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How To Handle Solicitors (Christians)


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How have other ex-christians handled christian solicitors? I am speaking of the ones who leave little door hangers and mailings inviting you to their bible study and churches that meet in the community schools. I am also talking about those nuts that come up to you in parking lots with pamphlets and hand goodies out to you and say that it was from god. And the worst is those that boldly ask: "Where would you go if you were to die today?"

 

I don't want to debate with them-- I just want to say something that makes their jaw drop.

However, I don't want to be subject to that old "I'll be praying for you" or "Satan is attacking you" load of crap.

What are ways you have handled these situations and soome good one liners to deliver to christians attempting to grow their cult and induce panic?

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Here in Dallas, I've beenm bombarded with these doorhangers. I want to make a sign for the front door ("Proud Atheist" or "No christians Beyond this Point") but wouldn't it be like a bee and honey? I think I would attract christians from all over Texas trying to save my tortured soul?

 

Please help! :)

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I think I would attract christians from all over Texas trying to save my tortured soul?

 

You might also attract Christian vandals. Yes. The phrase drips with irony.

 

But really, nothing will keep them away.

 

Just do the Dr. Evil to Seth Green thing with your fingers. Say, "I am an atheist. I don't have time for you. Shut it! Shut it! Nyeh! Nyeh! Nyeh!"

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I find that the easiest way to get rid of door knocking prosletysers is to use their own book against them.

 

Normally, they will have a copy of the bible with them. Ask them to turn to the Second Letter of John, (it's only about half a page long) and ask them to read out verses 10 and 11.

 

"So then, if someone comes to you who does not bring this teaching, do not welcome him into your homes; do not even say "Peace be with you." For anyone who wishes him peace becomes his evil partner in the evil things he does." good news bible.

 

These two verses explicitly forbid Christians from socialising with those who do not share their beliefs. If I, as an unbeliever, am forbidden to enter their home, why should I extend my courtesy and allow them into my home? Furthermore, from the Christian viewpoint, by interacting with them, I am in fact leading them to the very gates of hell. Knock on my door? They should run like mad!

 

They may be able to find other verses that contradict these verses, but at the very least, it shows them an inconsistency in their holy book and gives them one more thing to rationalise. Perhaps it will be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

 

It is far more effective to get them to read it out of their own bible, so that they know you are not pulling their leg. Then politely wish them a nice afternoon, and shut the door. No malice, no aggression. Works for me.

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While I haven't had one solicit to me in awhile, I usually rip up their little pamphlets if I see them conspicuously places somewhere, like a bathroom,

 

or a f'ing gas station pump LoL. I heard one way to get rid of them when they come up to your door is to start thanking Satan for bringing them to you

 

to eat. Personally they would highly regret trying to advertise their crap to me, I'm a very dark and angry person when it comes to people trying to

 

push their religy stuff onto me.

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How have other ex-christians handled christian solicitors? I am speaking of the ones who leave little door hangers and mailings inviting you to their bible study and churches that meet in the community schools.

Years ago, I made a nice little sign to put in the window of my front door that said, "Solicitors will be skinned alive and dropped into a vat of leeches and itching powder." For the most part, it worked.

 

I am also talking about those nuts that come up to you in parking lots with pamphlets and hand goodies out to you and say that it was from god.

"Boy, your god sure is a cheapskate. I've seen better stuff come out of a box of Captain Crunch. Obviously, your god doesn't know me and what I respond to at all."

 

And the worst is those that boldly ask: "Where would you go if you were to die today?"

"I'll be going to live inside your children forever. They'll betray you in my name."

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Just tell them you are Unitarian Universalist...half won't know what it is, the other half will go ape shit and you can watch their head explode....LOL

 

Click the thumbnail to actually see what happens when Burned says that to a fundy.

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Just the other day I heard the doorbell ring, then my wife saying "Selling Jesus is still soliciting". lmao :lmao: Of course that won't stop them from coming around. The christians in my area are lazy though, we only get like one a year.

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I wish more solicitors would come my way. I haven't seen any in many a long year. I love talking theology with them, asking questions about controversial issues about the faith. A favourite encounter occurred perhaps twenty years ago when I was desperately seeking a way to retain my integrity as a Christian. JWs were at the door and they ended up leaving with the promise to find answers to my questions about Jesus. They never came back with the promised answers.

 

Then again, if they were all as goofy and sappy as the woman I met at the bus stop who was going to be baptized the following Sunday, I think I'd be looking for a way out, too. She was all emotionalism and it was not okay to disagree with her, but it was impossible to discuss anything with her. She turned with the wind and became defensive if I pointed to a discrepancy in her steady stream of testifying during our endless five-minute wait for the bus. YUCK!

 

With that type, I would not feel guilty to just shut the door in her face without comment, like hanging up the telephone on a salesperson.

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I behave however the mood strikes me. If some young, smug Mormon Boys knock on my door- and I have the time- then I'll likely mess with their heads a little... either that or I'll try to talk them into giving me their personal copy of the Book of Mormon (you know- to save my soul). But if the solicitor in question is polite (or if they're old, or if I don't have time to bother with them), then I'll usually be polite in return- and send them on their way as quickly as possible without ruining their day.

 

A JoHo just knocked on the door a few minutes ago- seemed like a nice old gal. I took the Easter Brochure (or whatever the hell it was- I left it on the table for the Wife's amusement), thanked her and sent her on her way.

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Some JWs came by my house on the weekend. My dad was visiting and answered the door while I was indisposed. Later he shows me the pamphlet with a huge evil grin and says he promised the JWs that my family would be in their church on Sunday.

 

Thanks, Dad.

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My aunt is a JW and sometimes I say things just to get her nerve. Like today I said how said I was I was going to miss my grandma's birthday to her while she was eating and she almost spit out her food.

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