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bird28

The Most Hurtful Thing The Church Ever Said To You

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The most hurtful thing said to me would be that my body "is God's, not [mine]" and that by having an abortion I was a murderer, and also a whore for having sex with (a loving, caring, and incredible) boyfriend and not waiting for marriage.

 

Ummm...no? :shrug:

 

Also that Jesus died for me and that I just continued to sin and ignored such a great sacrifice that was "made for me." That hurt at the time, as I was still a Christian, but I just laugh at it now.

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"a church in our denomination split into two congregations because half the church believed it was a sin to play the guitar with a pick"

 

 

That's the best laugh I've had in quite awhile! Thanx :yelrotflmao:

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I suppose that like many people, my story of deconversion is more a long, slow process instigated by a general sense of disillusionment than anything dramatic being said to me. The church I attended was quite "user-friendly" and tended to sugar coat a lot of things so generally they weren't terribly hurtful. There were a few exceptions though. I have a history of clinical depression and illness, and on one occasion I was told that this was a spiritual shortcoming on my part - I obviously just wasn't praying hard enough *roll eyes*

 

I do think, though, that when you go to a church for years that you become... desensitised, in a way, to things that perhaps should stand out more than they do at the time. The general sexism, the misogyny and discrimination that is so inherent in the church, that we try to trationalise while we're still within the church, no matter how counterintuitive it is to do so. Like being told that you cannot teach in church because you're a woman, and accepting being the backup singer in worship team even though you have the best voice of anyone there because man has to "lead" the worship. These kind of things are ALL hurtful, yet we try to accept them from within the church, and they don't register the way they probably should.

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Not directed towards me but...

 

My sister was very sick and some doctors told my parents she was going to die eventually from what they thought she had (thankfully she did not), and my mother was in a panic and asked some prayer leader (or something) to pray for her and he refused. I don't remember why. I remember rationalising that by thinking, as he was this big shot prayer leader, he must have more insight from god and have a good reason to refuse.

 

What real reason could you have to refuse to pray for a dying child, as a prayer leader?? I wish I could remember what his reason was, I'm sure it made no sense.

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The most hurtful thing that the Church has ever said to me was when I was just discharged from the hospital after recovering from a bout of postpartum depression which included a suicide attempt. I was still extremely depressed and trying to get over the stigma of being hospitalized from a mental illness.

 

My pastor actually mocked people with depression that day. He got a hang dog posture and tone of voice and proceeded to say ignorant and insulting things about how people who are depressed choose to be depressed, but if they would only do the will of God and pray, then they wouldn't be depressed and full of sin.

 

He knew that I was there that day. He knew that I was hospitalized and why. It was cruel. It was ignorant. It was also one of the last times that I went to church.

that is exactly the tactics that the pastor of the cult I was in used, he used to rant and rave and mock, and used to say the same things about depression, that it was a choice, I was in deep depression for years all the years I was in the IFB (Independent Fundamental Baptist) cult, when I escaped, after all the terrible treatment I received and endured and the horrendous things that happened to myself and my children during that time and subsequently, I was diagnosed with PTSD and placed on treatment, i.e. medication and counselling. I had years of counselling and also psychotherapy.

I wish you well, you will get better.

It does sound like there is a lot of pressure not to show your depression. Maybe that's why Christians have this fake smile....

 

There's a church near me that has this on their sign --

 

We're Too Blessed

To Be Depressed

 

Makes me sooooo mad every time I have to drive by it.

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The most hurtful thing that the Church has ever said to me was when I was just discharged from the hospital after recovering from a bout of postpartum depression which included a suicide attempt. I was still extremely depressed and trying to get over the stigma of being hospitalized from a mental illness.

 

My pastor actually mocked people with depression that day. He got a hang dog posture and tone of voice and proceeded to say ignorant and insulting things about how people who are depressed choose to be depressed, but if they would only do the will of God and pray, then they wouldn't be depressed and full of sin.

 

He knew that I was there that day. He knew that I was hospitalized and why. It was cruel. It was ignorant. It was also one of the last times that I went to church.

that is exactly the tactics that the pastor of the cult I was in used, he used to rant and rave and mock, and used to say the same things about depression, that it was a choice, I was in deep depression for years all the years I was in the IFB (Independent Fundamental Baptist) cult, when I escaped, after all the terrible treatment I received and endured and the horrendous things that happened to myself and my children during that time and subsequently, I was diagnosed with PTSD and placed on treatment, i.e. medication and counselling. I had years of counselling and also psychotherapy.

I wish you well, you will get better.

It does sound like there is a lot of pressure not to show your depression. Maybe that's why Christians have this fake smile....

 

There's a church near me that has this on their sign --

 

We're Too Blessed

To Be Depressed

 

Makes me sooooo mad every time I have to drive by it.

Makes me wish I could go all Linda Blair on em...

 

and yes, there is a lot of pressure not to show depression. It's all smiles and sunshine and God bless me and the stupid christianese lingo that I despised soooo much. Sooooo glad that I'm out of it now. The stigma against mental illness is so ingrained and so strong. It is very sad. They talk about binding up the broken hearted, which is all a bunch of bullshit because they just end up alienating the broken hearted by telling them that it's their own sinfulness....just praise God, pray harder, blah, blah, blah

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I dislike the saccharine smiles that Christians get when they think they've locked on to you and scored a win for Christ!

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Not exactly when I was a Christian, but when my Uncle passed away from Cancer last year, a Lutheran Pastor from his church directed the funeral- safe to say there weren't any words whatsoever about my Uncle being such a good man, selfless, never-complaining even through chemo, and well-loved. He used it as an opportunity to say how Jesus would separate the Sheep from the Goats and that the Goats would go to hell for not believing in him. He actually twisted a biblical passage about works as a way of supporting faith through fear.

 

I was deeply offended, especially in the midst of mourning one of my most-loved relatives, who I saw pass away in his hospital bed with the rest of his family surrounding him. Me and my mom agreed it was an annoying service.

 

There weren't many other moments. My church (different from my Uncles) actually had a very nice, down-to-earth Lutheran Pastor (he's actually a pretty cool, nice guy, I'll admit. In Bible Study, we'd get him distracted pretty easily and try and waste as much class time as possible.) and I wasn't even brought to church until I was in the 4th grade.

 

Of course, one time we had a substitute Bible Study Teacher, who asked us how often we broke the ten commandments. We, as middle-schoolers, said we didn't often, aside from perhaps taking the lord's name in vain. Then she began to tell us that we were wrong, that we'd committed all sorts of sins for even disliking people. If so, I'd gladly kill Hitler in my heart several times over.

 

My friend also said to our Pastor (keep in mind this was one of my most rebellious friends, she didn't like the church, I do believe she is now also agnostic) to his face that Luther said that women were only suitable for bearing children, thus Luther was sexist. She says that the Pastor told her she would go to hell for saying that. I don't know if he actually did, but it's still disturbing.

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One my friends was almost killed in fighting the mideast. I was really worried for her and the whole thing made me really stress about the fued bettwen religons. I like you to keep mind as I tell you the rest that she is not Christian. she is muslim. Anyway I went to my Christian freinds and told this and ask them if they could pray for peace between all people no matter what they belived. This inculed our enemeys. In honnor of my freind.

 

 

This is what they told me.

 

"Peace is not the ultimate goal, nor is it attainable. Hear me out, I agree we as Christians are supposed to pray for our enemies, but not for their peace. Because if they are at peace then they are not searching for God. Christianity teaches quite explicitly that Christianity is the ONLY way to go to heaven. So if we prayed that these people who are heading to hell have peace then we are not loving them (as we are commanded to do). It is in their best interest to be uneasy with their beliefs because these are incorrect and are leading them to hell. So we do pray for our enemies but we pray for their salvation and their defeat not for their peace."

 

 

I am not freinds with the one who said this anymore. I hope I dont have to explane why.

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Oh I cant belive I forgot the other thing that was said to me about the same girl. My Counsler told me that it was in Gods plan that the Jews would take back there land. She told me that it was Gods plan that those who did not support Isreal would die.

 

Right after I thought for a breif moment that my non-Isrealy freind was dead.

 

I still live in horror and guilt over these comments.

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after reading these comments, i'm grateful that i lived with a mother who told us don't take shit from no members in your church. if the church tries to hurt you in any way shape or even a member tries to hurt you. don't get back at them destroy them. she believed that gawd said vengeance is mine, but was a firm believer in handing out wrath.

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There's a church near me that has this on their sign --

 

We're Too Blessed

To Be Depressed

 

Makes me sooooo mad every time I have to drive by it.

 

Oh gods, FUCK THEM! What lying, nasty fucking asswipes. Christianity helped CAUSE my depression. They can take their "blessings" and shove them up their asses, sideways.

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Oh I cant belive I forgot the other thing that was said to me about the same girl. My Counsler told me that it was in Gods plan that the Jews would take back there land. She told me that it was Gods plan that those who did not support Isreal would die.

 

Right after I thought for a breif moment that my non-Isrealy freind was dead.

 

I still live in horror and guilt over these comments.

 

Lately the whole "God's plan" thing is really getting to me. I guess because its on Facebook so much, directed at people not having such a good time. One of my friends has a wife that has a brain tumor. "God has a wonderful plan" yeah! right. If that's it, I would just as soon he direct his plans elsewhere!

 

The sentiment expressed here about Israel is a common one among end-times fundamentalists who focus on the book of Revelation and Daniel. A lot of them would not have the nerve to express it that way, but they do agree with it. A shame what stupid preachers and simple minds can do.

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"Peace is not the ultimate goal, nor is it attainable. Hear me out, I agree we as Christians are supposed to pray for our enemies, but not for their peace. Because if they are at peace then they are not searching for God. Christianity teaches quite explicitly that Christianity is the ONLY way to go to heaven. So if we prayed that these people who are heading to hell have peace then we are not loving them (as we are commanded to do). It is in their best interest to be uneasy with their beliefs because these are incorrect and are leading them to hell. So we do pray for our enemies but we pray for their salvation and their defeat not for their peace."

 

 

I am not freinds with the one who said this anymore. I hope I dont have to explane why.

 

As bad as this is, at least the person was honest in exposing the actual position of many Christians. Except for the wishy-washy liberal Christians, this is the basic attitude. It is actually the correct one, if you accept the doctrine that there is no salvation apart from Christ, as taught by many churches, including the one I was raised in, the Independent Baptist Church. They don't believe any non-Christian can have peace without Christ anyway.

 

The notion of being able to love people on command is a very strange one if you think about it. When has this actually ever happened?

 

I am glad I have moved on to something better, where we wish all sentient beings well.

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