Free_Wolf Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Hi all, I just recently found this place, and I'm glad to be here. I've been in the process of deconversion myself. It hasn't been easy to say the least. I've been raised a Christian my entire life (I'm 24 right now), and recently I have been really trying to break free. My family is composed of fundamentalist Christians; not exactly as extreme as others I've seen, but still. I spent my childhood going to Christian schools, going to church on Sundays, praying all the time, and so on. I didn't really examine what my beliefs were until I was in my late teen years. I felt no need to, thinking it was all good and that I had all of the answers. Then when I started asking questions...things began to crumble. I started to doubt and wonder if what I believed was really true. Unfortunately,I didn't break free, because I was afraid of logic, or as the fundamentalists like to call, "Satan's trap". So even though from time to time I found the teachings disturbing, I would ignore it and tell myself I was following God's will. College time was absolute hell. I wasn't going to a Christian college, but a secular one. That wasn't the bad thing- I'm very happy I did, because it started to push me to actually think for myself. The problem was I had no one to encourage me, and I rather foolishly tried to keep it to myself. See, I had been a very shy person, plus I had a hard time trusting people. At first I was alright; I did some exploration, hitting the books at the university library (mainly on biology and religion). I wasn't done with Christianity, but I was trying to find answers. Things went sour though. I still lived with my parents, and I was too afraid to tell them I was questioning my faith. It was painful- during church or whenever I did anything religious with my family, I felt so alone and even guilty. As the years passed, I fell into a deep state of depression: I began to think something was wrong with me, that I was being a "sinner" for trying to find answers outside of the bible, and that God hated me. Each day I hated life, and prayed that God would end my life. And I began to do whatever I could to escape reality (in vain): drugs, alcohol, and dangerous sexual acts. My grades dropped, as I began to ditch classes more and more. I became suicidal, and tried to end my life several times. My parents knew I was not happy, but they didn't realize how bad it was- I was VERY good at keeping my emotions hidden, along with everything else I was doing...except for the last suicide attempt. I had ended up in the ER because of the combo of drugs I had taken, not to mention the lovely trip to the mental clinic. The truth came out about my struggling faith...and the experience only made my family more determined to make me believe Christianity. They loved me, and they didn't want me to go to hell. I was annoyed to say the least, but I felt guilty after seeing the pain and tears I had caused them from all of this. I just nodded along with them, but only to give them comfort. I still had doubts, and finally at that damn point, I began to actually look at the bible. What I saw disgusted me: the God I had been raised to believe as good, merciful, and loving turned out to be a complete monster. How can people say that is God is love, when he murders innocent children and babies, commands genocide, and orders people to be stoned to death for simple things? And of course hell is even more so perverse- I always found that wrong, but just made excuses for it when I was younger. This breaking point took place just two months ago. It's still difficult- there are times I miss my faith, simply because it made me feel safe and provided certainty. Plus my health was butchered because of the substance abuse and suicide attempts, so it makes life look hollow sometimes. But, all in all, I'm glad to have realized the truth, and finally stopped making excuses for a corrupt religion. I just hope it'll get easier from here, though I'm a bit terrified of telling my family that I'm no longer a Christian. Anyway, a big thanks to all the others who have shared their stories- it really helps me to not give up, and stand my ground. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FourDogBrewing Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 All I can say is, Welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Valkyrie0010 Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Welcome, and I am very glad to hear your getting your head worked out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebonileigh Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Hi all, I just recently found this place, and I'm glad to be here. I've been in the process of deconversion myself. It hasn't been easy to say the least. I've been raised a Christian my entire life (I'm 24 right now), and recently I have been really trying to break free. My family is composed of fundamentalist Christians; not exactly as extreme as others I've seen, but still. I spent my childhood going to Christian schools, going to church on Sundays, praying all the time, and so on. I didn't really examine what my beliefs were until I was in my late teen years. I felt no need to, thinking it was all good and that I had all of the answers. Then when I started asking questions...things began to crumble. I started to doubt and wonder if what I believed was really true. Unfortunately,I didn't break free, because I was afraid of logic, or as the fundamentalists like to call, "Satan's trap". So even though from time to time I found the teachings disturbing, I would ignore it and tell myself I was following God's will. College time was absolute hell. I wasn't going to a Christian college, but a secular one. That wasn't the bad thing- I'm very happy I did, because it started to push me to actually think for myself. The problem was I had no one to encourage me, and I rather foolishly tried to keep it to myself. See, I had been a very shy person, plus I had a hard time trusting people. At first I was alright; I did some exploration, hitting the books at the university library (mainly on biology and religion). I wasn't done with Christianity, but I was trying to find answers. Things went sour though. I still lived with my parents, and I was too afraid to tell them I was questioning my faith. It was painful- during church or whenever I did anything religious with my family, I felt so alone and even guilty. As the years passed, I fell into a deep state of depression: I began to think something was wrong with me, that I was being a "sinner" for trying to find answers outside of the bible, and that God hated me. Each day I hated life, and prayed that God would end my life. And I began to do whatever I could to escape reality (in vain): drugs, alcohol, and dangerous sexual acts. My grades dropped, as I began to ditch classes more and more. I became suicidal, and tried to end my life several times. My parents knew I was not happy, but they didn't realize how bad it was- I was VERY good at keeping my emotions hidden, along with everything else I was doing...except for the last suicide attempt. I had ended up in the ER because of the combo of drugs I had taken, not to mention the lovely trip to the mental clinic. The truth came out about my struggling faith...and the experience only made my family more determined to make me believe Christianity. They loved me, and they didn't want me to go to hell. I was annoyed to say the least, but I felt guilty after seeing the pain and tears I had caused them from all of this. I just nodded along with them, but only to give them comfort. I still had doubts, and finally at that damn point, I began to actually look at the bible. What I saw disgusted me: the God I had been raised to believe as good, merciful, and loving turned out to be a complete monster. How can people say that is God is love, when he murders innocent children and babies, commands genocide, and orders people to be stoned to death for simple things? And of course hell is even more so perverse- I always found that wrong, but just made excuses for it when I was younger. This breaking point took place just two months ago. It's still difficult- there are times I miss my faith, simply because it made me feel safe and provided certainty. Plus my health was butchered because of the substance abuse and suicide attempts, so it makes life look hollow sometimes. But, all in all, I'm glad to have realized the truth, and finally stopped making excuses for a corrupt religion. I just hope it'll get easier from here, though I'm a bit terrified of telling my family that I'm no longer a Christian. Anyway, a big thanks to all the others who have shared their stories- it really helps me to not give up, and stand my ground. Hello, and welcome, this is a truly wonderful site to be a part of. I encourage you to continue your journey in doubt and unbelief, it is very liberating to say the least. The very best way, I've found, as many others have done, is to educate yourself, with science and freethought. You've probably done some reading already, there are a great many authors, whose writings are truly liberating, both alive and deceased, just to name a few; Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Daniel Dennett, Dan Barker, Annie Laurie Gaylor, Victor Stenger, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Stephen Pinker, Robert Ingersoll, Rupert Hughes, Thomas Paine, and many more. Infidels.org is a great site for literature, and listen to skeptical and freethought podcasts. I wish you well on your journey of 'enlightenment'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hydroman74 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Thanks for your testimony. Yes, it is very hard to leave what you were raised to believe. But, people should question their beliefs instead of just believing a certain way simply because you were raised to. I'm 36 years old and still haven't officially told my parents that I'm an atheist. They still ask me to say the blessing when I visit them for dinner. I recommend that you look up "The Atheist Experience" on youtube. It's a live call in show where people call in and ask the atheist hosts questions about different topics. The cool thing is that the main host used to be a christian who was studying to be a preacher when he became an atheist. He explains things so well, and has really helped an d encouraged me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Free_Wolf, welcome! Sorry to hear about the hell you went through, but congratulations on breaking free from religion. Hyrdoman74 mentions The Atheist Experience, which I would also recommend. Here's a link to part of one NonProphets broadcast where Matt Dillahunty (the Atheist Experience guy alluded to who had gone to seminary) gives a great rant about christianity: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV2nRgFGq5Q Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free_Wolf Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 Hello, and welcome, this is a truly wonderful site to be a part of. I encourage you to continue your journey in doubt and unbelief, it is very liberating to say the least. The very best way, I've found, as many others have done, is to educate yourself, with science and freethought. You've probably done some reading already, there are a great many authors, whose writings are truly liberating, both alive and deceased, just to name a few; Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Daniel Dennett, Dan Barker, Annie Laurie Gaylor, Victor Stenger, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Stephen Pinker, Robert Ingersoll, Rupert Hughes, Thomas Paine, and many more. Infidels.org is a great site for literature, and listen to skeptical and freethought podcasts. I wish you well on your journey of 'enlightenment'. It is very liberating- I used to always worry that I was going to hell or fear being punished after committing a sin. Once I pushed my faith away, it was like having a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. And thanks for the all the sources! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free_Wolf Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 And thanks guys for the youtube video Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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