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Offshoot of "how many will he say this to?"


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In order to prevent sidetracking that pointless thread, I'll respond to Becca here.


Twenty years of trauma and disappointment that was ultimately caused by lies and fictions is trauma and disappointment nonetheless, and sometimes my rage gets the better of it. Let's face it: lifelong atheists really do have it easy--you never have to wrestle with this particular pain.


Regardless of my situation, I can still understand where you are coming from.


The sad part is: if this Yahweh was an actual real person, I could go up to him, bawl him out for hours for demanding so much of me while not even being willing to offer love and comfort in return, call him out on his misogyny, genocidal mania and general evil, slap him across the face, denounce him as a complete bastard and deadbeat Dad whom I REJECT, and be done with it.


Except that you choose to only look at one possible God. Not only are there 20,000 denominations of Christianity alone, but there are millions of other Gods that you could possibly connect with on a more personal level. The indocrination that you received is not your fault...the insistence that Christianity is THIS way and ONLY this way and that God is THIS way and ONLY this way is the result of you.


You understand that the Bible was written by the Hebrews as an interpretation to events that happened to them in their history, right? So, you were relying on human interpretation to define your God for you without even thinking to try and find God on your own. You don't reject God at all, you reject the given idea of what you were taught God is. God can be anything.


I think the hate and anger you feel is partly at those who you believed, and partly at yourself for believing them without trying to find out for yourself what you believe.


But whose feet do I lay this pain and trauma at now?


Um...no one.


But these Christian jerks keep coming by and babbling about what a wonderful guy he is, when for me he's either fiction or a THIRD abysmally crappy, neglectful, abusive, impossibly demanding, heartless parent! It infuriates me. I suffered unimaginably because of that lie--in fact, I nearly killed myself over it. But here the smiling zombies come, trying to "win me back".


Not everyone Christian believes what you believe. Why do you think new denominations sprout up? People think "hey, this isn't for me, but this is" and get their own idea of what a Christian is. Not every Christian is a smiling zombie.


I can remind myself again and again that Biblegod is a lie. But it doesn't take that pain away.


Frankly, I wonder if anything will.


Because you don't accept that it happened, and you don't forgive yourself for believing it. Nothing but yourself will make that pain go away, and until you find within yourself what you need to get rid of that pain, it wont go away.

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