Fundie Pet Peeves

[par4dcourse]

Top fundy pet peeve: they exist.

[lunaticheathen]

They build mega-churches and add multimedia systems to them while children in their own country and all over the world are starving and sick. Granted, this isn't all fundies, but the ones that do this, then call me selfish because I won't grovel to their desert demon make me want to punch them in the mouth.

Also, a little phrase used by anti-choicers also really pisses me the fuck off, mostly because it's totally untrue in my case. "Your mother was pro-life!" Um, you don't know my mom, and she hates your bloody-fetus sign toting ass as much as I do. She supports Planned Parenthood. Fuck off.

[Vendredie]

My pet peeve isn't "I'll be praying for you." Well, you're thinking of me, which is nice, even if you're not helping. My pet peeve is "Pray for Jane Smith because she's going through a rough time right now, blah blah blah *cue sob story* and anyway, her life sucks right now so could you please keep her in your prayers? Thanks." wtf? It's not your place to ask for divine help for Jane Smith, or tell everyone how her life sucks, unless she gave you her express permission (in most cases, she hasn't). Maybe this is only something I've encountered.

 

Another one is when someone tells me "maybe you won't be an atheist n the future, it could all change." If it does change (though it doesn't seem very likely right now) then I'd probably go back to neo-paganism. They're of course hoping I'll becoem a Christian again... VERY unlikely.

[Vomit Comet]

Is that supposed to be a respect thing? I've never seen that before. I mean, I've n*ver seen that b*fore!

 

I've only ever seen Jews do it. I've never seen Christians do it.

[Vomit Comet]

I've always taken "bless your heart" to be the traditional passive-aggressive Southern way of saying "sucks to be you."

 

I was roommates with this girl from Kentucky once. She would say that whenever I did (or tried to do) or said something nice. It would make me go the way she'd say it.

[buffettphan]

My pet peeve is "Pray for Jane Smith because she's going through a rough time right now, blah blah blah *cue sob story* and anyway, her life sucks right now so could you please keep her in your prayers? Thanks." wtf? It's not your place to ask for divine help for Jane Smith, or tell everyone how her life sucks, unless she gave you her express permission (in most cases, she hasn't). Maybe this is only something I've encountered.

 

 

 

I've encountered that a lot too. It's the "christian-approved" method of gossiping.

[Vendredie]

Is that supposed to be a respect thing? I've never seen that before. I mean, I've n*ver seen that b*fore!

 

I've only ever seen Jews do it. I've never seen Christians do it.

I've only ever seen atheists/agnostics do it. To be fair, they had been Jewish...

 

I've seen Christians write "GOD" or "the LORD". Which fucks with my head even more than "G-d". I can "hear" the shouting... in the middle of a sentence where all of the other words are appropriately capitalized.

[Vendredie]

My pet peeve is "Pray for Jane Smith because she's going through a rough time right now, blah blah blah *cue sob story* and anyway, her life sucks right now so could you please keep her in your prayers? Thanks." wtf? It's not your place to ask for divine help for Jane Smith, or tell everyone how her life sucks, unless she gave you her express permission (in most cases, she hasn't). Maybe this is only something I've encountered.

 

 

 

I've encountered that a lot too. It's the "christian-approved" method of gossiping.

That's why it drives me nuts. From the early days wher I still went to Sunday School regularly, I was taught that gossiping was wrong, and just plain rude. Then I grew up and heard all of the church ladies gossiping about how so-and-so needed prayers. I can understand a simple "hey, Sue's going through a rough time, I can't tell you the whole story, but let's pray anyway and do nice things for her." The whole "Oh, Sue's got breast cancer and her husband just ditched her for some 19 year old porn star. Let's pray for her. Father God..." Effing hell, people. Yeah, Sue's situation sucks, but don't go telling her whole story! Especially because something ALWAYS gets exaggerated.

 

Oh, and another thing: When praying, the prayers. go on. for. fucking. ever. holy shit. "Father God, we come together today to thank you for yada yada yada and to thank you for the many blessings we've had. We want to ask you to just please watch over Jane Smith and her situation, please, and to cure Sue of her breast cancer, and please, father, just let Sue's husband see the light, and come to you, Lord, so that he may realize that Sue is the woman he needs, and please God, forgive him of his sins. Ad father God, watch over all of these people, and those people, and punish this crew but forgive them of their sins too, and..." by this point my ADHD mind has already wandered off to chase Potter Puppet Pals-esque butterflies- "...and please, father God, we ask you to continue blessing our church, and blessing everyone here, even Sue and Jane Smith and Sue's useless husband. We pray that you let Johnny's cousin see the light of your love lord, and that everyone else does too. We thank you for everything. In Jesus' name, ay-men." At which point I'm like "huh? what- oh! yeah, amen, yeah.... >.>" fucking hell people.

[Shyone]

Another one is when someone tells me "maybe you won't be an atheist n the future, it could all change." If it does change (though it doesn't seem very likely right now) then I'd probably go back to neo-paganism. They're of course hoping I'll becoem a Christian again... VERY unlikely.

According to Christian Theology, if you reconvert before you die, you're saved, but if a murderer kills you before you reconvert, and then he converts, the murderer goes to heaven and you go to hell.

 

I've always considered that any plan for salvation that depends on an earthly life span of unpredictable length is just plain silly.

[godlessgrrl]

Pet peeves re: fundies?

 

Jeez, there are so many - where do I start?

 

Maybe with how petty, dogmatic, and small-minded they are, how about that.

 

A general lack of education coupled with a superior know-it-all attitude, that gets on my pecs too. Too many of them spout all kinds of bullshit about topics about which they oh so clearly don't know a damn thing, yet act so smug and self-righteous that they've got the monopoly on the Truth™ about life, the universe, and everything - unlike the rest of us poor fools deceived by Satan.

 

Fundamentalists, I've met a few decent ones. Maybe more than a few, even. But I've never met a fundie that wasn't a diehard total pain in the ass. I can't think of a single good thing to say about them at all.

[OpheliaGinger]

The passing of those stupid chain letters that are laced with obvious bullshit, but they are too stupid to smell it.

[Vomit Comet]

Oh, and another thing: When praying, the prayers. go on. for. fucking. ever. holy shit

 

God damn, I hated that too!

 

1. Being at a youth retreat or something. Keep in mind this was bat-shit Ass of God Pentecostalism. "Lord we pray that you heal this young man, oooohhhhh Lord... ohhhhhhhh Lord... O baba shawn buhbaba shango..." For fucking hours. The spiritual high would fade and all I wanted to have happen was for it to be over so that I could go to bed.

 

2. Some pompous, pious asshole takes so long saying grace that the fucking food gets cold!!! Anybody ever had that happen?

[WhyBaby]

Conversation I had at work recently with one of the sales guys:

 

him: God gave us two new clients today!

me: Hey, that's great -- good job!

him: It's not me, it's the lord...

 

 

So how are you supposed to give or receive encouragement if you can never take a compliment?

[WhyBaby]

This is my pet peeve about fundies: their use of the word "just." If you have them in your family you know what I mean ... "dear loooord, we just, come before you, and just, looord, we just ask you to just reign down the peace that comes only from your ... your word, and we're just blessed by your word, and we just ask you to..." (insert request for goodies here)

 

Why do they do that?

 

They're scurred that if they don't say "just", then they'll be asking for too much... or gawd forbid demanding.

 

Imagine you have an abusive father, and instead of saying "can I borrow $10" you say "can I just borrow a little money, just $10 will be great?"

 

It's especially annoying before a meal. Why don't they just shut the hell up and serve the food before it gets cold?

 

 

I'm having visions of Oliver, cup in hand, asking "Please sir, can I have some more?"

[Crackalackish]

My pet peeve isn't "I'll be praying for you." Well, you're thinking of me, which is nice, even if you're not helping. My pet peeve is "Pray for Jane Smith because she's going through a rough time right now, blah blah blah *cue sob story* and anyway, her life sucks right now so could you please keep her in your prayers? Thanks." wtf? It's not your place to ask for divine help for Jane Smith, or tell everyone how her life sucks, unless she gave you her express permission (in most cases, she hasn't). Maybe this is only something I've encountered.

 

 

It's their way of gossiping about other people, but passing it off as piously "helping". If they didn't want to talk about them they would just say, "Pray for her, she is having a hard time". But then they wouldn't get to gossip about someone else, especially if it's particularly juicy. They feel like they aren't really gossiping because they are doing it under the guise of asking for prayers, but in truth they are horrible gossipers of the worse kind.

[Crackalackish]

My pet peeve isn't "I'll be praying for you." Well, you're thinking of me, which is nice, even if you're not helping. My pet peeve is "Pray for Jane Smith because she's going through a rough time right now, blah blah blah *cue sob story* and anyway, her life sucks right now so could you please keep her in your prayers? Thanks." wtf? It's not your place to ask for divine help for Jane Smith, or tell everyone how her life sucks, unless she gave you her express permission (in most cases, she hasn't). Maybe this is only something I've encountered.

 

 

It's their way of gossiping about other people, but passing it off as piously "helping". If they didn't want to talk about them they would just say, "Pray for her, she is having a hard time". But then they wouldn't get to gossip about someone else, especially if it's particularly juicy. They feel like they aren't really gossiping because they are doing it under the guise of asking for prayers, but in truth they are horrible gossipers of the worse kind.

 

Duh, sorry. I was reading this yesterday and forgot to refresh before replying. Ignore me.

[WillWSF]

Funny thread.. my entire family including aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, siblings, parents, and pets are all fundies. All of them! Except me..

 

Pet Peeve 1: The fact that they don't take any stock in logic.. logic is basically a tool from Satan. I guess that explains their belief in hell, which is the creepiest belief a human could have. If you haven't accepted Jesus as your savior, you're going to hell where you'll burn in fire and experience unimaginable pain, gnashing of teeth, etc.. not for 100 years or so which would be cruel enough.. not for 1000 years.. but for a fucking eternity. WTF? For what? Well, for having a difference of opinion, or for not believing that Jesus was the savior. All those people in hell, if they had taken a lie detector test back on earth and were asked if they believed in Jesus, they'd answer honestly with a no, and pass with flying colors. They couldn't help it, it was just their belief. And for that, they're in hell? That's just plain silly! And while the Christians are in heaven for eternity dancing on gold streets and claiming their rewards, billions of people are in hell for eternity, including many friends and family of Christians. Wouldn't they feel guilty? If not, that's sick! Oh yeah, logic flies out the window.

 

Pet Peeve 2: "Obama's scary!".. I hear this all the time. I wouldn't mind if it came from someone on the street, but when I hear it from fundies, for some reason it just pisses me off!

[★ Citsonga ★]

I was always annoyed by the fire & brimstone preachers having to always add an "uh" at the beginning and ending of every clause that they yell at the top of their lungs in their sermons, as if that somehow made their messages more spiritual.

[shy1680]

I hate when I'm at work which is retail and they start with the Jesus blessed them with some item they wanted. And then I love when they say "I prayed for this and God put it right there for me." And i'm standing there trying not to laugh because I'm like hey, I'm God now?

[Snakefoot]

It's especially annoying before a meal. Why don't they just shut the hell up and serve the food before it gets cold?

Knew a batshit crazy AoG lady once who treated every opportunity like a prayer meeting. Right in the middle of a "blessing" before a meal, her husband (who I suspect was atheist/agnostic) blurted out: "Bernice! We asked you to say the blessing, not pray down the holy ghost!"

[OpheliaGinger]

It's especially annoying before a meal. Why don't they just shut the hell up and serve the food before it gets cold?

Knew a batshit crazy AoG lady once who treated every opportunity like a prayer meeting. Right in the middle of a "blessing" before a meal, her husband (who I suspect was atheist/agnostic) blurted out: "Bernice! We asked you to say the blessing, not pray down the holy ghost!"

 

It's just masturbation.

[AC Skeptic]

It's their way of gossiping about other people, but passing it off as piously "helping". If they didn't want to talk about them they would just say, "Pray for her, she is having a hard time". But then they wouldn't get to gossip about someone else, especially if it's particularly juicy. They feel like they aren't really gossiping because they are doing it under the guise of asking for prayers, but in truth they are horrible gossipers of the worse kind.

 

Even when I was still a strong believer, my wife and I saw the prayer request time for what it was, gossip. We would even make a joke about it. If we were in a small group or bible study setting and someone started to gossip or hint at juicy knowledge either my wife and I would blurt out, "I think its prayer request time!"

[Kyle]

Here in the south, every meal blessing includes this phrase...

 

"bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies and our bodies to thy service"

 

Feel like puking every time

[★ Citsonga ★]

Here in the south, every meal blessing includes this phrase...

 

"bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies and our bodies to thy service"

 

Feel like puking every time

 

That reminds me about something I saw on TV a few years ago. I can't remember how the discussion came about (perhaps a church was sponsoring a meal or something), but this lady said that it didn't matter how unhealthy your food is as long as you pray before you eat. Praying for the nourishment of your body supposedly took out all the bad stuff. I can't remember if I saw that before or after deconverting, but either way I found it to be quite ridiculous.

[Vomit Comet]

"bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies and our bodies to thy service"

 

Heh. In Southern California they would always say "bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies" but they'd leave out that last part. It didn't bug me then, but I feel like puking in hindsight.

 

Also, "to the nourishment of our bodies"? I immediately have an image of the 300 lb. assistant pastor stuffing his face with more donuts than there are tires on an 18 wheeler. I could understand if they were saying that over a plate of grilled vegetables and baked chicken breast or some shit like that. But the Sunday Afternoon meal is rarely what I would call "nourishing." Not that I had a problem with that, mind, but I always found the "nourishment of our bodies" line to be a little bit curious.