How You Handle A Crisis

[Journey]

I was completely 'in love' with Jesus and he was my closest friend and confidant from which I drew my security, hope etc... For me, the realization of the bible not being infallible was what led to a complete devastation of my faith. I do find it hard at times now when faced with a crisis and not having that 'hope' to lean on that god won't allow anything to happen to me that isn't for my best (as long as I'm walking in obedience to his ways) I really didn't worry about much as I'd just 'commit it to him' now I'm unsure what to do or how to think at times - it's a whole re-conditioning for me. I'm new to this, so bear with me!

[Shyone]

I was completely 'in love' with Jesus and he was my closest friend and confidant from which I drew my security, hope etc... For me, the realization of the bible not being infallible was what led to a complete devastation of my faith. I do find it hard at times now when faced with a crisis and not having that 'hope' to lean on that god won't allow anything to happen to me that isn't for my best (as long as I'm walking in obedience to his ways) I really didn't worry about much as I'd just 'commit it to him' now I'm unsure what to do or how to think at times - it's a whole re-conditioning for me. I'm new to this, so bear with me!

Mainly, that's what people (real people) are for.

 

Then there's judgement and experience. Experience comes from bad judgement, and good judgement comes from experience.

 

Or something like that.

[Gracie]

You see, a huge problem I have with this particular aspect of religion is that it decimates our natural independence and self-reliance by teaching us to put all this trust in god, instead of being pro-active in furthering our own progress.

 

Try looking at it this way - all of this time when things went wrong, and ended up working out fine, you attributed it to god. Now that you no longer have that certainty, you can look back and see all of these situations for what they really were - simply things resolving themselves or coming to a satisfactory conclusion, without god's intervention. If they could work out for the best when you thought god was responsible even though he wasn't, they can work out for the best now that you know he's not behind it.

 

I have faced incredible trials since I left the faith - really, I won't outline them on here, but my life has been issue after issue after issue for the past 6 months or so. But I keep on keeping on. Not having god to take after your every concern forces you to rely on friends and others in a way you probably didn't before, and often they will come through for you more than you think, once you reach out to them! The success I have had thus far in dealing with my problems alone has given me greater self-confidence and self-reliance. I hope that you can do the same, and the very best of luck to you.

[Phanta]

I was completely 'in love' with Jesus and he was my closest friend and confidant from which I drew my security, hope etc... For me, the realization of the bible not being infallible was what led to a complete devastation of my faith. I do find it hard at times now when faced with a crisis and not having that 'hope' to lean on that god won't allow anything to happen to me that isn't for my best (as long as I'm walking in obedience to his ways) I really didn't worry about much as I'd just 'commit it to him' now I'm unsure what to do or how to think at times - it's a whole re-conditioning for me. I'm new to this, so bear with me!

 

Journey -

 

Everyone is different. Try stuff!

 

For me, I found a lot of comfort in this book:

 

When Things Fall Apart

 

The idea that I got from this is basically that sometimes we get a really bad hand, and we can inject it with all sorts of heavy meaning, fight it and make it worse, or just sit with it sucking for a while, knowing it will pass. In my experience, the latter takes some of the edge off the bad times, but it takes practice and real dedication to not escaping every bad feeling. I have learned that they do eventually pass, and are just part of the experience of existing. Harder to do on the big ones, but I practice on the little ones, and am grateful.

 

The author is a Buddhist nun, so she's chill in an Om way, yet wicked down-to-earth and relatable.

 

Phanta

[Dagan]

I was completely 'in love' with Jesus and he was my closest friend and confidant from which I drew my security, hope etc... For me, the realization of the bible not being infallible was what led to a complete devastation of my faith. I do find it hard at times now when faced with a crisis and not having that 'hope' to lean on that god won't allow anything to happen to me that isn't for my best (as long as I'm walking in obedience to his ways) I really didn't worry about much as I'd just 'commit it to him' now I'm unsure what to do or how to think at times - it's a whole re-conditioning for me. I'm new to this, so bear with me!

 

Booze.

 

Seriously, though, I know where you're coming from. Jesus was my friend and my master. Everything happened for a reason, and like you said, I'd just "commit it to him."

 

Then some stuff happened and I came to realize that sometimes things just happen for no reason. That there is no master plan. That God is not in control because he's not there, or if he is, God is so unreachable he's irrelevant. I realized the power to shape my fate is mine.

 

In a crisis, I tend to drop into a survival mode – what will it take to get me through the next minute? Hour? Day? As I regain control, I can look more at the long-term, and I'm learning to look at the long-term right away, bypassing the "survival mode" response as I get better at handling things. How much will this matter in a year? 10 years? What's most important in life? How do I want to remember handling this? How do I want others to remember how I handled this?

 

I wish you well as you deal with your new life, and find your balance.

[mwc]

I was completely 'in love' with Jesus and he was my closest friend and confidant from which I drew my security, hope etc... For me, the realization of the bible not being infallible was what led to a complete devastation of my faith. I do find it hard at times now when faced with a crisis and not having that 'hope' to lean on that god won't allow anything to happen to me that isn't for my best (as long as I'm walking in obedience to his ways) I really didn't worry about much as I'd just 'commit it to him' now I'm unsure what to do or how to think at times - it's a whole re-conditioning for me. I'm new to this, so bear with me!

So you leaned on a complete phantom...an absolute nothingness really...named "jesus" in the past and now you have to lean on nothing now only this nothing has no name.

 

So what's the difference really?

 

The difference is the knowing. Like someone who finds out the slightest breeze could have knocked over the dead tree in their yard, the one they let their kids play on, that mighty tree that could never fall...but ooops...the damn thing fell because it got touched just so. Or the mighty house that collapsed because it was a death trap. Or the anything else that was really just an illusion of strength but was really just some flimsy nothing waiting to be knocked over by a stern look (that's pretty flimsy).

 

We trust things because we're told they're strong and capable but we don't always test them out or test them in a meaningful way. Time and again any tests that "god" or "jesus" fails we tell ourselves that it's because of some made up excuse (not part of some unknown plan, or not part of some "will," or they're not magical gift dispenser or whatever) so we only count the positives. This gives the false impression of strength and ability. We only notice how the house is mostly upright and overlook all the parts that keep falling off when a wind blows, or the door slams, or a car drives by. The house is mostly doing what we want so we'll ignore the parts that fall off, though these things really should just fall off...should they? Maybe it's part of the design?

 

So you trusted nothing then and managed. You'll trust the same nothing now and manage. You'll learn that yourself and random chance will do the same job as "god" and "jesus" did before since that's who was doing it all along.

 

mwc

[Shyone]

So you trusted nothing then and managed. You'll trust the same nothing now and manage. You'll learn that yourself and random chance will do the same job as "god" and "jesus" did before since that's who was doing it all along.

 

mwc

Excellent words.

 

I would add that it's better to know what you are relying on. It makes one more cautious, more caring, more aware of things we should plan for instead of leaving it to "chance."

[par4dcourse]

I have become a horribly responsible person.

[florduh]

Self reliance, friends, family. Bad things happen to everyone and there is no Jesus available to bail out any of them anyway. Never was.

 

Often, what matters so much today matters not at all tomorrow. Meditate. Gain perspective on reality. Navigate within the flow. Be at peace, Grasshopper.

[Vomit Comet]

Oh yeah, I used to run crying to Jesus whenever the shit would hit the fan, and He would be my sole glimmer of hope. But now that I think back on it, He never really did shit. Whatever positive outcome happened because me and others worked hard to make it happen. If bad shit ended up going down, it was because the situation or the people or person involved were fucked, and not because Satan himself was fucking shit up while Jesus sat on His ass.

 

That was the thing, I was always surrounded by fucked up people who were prone to dying by drugs, suicide, or homicide. I was constantly freaking the fuck out: "oh Lord, don't let Satan get them, oh Jesus protect them from Satan, I don't want to see Satan win a victory over them and have them fall into Hell, oh Lord please oh please..." Now I know that they were just fucked up people and that neither Jesus nor Satan had shit to do with shit. That made me a whole lot less anxious about other people and what could befall them. Because yeah, if they die tragically, that fucking sucks. But at least I know they're not going to burn in hell forever as a result of Satan winning that round.

 

Nowadays, the first thing I do is "how bad can this get" and "would I be able to adapt?" For a few months I thought my job would be on the chopping block, but then the miraculous happened and my contract got renewed for another year. I imagined myself traveling with these hobos I know who were bunking at my house the other month for a week. "Yeah, they'd take me in, they'd teach me how to survive, ride the rails and shit. Yeah, I could handle that if I had to. Yeah." So I ponder the worst case scenario, come to terms with it, and then whatever happens--usually quite a ways off from the worst-case scenario--isn't as bad.

 

"Prepare for the Worst, Hope for the Best."

[Deva]

I am having a hell of a time being unemployed but every time my brain starts going haywire, I say to myself "it hasn't happened yet." I am perfectly capable of thinking the worst and imagining really terrible things. Yet for this moment, right now, everything is OK. So, I try to be in the moment, if that makes any sense.

 

Mindfulness and being aware of what is actually happening is something very helpful to me. I know, after 2 years of off and on meditation, when I am running off the rails mentally. I observe what is happening and come back to the center, which is now.

 

Also, believe it or not, if the thought life gets into a repetitive negative mode, such as analyzing how I did on an interview and what mistakes I made, I run some mantras through my mind. It gets me off of that and onto something else.

 

The last thing I would do is expect God to save me from the situation.

[fallenleaf]

You handle it exactly like you always have. One small step at a time until it passes. The only difference is that you've stopped pretending that there's an invisible "parent" figure out there that will make sure it doesn't get too bad. The pretending might have made you feel a tad better but it wasn't real.

[hereticzero]

The more we do for ourselves, the more we learn self-reliance and learn to trust our instincts or experiences. I gave up on God as a means of comfort back in the day when I was eating garbage out of garbage cans in the snow and winter in Wyoming. I prayed for food and boy, howdy, did god ever answer my prayers! All I can eat buffet at the nearest dumpster. Thank you god.

[par4dcourse]

You handle it exactly like you always have. One small step at a time until it passes. The only difference is that you've stopped pretending that there's an invisible "parent" figure out there that will make sure it doesn't get too bad. The pretending might have made you feel a tad better but it wasn't real.

 

I like your answer FL and this question in no way diminishes that.

 

Does a glance at FL's avatar give anyone else the impression of Yosemite Sam?

[Dagan]

You handle it exactly like you always have. One small step at a time until it passes. The only difference is that you've stopped pretending that there's an invisible "parent" figure out there that will make sure it doesn't get too bad. The pretending might have made you feel a tad better but it wasn't real.

 

I like your answer FL and this question in no way diminishes that.

 

Does a glance at FL's avatar give anyone else the impression of Yosemite Sam?

 

No, more like this:

 

 

And I know this is totally off topic, but I found it while I was looking for the other graphic and, well, come on, it's funny:

 

 

Sorry for wrecking this thread.

[Galien]

Maybe thats why I was a sucky christian. I always knew the only one I could rely on was myself, and I would say that to other christians who would then tell me how lacking I was in faith and everything else. No wonder after 4 years out of the church my lifelong depression and anxiety has pretty well disappeared.

 

So much of what was presented to me as faith was just a lie, and if it was a lie then it was wrong, and if it was wrong then I wanted no part of it as an honest christian. But other christians wuld fuck with my head trying to get me to accept something I couldn't, something that violated my prime directive of never lie, so the cognitive dissonance pretty well fried my brain.

 

I am SO glad I don't have to live with that crap anymore.

[mwc]

Maybe thats why I was a sucky christian. I always knew the only one I could rely on was myself, and I would say that to other christians who would then tell me how lacking I was in faith and everything else.

As a xian I loved the saying "God helps those who help themselves." I thought it was how the world worked and I was convinced it was actually in the bible. Well, it's not in the bible but it's still true. To get any help from "god" you have to help yourself and since there's no "god" you simply have to help yourself. So help yourselves.

 

mwc

[Franko47]

Actually, I told Jesus in my last ever conversation to now defer all benefits he might have had for me to any poor family in the 3rd world struggling to survive. I'm fine, thank you, with reasonable modest income, some good friends, decent health, a safe living environment.

 

Thanks, but no thanks. I made this quite clear to God. I treat him like a grown up powerful dude, not an insecure coward who demands worship "or else".

 

Could a believer ever do that ? I don't think so. You see, when you have this dependency thing going on, it's really all about......you.

[TelevisionKiller]

I was never really dependent on Jesus or God to make my problems go away; there was about one time during a crisis where I prayed my hardest but I quickly learned that God wasn't listening to anyone's prayers. I found that after a crisis, my depression got worse, but soon I would "let go" and I would heal. I never forgot my pain, and I never got "over" it, I just learned to live with it.

 

The scariest part of this is that my parents (self proclaimed Jesus-freaks) are so focused on "getting to heaven" to see our dead family members that there were several times they seemed to forget about me and my two other siblings at the time. Even recently, I spoke to my father and he said "I don't know what I would have done if I didn't believe in God when your brother died. I don't know if I would still be here."

 

The thought that all that is keeping you sane and non-suicidal is a belief in an omnipresent, all-knowing, all-powerful being which probably doesn't exist scares me.

[Crazy Donna]

I found the whole 'giving things to god' thing stifling. I'd be confronted with a crisis, and try to 'commit it to god' but it would still come back. I always felt like a total failure because I'd commit something to god, and then my mind would keep dragging it back up, with all the emotions. Now I know that those emotions are okay, and I should just let myself experience them. When I deconverted, I realised that the only way to deal with things was to work through them one emotion at a time. A crisis is like swallowing a twisted paperclip. It might do some damage going through, but most of the time, it comes out eventually.

 

Now when I have a crisis, I remind myself of the crises I have had in the past, and how I eventually got over them. Got over the loss, or the disappointment, or the pain. It is still there, but time makes it manageable.

 

I ask myself whether this is a crisis I can do anything about, or whether I should just wait and let time deal with it. Most of the time, just waiting makes things better, because now I can give myself time to go through all the emotions necessary to process what is going on. I am not forced to deal with things in a ridiculously short timeframe. Not having to 'give things to god' means I get to deal with things at my own pace, and that has made all the difference.

 

I ask myself whether whatever I am confronting will matter in a year, or ten years? I find this gives me some perspective. I am glad I don't have to deny my problems anymore by believing that god will fix them. It takes practice, but it's worth it.

[ShallowByThyGame]

If you used to believe Jesus got you through tough times, just realize it was always you alone getting through them. You did it. You can do it again. The Earth will continue spinning, and this too will pass.

[Loren]

If you used to believe Jesus got you through tough times, just realize it was always you alone getting through them. You did it. You can do it again. The Earth will continue spinning, and this too will pass.

This exact thing was a huge help to me after I left the One True Faith. Just being able to remind myself of all those times when I had thought I accomplished something that was beyond my own strength and gave credit to god, that it really was my own ability that got me through it.

[godlessgrrl]

How do I cope without a belief in Jesus anymore?

 

Well, first I freak out and panic for awhile.

 

Then I calm the hell down and start thinking. I think about possible solutions to the issue and how they might be accomplished - what steps I need to take, what resources I'd need, where to get them, stuff like that.

 

Then I just start going through the possible solutions, starting with the most feasible one first. I rely not only on my own wits but also help and support from other people. Most things, I've found, you really can't do completely alone.

 

These days though, I ask real people for support, instead of imaginary people.

[Snowflake]

There have been a lot of excellent replies here. I would keep in mind that in my christian days, I remember that terrible things happened pretty regularly to christians and non-christians alike. Being a christian didn't seem to offer any kind of super-natural protection from tragedy. I did feel some comfort from asking God for guidance, but now I realize that any guidance I received was my own intuition, not from any god.

 

What I do in a crisis is much the same as others have said. Regroup after the initial panic and just stop and think. Take it one step at a time. Just do the next thing. Rely on friends and family. Use your common sense. Meditate. Utilize community resources if applicable. You don't have to go it alone. It's not really that different, and it will be ok.

[YellowJacket]

this might be a side tangent - but I have a lovely Xtian friend who "leans on the everlasting arms" to such an extent that she feels car and household maintenance are something you pray about, not tackle with regular checks and upkeeps. As you can imagine, her car is always broken down, she drives on dangerously bad tires, and the house is perpetually springing leaks, rotting thru, etc.

 

She justs "gives it to God" to take care of these things. If she loses a job, she prays for another one rather than pursuing open doors.

 

She is in her 50s and is still surprised that her imaginary friend lets all these little crises continue to pop up. I mean, she PRAYS regularly - how can misfortune creep in? Must be those gossipy ladies at church praying AGAINST her or DEMONS or something.