The most hurtful thing that the Church has ever said to me was when I was just discharged from the hospital after recovering from a bout of postpartum depression which included a suicide attempt. I was still extremely depressed and trying to get over the stigma of being hospitalized from a mental illness.

 

My pastor actually mocked people with depression that day. He got a hang dog posture and tone of voice and proceeded to say ignorant and insulting things about how people who are depressed choose to be depressed, but if they would only do the will of God and pray, then they wouldn't be depressed and full of sin.

 

He knew that I was there that day. He knew that I was hospitalized and why. It was cruel. It was ignorant. It was also one of the last times that I went to church.

 

 

Oh my- that is so hurtful. It irritates me that some pastors abuse their "authority" this way.

I have a conclusion-- after you left the church, your depression subsided.....

My mood vastly improved within 6 months of quitting the church. Now I try to enjoy life since I have so much lost time to make up for AND to piss off the christians who say I am going to hell. I hope I do, so I don't have to see this christians again That will ber my heaven!

I hope you are doing better!

[Vomit Comet]

I for one would love to have that demonic pick. It could take my guitar playing to a whole different level

 

'Cause it's the PICK / of Destiny, child!

[ebonileigh]

There has been so many hurtful things, where do I begin? and how do I state them without going into too much detail?

Probably the MOST hurtful things were the thunderings and threats that god would do something terrible to me and my two children if we left, such as "a car accident, a bus accident or worse, god bends breaks and finally buries the disobedient christian". The intense harrassment, threats and 'persecution' were most likely the most hurtful, however, the IFB'S being very patriarchal, and therefore misogynistic, controlling and abusive, women were treated badly, especially women on their own, as I was, and I ended up with absolutely no self esteem whatsoever, well of course, as one has to die to self, especially if you are a woman, as women were inferior to men.

Oh, the pain and the hurt.

Just an aside, the week before I 'escaped', I had a dream, which went like this: I went to church sunday morning accompanied by my children, sat in my usual spot, my son on my right, my daughter on my left, the pastor (that 6'3" thug of a man) standing behind the pulpit yelling and screaming, I reached into my handbag, pulled out a gun and blew his head off". (We don't have guns here in Australia, so that was a bit of a surprise to me that I dreamt I had a gun). I know we all dream, it's whether we remember them or not, and I don't remember many dreams, and it was a very vivid one indeed, and I still remember it to this day, ten years on.

[ebonileigh]

The most hurtful thing that the Church has ever said to me was when I was just discharged from the hospital after recovering from a bout of postpartum depression which included a suicide attempt. I was still extremely depressed and trying to get over the stigma of being hospitalized from a mental illness.

 

My pastor actually mocked people with depression that day. He got a hang dog posture and tone of voice and proceeded to say ignorant and insulting things about how people who are depressed choose to be depressed, but if they would only do the will of God and pray, then they wouldn't be depressed and full of sin.

 

He knew that I was there that day. He knew that I was hospitalized and why. It was cruel. It was ignorant. It was also one of the last times that I went to church.

that is exactly the tactics that the pastor of the cult I was in used, he used to rant and rave and mock, and used to say the same things about depression, that it was a choice, I was in deep depression for years all the years I was in the IFB (Independent Fundamental Baptist) cult, when I escaped, after all the terrible treatment I received and endured and the horrendous things that happened to myself and my children during that time and subsequently, I was diagnosed with PTSD and placed on treatment, i.e. medication and counselling. I had years of counselling and also psychotherapy.

I wish you well, you will get better.

[Shyone]

The most hurtful thing that the Church has ever said to me was when I was just discharged from the hospital after recovering from a bout of postpartum depression which included a suicide attempt. I was still extremely depressed and trying to get over the stigma of being hospitalized from a mental illness.

 

My pastor actually mocked people with depression that day. He got a hang dog posture and tone of voice and proceeded to say ignorant and insulting things about how people who are depressed choose to be depressed, but if they would only do the will of God and pray, then they wouldn't be depressed and full of sin.

 

He knew that I was there that day. He knew that I was hospitalized and why. It was cruel. It was ignorant. It was also one of the last times that I went to church.

that is exactly the tactics that the pastor of the cult I was in used, he used to rant and rave and mock, and used to say the same things about depression, that it was a choice, I was in deep depression for years all the years I was in the IFB (Independent Fundamental Baptist) cult, when I escaped, after all the terrible treatment I received and endured and the horrendous things that happened to myself and my children during that time and subsequently, I was diagnosed with PTSD and placed on treatment, i.e. medication and counselling. I had years of counselling and also psychotherapy.

I wish you well, you will get better.

It does sound like there is a lot of pressure not to show your depression. Maybe that's why Christians have this fake smile....