Taking Control Of My Own Life After Being Indoctrinated From Birth!

[someday47]

I was born into a Christian family and surrounded by Christians my whole life. At the age of 3 I was taught how to accept Jesus and become an official Christian. I can remember being so happy as my parents and Sunday school teachers told me how proud they were of me. Now that I'm older I realize that most of my spirituality came from wanting my parents and the other people in my life to be proud of me.

 

God was always talked about in our house and, after becoming home schooled at the age of 9, God was a big part of my education. Almost all of our text books were made for Christian families and our history books taught creationist beliefs only. Science was not part of my education and in general was looked down upon in our house because it was "ungodly" and taught evolution which I was taught to believe was ignorant and evil. As a result of being home schooled, the only social environment I was exposed to was through church. I was very active in my church's youth group and went to many bible studies and prayer groups. I was your typical good Christian girl and I never thought to question what I believed in. That is what indoctrination does to you. You are taught these beliefs from birth so you don't have any other world view. Acknowledging that there could even be another life besides a Christian life was sin, let alone actually questioning the beliefs you were taught.

 

I met my boyfriend when I started college. He came from a very different life. He was not raised in a Christian home and the idea that he was going to hell for it never even occurred to him. He wasn't a devil worshiper or any of the other images associated with non-Christians. Religion just wasn't part of his life. When I told my parents that I had met someone the first thing out of their mouths was "Is he a Christian?" When I answered no I was met with angry looks and a very long conversation about Christians and non-Christians being unequally yoked and the price of marrying a non-Christian (a sin that I was taught was punishable by eternal damnation). Although they did not make me stop dating him, they voiced their opinions constantly and I began being out casted by my entire family for it. I suffered from guilt 24/7 for my decision to date him, but I loved him no matter what he believed. My family's reaction to my decision really hurt and surprised me. What happened to loving others despite their background or beliefs? Hadn't I been taught my whole life to treat people equally? In the 2 1/2 years we've dated I have had a lot of guilt and I am so grateful that he stood by me during all the questioning and the crying (especially after premarital sex). I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through all this without him.

 

About 10 months ago is when I really started questioning what I believed. I wasn't trying to be rebellious and I still had the desire to please my parents and friends. I guess I finally started thinking for myself and looking at the world around me in a different way. I started seeing the true colors of the people at my church and even my own family. I saw through the godly image they all put on and realized how self-serving and judgmental they all are. I still wanted to be a "good girl", but I hated the thought of being like them. That eventually led me to questioning the fundamental beliefs I had lived with and accepted my whole life. I started looking at the so called "facts" of the bible. I began to see how very different the biblical world is from the real world. The God I was shown as a Christian now seemed horrible to me (Why would anyone want to believe in a God that would kill thousands of innocent first born children just to get revenge on one man?). Slowly, and very painfully, I realized that I had never actually felt or loved or knew any God. I had only been reacting to what I was taught and trying to please the people around me. It wasn't hard for me to let go of Christianity after this. I felt hurt for being lied to my whole life and it honestly makes me sick to think of how I was brainwashed, but there was no doubt in my mind that none of it was real and I never want to be part of it again.

 

10 months later I am indescribably happy! I no longer feel guilt about my life or the choices I've made. I make choices for myself and not to make other people happy. It is such a relief to know that the path I choose in life is my own and that I am not being controlled or brainwashed by a church or their God. Becoming an ex-Christian was a hard and painful step to take (with a lot of crying and plots to burn down churches along the way haha), but I am so happy I learned to think for myself and take control of my own life!

[OnceConvinced]

You have a similar upbringing to me. Glad you got out of it early, because it took me well over 30 years to realise I was living in an indoctronated delusion. Even now my parents are insisting I should have Christian girlfriends. I tell them I'm not holding out for a Christian girlfriend. For one thing it took me 5 years as a young adult to find one and I'm not waiting another 5 years. I also said that Christian women are no more moral than non-Christians and also that there is not likely to be any more unity between a Christian couple as even Christians have totally opposing viewpoints when it comes to God and the bible. (My parents don't know I'm an ex-Christian at the moment)

[Vixentrox]

Good for you to recognize the evil of Christianity early. Sadly there are a lot of people that are so useless in their real life that they can't take control of their own life and give control to their imaginary friend.

[ShallowByThyGame]

Amazing that after all that brainwashing, you still had enough of yourself to know that a nonbeliever was a valid person too, and one that deserved love. It gives me hope.

[Franko47]

Enjoyed your story. Even when I was a Christian I would raise an eyebrow over parents who wanted their children to "accept Christ" at like, 3 years of age ? What, are they kidding ? I sometimes wonder about what many Christian parents are telling their children; this attempt to protect them from the "real world" eventually backfires as they come of age.

[decafaholic]

"(with a lot of crying and plots to burn down churches along the way haha)"

 

I've been there! Welcome to freedom. Good to have you here.

[Carmen]

It's amazing how being in a Christian homeschool community can shelter you. Growing up, almost all of my science and history books had a fundamentalist slant to them. This year I told my mom I refused to use the history textbook she had given me. After I read some of the passages to her, even she could see that it was extremely biased and twisted.

[someday47]

It is scary how much being Christian and home schooled can shelter you, isn't it? Not only does it shelter you socially, but it shelters your world view and general view on life as well! In all honesty my parents did a really lazy/shitty job of schooling my two sisters and I, so I wasn't exposed to Christian home schooling as much as some of my church friends were. We only used two (Christian) history books. We learned about creationism, were never taught any science, let alone evolution! Reading the bible was part of our school work, but we never read any classic novels or anything else you would read in public school. I am so thankful that I went to college and that I have had the opportunity to learn about the real world, not the false world that Christians teach about. It scares me so much to think that I could still be living in that if I hadn't started thinking for myself and not believing everything I was taught! I can't imagine ever exposing my future children to that or raising them that ignorant!

[Hydroman74]

Thanks for your testimony. It is encouraging. I'm 36 years old and still haven't officially broke the news to my parents that I'm now an atheist. I just don't know how to do it.