Jump to content

What Will People Talk About In Heaven?


Recommended Posts

I was thinking about a few things relating to the fantasy world that Christian's call "Heaven". What are you going to talk about in Heaven? If you're conducting a dinner party for your friends what will be on the conversation agenda? What's a party without a bit of juicy gossip? But there will no gossip, because that's a sin. In fact nobody will do anything bad at all, so there will be nothing to gossip about. What will we talk about? The weather?

 

'Oh Frannie, wasn't it lovely weather we had yesterday?'

'Oh yes, it was fantastic weather.'

'And didn't we have great weather the day before too?'

'Fabulous!'

'And the day before that. And the day before that.'

'Yes, we get wonderful weather every day here in Heaven, don't we?'

 

Let's face it, most of what we talk about comes as a result of sin, pain, suffering and the stupid things humans do. But what will we talk about if there is no sin and everyone is nice to each other and there is never any pain and suffering?

 

'Wow, isn't Frank such a nice guy?'

'Yes, he's a wonderful guy, there's just nothing bad I can say about him. He's so thoughtful and kind.'

'What a guy. Oh and how about that Jill?'

'She's lovely. Such a wonderful lady.'

'As nice as Hannah?'

'She's just as nice as Hannah.'

 

Imagine it. There will be no complaining about your asshole boss...

 

'Jesus picked me to kiss his ass today!'

'That's wonderful, you are so lucky. I look forward to the day when it will be my turn to kiss is wonderful derriere.'

 

There will be no bratty kids to tell stories about...

 

'Nancy did you see what little Roger did yesterday? He ate all his vegetables without being told.'

'I know, he's been doing that for the last million years. So nothing's changed then?'

'No, he's still just as good at eating his vegetables.'

 

'That little boy from down the road was playing around in my yard yesterday! He weeded the garden and watered the plants.'

'Like he does every week?'

'Yes!'

'I don't know, kids today, they're always to thoughtful.'

 

No whinging about the next door neighbours.

 

'How's that next door neighbour of yours?'

'Jack? He's great. He was playing his worship music too loud last night and I asked him to turn it down. Guess what? He turned it down!'

'How considerate of him!'

'Yes, he's a very considerate person.'

 

No whining about the mother in law.

 

'I just love my mother in law, she's so lovely.'

'But isn't she always around? When do you get time alone with your wife?'

'But she's so wonderful, why would I ever not want her around?'

 

There will be no stories of hardship and danger to tell.

 

'I was driving into town this morning and there was this man in this car driving towards me! And he just stopped and gave way to me!'

'Yeah, drivers are like that here in Heaven. Totally considerate and courteous. So what happened after that?'

'I arrived at town.'

'Oh, so like the other billion times you drove into town then?'

'Yep!'

 

Without those things we'd have nothing to talk about. Conversation would be totally boring.

 

'Wow, John, wasn't this morning's worship service amazing? I get such a kick out of spending hours every day at God's feet, worshipping him. It was just so amazing this morning, I just had this astounding feeling as I worshipped him, it was phenomenal!'

'Yeah, yeah, I was there remember? I know! We all get that same thing. And it happened yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and the day before that! You've been telling me this, every day for the last million bloody years. How about we talk about something else for a change?'

'Like what?'

'Well... how about the amazing day we spent out enjoying God's creation yesterday?'

'Oh you mean like the days we've had for the last 10 billion years?'

'Yes! Isn't it wonderful?'

'It sure is! Sigh....'

 

So what will we talk about in Heaven?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You know, I never even thought about it.

 

tn_manhunt082.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites

dead dude: I would have sex but God took my penis :shrug:

 

angel: what is sex like :o

 

dead dude: fun :dance:

 

angel: you guys make such weird faces :eviltongue:

 

dead dude: beer! just one beer! :ugh:

 

angel: you miss beer? :huh:

 

dead dude: oh hell yeah! :beg:

 

angel: but isnt this great? ^_^

 

dead dude: oh yeah :liar:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've heard it described quite earnestly more as a giant worship service all the time forever. Plus at that point one's will would be perfectly aligned with God on account of an inability to sin so there wouldn't be conversation. Just a lot of "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come"s. And the Bible says every tongue will confess so there will be like spanish people and chinese people saying it in spanish and chinese. It'd be quite the cacophony such that even if you could muster the free thought to converse you wouldn't be able to speak over it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know. The scenario sounds boring. Who would want to be that bored?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Fan-fuckin-tastic!!! Thanks OnceConvinced!!

 

If the possibility of deconverting will exist in heaven, then I think there will REALLY be Xians coming to this site!!

 

At the end of every one of your scenarios, I just wanted to hear someone say... "Fuck THIS!! I'm OUT!! If I have to agree with one more person on how good all this sameness is for one more millenium... I'm gonna shoot myself!!!"

 

Only 1/3 of angels fell?? Pfft.. I'd expect more!

Link to post
Share on other sites

As a christian, my concept of heaven was an eternity of learning things and coming to an understanding of things that the mortal mind could not even conceive. If that were the case, then heaven could be quite nice, I think. A conversation might go like this:

 

"I finally came to understand Einstein's theory of relativity"

 

"So, what do you think?"

 

"Quite interesting, but in coming to understaned it, I now realize how wrong it was."

 

"Right, it didn't take into consideration the quantum world."

 

"Exactly."

 

"And what's more, he postulated that the speed of light was a constant such that even if one is traveling away from light at speed X it would still reach them at the same speed. Well, obviously that's not true."

 

"Yeah, it's obvious to us now, but when you put yourself in his place with all the limits of his understanding, he did a pretty good job."

 

"That's true. About the best I could do when I was alive on earth was somehow to get past Algebra I."

Link to post
Share on other sites

"Wow! We really are apes! Did you just see that gorilla walk by? I had no idea!"

 

"Yeah. The animals actually talk now and we can talk to them. It's unbelievable! Who da thunk it?"

 

:lmao: So sue me! I'm on the animals' side.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Net Eng

So what will we talk about in Heaven?

 

The false sense of angst about all those "lost souls" in hell, of course. After all it's what they talk about now in between gossiping...

 

"Landru guide us!!!" Nice one Loren.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I got the impression that eventually one's individuality would be completely surrendered, such that *you* would cease to exist after a while. I imagine after a billion years of worship, you'd just be absorbed into the "body of christ" literally, and it wouldn't matter anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I got the impression that eventually one's individuality would be completely surrendered, such that *you* would cease to exist after a while. I imagine after a billion years of worship, you'd just be absorbed into the "body of christ" literally, and it wouldn't matter anymore.

 

Just like The Borg, resistance is futile. This was already my experience of christianity, which is why I got out while I still had some individuality left.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As a christian, my concept of heaven was an eternity of learning things and coming to an understanding of things that the mortal mind could not even conceive. If that were the case, then heaven could be quite nice, I think.

 

Yeah, but how many millions of years before you know everything there is to know and there's no mysteries left to understand? And because God supposedly knows everything there is to know, then knowledge must be finite, so there won't be enough to carry you on infinitely.

Link to post
Share on other sites

How 'bout those Yankees!

 

But what will a game be like in Heaven? The attitude will be "It's not whether you win or lose but how you play that game". One team will win one game and next time around they'll think "oh we better let the other guys win this time". And of course there will be no sports betting, because gambling is a sin. And of course being a good Christian, you're gonna have to be unbiased so you're not gonna root for one team, you're gonna hope that both teams get the glory, so you'll be hoping for a draw.

 

In fact when you think about it, both teams will have God on their side so therefore neither could possibly win. Each game would end in a draw.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Only 1/3 of angels fell?? Pfft.. I'd expect more!

 

I have a theory on that one. I don't think Satan wanted to be like God. I think he and his boys rebelled because God was an evil manevolent son of a bitch and they rebelled on principle. I mean we're talking about the almighty, all powerful, all knowing God here. What sort of stupid idiot would think he could take over God's job? Only a complete moron, but we know Satan's not a moron. I reckon Satan and his guys just decided to take a stand against God's tyranny and God had a big hissy fit, cursed them and threw them out. After all God's like that, isn't he?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've heard it described quite earnestly more as a giant worship service all the time forever. Plus at that point one's will would be perfectly aligned with God on account of an inability to sin so there wouldn't be conversation. Just a lot of "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come"s. And the Bible says every tongue will confess so there will be like spanish people and chinese people saying it in spanish and chinese. It'd be quite the cacophony such that even if you could muster the free thought to converse you wouldn't be able to speak over it.

 

An eternal worship service. Lol. Yeah, I've heard that theory before and I remember when I first heard it thinking, "bloody hell, if that's Heaven why would I want to go there?' Now as an ex-c I question what sort of a narcisistic malevolent prick would want eternal worship like that?

Link to post
Share on other sites

"Wow! We really are apes! Did you just see that gorilla walk by? I had no idea!"

 

"Yeah. The animals actually talk now and we can talk to them. It's unbelievable! Who da thunk it?"

 

:lmao: So sue me! I'm on the animals' side.

At one point during my deconversion, I had an image of meeting my ancestors: Not just my grandfather, great grandfather, or great great grandfather (or mothers), but ancestors from millions and millions of generations ago. Homo erectus, Australopithecus, Ardipithecus, crustaceans, slugs and slime.

 

I'm sure we would have much to talk about.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Super Moderator

Hey Larry, look at the wings on that angel!

 

Ooh yeah, nice flappers. That's Ariel.

 

I'm joining the choir. She's lead soprano.

 

I think she's seeing somebody.

 

Really? Who?

 

Every weekend she leaves town. Rumor is she's visiting in Hell.

 

Shit! That sucks.

 

Yeah, once you've tasted Evil you never go back.

 

Oh well, what's another eternity. Have you seen Rue McClanahan anywhere?

Link to post
Share on other sites

When beauty is recognized, there is ugliness

When good is recognized, there is evil

 

All good...makes Jack a dull boy

Link to post
Share on other sites

Awesome post Once!

 

They don't realize that the good is only enjoyable and appreciated because of the bad. They will never admit that the devil plays a very important role in this story. They sure will miss that guy...

Link to post
Share on other sites

When beauty is recognized, there is ugliness

When good is recognized, there is evil

 

All good...makes Jack a dull boy

:3:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.