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Goodbye Jesus

When Did The Questions Start?


dB-Paradox

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I can remember as a pre-teen and throughout my teen years questioning Christian doctrine. Whenever I would wonder, "what if there is no god" I would feel afraid and lonely. When did you start questioning things?

 

P.S. I can't help but wonder if the internet is the tool responsible for people leaving the faith more and more these days, and at younger ages. The wealth of information is readily available with a few clicks, something I didn't have the luxury of when I was questioning things. Had the internet been around in my teen years (as it is today) I often wonder if I had left the faith long ago.

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I can remember as a pre-teen and throughout my teen years questioning Christian doctrine. Whenever I would wonder, "what if there is no god" I would feel afraid and lonely. When did you start questioning things?

That's a good question. REally good.

 

I'm not sure this is the same thing, but I read Lindsey's "Late Great Planet Earth" and checked the prophecies. I noted that the "prophecies" were taken out of context and decided that it was all bullshit. I used a red marker in the family bible because I thought this was really, really important shit. What a boob I was!

 

I was mostly minding my own business, but I decided that I had better read the bible cover to cover. Some time before that, I just saw prayer as useless, because "God helps those who help themselves." So I helped myself, and the rewards were proportional to the effort made. Hmmm. I did it myself. Anyway, reading the bible, I found some things that bothered me. Curiously, not what should have bothered me. I was bothered by the use of the phrase, "41. As for the other events of Solomon's reign--all he did and the wisdom he displayed--are they not written in the book of the annals of Solomon?"

 

Or, "19. The other events of Jeroboam's reign, his wars and how he ruled, are written in the book of the annals of the kings of Israel." and "29. As for the other events of Rehoboam's reign, and all he did, are they not written in the book of the annals of the kings of Judah?"

 

It came across like a copout; an excuse for only presenting anecdotal stories. I got the impression that those stories presented were not backed up by anything. I was very suspicious that there were no "annals" ever. The history was gone with time, and they were just making shit up and free to tell it like they wanted because there was nothing to contradict them. It would be like if I wrote a story of Daniel Boone and said, "The rest of the stories of the conquests and heroic deeds of Daniel Boone - are they not written in the book of the annals of Daniel Boone?"

 

Yeah, like someone was going to go find these annals - and they don't exist. I just made it up.

 

That was my first real doubt. Somewhere in there, I started thinking that God must have existed before the bible was written, so where was he during all the time before then? I started reading about ancient history and archeology of the near east, and I found God. There were lots of him; primative, cruel, capricious, and - just like the bible god!

 

I'm getting long winded, and I apologize. Let's just say I took another look at prophecy, context, message and other things, and it all started to sound like mythology.

 

Poof.

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I've always wondered where the whole "God helps those who help themselves" came from. My father-in-law used to say it from time to time to express that we need to do our part, and God will do his. But upon recent searching, I've found that this is not actually a biblical principal. In fact, Benjamin Franklin is the man behind the quote. Christian apologetics are quick to point out that the bible teaches the exact opposite. Another example of the internet providing information at our finger tips. Anyway, sorry. Back to the subject.....

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I can remember as a pre-teen and throughout my teen years questioning Christian doctrine. Whenever I would wonder, "what if there is no god" I would feel afraid and lonely. When did you start questioning things?

 

The answer to that depends on what type of questioning and how serious it was.

 

The only early questioning I had was when I was probably somewhere around 10-12, and I wondered for a day or two if the physical world really existed or if it was just my imagination. That questioning didn't last very long at all, though (just a day or two, as noted).

 

In my late teens and twenties I did question certain interpretations of the bible and certain church doctrines, but I didn't question the truthfulness of the bible and christianity and gawd himself. I was able to form my own "holy spirit" guided understanding of the bible (which just *had* to be the word of gawd!) by not exalting preachers and teachers over the bible. So my doctrinal understanding shifted, but I didn't question the foundation of christianity.

 

It wasn't until I was 29 that I first started questioning the bible's reliability. I started realizing that there really were irreconcilable contradictions in the bible that couldn't be written off as simply my lack of understanding (as I had previously chalked it up to), thus meaning that the bible cannot be the perfect, inerrant book that I had been taught that it was.

 

So, assuming that you really want to know when we started questioning the very foundation of our religious beliefs, for me it was when I was 29.

 

P.S. I can't help but wonder if the internet is the tool responsible for people leaving the faith more and more these days, and at younger ages. The wealth of information is readily available with a few clicks, something I didn't have the luxury of when I was questioning things. Had the internet been around in my teen years (as it is today) I often wonder if I had left the faith long ago.

 

I definitely think that the internet has played a role in the higher number of people leaving the faith. They can get on sites like this and YouTube and read/hear what people like us are actually saying rather than only being exposed to the way we are portrayed by religious leaders.

 

If anything can kill religion, the internet can. It will take a while (probably beyond our lifetimes), but it may very well happen.

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If anything can kill religion, the internet can.

True. Well, the internet coupled with modern scientific knowlegde.

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If anything can kill religion, the internet can.

True. Well, the internet coupled with modern scientific knowlegde.

 

Good point. Without scientific knowledge, there wouldn't be any internet.

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I can't say I was blessed with any aptitude for critical thought when I was in my teens - partly it was just because I was a foolish adolescent, partly it was because I lived in an extremely controlling environment and it simply wasn't safe to do anything but follow the party line. So while I was forming opinions about life, the universe, and everything, there were a lot of things that just weren't OK for scrutiny. I believed what I was told to believe and sort of pushed any doubts away.

 

In my early 20's there were things about xianity that made me very uncomfortable, but I chalked it up to my own sinfulness and used the same tactic: I just pushed them away.

 

I don't think I really started questioning things in any seriousness until I was about 25 or so. Then my beloved grandmother died, and someone told me that if she hadn't said the right magic words before going, she was burning in hell. Well, my grandmother was probably the most loving and stable person I knew; she and I had a strong bond and it still aches that she's gone, nearly 15 years later. It didn't make sense to me that a loving god would send a loving person - someone who showed his love by her example every day - to an eternal hell on a technicality.

 

That got the snowball rolling.

 

And the rest is history.

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When I say that I had questions arise as a pre-teen and throughout my teen years, those were mainly internal doubts. I never did anything with them, and like you, gwenmead, I simply pushed them away and figured my family must have some knowledge I didn't. As far as serious questioning, that is questioning that ultimately led me away from Christianity, it didn't start until I was in my 30's! I was about 31 years old when the story of Uzzah opened my eyes. Took a good five years to get to where I am now. A painful, yet liberating journey.

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