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Lame Jokes


sexkitten
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A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"

 

"Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.

 

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

 

So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?" She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

 

So they go to the alley and she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?"

 

"Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"

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Not a joke..but a fun fact I read on the app 'Did you know facts'

 

In 2014, a burglar in Minnesota was caught after he logged into his Facebook account on the home's PC and forgot to log out.
 
 

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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.

 

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

 

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic."

 

"Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?"

 

"Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?"

 

Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do."

 

"Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said.

 

"Yes, yes I do have a lawn!"

 

"Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house."

 

"Yes, yes I do have a house!"

 

"And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family."

 

"Yes, yes I do have a family!"

 

"And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual."

 

"Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed.

 

"Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob.

 

"Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob.

 

"Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?"

 

"Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?"

 

"No."

 

"Then you're gay."

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10 hours ago, Fweethawt said:

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.

 

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

 

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic."

 

"Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?"

 

"Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?"

 

Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do."

 

"Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said.

 

"Yes, yes I do have a lawn!"

 

"Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house."

 

"Yes, yes I do have a house!"

 

"And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family."

 

"Yes, yes I do have a family!"

 

"And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual."

 

"Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed.

 

"Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob.

 

"Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob.

 

"Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?"

 

"Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?"

 

"No."

 

"Then you're gay."

 

Penguins can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a penguin.

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"This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes."

 

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14 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

Pooh!  That bear-ly qualifies as a joke.  It should come with a Tigger warning.  I'm not trying to be Roo-d here; just saying.

 

You are Roo-d .... Maybe you are jealous of my joke ...🤣

 

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A guy in the emergency room has burns all over his body. Doctor takes one look and tells the nurse to give him a viagra.

 

Nurse asks what good that would do. Doctor tells her, 'It'll keep the sheets off his legs!

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A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?” 
His mum answers, “The girl is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” 

The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”

 

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