5 Year Old Brother Getting Brainwashed Like Me

[BabyZeus]

I posted this in the rants and replied page, but I think the subject matter might be better suited for this board.

 

Ok, this is my first time posting on this board. I've been lurking for a while but I feel like I need to vent right now, and any advice would be appreciated. Let me start by saying I am a fully de-converted Christian, and have been fully deconverted for two years now. It has been a long and painful process, but I am finally very comfortable with my beliefs and every changing view point.

 

I'm a P.K. and grew up spending most of my time in a charismatic church in South Carolina. My childhood bares a strikingly close resemblance to "Jesus Camp". I was brainwashed from the get-go, my parents being about as fundamentalist as you can get. I got the whole works, and didn't have a shot in hell (no pun intended) of believing anything other than what I was told all my life. They went so far as to home-school me so I wouldn't be warped by the public education system. Fast forward to high-school, I pretty much give up the pentecostal lifestyle, and start going to the baptist church which my christian school was a part of.

 

In college, I started drinking and smoking weed, listening to cool music. I met really good friends who weren't christians, and first the first time in my life found out non christians were way more fun to be around than christian people.

 

Through a process of research and hard thinking, I slowly began to deconvert over the next two years. I stopped going to church, and spent hours and hours reading about the origins of the bible, mythology, and philosophy.

 

Let me back up. I have been an only child for the majority of my life. My senior year of high school my family decided to adopt my biological second cousin because his mom (my first cousin) had major alcohol and drug problems and could not take care of him. He was one year old at the time. I think it was a great idea and I have no doubt that he will have a better childhood than he would have had if we had not have adopted him. However, a few years later I have completely changed and no longer feel the same way I once did about our family's lifestyle.

 

He is five years old now, and it breaks my heart that he will be subjected to the same amount of brainwashing and hijacking that I went through. My dad is a children's minister, and he will believe everything they tell him without question. I've tried to talk with my parents about how looking back I wish I would have been able to decide for myself what I want to believe. They don't understand.

 

Most people in my circle in South Carolina do not ever escape this religion. They are either completely a part of it and remain fundamentalist, or struggle with guilt their entire lives because they think they are living in sin. Hardly anyone breaks free like me with no shame, and comes to full realization that christianity is a lie.

 

I know that he will be loved and cared for and have an overall healthy childhood, my parents are nice people.

 

My question is, is there anything I could do or should be doing? Or do I have to allow my brother to endure that until he is college age and can figure it out on his own. Is there anything I can say to my parents to help them understand? If I didn't have my 5 year old brothers best interest at heart, this would be a non-isssue. I would likely never discuss religion with my parents, and let it go. But now I have someone else to think about. I love my brother with all my heart and makes me both angry and depressed when I look and see the exact childhood I wen through. Sure ignorance is bliss, but looking back It isn't right for children to have to go through what I went through. Can you offer some advice?

[Dibllsmek]

It might not be a bad thing.

 

I know that sounds bat-shit crazy, but if something works, don't fix it. If someone wants to practice a religion, LET THEM.

 

I know many Christians who live fine lives, have friends, are normal, etc. I believe someone has the right to believe what they want to. Sure, I don't think there is a god, but I'm not 100% sure, I'm agnostic. My sister is a christian, that works for her.

 

You should introduce him to other religions, not just atheism/agnosticism. I'd save the more "romantic" religions for until they get older, like Wicca (the whole magick thing is very interesting to a child). Its important that they believe what they want to. If they want to defect from Christianity, they'll feel the need to. Its like convincing someone thats happy and satisfied that they're miserable and need something more. Give him some time, if he feels the need to, he will find another religion. Just because Christianity doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it wont satisfy him.

 

Yes your "brain washing" seems bad. But thats only how you look at it NOW. I'm sure when it was happening that it was fine, and if it wasn't you'd probably seek out a different religion.

After I deconverted I spent many months researching many other religions, trying to find what fit me. I made a conclusion.

 

I'm only 15, I don't know much. Try and talk to other people.

Just don't limit your brother's knowledge of religion, the more he's introduced to the better.

[BabyZeus]

It might not be a bad thing.

 

I know that sounds bat-shit crazy, but if something works, don't fix it. If someone wants to practice a religion, LET THEM.

 

I know many Christians who live fine lives, have friends, are normal, etc. I believe someone has the right to believe what they want to. Sure, I don't think there is a god, but I'm not 100% sure, I'm agnostic. My sister is a christian, that works for her.

 

You should introduce him to other religions, not just atheism/agnosticism. I'd save the more "romantic" religions for until they get older, like Wicca (the whole magick thing is very interesting to a child). Its important that they believe what they want to. If they want to defect from Christianity, they'll feel the need to. Its like convincing someone thats happy and satisfied that they're miserable and need something more. Give him some time, if he feels the need to, he will find another religion. Just because Christianity doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it wont satisfy him.

 

Yes your "brain washing" seems bad. But thats only how you look at it NOW. I'm sure when it was happening that it was fine, and if it wasn't you'd probably seek out a different religion.

After I deconverted I spent many months researching many other religions, trying to find what fit me. I made a conclusion.

 

I'm only 15, I don't know much. Try and talk to other people.

Just don't limit your brother's knowledge of religion, the more he's introduced to the better.

 

I think your sort of missing the point. My parents don't want him to be exposed to any other viewpoints besides christianity. This becomes a problem when they tell him the world is 6000 years old, evolution is a lie, sex is bad until your married. All sorts of things that will affect his life just like they did mine. It's not just a religion here, I'm not sure how familiar with fundies you are?

[HappyChef]

First,look at your path,and realize that you cannot change your parents.Unless you plan to dispute everything they say,then adopt him yourself.

 

Be a voice of reason and acceptance to him as he grows. remind him of the lessons of tolerance and forgiveness that are at the core of HUMAN interaction not just in the babble.Teach him the things,by example,we as free thinkers know are true. "Thou shalt not be shitty to others".

[SilentLoner]

I think your sort of missing the point. My parents don't want him to be exposed to any other viewpoints besides christianity. This becomes a problem when they tell him the world is 6000 years old, evolution is a lie, sex is bad until your married. All sorts of things that will affect his life just like they did mine. It's not just a religion here, I'm not sure how familiar with fundies you are?

 

They sure sound like a bad case.

 

I have a younger brother myself and or years had to watch him buy into xtian dogma and all related BS. But I made sure to be an influence to him - nothing large like arguing with our parents, but I would pose questions to him ans ask him to critically evaluate something told to him. Took a while but it paid off in the end.

 

I'll advise you to try and be close to your cousin, try and introduce him to new things and new ideas. I really wish someone head done that for me.

[OpheliaGinger]

You're the "older brother," you expose him to different modes of thought.

[fallenleaf]

I think the best thing you can do in this situation is just lead a good and happy life. Be open when asked, by anyone, when around him and make no excuses for your apostasy. You don't need to argue or debate religion. Just be an example of someone who is leading a good life without God. It might not be enough to keep him from sinking into the depths of depravity that Pentecostalism happens to be. But it is probably the least stressful thing you can do for him and your family. Anything direct and overt will cause a lot of drama and stress and will make you look like the bad guy.

 

I was raised in a home like that (without an older brother to be an example) and I was able to find my way out. I know it's terrifying to watch someone else go through it -- I've personally had panic attacks thinking about others I know who are in it as children right now -- but I don't know what you can really do to help.

[lunaticheathen]

I agree with most posters here, but I like BO's suggestion. That's the most proactive approach, be the "cool, rebel older bro." You don't have to shout down the religion to your parents, and that wouldn't help anyway. Just be available, be honest with him, and point out other ways of thinking.

And if your parents step in to stop you, that really just gives more power to YOUR position. Taboo is ALWAYS more interesting.

[R. S. Martin]

I agree with most posters here, but I like BO's suggestion. That's the most proactive approach, be the "cool, rebel older bro." You don't have to shout down the religion to your parents, and that wouldn't help anyway. Just be available, be honest with him, and point out other ways of thinking.

And if your parents step in to stop you, that really just gives more power to YOUR position. Taboo is ALWAYS more interesting.

 

Except for the naturally "good" kid here and there who wants to please Mom and Dad at all costs. Such a kid will gravitate away from anyone who causes his parents emotional pain. That he was "rescued" out of a seriously bad family situation will exacerbate the situation if he happens to be that kind of child.

 

In that case, just being available but quietly respectful of your parents while living your own life is probably the best.

 

But...will your parents tolerate you being around him if you no longer believe as they do? If they do, they aren't all that fundy...not in comparison to where I come from.

 

Read the stories on here of parents who must choose between being closet atheists while watching their own kids being brainwashed by their spouse and former church, versus coming out of the closet and facing divorce from an alienated spouse who is being supported by an angry church. We've had some heartbreaking stories on these forums.

 

As for being an older sibling and watching the younger ones growing up like oneself....I've been there. I'm the oldest of eleven and watched them all grow up. They all have to learn how to live life their own way. I disagree with the conclusions most of them arrived at re many life issues. Such is life.

 

Only if he is actually abused can you step in and take legal action. It does not sound like this is the case. Even the fundy life can be happy for those who fit in.

[TheSecretAtheist]

Realize that you came to the truth in spite of your parents' fundamentalism and he can, too. I wouldn't actively encourage him to explore other religions or anything, especially now (perhaps when he is an adult) as that will cause much tension between him and your parents as well as between you and your parents, and quite possibly between him and you. I would encourage him to think for himself, and to examine the things he is taught. This can be done through the lens of Christianity, since I've joined in the online discussions I've found that many who study theology and the bible deeply come to the realization that it isn't a reliable source of information and that religion and god just don't make much sense.

 

I would encourage you to be close to him, not to try to convert him now. When he is older and the two of you are closer than blood because you worked on that relationship, and he is out from under your parents care then you can be far more open and he will likely be far more receptive to you than if you start trying to convince him early and cause a rift between you and your parents over it. In that case you are more likely to be cut off from him and not be able to be a good influence. Even if that does happen though, don't lose hope. As I said, you came through the same family and into rational though and he may be able to as well.

 

Many of us, in fact, have come out of families who, truly feeling it was best for their kids, indoctrinated them into religion and yet managed to develop rational thinking skills. I was homeschooled, too, and thought we didn't come out of one of the super-fundie churches my parents are very conservative and do believe in the young earth thing and all that. I'm a PK as well!

 

Right now I think about my little sisters, they are 16 now, and I hope that they will be able to think freely and rationally. Maybe by the time they start college I'll be "out" to my family and can discuss things with them. (Not highly likely as discussions with them tend to be very one sided, they are very quiet with anyone but each other, and with each other they use "twin telepathy" to communicate!)

 

Anyway, I hope you can find a path that makes sense, and I hope that in some way I've encouraged you through my off-the-cuff post!