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Exchristianity And Sexuality


TelevisionKiller

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Has anyone who is an exchristian here experienced problems in their sex life after leaving the religion? I don't necessarily mean physical problems, but psychological; a little voice in the back of your head warning you that "if you have sex before marriage you'll (A. ruin your sexual experience with your future husband (B. commit a devious and evil sin and be damned (C. become a dirty slut or (D. regret this experience for the rest of your life and wish you had remained a virgin until marriage."

 

Since realizing that I needed to get out of the Catholic faith, I've been learning to be more independent and think for myself, live my life the way I want to. But what I've been taught in the church about sex before marriage still creeps into my head at the worst moments. I absolutely hate it. I'm trying not to be afraid of sexuality, of intimate touching, of nakedness, or of sex itself, but the word "DIRTY SIN" is sometimes yelled so loud in my mind it makes me stop. Now, I believe that two people who are in love and have sex is perfectly fine, but apparently old beliefs and teachings don't die easily.

 

I'm slowly getting over it and I'm learning more about love. I wanted to hear from any other people who may have had problems like this after their deconversion and if/how they got over it.

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I always had thought that I would be virtuous and have willpower in this area, that I would struggle, but then I went and had sex with someone I was dating anyway and it was great, and then I refused to feel guilty about something that was so natural and human.

 

So basically whenever I actually did the intimate things I was scared of, I realized that they were things no God could possibly be against, because they were as natural and as pleasant as breathing and eating. Now, as a guy the the social pressure and hormones are different, but I did get over my fear of intimacy simply by knowing I could not make a rational decision on something I had no or little experience with.

 

Losing my virginity before marriage was great and at the same time not a big deal, and I realized that the act itself is not that big a deal emotionally, but what the bible was afraid of was women having children and then being left behind for their poor family to deal with. While that can still be a problem, our society is more compassionate nowadays, and there are very good methods of birth control.

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I really don't want to get married, but if I someday find myself in a sexual situation, I dunno what I'm going to do over the same problem you have.

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I was married before I deconverted, so premarital sex wasn't an issue I had to deal with. I do, however, have to now deal with my differing views on sexuality and marriage - although since my husband is still pretty damn traditional in that regard, it's not a huge issue since I have no reason to hurt our relationship because my feelings in that particular department have changed...so unless he starts to change his views, looks like I'm stuck not having to make that decision.

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Keep in mind that the weirdos that want to suppress sexuality are a sexually repressed group of people who believe the worst thing in life is sticking a penis in a vagina. Then, they want to teach this as family values. How can you reason with such nonsense?

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The issue of premarital sex was what led me to question my faith. I'm sixteen and was fifteen when this issue came up; I wanted to be more intimate with my boyfriend but was afraid of the consequences I was taught would come from it. My boyfriend, who is a pretty liberal Christian, and I discussed the matter for a while, and these talks led me to do some really deep thinking.

 

Then one day it just kind of hit me that I was human. Humans want and need to have sex, just like we want and need to eat or relieve ourselves or something. I realized that even if there is a God out there somewhere, why would he/she/it care if I had sex with another person? I thought of it this way: we can high-five, hug, play footsies, talk, scream, or whisper--it's all human interaction. Sex is just another way humans interact with each other. Why would that be sinful?

 

It also disgusts me how people think sex before marriage is dirty. Mainly because one day something is so sinful, and you're building up all this sexual tension with your fiancee or something and then bam, the next day you're married and suddenly it's okay? I just didn't get it, you know?

 

Another part of my decision came from talking to my sisters and my mother about the matter...they all lost their virginity to boyfriends, not husbands. Even my dad admits to losing his virginity to a girlfriend when he was younger. And I would never consider these people "dirty sinners" as the Bible would probably say they should be.

 

And so began my deconversion and the start of my amazing safe sex! Wewt :)

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Why does leaving Christianity necessarily mean going sexually wild? I mean, before I converted to Christianity I was already convinced that sex without commitment is wrong, the reason being that both mum and dad were born to unmarried mothers that were abandoned by their partners and they had to endure poverty and suffering during their childhood and teenage years.

 

I am thinking of leaving Christianity because I don't really believe in the bible and all that stuff, but I see that ALL non-Christians are sexually immoral and I don't want to join them. It's a tradeoff I suppose.

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I mean, before I converted to Christianity I was already convinced that sex without commitment is wrong, the reason being that both mum and dad were born to unmarried mothers that were abandoned by their partners and they had to endure poverty and suffering during their childhood and teenage years.

 

Birth control. It's your license to go ahead and fuck.

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I mean, before I converted to Christianity I was already convinced that sex without commitment is wrong, the reason being that both mum and dad were born to unmarried mothers that were abandoned by their partners and they had to endure poverty and suffering during their childhood and teenage years.

 

Birth control. It's your license to go ahead and fuck.

No, no, no

 

Why should people go and sleep around just because there is technology to prevent pregnancy? I admire people who respect their own bodies and those of people around them by not having sex before getting into a life-long relationship. I mean, sex, is intrinsically related to reproduction (from a biological point of view). That means that if you sleep with someone, you are tacitly accepting the responsibility, however small, of brining a new human being into this world. That is a big decision.

 

Then there is also the emotional component. Whoever claims to have no feelings for the person they're having sex with are fooling themselves. As people have more and more sexual encounters with different people they start losing sensibility. It's similar to serial killers who the more they kill, the less they feel. Ending a person's life or starting a person's life are serious matters--unless of course you don't think life is a serious matter.

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Well,I admire people,who have sex,when they want to. If two adults agree to have consensual sex I really think,that this is a better and healthier option for them,then to masturbate for an unknown period of time,'till "life-long relationship" comes along.

p.s.

The probability of someone getting pregnant despite using birth control is microscopic.

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No, no, no

 

Yes. Yeeees. Ohhhh God yes!!! :wicked:

 

Why should people go and sleep around just because there is technology to prevent pregnancy?

 

That's easy.

 

So that they can go and sleep around without having to worry about pregnancy.

 

Next question?

 

I admire people who respect their own bodies and those of people around them by not having sex before getting into a life-long relationship.

 

WTF? That's like saying that I respect my right hand if I stop jacking off.

 

Life-long relationship. Boy, I'll tell ya, you got quite a lot of fundamentalist brainwashing to be undone. :Hmm:

 

I mean, sex, is intrinsically related to reproduction (from a biological point of view).

 

I took a nice long piss today. I mean, taking a piss is intrinsically related to waste emission (from a biological point of view). And god damn did it feel good. Sweet mothafuckin' relief!

 

That means that if you sleep with someone, you are tacitly accepting the responsibility, however small, of brining a new human being into this world. That is a big decision.

 

And the next time I take my pickup truck out for a spin, I might skid out of control and take out a car full of kids.

 

So should I marry the fucking thing first?

 

Then there is also the emotional component.

 

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! :HappyCry:

 

Whoever claims to have no feelings for the person they're having sex with are fooling themselves.

 

Ever fucked a girl you just met in a barroom bathroom? You'll be feeling something, alright. From the waist down. :HaHa:

 

As people have more and more sexual encounters with different people they start losing sensibility.

 

Yeah, my dick's not as quick on the trigger as it used to be when I was an adolescent. Hey, endurance comes in handy for gettin' her off.

 

I ain't saying whether the decreased sensibility is due to :sex: or :jerkoff:

 

It's similar to serial killers who the more they kill, the less they feel.

 

Seriously, what the fuck is that shit? Serial killers!? You gotta be fucking kidding me. That's the most absurd statement I've heard or read all fucking week.

 

Five bucks says this kid still has Jesus in his heart and is trying to woof us. How fuckin' stupid does he think we are?

 

Ending a person's life or starting a person's life are serious matters--unless of course you don't think life is a serious matter.

 

Murder's no joke, but your evaluation of that Great American Pasttime of HITTIN' THAT SHIT certainly is.

 

In all seriousness, you really ought to drop whatever remaining fundie baggage you still have, and that's assuming you really are an ex-Christian. I'm not saying you should become a debacherous unscrupulous horndog cretin like myself, and the desire to be all sentimental and committed about it and shit is okay. I can't rightly knock that. But guy, you've gone overboard in the other direction. You're so far out in right field you're in the parking lot.

 

I mean, serial killers? Seriously? Shit like that sounds like it came out of the mouth of the most rabid fundie nut-job on the entire abstinence circuit.

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I mean, before I converted to Christianity I was already convinced that sex without commitment is wrong, the reason being that both mum and dad were born to unmarried mothers that were abandoned by their partners and they had to endure poverty and suffering during their childhood and teenage years.

 

Birth control. It's your license to go ahead and fuck.

No, no, no

 

Why should people go and sleep around just because there is technology to prevent pregnancy? I admire people who respect their own bodies and those of people around them by not having sex before getting into a life-long relationship. I mean, sex, is intrinsically related to reproduction (from a biological point of view). That means that if you sleep with someone, you are tacitly accepting the responsibility, however small, of brining a new human being into this world. That is a big decision.

 

Then there is also the emotional component. Whoever claims to have no feelings for the person they're having sex with are fooling themselves. As people have more and more sexual encounters with different people they start losing sensibility. It's similar to serial killers who the more they kill, the less they feel. Ending a person's life or starting a person's life are serious matters--unless of course you don't think life is a serious matter.

Have gay sex..or hetero oral and anal sex then if you so worried about pregnancy. Sex is fun...you don't need some huge emotional attachment to enjoy it.

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Why does leaving Christianity necessarily mean going sexually wild?

 

It need not, but some people have a sense of freedom after being oppressed by religious doctrine. Then they must express themselves.

 

I mean, before I converted to Christianity I was already convinced that sex without commitment is wrong, the reason being that both mum and dad were born to unmarried mothers that were abandoned by their partners and they had to endure poverty and suffering during their childhood and teenage years

 

I take the same view, but do not have a similar background.

 

I am thinking of leaving Christianity because I don't really believe in the bible and all that stuff, but I see that ALL non-Christians are sexually immoral and I don't want to join them. It's a tradeoff I suppose.

 

Please don't tar us all with the same brush. Don't say "ALL" and refer to a large class of people.

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Murder's no joke, but your evaluation of that Great American Pasttime of HITTIN' THAT SHIT certainly is.

 

In all seriousness, you really ought to drop whatever remaining fundie baggage you still have, and that's assuming you really are an ex-Christian. I'm not saying you should become a debacherous unscrupulous horndog cretin like myself, and the desire to be all sentimental and committed about it and shit is okay. I can't rightly knock that. But guy, you've gone overboard in the other direction. You're so far out in right field you're in the parking lot.

 

I mean, serial killers? Seriously? Shit like that sounds like it came out of the mouth of the most rabid fundie nut-job on the entire abstinence circuit.

Why do you say that murder is no joke but say that sex is a joke? Either the two of them are a joke or none of them.

 

As I mentioned, the only reason I still hang out with Christians is because I want to stay away from sexual freaks like you. Unfortunately, the world seems to be black and white: crazy bible banging Christians who don't sleep around vs atheistic sex freaks with no values. Hard choice.

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As I mentioned, the only reason I still hang out with Christians is because I want to stay away from sexual freaks like you. Unfortunately, the world seems to be black and white: crazy bible banging Christians who don't sleep around vs atheistic sex freaks with no values. Hard choice.

Actually, one of the things about Jesus that really freaks me out is that he liked to hang out with prostitutes and criminals. That is a no no for me. And them somewhere I heard that if Jesus were alive today he would be hanging out with gays as well. That totally sucks.

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Please don't tar us all with the same brush. Don't say "ALL" and refer to a large class of people.

Okay, then if you are not sexually immoral and no longer a Christian, what do you base your life philosophy on? And where do you get fellowship with like-minded people?

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Well,I admire people,who have sex,when they want to. If two adults agree to have consensual sex I really think,that this is a better and healthier option for them,then to masturbate for an unknown period of time,'till "life-long relationship" comes along.

p.s.

The probability of someone getting pregnant despite using birth control is microscopic.

I suppose you admire such kind of people because you grew up in a Christian repressed environment. I am the exact opposite because I grew up in an environment were premarital sex was the rule rather than the exception. None of the two is healthy. Extremes are usually negative. Absolute freedom would be to be able to choose when to have sex AND also to be able to choose not to have sex outside of a life-long relationship without being mocked and without pressures from either camp. Unfortunately, absolute freedom doesn't exist.

 

So, when you have a one-night-stand do you just assume the probability of pregnancy is equal to zero? That is self-delusion. Do you ask yourself the question "if something were to go wrong, would I like to have and raise a child with this person"? Or you just say "if something goes wrong, we'll just abort and whatever"?

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Please don't tar us all with the same brush. Don't say "ALL" and refer to a large class of people.

Okay, then if you are not sexually immoral and no longer a Christian, what do you base your life philosophy on? And where do you get fellowship with like-minded people?

 

I am old enough to know what works and what does not work for me. I think for myself. I don't personally require a lot of "fellowship".

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Please don't tar us all with the same brush. Don't say "ALL" and refer to a large class of people.

Okay, then if you are not sexually immoral and no longer a Christian, what do you base your life philosophy on? And where do you get fellowship with like-minded people?

What the fuck, exactly, is "Sexual morality" anyway? Because I would consider it the following:

1. Not raping anyone. I mean...easy.

2. When engaging in consensual sex with a partner, being receptive to their needs and only trying new things with their consent (consent continues beyond simple initiation of relations)

3. Complete honesty in terms of experience, health, feelings, and desires. This applies to all involved parties.

 

Somehow, though, I get the impression that you're still operating under the disgusting, deplorable, hurtful, and flat-out wrong christian idea of sexual morality, which basically consists of "Anything that feels good is bad and thou shalt be ashamed of enjoying thy body." Frankly, the people responsible for perpetuating that disgusting lie (usually from the bible, one of the world's leading collections of disgusting lies) deserve bone cancer. And cystic fibrosis. At the same time. And a painful, lingering death from the two of them. For the sake of your mental health, you've got to shake that shit off, and sooner rather than later. It will be very hard to have a healthy sex life with the dark cloud of biblical deceit hanging over your head.

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Please don't tar us all with the same brush. Don't say "ALL" and refer to a large class of people.

Okay, then if you are not sexually immoral and no longer a Christian, what do you base your life philosophy on? And where do you get fellowship with like-minded people?

Everyone is different, but I'm married. I believe it is important to remain faithful, and I have a very strong sense of committment. I am a physician, so I work with people who are like-minded.

 

Quite frankly, I don't inquire into everyone's sexual behavior, morality of feelings. I mind my own business and let them mind theirs.

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I mean, before I converted to Christianity I was already convinced that sex without commitment is wrong, the reason being that both mum and dad were born to unmarried mothers that were abandoned by their partners and they had to endure poverty and suffering during their childhood and teenage years.

 

Birth control. It's your license to go ahead and fuck.

No, no, no

 

Why should people go and sleep around just because there is technology to prevent pregnancy? I admire people who respect their own bodies and those of people around them by not having sex before getting into a life-long relationship. I mean, sex, is intrinsically related to reproduction (from a biological point of view). That means that if you sleep with someone, you are tacitly accepting the responsibility, however small, of bringing a new human being into this world. That is a big decision.

 

Then there is also the emotional component. Whoever claims to have no feelings for the person they're having sex with are fooling themselves. As people have more and more sexual encounters with different people they start losing sensibility. It's similar to serial killers who the more they kill, the less they feel. Ending a person's life or starting a person's life are serious matters--unless of course you don't think life is a serious matter.

 

Ok... As I read jra, I'm thinking that there is a good point hiding behind all the rationalization: Although deconversion and birth control may logically make sex available, virtually risk-free, and justified, it could still very well be self-destructive for a lot of people. That's what this OP is about, anyway.

 

My advice to the OP: Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Maybe you have 100 make out sessions with 1 person in your future before you'll want to go any further. Maybe you're the kind of person who just likes to jump in the pool and get it over with. Who knows? Just keep in mind that this is about you, about what you feel and what you're OK with. And that that's OK.

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Everyone is different, but I'm married. I believe it is important to remain faithful, and I have a very strong sense of committment. I am a physician, so I work with people who are like-minded.

 

Quite frankly, I don't inquire into everyone's sexual behavior, morality of feelings. I mind my own business and let them mind theirs.

 

But why do you believe it is important to remain faithful and how did you get the strong sense of commitment? In my case I learned these two from my non-believing parents who had a experience a lot of pain in their early life and wanted to do things right with their kids. Unfortunately, I think faithfulness and commitment are considered worthless by today's moral standards and most people naturally buy into the lie that we can just be free agents indulging in hedonism.

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Then there is also the emotional component. Whoever claims to have no feelings for the person they're having sex with are fooling themselves. As people have more and more sexual encounters with different people they start losing sensibility. It's similar to serial killers who the more they kill, the less they feel. Ending a person's life or starting a person's life are serious matters--unless of course you don't think life is a serious matter.

 

jradetzky, how would you know that the above which you posted is true, in light of the below which you also posted on another thread?

 

Even the very idea of dating scared the hell out of me because I associated it with sexual immorality. No wonder I've never dated in my life (I'm 33 years old).

 

Also, you speak of other people engaging in sexual immorality in a judgmental way. Some would say that what you engage in as posted in the same thread as the above quote is sexually immoral. Don't get me wrong, I don't say that, but you sure seem to be a harsh judge of other's sexual behavior when there are those who would see what you do as sexually immoral.

 

However, I'm a normal male with red blood and since my teenage years I've been deeply attracted to women. Being scared of dating and all that stuff I naturally turned to masturbation and pornography as the only safe option.
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My advice to the OP: Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Maybe you have 100 make out sessions with 1 person in your future before you'll want to go any further. Maybe you're the kind of person who just likes to jump in the pool and get it over with. Who knows? Just keep in mind that this is about you, about what you feel and what you're OK with. And that that's OK.

What is OP?

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Original Poster.

 

Also, we CAN be free agents engaging in hedonism, so long as all participants are doing so willingly and not harming anybody in the process. "Hedonism" is another christian buzzword that sleazebag priests, preachers, and pastors like to throw out to reinforce the "us vs. them" mentality in their audience.

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