Alzheimer's Is A Stone Cold Bitch

[par4dcourse]

I've watched my once sharp, robust, dexterous father reduced to a frail, confused shell of a man. Anyone who doesn't believe that the brain is the "I" hasn't dealt with this disease.

My mother, who has only normal age-related forgetfulness, has never dealt well with mental disabilities and stays upset. The house they worked for decades to buy keeps dad from nursing home eligibility. That and his morbid fear of being away from familiar surroundings.

In moments of frustration, I wonder if life is worth living to him. Then I quickly do a mental slap. I don't really want to lose what's left of my father.

Thanks for listening, gang, and my sympathies to anyone else dealing.

[florduh]

I feel for you. We all take our turn on the Wheel of Shit.

 

Hang in.

[Shyone]

I've watched my once sharp, robust, dexterous father reduced to a frail, confused shell of a man. Anyone who doesn't believe that the brain is the "I" hasn't dealt with this disease.

My mother, who has only normal age-related forgetfulness, has never dealt well with mental disabilities and stays upset. The house they worked for decades to buy keeps dad from nursing home eligibility. That and his morbid fear of being away from familiar surroundings.

In moments of frustration, I wonder if life is worth living to him. Then I quickly do a mental slap. I don't really want to lose what's left of my father.

Thanks for listening, gang, and my sympathies to anyone else dealing.

My heart breaks for you. It's so tragic. I truly do understand what you are going through, and, as hard as it might seem for your father, it's probably worse for your mother - and you.

 

If there is anything I can do, research, advice, someone to talk to, PM me.

[buffettphan]

I'm so sorry. I watched my dad go downhill for a few years before he died and know how heartbreaking it is.

((BIG HUG))

[NotBlinded]

(((par)))

 

My grandmother had this for several years. My mother had a hard time dealing with it. She kept wanting to speak the truth to her even though grandma couldn't understand it and it caused her to be frustrated and angry. I don't blame my mother though, it's how she dealt with it. I chose a different route that kept my grandma calm...I entered her world. I sat on her bed and looked out the window and wondered with her why that lady was standing on the table. Of course, there was no one there, but there was to her. We laughed about it and it was gone.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this...it hurts. I agree with Shy though that it hurts the loved ones more. They are in a world we can only visit when they invite us.

[Shyone]

There was recently a feature on NPR about Alzheimer's disease that focused on the difference between short term memory and mood. Apparently even if the specific details of a pleasurable event (like a visit or a movie) are forgotten, the mood persists.

 

IOW, there is memory, just not the same thing we think of as memory. They remember the love, even when they can't remember the conversation.

 

I hope you find it helpful.

[Vigile]

Sorry Larry. I watched my grandmother go through it. One of my saddest days was trying to comfort her as she complained about some unknown pain as I stroked her head. It does make for some funny moments sometimes though. She used to go 'shopping' in the care house she was staying in and would come back with clothes, wedding rings and whatever else she could pilfer.

[ShallowByThyGame]

My grandmother died from it...it is definitely hard to watch somebodies brain go before their body.

 

Then again, at least he will not fear death as he will not understand it.

[LivingLife]

I feel for you. My dad died of this 4+ years ago and we did not put him in a nursing home due to the known abuse these folk get in our neck of the woods. He was 81 and we watched him regress back to his childhood before he finally died in nappies. His death was one of the biggest factors in my deconversion or at least a tipping point. Here was a man who had served teh lard for 60+ years was an elder etc and his gawd abandoned him. The disease essentially put my entire life on hold and now last week we discovered my mum, who is 86 has cancer - a fast spreading one - and she is starting to whither away. 3 days in hospital and her medical is exhausted, whatever she has saved by renting out her house, will likely go into medication for the final leg of the journey, from my dad's pension and a personal funeral plan, we may have enough to procure a coffin but I am guessing that we will all have to chip in.

 

She too has been a faithful servant of teh lard since she was 15 and where is her gawd now?

 

The fucker really does not give a shit if IT exists and It's rewards program isn't even remotely close to frequent flyer miles in RL.

 

He did go early one morning in his sleep but sill fought to live till then, by that stage he was in his teens mentally when he had odd bouts of communication and was calling for his long dead mum.

 

Then not to mention crying out to gawd for someone from the crutch to come minister to us, being holly spook inspired and all, nada till I made a call to the pastor on my cell phone.

 

This is when I realized there is no gawd, no fucking woo woo has been able to answer my Q's except for saying he is at a better place like yeah right, so 60+ years service, gawd's gold watch is this debilitating disease, some rewards program eh?

 

After composing and delivering his eulogy, since then I have vowed never to darken the entrance of a church again, funerals and weddings included.

 

Bear in mind, moi was a faithfool woo woo serving on the worship team for 10 years and was the pastor's golfing partner so I was pretty much with the program. When I stepped down to care for my dad, no visits, phone calls - nada - from the church prior to the said phone call and after the funeral, still nada.

 

Sorry to inject my rant in here but disillusionment is not a strong enough word to describe how I really feel.

 

Stay strong friend and hang in there.

[noob]

Larry, I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to see your father this way. As horrible as it must be, I hope there are good moments that you can treasure.

 

Hugs,

Sandra

[Guest Net Eng]

Hoping the best for you Larry...

 

I watched my grandmother go through Alzheimer's and feel for you.

 

Best of luck and we'll be sending positive thoughts your way.

 

-Dave

[Loren]

(((((Larry)))))

 

Dealing with aging parent issues at my end, too. Today a friend and I are moving a bed and wardrobe into a foster care place where they will be ending their days. So much turmoil and having to get things ironed out when I just don't have the energy for it due to all the emotional stuff.

[par4dcourse]

She too has been a faithful servant of teh lard since she was 15 and where is her gawd now?

 

The fucker really does not give a shit if IT exists and It's rewards program isn't even remotely close to frequent flyer miles in RL.

 

 

My sister, daughter, and I care for him. The wonderful, caring, church they attended for 50 years hasn't lifted a finger since they became unable to attend.

 

God's retirement plan sucks.

 

Thanks to all who read or answered.

[godlessgrrl]

More hugs for you, Larry.

 

Grandpa and his sister, a beloved great aunt, went to their deathbeds in similar mental states - he with Parkinson's, she with senile dementia. It was both heartbreaking and amazing to watch their minds untangle, yet still be able to see glimpses of who they were, up until the very end. They both finally went, in peace and comfort. But it was hard to see, and hard to deal with for those of us who remembered them in their lucid days.

 

I don't know which is worse, having a family member die suddenly, unexpectedly, or seeing them fall away a piece at a time.

 

They both suck in their own special ways, I guess.

 

Hang in there.

[mwc]

Sorry to hear about this.

 

The closest I can imagine is when my grandad died they pumped him with drugs to make it more tolerable and he regressed to some child-like state. He had no clue who I was anymore. It was rough. Really broke my heart. I was still xian at the time. I started to deconvert not too long after. I can't say this was a factor but I can't imagine it wasn't in the back of my mind somewhere. Unlike Alzheimer's this was all pretty short-term. I don't envy anyone who has to go through any long-term illnesses. They take their toll on everyone involved.

 

mwc