Abmin9 Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 As a newb, I'd like to ask: When someone says, "I just found out that my cousin is in ICU & that they are running a bunch of test on him & I am asking for all of your thoughts and prayers," what is your response to that? Obviously, it's not, "I'll pray for him." What does "I'll keep him in my thoughts" accomplish? "I hope he'll be all right." - Hope itself accomplishes nothing. The faithful believe there's something you can actually do (besides rely on doctors and medicine, duh!), so they see prayer as an action that they'll thank you and give you credit for when their cousin gets better. Even if he doesn't, they'll thank you for your (failed) attempt. I don't know... Maybe by saying, "I hope he gets better" we're truly saying, "If I could wave a magic wand and heal him, I would?" Throw me a bone here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrel Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Nothing wrong with an expression of sympathy. We express sympathy for others even when we aren't in the position to do anything about their difficulties. I've never had anyone tell me it was due to my prayers that their situation worked out. If they did I would probably demur. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 You could express your sympathy and also say something like, "I'll remember him." The christian will likely interpret that as remembering him in prayer, but you'll just remember him in your thoughts. You'll not be committing to prayer or making religion a big deal by outing yourself as a nonbeliever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 As a newb, I'd like to ask: When someone says, "I just found out that my cousin is in ICU & that they are running a bunch of test on him & I am asking for all of your thoughts and prayers," what is your response to that? Obviously, it's not, "I'll pray for him." What does "I'll keep him in my thoughts" accomplish? "I hope he'll be all right." - Hope itself accomplishes nothing. Building on what the others said here. It is an expression of sympathy, which the family and patient seriously need at such a time. Yes, hope accomplishes much. I had a professor in a class on counseling mental health (suicide) patients who emphasized, "If a person has no hope you have to give them hope." There is much anecdotal--if not outright scientific--evidence that hope can keep people alive in extreme life-threatening situations or illness when all else fails. I feel ambivalent about offering false hope but some people encourage it because of the great value of hope in adverse situations. So I say you can definitely "accomplish something" if you can offer hope as in "I hope he'll be all right." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted March 27, 2010 Super Moderator Share Posted March 27, 2010 "Sorry to hear that. I hope everything turns out okay." If pushed to join a "prayer chain" or asked to pray on the spot I say, "Well, I'm an atheist and don't pray, but I wish him and his family all the best. Is there anything I can do to help out? I can provide transportation, food, and things like that if the family needs it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyone Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 I could think of all sorts of snarky responses, but I suppose I would probably answer something noncommittal like, "I'm sorry to hear about your friend." And leave it at that. I don't get direct requests personally, but lots of FaceBook requests which I ignore. Many prayer requests seem to be people that are trying to infect others with the Christian virus or even to defraud people. "Pass this on to at least 10 people, or my friend will die a horrible death and it will be your fault." I suppose you could ask, "What religion is he?" and when they respond, say, "Tsk, tsk, that's too bad." Nah, skip that. If you don't know the guy, it wouldn't really be appropriate to say, "Is there anything I can do to help?" IMO. You could ask, "Are you sure he's still alive? I don't want to waste my prayers." Nah, skip that. You could steer the conversation to his condition and express hopeful thoughts like, "We should all be thankful that medicine has good treatments for that." I dunno. No satisfactory answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 What florduh said. I'll say something like "I'm sorry to hear that. Let the family know I hope they pull through," or "I was wondering how old Phil was doing. Thanks for the news - I'll give him a call later this week." If pushed I suppose I'd say I don't pray either, so no thank you to that. If REALLY pushed - i.e., if someone asking me to pray for so-and-so really just starts giving me crap about it or something - then the snark comes out and I'd probably remark that no, I don't believe in praying, I believe in doing something that's actually useful instead. Then while they pray all they want, I'll give Phil a call and find out how he's doing, does he need anything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRDWarrior Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I agree with what florduh said as well - a REAL offer of help (as long as you actually follow through) is far more kind than any number of meaningless prayers. If it's someone you know, or a person related to someone you know and they are involved in the situation, stop in with a get well card and a meal or gas card for the family. I believe that a real gesture of caring will mean a lot more to the family - and to you. If it's no one that close, then I usually just go with "sorry to hear that" or "they'll/you'll be in my thoughts." Sure, it doesn't do any good , but it can certainly be comforting for them, which can translate to the person who is injured/sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I'll just echo what others have already said. Wish them well and so on. I'd avoid the prayer thing but if pressed I'd say I didn't pray but hoped things worked out. If they get snarky tell them you still won't pray but you'll waive a chicken foot around while saying some magic incantation (then make do with whatever you find at the KFC). mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebonileigh Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I'll just echo what others have already said. Wish them well and so on. I'd avoid the prayer thing but if pressed I'd say I didn't pray but hoped things worked out. If they get snarky tell them you still won't pray but you'll waive a chicken foot around while saying some magic incantation (then make do with whatever you find at the KFC). mwc this post REALLY CRACKED ME UP. I just love ex-c, there are so many of you who have a great sense of humour, I am new to the site, and sometimes I spend hours on here, I just love the encouragement you all give to one another, and it's so encouraging to read so many people deconverting. just love it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebonileigh Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 wmc, i even love the info about yourself on the sidebar, Sarcastic? Me? Location: Where are you from? Interests: Things and stuff. Gods: Sure, how many do you want? love it sorry, meant to say mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 wmc, i even love the info about yourself on the sidebar, Sarcastic? Me? Location: Where are you from? Interests: Things and stuff. Gods: Sure, how many do you want? love it Yeah, and for "Gender" he should have put "Sex"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abmin9 Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 this post REALLY CRACKED ME UP. I just love ex-c, there are so many of you who have a great sense of humour, I am new to the site, and sometimes I spend hours on here, I just love the encouragement you all give to one another, and it's so encouraging to read so many people deconverting. just love it here. Just like ebonileigh, I too spend hours here as a newbie who is learning, laughing, discovering, being supported, encouraged, etc. etc. Thank you ALL for your responses! Abmin9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Babylonian Dream Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I just say, "I'll keep (...) in my thoughts." I usually don't lie and say I will pray for them, if they push it, I'll come out and say "I dont believe" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 wmc, i even love the info about yourself on the sidebar, Sarcastic? Me? Location: Where are you from? Interests: Things and stuff. Gods: Sure, how many do you want? love it sorry, meant to say mwc Thanks. Yeah, and for "Gender" he should have put "Sex"! Unfortunately after so many years of marriage "sex" isn't option that leaps immediately to mind... mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I just go with the "I'll be thinking of him/her" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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