Or'el Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 How do we find peace??? How do we come to terms with all of the lies? ...all of the control? ...all of the abuse? ...all of the trauma? How do we deal with the lingering consequences of our experiences? ...the depression? ...the nightmares? ...the triggers that bring back all that emotion? ...and even some of the physical consequences that we still have to deal with? How do we let go of all of the fear and negativity that has been beaten into us? ...in the name of this God? How do we stop feeling afraid of, and bitter towards, people? ...those who still associate themselves with this system of control? How do we let go, allow them to choose their own path? ...but stand firm when they don't show us the same courtesy? ...the same human right? We all know how poisonous hatred is. We've all heard the saying... "It is like swallowing a bottle full of pills and expecting the other person to die." So, how do we let it all go? Can we forgive them? Can we forgive their God? How do we keep from killing ourselves in the present, ...While still being determined to shake off out pasts and find who we truly are? How do we look at it all honestly... ...All the negative, the bad, the wrong? ...And then shut the door? ...Bid it farewell? ...Forever? It is a mystery to me, but it is one I truly hope to solve. How do we find peace??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Or'el, I just want to say that this is an extremely important question that you have raised. I don't at all believe there is a "one size fits all" answer. Letting go is crucial, but some are not ready to do that yet. There are many stages, which must be gone through. Many here are still grappling with the effects of being raised in fundamentalist Christianity even after 40 years or so. I have been able to get some peace by channeling my Christian background/upbringing and my innate sort of spiritual nature to another route- Buddhism. I would never presume to teach it or persuade anyone. It just works for me some of the time. I read your testimony, which really moved me. I have not welcomed you to the forum previously only because I am extremely preoccupied right now with being unemployed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 I don't know if you meant it this way, but your post strikes me more as poetry than as anything else. It's beautiful in its gut-wrenching honesty and expression. I doubt the questions themselves are really answerable, at least in any universal sense. But something tells me that just asking them, like this, is a damn good start. Thanks for posting this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanta Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 How do we find peace??? How do we come to terms with all of the lies? ...all of the control? ...all of the abuse? ...all of the trauma? How do we deal with the lingering consequences of our experiences? ...the depression? ...the nightmares? ...the triggers that bring back all that emotion? ...and even some of the physical consequences that we still have to deal with? How do we let go of all of the fear and negativity that has been beaten into us? ...in the name of this God? How do we stop feeling afraid of, and bitter towards, people? ...those who still associate themselves with this system of control? How do we let go, allow them to choose their own path? ...but stand firm when they don't show us the same courtesy? ...the same human right? We all know how poisonous hatred is. We've all heard the saying... "It is like swallowing a bottle full of pills and expecting the other person to die." So, how do we let it all go? Can we forgive them? Can we forgive their God? How do we keep from killing ourselves in the present, ...While still being determined to shake off out pasts and find who we truly are? How do we look at it all honestly... ...All the negative, the bad, the wrong? ...And then shut the door? ...Bid it farewell? ...Forever? It is a mystery to me, but it is one I truly hope to solve. How do we find peace??? Good questions. Harder to do depending on the degree to which it is in your face and how much you have triggers. Like Deva says, everyone is different. For me, lots of space and distance. I can choose who I engage most of the time. When I can't, I try to be decent, and assert strong boundaries. I realize that responding to engagement is a a choice I make. There's other stuff though...the symbolism that's everywhere. I bet that can be really triggering for some at times. Creating a sanctuary in my home from that symbolism helps me. Phanta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdp Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 "Peace is for the dead, wish it for them." Raven Stormcrow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 All good answers. Be true to yourself. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time, one stage. We live only from second to second, from breath to breath, or heart-beat to heart-beat. So many of the religious epithets for enduring to the end also fit for life after religion. For many people, those epithets serve as triggers. For me, they served as bridges or links from my old self to my new self. Sorry, even that is religious language. That seemingly is all I know. If it is possible, I recommend moving to a different geographical location. That helped me enormously--it took me away from the most familiar symbolism. Feeding your mind with the things you wish to absorb may also be helpful, such as secular music, poems, movies, etc. that you find inspiring. That might help develop new symbolism. Intentionally looking for items that you can hold onto for symbols of your new goals may be helpful in replacing the old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MultifariousBirdLady Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Or'el, your questions are excellent. For many of them, I found time to be a great healer. Of course, during that time there was a lot of working through the specific difficulties I was having, which was sometimes extremely painful. But as you deal with one issue after another, eventually you can resolve them both in your mind and your heart. Eventually, it becomes possible to let a lot of the hurt go. The resulting freedom is wonderful. Hang in there. Things do get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnceConvinced Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Hi O'rel. If you really want us to have a go at answering those, I'll look at each one I can individually. But I think one good way to deal with it is just read a lot of books and visit sites like this when the whole silliness of Christianity just hits you in the face all the time. And time... that's another thing. Time heals woundes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ephymeris Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 I echo these posts: time and your own space/sanctuary. This site has also helped me with my reactive tendencies of anger and disgust when I come across anything Christian and this has afforded me a nice measure of speech. Interacting with other ex'ers has helped me find my own way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Art. Create something. Paint a picture, write a story or a poem, play an instrument. Being creative is the most human thing you can do and it will help free your thoughts to where you can better find peace. Also immerse yourself in someone else's creative work. You'll find deep connections with other human beings across time and space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 If you have metaphorical demons in you, then expressing yourself releases them. So your post answers itself in a way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free_Wolf Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 To quote a certain green alien from a famous sci-fi movie, "You must unlearn what you have learned." Of course it's not easy- I can't even count the number of times I've wished that I could just delete all the religious crap that's been embedded into my mind since childhood. But like the others posted, it takes time. Finding something that you love to do also helps immensely. I find that if I have nothing to do, I'll start thinking about the past, and all that does is piss me off and depress me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebonileigh Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 Art. Create something. Paint a picture, write a story or a poem, play an instrument. Being creative is the most human thing you can do and it will help free your thoughts to where you can better find peace. Also immerse yourself in someone else's creative work. You'll find deep connections with other human beings across time and space. I couldn't agree more, I have immersed myself in art during the last ten years (during my deconversion process and after), and it takes you into 'another world' (if I can use that term) completely. My own art (i.e. painting with different mediums and sketching), and also other peoples art and creative works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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