Jump to content

Did You Fear Hell As A Child?


Recommended Posts

I remember wanting to spend Sunday night in the church building for fear that we'd get into a car crash on the way home from church and end up in hell.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 51
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Guest Valk0010

Yes. I believe it was the primary driving force in my OCD, mainly with the sinner's prayer and "making sure" I understood everything clearly. Rolling in bed, saying "Please forgive me" seemingly hundreds of times... Ugh. Just a year ago, causing me to have the desire to die and just get it over with and be in happy sparkleland with Jesus...

Replace understanding clearly with the unforgivable sin, your described 7 years of my life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah...I was mostly afraid for my family when I was self-identifying as Christian, as most of them were atheist or pretty nominally Christian. I used to have panic attacks about my little cousin burning in Hell forever.

 

It was a lot for a kid to stomach.

 

Phanta

Link to post
Share on other sites

If there were a god, and if a christian were able to loose his or her salvation by turning way from god, one would think that god would know that that christian was about to turn away and kill that christian via lightning strike, rock from the sky, heart attack, or whatever to make sure that christian wouldn't go to hell. Of course, I'm putting too much thought into a fairy tale.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I sometimes had a horrible fear of hell, sometimes I didn't. Amazingly that's not the part of Christianity that set off my OCDness.

 

However I fairly quickly noticed that my family only went to church when my younger sister had gone with her friends for a long time. The last time, my parents decided to get couples counseling and we all went, so then of course my parents wound up putting aside their differences and hating everyone in the church and leaving.

 

They're still together, though not particularly happy, it seems.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes. I believe it was the primary driving force in my OCD, mainly with the sinner's prayer and "making sure" I understood everything clearly. Rolling in bed, saying "Please forgive me" seemingly hundreds of times... Ugh. Just a year ago, causing me to have the desire to die and just get it over with and be in happy sparkleland with Jesus...

Replace understanding clearly with the unforgivable sin, your described 7 years of my life.

 

Do tell, please. I spent five years with that fear; dropped out of college because of it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Valk0010

Yes. I believe it was the primary driving force in my OCD, mainly with the sinner's prayer and "making sure" I understood everything clearly. Rolling in bed, saying "Please forgive me" seemingly hundreds of times... Ugh. Just a year ago, causing me to have the desire to die and just get it over with and be in happy sparkleland with Jesus...

Replace understanding clearly with the unforgivable sin, your described 7 years of my life.

 

Do tell, please. I spent five years with that fear; dropped out of college because of it.

From about the ages of 10-17 I spent my life worry I committed the unforgivable sin. I would pray everyday almost all day when it was really bad and I couldn't get the stuff of my mind. Sometimes it was better in fact, a good portion of the time it was bad enough to bother me but not enough to incapacitate me. I nearly got committed twice for it. Spent many a day either in bed or in the house, just because I had trouble coping. I prayed a lot more then I think most people do at that age. Actually for about a 9 months i managed to keep my mind under control, then I had a relapse about 15 and the next two years battling it to the point of begging god to just take it away or kill me or something so I didn't have to worry about it, till I finally got put on medicine for it and went to see a shrink, what got me to beat it, was forcing myself to believe that if I was going to hell there is nothing I could do about it, and if I was saved, I was saved nothing was going to change it. Now that I am not a christian thank heavens I will never have to risk dealing with that again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I was more afraid of the rapture. That event was supposed to happen any time, and probably very soon. I sure did not want to go flying up into the air and I didn't want my parents to go and myself to be left, either. Seemed like losing either way :shrug:

 

Seriously, I was very frightened when I was about 11, 12. I had a lot of shit to deal with in school with bullying and at home with my brothers always picking on me and then this Baptist fundy bullshit on top of it. Some of my neurotic habits started around then, and I became even more shy and withdrawn than previously.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes. I believe it was the primary driving force in my OCD, mainly with the sinner's prayer and "making sure" I understood everything clearly. Rolling in bed, saying "Please forgive me" seemingly hundreds of times... Ugh. Just a year ago, causing me to have the desire to die and just get it over with and be in happy sparkleland with Jesus...

Replace understanding clearly with the unforgivable sin, your described 7 years of my life.

 

Do tell, please. I spent five years with that fear; dropped out of college because of it.

From about the ages of 10-17 I spent my life worry I committed the unforgivable sin. I would pray everyday almost all day when it was really bad and I couldn't get the stuff of my mind. Sometimes it was better in fact, a good portion of the time it was bad enough to bother me but not enough to incapacitate me. I nearly got committed twice for it. Spent many a day either in bed or in the house, just because I had trouble coping. I prayed a lot more then I think most people do at that age. Actually for about a 9 months i managed to keep my mind under control, then I had a relapse about 15 and the next two years battling it to the point of begging god to just take it away or kill me or something so I didn't have to worry about it, till I finally got put on medicine for it and went to see a shrink, what got me to beat it, was forcing myself to believe that if I was going to hell there is nothing I could do about it, and if I was saved, I was saved nothing was going to change it. Now that I am not a christian thank heavens I will never have to risk dealing with that again.

 

 

Wow, I understand. I really do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I was more afraid of the rapture. That event was supposed to happen any time, and probably very soon. I sure did not want to go flying up into the air and I didn't want my parents to go and myself to be left, either. Seemed like losing either way :shrug:

 

 

I didn't believe in the Rapture as a Christian but I believed in the Second Coming. But one of my fears of the Second Coming was that it would happen while I was naked and I would be embarrassed having to fly out in the sky while naked because of some verse in Revelation were it warns you about being naked when the Second Coming happens.
Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't have an issue with hell because hell was something that happened to other people, in a different realm -- the realm of sinners and atheists, which I certainly wasn't. My 5 year old mind latched on to it that way and it didn't become an issue. I was assured by my parents and teachers that since I had accepted Jesus, I need have no concerns. And we preached eternal security so there was no serious concern about losing my salvation.

 

On the other hand I have to say that hell wasn't real enough to me that I had a "burden for souls", either. I guess I more or less felt that hell was a self-inflicted problem.

 

I don't know if this means I'm a callous SOB, or if my tribe just had it all safely intellectualized, or if it's just a question of not being vulnerable to anxiety and fear about the matter. I did occasionally meet people who did a lot of hand-wringing because they didn't "feel" saved -- we were taught that feelings had nothing to do with it, though. I tended to dismiss such folks as obsessive-compulsive types who answered every altar call rather than washing their hands over and over.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Never feared hell, till after I deconverted, with the exemption of worrying about the unforgivable sin from 10-17.

 

I never feared it while saved because I figured my "fire insurance" was squared away. It was when I got the balls to deconvert that I suddenly had a very acute fear of damnation. It didn't last too long, though, but it'll always be in the back of my mind.

 

However, now that I think on it, I do remember there were certain people that I feared would go to hell after their (statistically more likely than average) untimely deaths. I'm mainly talking about druggies, suicidal types, and gangbangers that I was close to as a Christian youth/young adult who were constantly in and out through the revolving door of my youth group/church. I was constantly fearful that they'd backslide and then get shot, OD, or get murdered. I was less afraid of them dying young and far, far more afraid of them burning in hell!

 

One of them actually did get shot and killed. He had only been partially backslidden when it happened so I told myself over and over again that he was in heaven.

 

What a fucked up religion. I was all but indifferent to the fact that they were dead, but that is because I was neurotic as fuck about their alleged afterlives!!!

 

Fuck!!!! :twitch:

Link to post
Share on other sites

From about the ages of 10-17 I spent my life worry I committed the unforgivable sin.

 

I remember having that anxiety, but it was mild and short-lived.

 

I asked a youth leader "how do I know that I never did that before I was a Christian?" I was kind of worried because I had been seriously into rarrr rarrr satan satan fuck you satan death metal before getting slaved.

 

He said: "oh, you'd know. Not only that, but you'd probably be laughing about it."

 

I never worried about it after he told me that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd have fears of making stupid bets or deals with the devil in the back of my mind... like... if I don't get my homework done in the next five minutes, the devil takes my soul! Or stupid things like that. Of course the following thought was always 'not really,' but my mind would do little trips like that, I think, for the thrill factor. It's the same sensation as being on a roller coaster, to taunt in the back of your mind like that.

 

Never admitted it until now.

 

*chuckle* Of course, were it true, I lost my soul a long time ago. XD And what a rotten deal. Dorian Gray made out good, in comparison.

GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gifwicked.gif

Link to post
Share on other sites

My question for the OP is, is this a Christian therapist? If so, I'd not just walk, but RUN away as fast as you can and find a qualified secular therapist who can really help you.

 

If I could +1 this post a million times I would.

 

I went to a catholick "therapist" for a brief amount of time for depression. It was a secular office/practice, but the first day I met her she had a crucifix around her neck. A big part of my issue is anger at the church and disbelief that people can be so gullible, and she never once validated any feeling of mine. In fact, when I brought up lies I had been told in my church/school, she told me I only perceive them as lies. I asked her if her pope going to Africa and telling them condoms will spread AIDS is a truthful statement and she changed the subject.

 

Going to a therapist who is xtian is like going to a bartender to get help with your drinking problem. They will not help you in anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Your therapist sounds like yet another clueless moron who wants to pretend the kind of churches that sponsor "Hell House" are a small fringe of American Christianity, when it is obvious they are the mainstream.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My girlfriend is a therapist, and to be honest (even with my limited knowledge of the field) your therapist saying it sounds excessive is not something she should say. Now obviously therapists shouldn't play into your fears, but to outright dismiss them is not what they are paid a goodly amount for...So possibly look for another therapist? Just because they have the degree, doesn't mean they are good.

Link to post
Share on other sites

at age 6 I found this large coffee table book in our house all about Michelangelo. This painting, along with several similar ones he painted, sent me into pretty severe depression.

 

2.1195099080.scene-from-last-judgment-by-michelangelo.jpg

 

especially when my mom told me it was REAL

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I did fear hell and I believe it was brought on by my childhood indoctrination though it did not become a real worry until my teens.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Your therapist sounds like yet another clueless moron who wants to pretend the kind of churches that sponsor "Hell House" are a small fringe of American Christianity, when it is obvious they are the mainstream.

 

Yes and no. What we would consider to be properly fundie/evangelical make up between 20 to 25% of the American population. (That might be hard to imagine if you live inside the Bible Belt.) However, they're just over half of the churchgoing population; as in, the people that actually go to church and participate instead of staying home and not giving a shit. So as far as people who actually do more than check the 'Catholic' or 'Protestant' box out of unthinking habit, fundies/evangelicals are most certainly mainstream in that they're a slight majority.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is kind of funny. As a child I learned hell is a horrible place where a person is tortured for eternity...all that teeth gnashing and all. well, I didn't want to end up there. Then I learned about heaven....streets of gold, cool huh? Then someone told me my pets don't go to heaven. I remember thinking those streets paved in gold would become old hat, being eternity and all. I really would have preferred streets lined with kittens. I learned in heaven you get to spend eternity basking in the glow of god and having your every need met. Boring! what fun are games if you always win? Why make bonds in the physical world if you care not about those bonds in heaven? I look at seriously disturbed rich people, people who can afford all of lifes pleasures and they are still danged unhappy, filling some void with drugs, alcohol etc. Why would heaven be any different?

 

Mary

Link to post
Share on other sites

I most certainly was afraid of hell when I was younger, and my mind deeply encased in the shell of xtianity. My mom was the biggest contributor to my fear, and was the most adamant about making sure I was a xtian and obeyed the xtian rules. She would tell me I was closer to god because I would go to church even when my best-friend didn't want to go. I actually only went because it made my mom happy. She would always talk about how evil satan was and that hell was a place I didn't want to go to. She made me stay up with her sometimes and she read me this book:

3863812_a.jpg

 

She also would take me to church a lot and I heard quite a bit of how bad hell was, testimonies, the usual stuff. Other times when things like this were playing at the local church:

 

she would be more than happy to subject me to such bullshit. So I was pretty fucking scared.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I most certainly was afraid of hell when I was younger, and my mind deeply encased in the shell of xtianity. My mom was the biggest contributor to my fear, and was the most adamant about making sure I was a xtian and obeyed the xtian rules. She would tell me I was closer to god because I would go to church even when my best-friend didn't want to go. I actually only went because it made my mom happy. She would always talk about how evil satan was and that hell was a place I didn't want to go to. She made me stay up with her sometimes and she read me this book:

3863812_a.jpg

 

She also would take me to church a lot and I heard quite a bit of how bad hell was, testimonies, the usual stuff. Other times when things like this were playing at the local church:

 

she would be more than happy to subject me to such bullshit. So I was pretty fucking scared.

 

I was IN a production of Heaven's Gates/Hell's Flames. I was one of the angels that welcomed you into Heaven after you made the cut. I also played a demon in MANY MANY MANY human videos. (Because they were the most fun to play!) The guy that directed "Heaven's Gates Hell's Flames" at our church was a complete asshole jerk. I remember (at the time) finding it incredibly ironic that HE was the one bringing this message to church after church.

 

ABOUT THERAPIST: My husband and I are going to continue to see her BUT I about to start seperate counseling for myself (I'm looking for a secular counselor). Although she is not the most neutral when it comes to religion, she's not a fundamentalist (and that seems to be a good solution for my husband and I). AND the counseling is paid for by his work, and NOT by our insurance. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.