A Life With No Hope

[Mike D]

Not that I had much hope for anything when I was a Christian, but I have even less now.

 

There's nothing left but misery, disease and death.

 

What do I do? I've talked to people, nothing helps.

 

I feel trapped in life.

[Guest ephymeris]

I don't know your particular situation but for me, if my life sucks I change it. Since leaving christianity I feel more grounded in the present and more grateful for my life because I know this may be it, all I have is now. Stop looking for advice and bust a move. Even if you can't solve your problems you can at least change some aspect of your life. Leaving religion brushes aside the false hope of salvation from myth and comes with accepting that we are responsible for our own lives and situations. Hope your situation improves by virtue of your actions

[thefriendlyghost]

My, god, Mike, I'm having the same issue. I can't offer advice, but you're not alone. I just feel empty inside. I can't just brush things off like a lot of people. I spend hours pondering all of this stuff. I'm not even depressed- I just feel numb.

[bdp]

Not that I had much hope for anything when I was a Christian, but I have even less now.

 

There's nothing left but misery, disease and death.

 

What do I do? I've talked to people, nothing helps.

 

I feel trapped in life.

 

'Hope' is foolish. Hope for what? "There's nothing left but misery, disease and death." Yep. We all die. It's just a ride, enjoy it til it ends.

[R. S. Martin]

Not that I had much hope for anything when I was a Christian, but I have even less now.

 

There's nothing left but misery, disease and death.

 

What do I do? I've talked to people, nothing helps.

 

I feel trapped in life.

 

What do you feel trapped by?

[Mike D]

Thanks for the responses

 

As for my situation, hmmm...

 

It may not be very typical, I don't know.

 

As for my demographic, I am a single white male

40's

Healthy, and i've never taken my health for granted

I don't drink, don't do drugs, work out six days a week

 

My problems are all internal I think.

 

In the past i've constantly changed my life when things weren't working, but it doesn't seem to help anymore.

 

This feeling actually isn't anything new, when I was a teenager I started out depressed. Even as a Christian I thought life was absurd and pointless. But I eventually decided that I was young and idealistic enough that I would try to put my depression aside for awhile and make the best out of my life that I could. I can't say I really ever had a lot of passion for life, but I thought maybe I would get lucky and find something that would lead to money and power and success and love, who knew. Maybe those things wouldn't lead to ultimate happiness, but they sure wouldn't hurt.

 

Fast forward to now. I had some good times, but my life really never amounted to anything. I feel like my heart isn't in it, and my apathy has been getting progressively worse over the last 2-3 years. Everything has just turned into one disappointment after the other.

 

I don't even know what to say anymore, I just feel like I am carrying out a prison term. Unfortunately I have an irrational fear of death so that keeps me here. It keeps me trapped in the prison of life.

 

Anyone know a shrink that can help me with that irrational fear?

[Mike D]

I'm not even depressed- I just feel numb.

Same thing. It's not so much depression, it's just... existence.

[qec]

I don't even know what to say anymore, I just feel like I am carrying out a prison term. Unfortunately I have an irrational fear of death so that keeps me here. It keeps me trapped in the prison of life.

 

This is just my personal opinion perhaps, but I think fearing death is healthy and normal. All animals fear death and do what they can to prevent death. Humans are animals. See where I am going with this? It's rational to fear death because you are a human animal and reason doesn't exist in some void; it exists in the practical here and now. Religion itself is, in part, constructed due to the heavy psychological pressure the inevitability of death places on everyone's human psyche. If it where "normal" to not be afraid of death then Religion would be shit out of luck, don't you think? I think fear of death is a rational fear and Religion offers an irrational solution. I don't think that fear of death is an irrational thing that Religion then twists into an even more irrational solution. I also don't think that coming to terms with the fact that you and I and everyone else will die some day requires you to cease fearing death. Furthermore, I would even state that fear of death is a contextual thing: in some contexts you would fear it, and in others you would be fearless. In the context you are talking about, however, again I think it's normal and rational to be afraid of it somewhat.

[LivingLife]

From someone that is over 50, the fear of death passes when you come to terms with your mortality. It is important fro me to leave something behind for my children and wife as I am sure I will be outta here first.. Maybe these are scars of the theism you came out of which in spite of its doctrines, do make folk self centric.

 

There is always someone worse off than you so you should count your blessings, go out and find something positive to do, focus on others whatever you can do. Many folk are depressed indirectly as a result of the economy, but these things come to pass. Of course the theists doom and gloom paranoia say it is going to get worse. Some of the best of things have come out of the worst of times.

 

If that is any help?

[Mike D]

This is just my personal opinion perhaps, but I think fearing death is healthy and normal.

I should clarify that it's not so much being dead that I fear, it's the process of dying that I am not too crazy about. It seems sort of crazy actually, I go to great lengths to take good care of myself physically, how I look, feel, etc., and so the idea of choosing to do the complete opposite and fuck up my body to the point where I cause it so much trauma and damage that it dies - I am having a hard time getting past the ugliness of all that.

[qec]

This is just my personal opinion perhaps, but I think fearing death is healthy and normal.

I should clarify that it's not so much being dead that I fear, it's the process of dying that I am not too crazy about. It seems sort of crazy actually, I go to great lengths to take good care of myself physically, how I look, feel, etc., and so the idea of choosing to do the complete opposite and fuck up my body to the point where I cause it so much trauma and damage that it dies - I am having a hard time getting past the ugliness of all that.

 

 

Ahhhhhh. Well if you are referring to a situation where you would directly or indirectly cause your own death, then I would say it's a good thing you are having a hard time getting past the ugliness of all that. If you are referring to the process of dying in some other context then I think fearing that is fairly rational as well I would think. That's not to say that being fearless of that is irrational, as the lack of fear can be a rational thing too regarding the process of dying. Hmm.

[Mike D]

There is always someone worse off than you so you should count your blessings, go out and find something positive to do, focus on others whatever you can do. Many folk are depressed indirectly as a result of the economy, but these things come to pass. Of course the theists doom and gloom paranoia say it is going to get worse. Some of the best of things have come out of the worst of times.

 

If that is any help?

Well this isn't so much situational depression.

 

It's more like apathy.

[Mike D]

Well if you are referring to a situation where you would directly or indirectly cause your own death, then I would say it's a good thing you are having a hard time getting past the ugliness of all that. If you are referring to the process of dying in some other context then I think fearing that is fairly rational as well I would think.

I guess it would be both situations or contexts. But never the less, that seems to be the main thing that is dragging things out.

[qec]

There is always someone worse off than you so you should count your blessings, go out and find something positive to do, focus on others whatever you can do. Many folk are depressed indirectly as a result of the economy, but these things come to pass. Of course the theists doom and gloom paranoia say it is going to get worse. Some of the best of things have come out of the worst of times.

 

If that is any help?

Well this isn't so much situational depression.

 

It's more like apathy.

 

Pardon my morbidity, but that's actually fascinating to me. Hmm... I'll wait and see what others have to say,

[Michael]

I have suffered from depressions for many years and totally broke down at least two times (staring at the wall, not leaving bed for two weeks). I am a father of three kids, fat and my job situation was never good.

For me (I definitely can not talk about your life, because I do not know you) it all got better with the realization, that I am depressed from time to time. Sometimes I am hopeless, depressed and think that this life makes no sense. My friends and neighbors are more successful more attractive, drive the better car...I am 40 now and that is usually the time, when men look back and "count the blessings". It is a time when people are looking for a new direction, some of them reinvent their lifes and that can be a great idea. Some discover a new job, start working for charity, get deeper into a hobby (I just start a new career as a stand up...honest) and so on. Talking in front of peoople always was my biggest fear. But now I am forty and I either die on stage or suceed. But never again will I run away from anything, just because of fear. In Germany we have a nice fairytale "The town musicians of Bremen". 4 different blokes have reached the end of their actual life and they go on and start something new because: "We will find something better than death - everywhere".

 

Well my english is not the best, but to cut a long story short: Depressions are a disease and there is treatment for it. I can not say, that my shrink helped me. During one and a half year he just told me buddhist stories, every meeting the same stories. I hated him and I skipped every second meeting. L.A. is a huge city. I am sure that there are many ways to reinvent someones life.

 

Just my thoughts...

[Dagan]

Hi Mike,

I know how you feel. I feel it too. But among the pointlessness and absurdity, there are moments of exquisite beauty and joy to be found in life.

 

A song I've found incredibly helpful is called "Life Is What You Make It" by ex-Christian, now openly-gay rock bassist Doug Pinnick (doing solo stuff now as "Dug" Pinnick, formerly of King's X).

 

The grimy guitars and catchy bass riffs make me feel happy, and the simple lyrics help me get my head straight. I offer them to you in the hopes they might help you, too.

 

"Life Is What You Make It" by Dug Pinnick (from the Strum Sum Up album)

 

Once again, I'm in a spin, floating 'cross the water

Plant a seed, do the deed, looking for a lover

And when the sun's going down, that old feeling comes around, I can't help but to think, life is what you make it

And when the sun's going down, that old feeling comes around, I can't help but to think, life is what you make it

 

I repeat

My defeat

Losing pieces of the puzzle

 

Plant my feet

On the street

But the ground begins to crumble

And when the sun's going down, that old feeling comes around, I can't help but to think, life is what you make it

And when the sun's going down, that old feeling comes around, I can't help but to think, life is what you make it

 

When the sun's going down, that old feeling comes around, I can't help but to think, life is what you make it (repeat)

[thefriendlyghost]

Thanks for the responses

 

As for my situation, hmmm...

 

It may not be very typical, I don't know.

 

As for my demographic, I am a single white male

40's

Healthy, and i've never taken my health for granted

I don't drink, don't do drugs, work out six days a week

 

My problems are all internal I think.

 

In the past i've constantly changed my life when things weren't working, but it doesn't seem to help anymore.

 

This feeling actually isn't anything new, when I was a teenager I started out depressed. Even as a Christian I thought life was absurd and pointless. But I eventually decided that I was young and idealistic enough that I would try to put my depression aside for awhile and make the best out of my life that I could. I can't say I really ever had a lot of passion for life, but I thought maybe I would get lucky and find something that would lead to money and power and success and love, who knew. Maybe those things wouldn't lead to ultimate happiness, but they sure wouldn't hurt.

 

Fast forward to now. I had some good times, but my life really never amounted to anything. I feel like my heart isn't in it, and my apathy has been getting progressively worse over the last 2-3 years. Everything has just turned into one disappointment after the other.

 

I don't even know what to say anymore, I just feel like I am carrying out a prison term. Unfortunately I have an irrational fear of death so that keeps me here. It keeps me trapped in the prison of life.

 

Anyone know a shrink that can help me with that irrational fear?

 

 

Wow. You are describing me perfectly. It always feels like eveyone but me is doing alright, though I know that's not really the case. I'm almost 30, and I just kinda feel spent. I've had my fun. I'm just going through the motions now. Life feels stale, no matter how I try to reinvent myself or look forward to the future. I, like you, spend a lot of time and money taking care of myself, and it is all starting to feel so pointless now.

[Shyone]

Well this isn't so much situational depression.

 

It's more like apathy.

When I hit 40, I had to face the fact that many of my goals were unmet, my potential was waning, and my future was fixed. Options were closed.

 

I was never going to compete on American Idol. I was stuck with my choices and my limitations.

 

It was sobering, even depressing. Add to that the propinquity of death, and it was just a matter of sitting it out until the reaper comes. I knew that some day soon I would have the disease that would kill me. I didn't know when, but I knew it was coming. It comes to everyone.

 

But I did have options open, just different ones. Old goals were no longer practical, but I made new ones.

 

I'm gonna die. But I'm gonna live before I die!

[dichotomy]

From my understanding apathy and feeling numb are both signs of depression. You may not feel depressed but what you say has hints of depression to me. But I'm no expert. What I do know is that in general as people we can sometimes get so used to feeling, viewing the world and being a certain way that we no longer see anything different or anyway out and feel there's no point and it's a downward and inward focused spiral from there. The world feels pointless, my reason for being feels even more pointless and nothing I do has any meaning.

 

I'm not sure it will help but for me I had to pro-actively find myself things to give me a point for my existence. Find myself someone to share my life with, get myself a hobby, do some sort of study, give myself challenges each year to try and achieve. Okay so it may not actually have much purpose or meaning or point to it other than keeping me going and enjoying it at the time, but biarrely I find myself feeling the most content and enjoying life than I ever did as a Xian when I supposedly had a divine purpose and my life "planned out for me".

[Realist]

Mike D, just a question? Were you raised in a xtian family and brainwashed with this crap from birth? I would like to ask "the friendly ghost" this too. From my own experience I have found those in this situation often have far more issues once they leave it than those who found it later in life then abandoned it.

[Ro-bear]

Thanks for the responses

 

As for my situation, hmmm...

 

It may not be very typical, I don't know.

 

As for my demographic, I am a single white male

40's

Healthy, and i've never taken my health for granted

I don't drink, don't do drugs, work out six days a week

 

My problems are all internal I think.

 

In the past i've constantly changed my life when things weren't working, but it doesn't seem to help anymore.

 

This feeling actually isn't anything new, when I was a teenager I started out depressed. Even as a Christian I thought life was absurd and pointless. But I eventually decided that I was young and idealistic enough that I would try to put my depression aside for awhile and make the best out of my life that I could. I can't say I really ever had a lot of passion for life, but I thought maybe I would get lucky and find something that would lead to money and power and success and love, who knew. Maybe those things wouldn't lead to ultimate happiness, but they sure wouldn't hurt.

 

Fast forward to now. I had some good times, but my life really never amounted to anything. I feel like my heart isn't in it, and my apathy has been getting progressively worse over the last 2-3 years. Everything has just turned into one disappointment after the other.

 

I don't even know what to say anymore, I just feel like I am carrying out a prison term. Unfortunately I have an irrational fear of death so that keeps me here. It keeps me trapped in the prison of life.

 

Anyone know a shrink that can help me with that irrational fear?

 

Found your problem!

 

Seriously, you need to find something or someone you really care about. Or both. I care about my work, my kids, my wife, my friends and family. That is what keeps me going. Well, that and the drinking and drugs.

[Mike D]

Mike D, just a question? Were you raised in a xtian family and brainwashed with this crap from birth? I would like to ask "the friendly ghost" this too. From my own experience I have found those in this situation often have far more issues once they leave it than those who found it later in life then abandoned it.

The brainwashing for me started pretty early as a kid (like 4 or 5), so that was young enough for me. Although I didn't really impact me until I was about 11 or so, which was around the time my parents ended up in a fundy pentecostal church and I got "saved".

 

All that shit defeinitely had an effect on me, because a couple years later I was coming to the realization that I was gay, but I was already preprogrammed to believe that homosexuals were evil and an abomination to god, never to see heaven (according to Paul). I really believed that gay people were monsters and the most evil people in the world (god destroyed an entire city because of them), and yet I was coming to the realization I was one, yet by no doing of my own. The inner conflict this created was really horrible. Anyway this situation made me very depressed and my personality totally changed, I became a very dark, nihilistic person. I even started developing some sociopathic tendencies - I just didn't really give a fuck about anyone or anything, because I didn't think anyone really gave a fuck about me either. In high school I hung around what I could call the badass partier types, the guys who did nothing but drink and bang girls and get in fights and basically just fuck shit up. You might think that as a gay person that might not fit for me, but as long as I hid the fact that I was gay I was accepted and liked by them, probably because my attitude was so bad. I hated any sort of authority and made it very well known. Anyway they were sort of like a wolf pack, and I needed their friendship - they were the only thing that gave me any sense of security at all at that time in my life, which I needed so bad.

 

Anyway to make a long story short, all of this set the tone for the rest of my life. I guess in some ways ive sort of just drifted through, not really expecting anything. I actually never though I would make it to 25 so the fact that i've lived this long sort of suprises me.

 

And I guess that brings us to now...

[Mike D]

I, like you, spend a lot of time and money taking care of myself, and it is all starting to feel so pointless now.

This I definitely don't get about myself, fitness is almost an obession with me (any of my friends know, do not mess with my workout schedule or it won't be pretty lol).

 

The only thing I can figure is that if you're going to kill yourself, might as well look good doing it, right?

[necrosmith]

I believe it was the philosopher who said, "Live fast, die young, and make a pretty corpse."

 

There seems to be some wisdom to that position.

[Mike D]

One other thing..

 

I am in the process of trying to change my career from IT to real estate (I have been studying for the exam and will be taking it shortly). Having said that I don't even think it will work out since we're in the worst real estate market since the depression. Which really sucks because as far as careers go I think I am running out of options.