Anushka Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?" She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there." So they go to the alley and she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Flood of Requests If anyone needs an ark, I happen to Noah guy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 Not a joke..but a fun fact I read on the app 'Did you know facts' In 2014, a burglar in Minnesota was caught after he logged into his Facebook account on the home's PC and forgot to log out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliT Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Guy walks in to a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but clingfilm around his nethers. The psychiatrist looks at him and says "I can clearly see your nuts"! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom when she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?" Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers. Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. "Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic." "Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do." "Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said. "Yes, yes I do have a lawn!" "Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house." "Yes, yes I do have a house!" "And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family." "Yes, yes I do have a family!" "And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual." "Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed. "Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob. "Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob. "Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" "No." "Then you're gay." 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 10 hours ago, Fweethawt said: Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers. Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. "Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic." "Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do." "Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said. "Yes, yes I do have a lawn!" "Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house." "Yes, yes I do have a house!" "And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family." "Yes, yes I do have a family!" "And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual." "Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed. "Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob. "Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob. "Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" "No." "Then you're gay." Penguins can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a penguin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 "This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted July 9, 2018 Super Moderator Share Posted July 9, 2018 26 minutes ago, Anushka said: Pooh! That bear-ly qualifies as a joke. It should come with a Tigger warning. I'm not trying to be Roo-d here; just saying. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 14 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said: Pooh! That bear-ly qualifies as a joke. It should come with a Tigger warning. I'm not trying to be Roo-d here; just saying. You are Roo-d .... Maybe you are jealous of my joke ... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted July 10, 2018 Super Moderator Share Posted July 10, 2018 59 minutes ago, Anushka said: You are Roo-d .... Maybe you are jealous of my joke ... Or perhaps Eeyore jealous of my skill at wordplay. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Why was the stadium so cold? Because there were a lot of fans! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 What do you call a priest that's also a lawyer? A father-in-law Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Can February March? No, but April May. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 [God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they— GOD: Make it undrinkable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 How did the telephone maker propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Why do people carry umbrellas?Because umbrellas can't walk. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 A guy in the emergency room has burns all over his body. Doctor takes one look and tells the nurse to give him a viagra. Nurse asks what good that would do. Doctor tells her, 'It'll keep the sheets off his legs! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it. He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anushka Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?” His mum answers, “The girl is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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