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"He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently." Proverbs 13:24

 

This is the scripture that Christians use to justify spanking/whipping, and harsher forms of punishment as well.

 

I do not support physical punishment of children, for the simple fact that children are the last population in the US that adults are legally permitted to hit, the previous population being slaves.

 

What do you think?

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"He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently." Proverbs 13:24

 

This is the scripture that Christians use to justify spanking/whipping, and harsher forms of punishment as well.

 

I do not support physical punishment of children, for the simple fact that children are the last population in the US that adults are legally permitted to hit, the previous population being slaves.

 

What do you think?

 

I send my son to his room-- if he continues to ignore me and come out of his room when he is in time out then I smack is hand. If he does anything that may seriously hurt him like open the oven or pull a pan from the stove I smack his hand... The main reason being that I have been burned [3rd degree foot] before and its not nice. Saying no isn't enough on some things. If a little pain can spare much I do it, but in general I don't like corporal punishment.

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I would agree that there are times when saying no just isn't enough, but I will say that time out has been VERY effective for us. I've been fortunate that I haven't had to spank my son ever, but I wouldn't say that I would totally rule that out as an option, just an absolute last resort.

 

I know he is my son, but I would say that overall he is very well behaved.

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I'm uncomfortable with it, and I wouldn't want to give school employees the authority to do it. That said I think it is an effective and ethical means of punishment, so long as it is administered fairly and without anger. This is anecdotal of course, but I've seen how well "reasoning it out" works with small children, which is to say not at all. I just don't think they are to the stage of moral and cognitive development where they can understand the larger issues and restrain themselves going only by a parent's say so, something more visceral is required. So really, if a swat with a switch or belt to the bottom, or the occasional rap on the knuckles with a spoon or ruler is what it takes to reinforce lessons on behavior and respect then do so. This is how my parents dealt with me, and if there is any deep trauma resulting I am unaware of it.

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I think of biblical punishment to be something set up to where all misdeeds are punished by spanking. Its not a quick slap of the hand thats reaching for the hot stove or pinching a kicking leg, its something administered for everything, often after the child is already sorry and behaving again.

 

Growing up if I did something wrong (talk back, have a messy room etc) I was first scolded, made to change my behavior (or clean my room) and then spanked. The spank wasn't meant to teach but to incite fear and show dominance. That sort of thing I do not approve of at all. My parents were harder on my first younger brother but easier on the youngest.

 

I will use a quick physical smack or pinch when needed to curtail destructive behavior immediately, especially for a 2-3 year old who doesn't really understand. But using spanking as a method of control is not appropriate in my opinion.

 

Positive reinforcement of good behavior works better in my short experience anyhow.

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I got spanked and it only took one time getting the belt to keep me in line pretty much forever more. As long as it is controlled and used in appropriate situations I don't see anything wrong with it. Of course these days, taking away the play station or internet access might be more effective.

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I agree with the others. It should only be used rarely (and never in anger), as a last resort or to immediately curtail behavior that is putting the child in danger. My parents spanked in this manner when I was growing up, and I turned out fine.

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I think of biblical punishment to be something set up to where all misdeeds are punished by spanking. Its not a quick slap of the hand thats reaching for the hot stove or pinching a kicking leg, its something administered for everything, often after the child is already sorry and behaving again.

 

Growing up if I did something wrong (talk back, have a messy room etc) I was first scolded, made to change my behavior (or clean my room) and then spanked. The spank wasn't meant to teach but to incite fear and show dominance. That sort of thing I do not approve of at all. My parents were harder on my first younger brother but easier on the youngest.

 

I will use a quick physical smack or pinch when needed to curtail destructive behavior immediately, especially for a 2-3 year old who doesn't really understand. But using spanking as a method of control is not appropriate in my opinion.

 

Positive reinforcement of good behavior works better in my short experience anyhow.

 

2-3 thats exactly how old he is. I use it as a last resort

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Guest I Love Dog

I'm uncomfortable with it, and I wouldn't want to give school employees the authority to do it. That said I think it is an effective and ethical means of punishment, so long as it is administered fairly and without anger. This is anecdotal of course, but I've seen how well "reasoning it out" works with small children, which is to say not at all. I just don't think they are to the stage of moral and cognitive development where they can understand the larger issues and restrain themselves going only by a parent's say so, something more visceral is required. So really, if a swat with a switch or belt to the bottom, or the occasional rap on the knuckles with a spoon or ruler is what it takes to reinforce lessons on behavior and respect then do so. This is how my parents dealt with me, and if there is any deep trauma resulting I am unaware of it.

 

The trauma that has resulted shows in your own attitude that hitting those smaller and weaker than you is o.k. even if they are those that you love the most in the World.

 

Men who were beaten as children grow up thinking it's o.k. to beat wives, children, or other males who may be weaker than they are.

 

This is where the real problem is, some people don't think that what happened to them as children has affected them, but it surely can. I know how it affected me.

 

It affected me differently. I was hit once by my father and it hurt me so much, physically and mentally that I never, ever loved my father again. I swore that I would never hit my children and I never did.

 

So, hit your children at your own risk.

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My dad (not even my natural father) was the one who spanked me but I like him way better than my mother....though that could have something to do with she is way more a jeebus lover.

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Guest I Love Dog

My dad (not even my natural father) was the one who spanked me but I like him way better than my mother....though that could have something to do with she is way more a jeebus lover.

 

So, would you therefore "spank" your children? I'm interested in if you think it's "right" to spank children?

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My dad was quick to use the belt, even in situations where he completely misunderstood what happened and no punishment was deserved at all. It was a spank-now-and-ask-questions-never mentality, and any attempt to explain something (regardless of how civil and respectful) was written off as "sassing."

 

I could NEVER treat my children that way.

 

I would say that in certain circumstances (such as the child being in danger or being in complete rebellion) one may be able to justify a swat. I certainly don't think it should be the primary method of correction, though, and if used should only be used sparingly (and NOT the belt!).

 

I have two young daughters, and I can't say I've never given them a swat or two, because I have, but it's been a couple years, and I don't plan to do it again.

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My dad (not even my natural father) was the one who spanked me but I like him way better than my mother....though that could have something to do with she is way more a jeebus lover.

 

So, would you therefore "spank" your children? I'm interested in if you think it's "right" to spank children?

I don't see a problem with it though I wouldn't rely soley or even majorly on it.

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Men who were beaten as children grow up thinking it's o.k. to beat wives, children, or other males who may be weaker than they are.

 

True, although beating a child and swatting to save a child from immediate danger are two vastly different things.

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The trauma that has resulted shows in your own attitude that hitting those smaller and weaker than you is o.k. even if they are those that you love the most in the World.

 

Men who were beaten as children grow up thinking it's o.k. to beat wives, children, or other males who may be weaker than they are.

 

There is a vast difference between beating your children and giving them the switch as punishment. One is a pathetic display of brute force and anger, the other is a rational disciplinary measure.

 

It affected me differently. I was hit once by my father and it hurt me so much, physically and mentally that I never, ever loved my father again. I swore that I would never hit my children and I never did.

 

My Dad never hit me, did you infer that somewhere? Though we did actually come to blows once, but we still love each other very much, perhaps even more so for having hashed out our difficulties.

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Guest Babylonian Dream

Last resort, okay. but I'd try everything else first. Including checking that the child's problems aren't to do with a mental condition as well. As some behaviour problems kids get smacked for, sometimes turned out to be ADD/ADHD

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I don't see anything wrong with an occasional swat. Beatings are just wrong.

 

Men who were beaten as children grow up thinking it's o.k. to beat wives, children, or other males who may be weaker than they are.

 

Why only men?

 

I would also say that not all people turn out like this after being beat as a child.

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Men who were beaten as children grow up thinking it's o.k. to beat wives, children, or other males who may be weaker than they are.

 

Why only men?

 

I would also say that not all people turn out like this after being beat as a child.

 

This is true. I would say it all depends on how an individual rationalizes whatever kind of abuse or punishment they received. Some might dole it out in turn and others might take that as a reason to never inflict it on another. We always have a choice.

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Have to say in the early years my parents would spank me. My (alcoholic) dad was quicker with the belt. I would never do either. Its degrading and embarrassing. One time my mom had a fit of anger and bit me pretty hard.

 

I don't think it had a good effect on me. I grew up with a short fuse and have been very tempted to beat my younger cousins when they misbehave and I'm babysitting them (I haven't and would never).

 

I don't plan on having kids.

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I my mom spanked me once when I was 3 or 4: which failed miserably because it didn't hurt at all and just made me giggle because it didn't hurt. But, yeah. Physical discipline can be harmful to a child, especially when its constant and over long periods of time.

 

But instead, my mom made me clean up my messes if I did something wrong. When I drew on the walls, she made me clean it all. When I got an "E" on a homework assignment in Elementary, she made me do it again. She perhaps grounded me once in Elementary: which was basically sitting in my room for an hour or two. My mom has a bit of a short fuse sometimes, and I just get scared of her voice sometimes. For a while, all she would ever call me to the living room for was to yell at me. For a whole year or two after that, whenever she called me over, I feared she was gonna yell at me. I've gotten over that, mostly because I do things less wrong.

 

I mostly just hate when she thinks I'm incompetent with tasks, though. I sometimes don't hear a whole sentence and so I might miss a step in chores or something because she starts giving my instructions while I'm still distracted by something else. I just have a bad ability to concentrate on one voice if many are going off around me. It's really weird. I can be standing right next to someone in a room and have to ask them to repeat themselves three times if there's other noises going on around me, because I just can't concentrate on their voice well enough to understand what they're saying.

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I have had to rethink so many things since leaving religion behind. I remember when I used to make fun of the "left-wing wackos" when they talked about how harmful corporal punishment could be. Now I'm pointing fingers in the opposite direction. Now I'm thinking, "you know, this might not really be the most effective form of punishment."

 

Something that I've found out is that many of those I used to be concerned about, that they might not make it to heaven, are actually the smart ones who have thought things through rationally.

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Guest ephymeris

I don't have kids yet but I am loathe to think I will one day hit them. I was spanked by my parents and other relatives using various implements. With my dad, spanking sometimes crossed the line and also often included intimidation & cruelty. My mother's failure (and outright refusal) to help me hurt our relationship deeply even to this day.

 

I hope I can avoid spanking and still teach them to behave in an acceptable manner. With my nieces and with the boy I was a nanny for, I never actually hit them but there were a few times I got angry enough I felt I could have. I have vowed to myself never to punish my kids in anger, hopefully I can keep my calm and still be effective

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