someday47 Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I have just come to the realization that I am on this path alone. Tonight I saw that my sister/best friend posted a quote about God on her facebook. This "ex-christian" journey started for me about 10 months ago. It started with her and I both questioning the environment we grew up in and the things that we were taught. We both came to realize that the bible was filled with contradictions and that the people we were surrounded with who called themselves christians were some of the worst people we had ever known. Neither of us liked the God we were taught to serve and we didn't agree with "his" teachings. Since our first talk late at night and the first moment we both realized that all that we had been taught was wrong and used by self-serving christians, I have moved in with my boyfriend and she moved into a dorm at college. We talk everyday and we see each other whenever she is home from school. Until now we were on the same page. We would talk about how much we disagreed with christians and the church. That is why I was shocked when I saw this quote by Nicholas Sparks on her facebook with hearts around it: "I have faith that God will show you the answer. But you have to understand that sometimes it takes a while to be able to recognize what God wants you to do. That's how often it is. God's voice is usually nothing more than a whisper, and you have to listen very carefully to hear it. But other times, in those rarest of moments, the answer is obvious and rings as loud as a church bell." It was followed by a conversation between her and her friends about how there is a "God" out there helping us through life. It just really made me sad to see that. I hate knowing that she is struggling and she is turning back to her old way of thinking and what she has been taught by our church to help her. Part of me wants to tell her that she is wrong and there is not a God telling her what to do and the only way for her to get through her problems and become a stronger person is by having confidence in herself and doing what she wants and what she believes is right for her own life, not by following what a book tells you or what controlling people at the church tell her. I have been so proud of her in the past months as I've watched her grow out of what we were forced into as children and teenagers. She was becoming her own person and thinking for herself. Now I feel like she has returned to it and will be stuck in christianity forever. She was miserable before. I just don't understand this at all. So now I feel alone and sad for her. I don't know if I can watch her go back to that life of control, fear, and indoctrination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoMuso Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 So now I feel alone and sad for her. I don't know if I can watch her go back to that life of control, fear, and indoctrination. I have no advice to give you, but I will say this: the truth will always prevail in the end as long as the person seeking it is honest enough to accept it. It's sometimes difficult to let go of the "warm-fuzzy-God" of our imaginations but if your sister has the intellectual honesty you clearly have, she will ultimately see the glaring truth of "no-gods-possible" logic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
someday47 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 That is really encouraging. I hope someday she will be able to let go of God as her comfort blanket and start thinking for herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I remember when I finally let go of "god." It was like saying good-bye to a good friend and I was reluctant to do it. Once I finally did let go, I found that I really was not saying good-bye to a friend, but hello to my inner self which I had misinterpreted as being "god." I wish the best for your sister and for you seeing what is happening to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShallowByThyGame Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 The journey to truth is a winding road. You and your friend started doubting the church's logic, but she has made a pitstop, trying to make the concept of God fit into her new worldview. She will never return to where you guys started, she probably still believes the bible has contradictions and is moving towards a more 'personal' concept of God. She may stop there and cling to that, or she may not be able to get over the fact that she is still relying on information from a flawed book, even if she's not stressing the details. God is no longer obvious to her, you have to try hard to hear him, which explains away a lot of her cognitive dissonance. Try and be the best friend you can be, and perhaps she will see that you are happy being further down the path towards truth. Indeed, most people don't get to have deconversion buddies, because the issue is so close to our hearts that it is rare people clean up them mess in the same amount of time. Many of us tried lots of methods to stay with our faith, and this is probably her trying to rebuild what she can. She may in a month or a year decide that the voice of God is really just her self projection...if you can encourage her to have intellectual integrity, and acknowledge that truth trumps everything, then perhaps she will see how she is being manipulated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoMuso Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 That is really encouraging. I hope someday she will be able to let go of God as her comfort blanket and start thinking for herself. Have you seen Julia Sweeney's show Letting Go Of God? I have the DVD (you can buy it here) and it is brilliant. I think both you and your sister will relate to Julia's gentle and deeply moving story. Julia also has a blog which could give some comfort to you and perhaps some gentle persuasion to your sister. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
someday47 Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 Thanks you guys! I'm so happy I found this forum and people who have gone through and are going through what I am. I can see now that she is dealing with this whole thing in a different way than I am. I hope I can be there for her at least as an example of what she can have. I don't want her to go back to relying on "God" for her insecurities, but I also know how hard it is to let go of and everyone deals with letting go of it in their own way and their own time. She might just need longer than I did and to take it gradually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vixentrox Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Welcome to the site. Hope you find some comradeship here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRDWarrior Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 It's hard when we see a sibling that we are close to who starts to leave that crap behind, finally begin to move on and discover who they are, only to fall back into it. My sister is a little similar - she was still a christian when she left home for college, but was already of a far more liberal mindset...now, she seems to be going back into it, I think mostly because she's surrounded by friends who are christians, so they feed that in her. She has started balking at things in her classes that go against christian teachings, and I doubt it's because she is thinking it through, but more because of group pressure after class keeping her mind closed. I hope things improve for her and she begins to think for herself a little more in the future - she's still a freshman, so there's hope yet but it's not a very liberal campus, so we'll see. No matter what though, it's their journey and their choices and we can only be there for them if/when they do have questions/doubts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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