Christian To 'the Kind Of Atheist (My) Hillsong Warned Me About'

[Drew21361]

I thought I may as well start here! What better way to join a forum for ex-Christians than by sharing my own story! I've read a lot of these, but mine is no where near as exciting or interesting as some I have seen. Some background. I was born in 1989 to Agnostic, uncaring parents. People who when asked about their religious beliefs would laugh and change the subject. By about 2003 - they were both confirmed Atheists. From 1997 till 2006, I attended an Anglican school here in Sydney, a big one with it's own Church and a very strong-emphasis on faith. Never forced, but mandatory, if that makes any sort of sense. Now, I always thought God existed, I never doubted his existence, but never identified myself as a Christian. I was never baptised, was never involved in any faith-based activities outside of school. In 2005, I started really thinking about it. At this point I was 16 years old, and starting to get a grip on reality so to speak, I was no longer a wide-eyed boy, I was starting to figure things out. Then for some reason, I thought - wow, I need to get into being a Christian, otherwise I'm in shit. So began actually enjoying thrice-weekly chapels at school, youth groups and whatnot. I still never went to church or anything outside of school until I went to University in 2007, when I got into Studentlife there. Now this is where it all started changing.

 

I have never, ever, ever been a believer in intelligent design, creationism or anything like that, which was at odds of what the Bible tells us. I always believed in the Big Bang, science, and Evolution, I thought Genesis and all that was a load of shit, but still believed in God, Jesus and all that. I was never Pentecostal, Evangelical or anything like that. Happy clappers scared me. I always saw faith as a deeply personal experience. I always prayed alone - on the rare occasion I did, and almost always remained silent at Student Life. I discussed things one or one or in small groups, but always at the back of my mind was that inner-rationalist saying: 'You're a smart boy, you're a switched on boy, and you know this is bullshit.' I guess I just wanted to believe in something, seeing as though I operate on rage, hate, and raw energy (hence my love for Henry Rollins). Then a few other things happened which pissed me off and started the inevitable slip.

 

I am straight as an arrow, but I am however - an incredibly strong supporter of LGBT rights, strongly anti-racist and anti-prejudiced. These sentiments didn't sit well with a lot of people who fed me the whole bullshit about there being no such thing as gay people, that gay people were going against god, that bullshit in society MADE people gay - they weren't born with it, because that was up to god - shit like that. That's what made me leave the church, but I remained steadfast in my faith, held up BARELY by my desire for there to be more than birth, life, death. But so came the day, where I woke up and said to myself, aloud:

 

'Andrew. There is no God. There is no heaven, no hell, no angels, no devil. The Bible is a fairy tale, religion bullshit, religion is fucked, your Slayer records are all true".

 

From that day onward, I became a staunch Atheist, anti-theist, rationalist, and even more active in my local Atheist circles and whatnot than i EVER had been in my Christian ones.

 

So here sits an Atheist. Good without god.

 

Drew.

[Shyone]

Then for some reason, I thought - wow, I need to get into being a Christian, otherwise I'm in shit.

 

So here sits an Atheist. Good without god.

 

Drew.

I think your story is like mine, although I was involved from an early age. I was "Anglican" and understood the scientific explanations, so realizing that the Bible was not all it was supposed to be was just a matter of inevitable discovery.

 

The above sentence, I think, strikes many people at one time or another. The reason may not be obvious, but if the scheme of Christianity has any element of truth, then there is great significance to the whole matter. The Shit, as I read it, is Hell.

 

Being "in shit" is the stick, and that threat (which may be subtle or overt) always underlays a person's belief in religion. There is also a carrot, but it always seems we spend more time worrying about the stick than analyzing the carrot.

 

Welcome to Ex-C.

[ebonileigh]

Hi Drew and welcome to ex-c, I'm new here too, I just love it here, there are some harrowing stories, and there is a lot of support for people in need, there is also a lot of fun, some posters have a great sense of humour and I just crack up laughing, it's done me a lot of good, I just wish I'd found it years ago.

I'm an aussie too, I live in Perth, have done for the last 25 years, however, I was born and raised in Sydney.

So, welcome.

[Crazy Donna]

Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!

 

Okay, now we have dispensed with the ceremonial greeting, I'd like to say it's nice to read your testimony. I'm happy that you were able to realise at your age what a complete mindscrew Christianity is.

 

I had an epiphany one afternoon after reading about how the god of the bible 'heardened the pharaoh's heart' so that he would not release the Israelites, and thus have an excuse to kill all those firstborn children. I realised that I'd been living my life wanting to have a relationship with a god who had effectively heardened my heart. If such a god exists, he must have created me knowing that he would harden my heart against him, and make me an unbeliever, which would then destine me to an eternity of torture. Such a being either did not exist, or was so evil it was not worthy of my worship. To create beings knowing full well that they will experience such punishment is cruel, and downright evil. I don't breed guinea pigs so I can burn them to death. It's essentially the same thing.

 

I think if most christians actually thought about it in those terms, they probably wouldn't worship the god of the bible either.

 

I think that such a paradox is evidence enough that god doesn't exist. Such a god could only be created by man.

 

Good luck with your deconversion.