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Goodbye Jesus

Deconversion's Before and After


Guest Devil Seed

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Guest Devil Seed

Hey everyone, I'm a recent deconvert and have this question to ask you all. What were you like before you left? Were you a better or worse person? Do you appreciate life more? What would you say to yourself if you could go back and talk to yourself?

 

 

 

P.S. Can anyone give me a description of Brigid? I've read alot of her responses and she has one of the most "interesting" personalities here lol.

 

 

Sincerely, Devil Seed

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Hey everyone, I'm a recent deconvert and have this question to ask you all. What were you like before you left? Were you a better or worse person? Do you appreciate life more? What would you say to yourself if you could go back and talk to yourself?

P.S. Can anyone give me a description of Brigid? I've read alot of her responses and she has one of the most "interesting" personalities here lol. 

Sincerely, Devil Seed

Hello Devil Seed.

 

Depends on what you mean by "better or worse"? As far as my behavior goes, I'm exactly the same. My morals and ethics haven't changed. My thinking ability is much clearer, now that I don't have the meme controlling me.

 

Appreciate life more? Not really. I've always been a grim and cynical bastard. Even when I was "saved". No changes there.

 

What would I say to myself? Hah! That's easy. "Don't be stupid, son! Avoid that religion stuff like the plague!" Then I'd give myself every atheist resource I have now, thus changing the past and causing a "time stream split" and creating a parallel universe. (Fun, but not a good thing.)

 

Can't help you on the Brigid angle. Why not ask her?

 

Welcome to the forums.

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I was a bit of a self-righteous prick before I embarked on the journey of questioning my own assumptions.

 

I don't think it was my fault. I was raised in a society of self-righteous pricks. However, I think I am a better person now. I'm a lot less judgemental and a lot less offended by things just because I don't agree with them. I'm much nicer now that I'm less burdened by irrational taboos. I'm easier to get along with. I have a lot more fun and I'm a lot happier.

 

If I had the chance to go back and try to convince my previous self to deconvert, I don't think I would take it. One of the things I learned in my self-questioning was that I can trust myself a lot more than I thought. And besides, if my message is to stop just trusting religious authorities, it'd be a bit hypocritical to go back and say it to my authority-trusting younger self.

 

Besides. I'm the questioning sort anyway. It was pretty much inevitable that I'd arrive somewhere close to where I am sooner or later. Doing it all on my own was healthy for me. I wouldn't want to change the way it happened.

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Heh. Frankly I was something of a pain in the ass when I was a Xian. HadouKen mentioned that he was a self-righteous prick, and I'll freely admit that I suffered from a measure of this too, mainly manifesting as trying to convert my non-believing family and friends.

 

I can say without reservation that I am far happier now than I ever was as a Xian. When I was a believer, I utterly loathed myself. I had self-esteem issues anyway and had the misfortune to carry them into my initial conversion, where they festered and grew to massive proportions under the constant barrage of "you are a wretched, worthless sinner not worthy to lick god's shit off the floor" messages I got from the religious community I was involved with. I tried to live the kind of life I was taught a good Xian woman should live, and I was fucking miserable. The only reason I never offed myself is because a) I didn't want to hurt some of my relatives, and b ) I thought I'd go to hell if I did. I felt I had to suffer through life with a full awareness of my own utter wretchedness until I died and god condescended to let me into heaven, not because he really wanted to, but because I'd said the magic words and he had to. I never once experienced joy as a Xian. It fucking SUCKED. :toilet:

 

Yeah, well, fuck that shit, grandma. :vtffani: One of the reasons I left Xianity was because I knew I had to, for my own sanity.

 

Deconverting was one of the top 5 best things I've ever done for myself in my life. I no longer hate myself. Most of my self-esteem issues are pretty well resolved. I'm way more relaxed about life in general than I used to be. I'm way more pragmatic and better at dealing with reality. I don't try to convert my friends anymore, either. So at least on that count I'm less of a pain in the ass! :spanka:

 

I've also figured out that the only person who can give my life meaning is me. That, and life is too short to waste on doing stuff that ultimately is totally soul-killing. There are way too many miserable people in the world - I don't need or want to be one of them.

 

I don't know what I'd say to myself if I could somehow go back in time. Maybe I'd tell myself to relax, the whole thing's bullshit anyway, and not to waste my time living a dishonest life. But I don't know if I would've listened to myself. I don't know, maybe my past self would see that my future self was better off without Xianity, and wised up sooner. It's moot anyway tho'. In the end I did tell myself what I needed to hear, and adjusted accordingly.

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Hey everyone, I'm a recent deconvert and have this question to ask you all. What were you like before you left? Were you a better or worse person? Do you appreciate life more? What would you say to yourself if you could go back and talk to yourself?

P.S. Can anyone give me a description of Brigid? I've read alot of her responses and she has one of the most "interesting" personalities here lol. 

Sincerely, Devil Seed

 

You sound an awful lot like a very curious believer who made up a quick story in order to draw the answers to your questions out of us. :scratch:

 

 

btw, I think brigid only hangs out on the main page of the site.

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Guest Ciddhartha

P.S. This is Devil Seed, changed my screen name.

 

Hey, freethawt, "you callin me a liar?" lol. No, dude I am far from a believer, look up no longer a mindless doll in the september articles by Christopher Michaels for a pretty lenghthy deconversion story, enjoy.

 

Oh yeah, and as for a response to my own question, I think that I am a much better person as a non-xtian, I agree with alot of what gwenmead said. I found myself making up excuses for the Almighty, bumbling around looking through scripture and christian articles trying to defend my faith from nonbelievers. I believe that as a christian you believe (deep down) that you are somewhat an Elite compared to the rest of humanity; that you have some special calling on your life to help create a heathen free planet. In the most serious times of my commitment to christ, I found myself talking to myself (god) in my spare time. Once when I was about 14, I went near a pond and started kicking a toad around on the ground due to boredom; a few seconds later a bee flew into my ear and scared the living shit outta me, I literally believed that god was punishing me for this animal's abuse and I was like "OMG I am so sorry god," and actually got on my knees and begged for forgiveness. (Note that this was the only time anything close to supernatural happened to me in my life). If I could go back, I would have given myself the books and knowledge that deconverted me in the first place.

 

P.S. again, hey freethawt, no offense taken but calling someone a christian in disguise on these boards is kinda like flicking them off. (It did sound kinda suspicious though lol)

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How was I before? Well I did have somewhat of a superiority feeling. I was saved and you werent so I'm better than you kinda deal. But mostly I was scared and frustrated. Always in fear that I would piss god off or die right after sinning. I was much less happy person in general.

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Dumb question but how do you change the "curious" above Ex-Christians Unite?

Make a lot of posts. It will change to other things and I think at 500 you can choose a custom title.

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I am the same person. The main things that changed is that I no longer feel the need to believe or justify my beliefs to non-believers, and my self-esteem is a lot higher. When I was religious, I hated myself. (Now, this wasn't only due to religion -- I was being bullied a lot at the time, but religion didn't help, either. Because I felt like I truly deserved eternal punishment, even though I was and am a basically good person.) I'm no longer being brainwashed on a regular basis, so I don't have to do complicated mental gymnastics in order to justify illogical beliefs. And I don't have to worry about what's going to happen to my non-Christian friends, either. Whatever happens, happens to all of us, not just a select few.

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I've never really thought about it, but I would say I'm a lot better off. back in my catholic days I always had a nagging fear of hell in the back of my mind. i went to confession at least twice a month, only to hear the priest in the confession box scoff at me for whatever I said.

 

Now I can definitley say I'm more self confident, in a better mood, able to think freely without a guilty conscience.

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As a Christian I was: Paranoid (about demon posession, hell, etc.), outwardly arrogant, inwardly self-hating, self deceptive, ignorant, confused, stressed, guilty, sexually and emotionally repressed, and even a little kooky (at my lowest point I started speaking to inanimate objects like clocks hoping God would use them to speak to me).

 

The moment I gave up Christianity (around this time last year) I felt a lot better about my life in general. No more random guilt over every little thing (like whether paraphrasing is the same as lying), and no more crazy two-year-old tantrum-god waiting to torture me for eternity (it's funny that Christians are more scared of hell than non-Christians). At first there was depression over losing my supposed "higher purpose", but that passed. Now I'm much happier, in general.

 

To answer you're other question, I would at least tell my past self not to take things, especially religion, so seriously. Maybe I would tell them the whole story (why Christianity is wrong and dangerous), but I'm not sure I could put it in words that I would have understood back then.

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P.S. again, hey freethawt, no offense taken but calling someone a christian in disguise on these boards is kinda like flicking them off. (It did sound kinda suspicious though lol)

 

If I wanted to flip you off, you'da got one'o deez ----> :vtffani:

 

:HaHa:

 

Welcome to the forum. :grin:

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<hijack>

You know, it's kind of funny, but I've never seen a christian in disguise here, more ExC parodys, but never a sleeper. Or at least I haven't seen any that I remember.

</hijack>

 

I was a lot less secure, and a lot less questioning when I was a Christian, I was smart but had a quiet zeal that blinded me. That about sums it up.

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Hey everyone, I'm a recent deconvert and have this question to ask you all. What were you like before you left? Were you a better or worse person? Do you appreciate life more? What would you say to yourself if you could go back and talk to yourself?

P.S. Can anyone give me a description of Brigid? I've read alot of her responses and she has one of the most "interesting" personalities here lol. 

Sincerely, Devil Seed

 

Before (w/ "Jesus by my side"): Fearful, paranoid, uncertain, closed-minded, judgemental, arrogant, introverted. I hated my life, and often begged God for another one -- or, for him to go ahead "and take me home" to glory. And, all of this before the age of 20.

 

Now: more outgoing, a little less arrogant (LOL!), settled, and content with life. A few people who "deconvert" are initially disappointed because they aren't going around with a perpetual grin, and can't claim stuff like "Two weeks after I became an atheist, I was cured of cancer, and my income skyrocketed 10-fold -- and, you can too!"

 

Deconverting from Christianity isn't going from one promise of a glory-ride to another . . . it's just getting off of the damn roller coaster. Deconverting won't get rid of ANY of your problems (unlike Christians claim "Geee-SAWS" will do), it'll just help you look at the world more realistically and logically.

 

And, a few years later, you'll look back and wonder how in the shit you ever believed anything so fantastic to start with. It's soooooooooo obvious later, though not so much at first.

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Honestly, I don't think there was much of a change. I am who I am despite what I believe I guess.

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