Jump to content

Not Sure Which Way I'm Headed.


RoughSeeker
 Share

Recommended Posts

Okay I've had some issues throughout my life such as addiction and depression, though lately- the past six months- I've cleaned up. Though I had some messed up phases in highschool where I was into things like the occult (Yea, I dabbled in witchcraft:) I came to the belief that if I'm a good person and God is good so I'll go to heaven. Than I went to this evangelical vacation camp with my aunt and uncle. I went for the water skiing and paint ball, and figured I'd just sit through the religous parts. Little did I know they had chapel twice a day for an hour and a half each. The speaker they had was very intelligent, though we didn't discuss things like science (although I did have a funny conversation some of the other youths)---more so things like living your life for Jesus. Before anyone says anything I must say these were good people and were not the scary Hellfire and brimstone type of evangelicals-although honestly things like sin never really came up, the speaker kept things positive. The expirience encouraged me to read the bible more.

 

Before I go into th bible I have to talk about the conversation I had with the other youths(ages 17-25, the older children of the parents at the camp.) Me being the skeptic (and a bit of an asshole) I bought up the subject of evolution. I said that we don't come from apes, but that we share a common upright walking ancestor. They basically said they believe what the bible says. Than I made a snide remark about the report that sarah Palin said she thought man walked along with dinosaurs, I meant it as a joke but no one laughed. One of them said their dad heard about an article where they found human skeletons next to Dinosaurs, and then it hit me, these people also believe that everything ever was created 6,000 years ago. When the kid, he's 17 and my cousin, told me about this I sort of sat their a moment and said "That's not right." For some reason I couldn't put the dots together as these kids(my cousins) were smart people that were in AP classes at their public school--- yet they held a literal view of the bible. I come from a Catholic household where we were educated at a Jesuit school that taught us about evolution and the big bang--- the belief that God was "the one who started motion"- a liberal interpretation of the bible. I didn't really want to bring up any tough questions like homosexuality and other topics that might offend them because I wanted to respect my family and other than the chapel, I had a great time at the camp.

 

Anyways when i started reading the bible when i got him, this fear in me developed. Will I displease God or go to hell because I look at attractive women and may get excited? Or because I masterbated? Or because I dropped several hundred F-bombs in my life? Or because I don't go to Church all the time? Or because I don't "always have God in my thoughts? Or because I don't totally live my life for Jesus? I'm a lax Catholic, and was under the belief that to get into a heaven you had to be a decent person that was unselfish and kind. I thought it was only the hardcore thieves, murderers, and rapists that were doomed to hell. You know, truly evil people. Now it seems the list encompasses a helluva lot more people than I originally thought. Not only that, but Evangelicals believe that gays, Jews, Muslims, anyone that isn't a bible-thumping christian go to Hell---even if they're genuinely good people.

 

This frickin camp has made me scared and confused. I always based my belief of "saved" people on how one's actions affected the world and people around them, now I have the fear that you must follow the rules of the bible and accecptance Christ is the only way to be saved. This really sucks and I now directly see how this Religion can be so damn opressive---but I still have the thought, what if I'm wrong and fucked for eternity.

 

Reading these boards have helped abit, but I still have doubts and am angry that if this is the real God, how can he screw so many people around the world that didn't take to Christianity or worse, never even heard of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What if you're wrong about Zeus? How about Quetzalcoatl? Maybe Allah will torch you for not being a good Muslim. There are hundreds of other "gods" I could have listed that people have passionately followed throughout history and built amazing temples for. During our blip of history, a lot of people in our country are worshiping Jesus. No difference, just a different name and tradition. His threats don't come true, and neither do his promises. Most of us on this forum were believers for decades, and I can tell you firsthand that after passionately following Jesus for 34 years, he isn't real and the god of the Bible is quite comparable to an abusive husband. He's narcissistic, psychotic, but thankfully as imaginary as the other gods. Gods seem more real when living people around you are convinced of their reality and put pressure on you to convert. Without that reinforcement, the inherent mythology of it is just laughable. But with the component of other humans that believe (and many centuries of culture steeped in it) there is a sense of legitimacy given to it. That is where your struggle has its roots.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not only that, but Evangelicals believe that gays, Jews, Muslims, anyone that isn't a bible-thumping christian go to Hell---even if they're genuinely good people.

 

To be precise, Evangelicals believe that there are NO genuinely good people.

 

Phanta

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hell is not even taught in the OT. It was just added in much much later, and taken from the other religious traditions in the Middle East. And anyway, even among christians there are so many disagreements over how you avoid hell or get saved or whether you can lose your salvation and how, if at all, you can be assured of any of this. And even if it were real, I still couldn't bring myself to love and worship the god who came up with this sadistic place of torture, in order to avoid it.

 

Hope this helps a little. Keep reading and thinking, and hopefully the fear will go away. Oh, and one more thing that really helped me, was when someone said that before we were born, we did not exist. So I have no problem believing I was not eternally here. So why is it hard to understand that when we die, we will be in just the same state as before we were born? We are finite.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Reading the bible is a great way to cure yourself of christianity. That's why, even today, several churches only encourage "bible study" in groups, to ensure you leave with the proper interpretation.

The feel-good message is popular in summer camps, they hit you with the hellfire later. And you are right to be suspicious of a church that makes kids believe in a young earth and literal biblical creation. It smacks of CULT.

Go where you need to, but stay honest with yourself.

 

(P.S. Sarah Palin is a complete looney.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.