Jump to content
Goodbye Jesus

Rage Issues


qec

Recommended Posts

Thank you very much for your respect and commitment to responsibility to manage your own behavior. Frankly, the, "stop button," word seems a bit redundant to me: Would it really make a difference to you if one of us said, "Quid, (Button word)," as opposed to something like, "Quid, you're getting into that zone again. Maybe you should turn your computer off and take three fast laps around the block?"

 

The thing about the button word is that, as Legion said, it puts an unjust amount of responsibility on the people around you to get on board with it. Also, it would take more social organization among people who aren't directly involved. We'd have to make sure that everybody knows about, "the word," and so on. But doing the same thing from the other side would happen naturally: You know how observant, intelligent and sympathetic our members are. Even if they don't get the word on, "the word," they'll still see how some of us take a consistent approach to simply remind you to take some deep breaths, as it were. They'll see and understand instantly and, if they're so inclined, get on board without anybody having to organize or convince anyone. If they're not already inclined that way, then the whole thing is a moot point, anyway.

 

From what I know of the membership here, it'll just happen naturally.

 

From my years in AA, I hear the twelve-step type overtones in your words. From having done that kind of work myself, you have my sympathy. That kind of work is tough enough to have a person sweating blood sometimes.

 

From my experience, the real bottom line for anyone who's putting themselves through that tough, painfully honest inner digging is to ask, "Even if nobody wanted to participate in helping, would you still be willing to do the work anyway?"

 

From what I've seen of you, everything tells me the answer is, "Yes."

 

 

There is work to be done, to be sure, and this work will be done. I will refrain from outbursts. Yes I want this work to be done, and it's only right and fair that it be done, but I am not sure I trust now...

 

I am glad you have shared your experiences. They are interesting but I am not sure if I can trust you, Atheist or not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Note: All Regularly Contributing Patrons enjoy Ex-Christian.net advertisement free.
  • Replies 85
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • qec

    45

  • Vigile

    6

  • chefranden

    4

  • Legion

    4

I have a rotten temper. It is "tempered," so to speak, with a sense of compassion and respect. Even so, I can get pissed on occasion. Ask my kids!

 

Three words: Eight-Fold Path.

 

Life is a process of learning to control the 10% of ourselves that we control, sometimes by countering the 90% that is our natural tendencies. I said as much in a group counseling session once and the councilor agreed, much to my surprise!

 

Religion gives us boundaries that make no sense and do not work. Buddha's teaching is ultimately practical. Ha. I seem to be promoting Buddha today. It works, though. You don't have to be Buddhist but to understand and apply the teaching is to learn now to be a better person.

 

My son has a bad temper too. He has had to overcome an incredible temper in the past few years. At three, as a foster kid, he would destroy whole rooms. Now he just snorts a little. It's all choice and understanding the consequences of actions. Nothing has ever leveled me out more than knowing how to do that and Buddha's teaching was what did the trick for me.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Thank you for sharing this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am sorry you have this struggle. I will try to help as much as I can as I am in the shoutbox frequently. I wasn't sure what would be useful. I have a lot of respect for you for being so open with this. You're a good guy, and as people have said, very smart. ((hugs)). I know you will overcome this.

 

 

Thank you for these words. If I was such a good guy, then why can't I figure out what other people figure out?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey, Quid. I wasn't implying that you were insincere with us or anything. Maybe I should have worded that differently. Sorry if that made you wonder. In fact, I was pointing out that despite your problems you come across as quite a genuine person at this board.

 

Anyway, we're with ya, man.

 

 

Thank you.

 

And I am being completely honest about everything, including lack of trust now...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's up to you, even with help from others your perceptions and path are now ultimately up to you. I'm sure you know that. The intensity of your pain is astounding and justified, therefore, my heart hurts for you. I have no advice to offer you but I will do what I can to avoid escalation with you. I wish you the best.

 

 

Thank you for the comments ephy. I do know that my perceptions and path are ultimately up to me according to others. However I must point out that my perceptions and path where not up to me for many many years. They where manipulated against me, right down to my five senses and memory.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mean no one any harm, please don't hurt me. I will flee if I have to.

 

I'm sorry I just don't get things here. I can't figure it out. I don't know what I should do. I don't understand people I DON'T GET ANYONE!!!!

 

Why can't I be like everyone else? What did I do wrong? I won't be angry anymore, no more anger. I will try to trust again. I can try to trust again. I will trust again somehow. I can do that, I can do that. I believe I can do that. If I get hurt then I get hurt, I don't understand it and I am scared but what happens happens. I can't figure things out, I don't know what things mean, I don't feel safe. I can't understand things, no matter how hard I try. It just doesn't work.

 

I feel exhausted, I just can't understand this , everything. People "the world", society, I don't get it. It's so painful, I am crying, I don't get it.

 

I am not decompesnating, I just cant get it. I just don't understand it. I just can't be like others, I don't know what that means.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quid, please take a break. Turn off the computer and lay down or go take a walk or do something else. Please.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quid, please take a break. Turn off the computer and lay down or go take a walk or do something else. Please.

 

Ok. I will do this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quid, my heart breaks for you. I want to reach out to you and offer something helpful or meaningful, but I simply do not know what that would be. I cannot even begin to imagine what you have been through but from what I’ve read, I know your suffering has been great. I really admire your desire and your efforts to overcome your past to the extent possible. It may not be apparent to you, but from the outside looking in, you really do seem to making progress. I think this thread is proof of that.

 

Just as you cannot understand others, it is difficult for me to understand you because I have not suffered the way you have. That is probably true of many people who respond to you. However, whether we say something helpful or mistakenly say something that is less than useful or even provoking to you, I believe everyone reaching out to you is doing so out of a desire to show you we care. I feel sad that I don't know what else to offer.

 

I wish for healing and peace for you, Quid.

 

Hugs,

noob

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quid, please take a break. Turn off the computer and lay down or go take a walk or do something else. Please.

This strikes me as a somewhat decent suggestion Quid. You need not continuously endure our scrutiny. Ex-C will be here when you return.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quid, please take a break. Turn off the computer and lay down or go take a walk or do something else. Please.

 

Ok. I will do this.

 

 

Thank you Quid.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quid, please take a break. Turn off the computer and lay down or go take a walk or do something else. Please.

 

Ok. I will do this.

 

 

Thank you Quid.

 

 

I will pass out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mean no one any harm, please don't hurt me. I will flee if I have to.

 

I'm sorry I just don't get things here. I can't figure it out. I don't know what I should do. I don't understand people I DON'T GET ANYONE!!!!

 

Why can't I be like everyone else? What did I do wrong? I won't be angry anymore, no more anger. I will try to trust again. I can try to trust again. I will trust again somehow. I can do that, I can do that. I believe I can do that. If I get hurt then I get hurt, I don't understand it and I am scared but what happens happens. I can't figure things out, I don't know what things mean, I don't feel safe. I can't understand things, no matter how hard I try. It just doesn't work.

 

I feel exhausted, I just can't understand this , everything. People "the world", society, I don't get it. It's so painful, I am crying, I don't get it.

 

I am not decompesnating, I just cant get it. I just don't understand it. I just can't be like others, I don't know what that means.

 

This is what I've been talking about. You can't be like others, because you have been broken. Being broken hurts like a mother fucker. It's no surprise. You can't fucking undo it, and you already know God won't undo it. Now you have to deal with it if you really want some normalcy, or you are going to spend the rest of your life whining and raging.

 

I've tried the gentle approach, but now it is time to say suck it up and drive on soldier.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I mean no one any harm, please don't hurt me. I will flee if I have to.

 

I'm sorry I just don't get things here. I can't figure it out. I don't know what I should do. I don't understand people I DON'T GET ANYONE!!!!

 

Why can't I be like everyone else? What did I do wrong? I won't be angry anymore, no more anger. I will try to trust again. I can try to trust again. I will trust again somehow. I can do that, I can do that. I believe I can do that. If I get hurt then I get hurt, I don't understand it and I am scared but what happens happens. I can't figure things out, I don't know what things mean, I don't feel safe. I can't understand things, no matter how hard I try. It just doesn't work.

 

I feel exhausted, I just can't understand this , everything. People "the world", society, I don't get it. It's so painful, I am crying, I don't get it.

 

I am not decompesnating, I just cant get it. I just don't understand it. I just can't be like others, I don't know what that means.

 

This is what I've been talking about. You can't be like others, because you have been broken. Being broken hurts like a mother fucker. It's no surprise. You can't fucking undo it, and you already know God won't undo it. Now you have to deal with it if you really want some normalcy, or you are going to spend the rest of your life whining and raging.

 

I've tried the gentle approach, but now it is time to say suck it up and drive on soldier.

 

 

Sucking it up is not bringing me any closer to figuring out society. Whether that's here or out in the real world. I can't figure out the real world man, I can't figure out "the world" man. I can't. OK? Like, do you understand what I am saying? I am trying to tell you that my mind can't assemble it and figure out what to do with it so that I can be like other people.

 

You are telling a drowning man to suck it up. If sucking it up would prevent me from drowning then I damn well would. It's not that easy; I can't just suck it up and follow someone else's directions. Don't you get it? I have to follow my own directions and I can't do that either. It's become apparent to me that when you practice religion a certain way and then get out of it, after being broken, then you don't get the real world and can't because your mind is broken. You and others here don't get what I am saying. I am here to learn how to figure out the real world and to recover from what I've been through, hopefully making friends in the process (I thought I did anyway, but apparently not). That's what I am here for. Sure, I'll quit raging by blowing up on people; I'll do the best I can. Fine, can do. But I spent a lot of time sucking things up in another area, so I am not just "whining". In fact it's not whining, it's me breaking down. If it was just whining I wouldn't have gotten to the point where I got. If I didn't trust people here, there wouldn't be any trust to lose, and if I didn't care about people here I wouldn't be spending my time in this thread.

 

Suck what up? My inability to figure things out? And then do what with that exactly? Sucking things up is not going to help me figure out "the world". It's not. It's just not. I sucked things up for years and where did that get me? That just broke me even more. At this point telling me to "suck it up" is like telling a drowning man to just deal with it and suck it up. I have been dealing with it, I have. For the last year and a half since I got out of the exit counseling place. I have, I sucked it up just like you are saying now. And sucking it up didn't get me any closer to having a blueprint for dealing with "the world" aka "society". I have sucked it up. I am drowning just the same; withdrawing in isolation, unable to work, unable to figure out what to do, unable to concentrate in school to the point I miserably failed two semesters, unable to engage people in society, very afraid of people, that's where I am at now and have in large part been for the last year and a half "sucking it up". I have been dealing with it. No, there is no God to help me deal with it and there never will be. But what I see here is the equivalent of people letting me drown.... Casting me out... Why? cut the weak down, only those who are fit survive.

 

Thanks for the posts chef, I am grateful for them. I just can't figure it out man. I just can't figure it out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the other wider problem of getting society is not something I care about anymore; it's done it's over, I don't get it. The end. I mean I guess I do, but not really.

Here's a thought: Fuck society :grin:

 

Honestly, who cares about society and why would you want to get it?

 

Fitting in is over-rated.

 

Normal is boring.

 

And there's nothing wrong with being fucked up.

 

Most people I know are fucked up (including myself to some extent), so you're in good company.

 

And you're a likable person.

 

Maybe you just need a little bit of confidence, perhaps? :scratch:

 

 

I wish I could get Society enough to tell it to fuck off, but I just don't.

 

 

And you're a likable person.

 

Thanks Mike.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quid, my heart breaks for you. I want to reach out to you and offer something helpful or meaningful, but I simply do not know what that would be. I cannot even begin to imagine what you have been through but from what I’ve read, I know your suffering has been great. I really admire your desire and your efforts to overcome your past to the extent possible. It may not be apparent to you, but from the outside looking in, you really do seem to making progress. I think this thread is proof of that.

 

Just as you cannot understand others, it is difficult for me to understand you because I have not suffered the way you have. That is probably true of many people who respond to you. However, whether we say something helpful or mistakenly say something that is less than useful or even provoking to you, I believe everyone reaching out to you is doing so out of a desire to show you we care. I feel sad that I don't know what else to offer.

 

I wish for healing and peace for you, Quid.

 

Hugs,

noob

 

Thanks noob. That hug felt good.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quid, please take a break. Turn off the computer and lay down or go take a walk or do something else. Please.

This strikes me as a somewhat decent suggestion Quid. You need not continuously endure our scrutiny. Ex-C will be here when you return.

 

 

Thanks for the support Legion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel powerless. I feel helpless. I feel overwhelmed. I feel really overwhelmed. I feel remorse for blowing up on people. I feel like I can't trust people here. I desire to trust people here. I feel trapped. I feel lonely. I haven't been touched in more than a couple of weeks. I feel distraught. I feel remorse for my sins of overreacting towards others. I feel a sense of impending doom. I feel disconnected. I feel confused I feel like nobody cares (even though that's not true). I feel alone, I feel so alone. I owe it to myself, those who care about me, and those that I hurt, to share my feelings. It's there, I am totally honest, I have nothing to hide.

 

I can't figure things out, I don't know what I am supposed to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure this will be helpful. It occurs to me that given your past history of being told your humanity is sinful and the extreme way you were forced to try and rid yourself of this sin, you may now be feeling an overexageration of guilt for just being human.

 

Let me put it this way. You are a human being, so you necessarily desire a sense of community. That you sometimes lash out at community is something to deal with, as you are already painfully aware. But it is not a sin. It is something that will, if not addressed, rob you of the joy of community, but it's not evil. You are not a bad person because you sometimes lash out. You are an injured person. You are not evil. I sincerely hope you will one day be able to understand this and will be able to stop being so hard on yourself. You certainly don't deserve to suffer. I think you might somehow feel you do, even if only on a guttural level. That you would is understandable given your history, but be clear, that is likely an area of your psychi that was miswired by the cult you were in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure this will be helpful. It occurs to me that given your past history of being told your humanity is sinful and the extreme way you were forced to try and rid yourself of this sin, you may now be feeling an overexageration of guilt for just being human.

 

Let me put it this way. You are a human being, so you necessarily desire a sense of community. That you sometimes lash out at community is something to deal with, as you are already painfully aware. But it is not a sin. It is something that will, if not addressed, rob you of the joy of community, but it's not evil. You are not a bad person because you sometimes lash out. You are an injured person. You are not evil. I sincerely hope you will one day be able to understand this and will be able to stop being so hard on yourself. You certainly don't deserve to suffer. I think you might somehow feel you do, even if only on a guttural level. That you would is understandable given your history, but be clear, that is likely an area of your psychi that was miswired by the cult you were in.

 

Quid I'm only new here on this community and know very little about your past circumstances, but from what I've read on this thread in particular I agree with Vigile. It appears to me that not only are you confused, but you feel sinful and guilty for things that are just part of being human. I don't know how to help or aid you in your distress but want to reiterate what Vigile is saying. You are not evil. You are not a *bad* person. You may struggle to trust people and work out society but that does not mean there is something fundamentally *wrong* with you, it's just that you are recovering and struggling to make sense of life and yur part in it. I wish I were able to say more and support you in this.

 

S x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure this will be helpful. It occurs to me that given your past history of being told your humanity is sinful and the extreme way you were forced to try and rid yourself of this sin, you may now be feeling an overexageration of guilt for just being human.

 

Let me put it this way. You are a human being, so you necessarily desire a sense of community. That you sometimes lash out at community is something to deal with, as you are already painfully aware. But it is not a sin. It is something that will, if not addressed, rob you of the joy of community, but it's not evil. You are not a bad person because you sometimes lash out. You are an injured person. You are not evil. I sincerely hope you will one day be able to understand this and will be able to stop being so hard on yourself. You certainly don't deserve to suffer. I think you might somehow feel you do, even if only on a guttural level. That you would is understandable given your history, but be clear, that is likely an area of your psychi that was miswired by the cult you were in.

 

 

Well I think getting a handle on lashing out is something I will do as much as is possible in every scenario. To digress, I wouldn't be merely robbing myself of the joy of community by getting myself banned from here. As far as "evil" and "sin" there's nothing to replace them with. As I understand it it's wrong to lash out and evil, so therefore I will not lash out in a disproportionate response.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure this will be helpful. It occurs to me that given your past history of being told your humanity is sinful and the extreme way you were forced to try and rid yourself of this sin, you may now be feeling an overexageration of guilt for just being human.

 

Let me put it this way. You are a human being, so you necessarily desire a sense of community. That you sometimes lash out at community is something to deal with, as you are already painfully aware. But it is not a sin. It is something that will, if not addressed, rob you of the joy of community, but it's not evil. You are not a bad person because you sometimes lash out. You are an injured person. You are not evil. I sincerely hope you will one day be able to understand this and will be able to stop being so hard on yourself. You certainly don't deserve to suffer. I think you might somehow feel you do, even if only on a guttural level. That you would is understandable given your history, but be clear, that is likely an area of your psychi that was miswired by the cult you were in.

 

 

Well I think getting a handle on lashing out is something I will do as much as is possible in every scenario. To digress, I wouldn't be merely robbing myself of the joy of community by getting myself banned from here. As far as "evil" and "sin" there's nothing to replace them with. As I understand it it's wrong to lash out and evil, so therefore I will not lash out in a disproportionate response.

 

That's cool. And in the meantime, try not to be so hard on yourself. I think perhaps you are your own worst judge. :beer:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure this will be helpful. It occurs to me that given your past history of being told your humanity is sinful and the extreme way you were forced to try and rid yourself of this sin, you may now be feeling an overexageration of guilt for just being human.

 

Let me put it this way. You are a human being, so you necessarily desire a sense of community. That you sometimes lash out at community is something to deal with, as you are already painfully aware. But it is not a sin. It is something that will, if not addressed, rob you of the joy of community, but it's not evil. You are not a bad person because you sometimes lash out. You are an injured person. You are not evil. I sincerely hope you will one day be able to understand this and will be able to stop being so hard on yourself. You certainly don't deserve to suffer. I think you might somehow feel you do, even if only on a guttural level. That you would is understandable given your history, but be clear, that is likely an area of your psychi that was miswired by the cult you were in.

 

 

Well I think getting a handle on lashing out is something I will do as much as is possible in every scenario. To digress, I wouldn't be merely robbing myself of the joy of community by getting myself banned from here. As far as "evil" and "sin" there's nothing to replace them with. As I understand it it's wrong to lash out and evil, so therefore I will not lash out in a disproportionate response.

 

That's cool. And in the meantime, try not to be so hard on yourself. I think perhaps you are your own worst judge. :beer:

 

Yes Sir. I will try to unwind as best I can.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Super Moderator
I think perhaps you are your own worst judge.

Agree.

 

Stay with us, Quid, and take a break when you need to. A lot of us are pulling for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think perhaps you are your own worst judge.

Agree.

 

Stay with us, Quid, and take a break when you need to. A lot of us are pulling for you.

 

 

Ok, Ok will do. thanks, thanks. Thanks florduh

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.