Why Do I Feel Bad?

[JadedAtheist]

Last couple days I've had a couple of experiences that I've felt bad about that I wish I didn't. Not even sure why I am posting it, mostly just to get it off my chest I guess.

 

The other day I met up with some friends from college who I've known for years now and we were just catching up since it's been months since we've seen each other. Anyways, we had some Chinese food and we got fortune cookies and I opened up one and it (coincidentally) said “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”. To which I replied "Ain't that the truth?" He laughed and then said you need to give up on religion (he knew I went all devout on his ass but doesn't know about my deconversion) but you cannot give up on God. He said that even though he was a Buddhist he couldn't deny a God existing anymore and I said why's that? He replied saying that it was me that caused him to believe in God. My life and what has happened made him realize there is a God and that he is there and is looking after him. I changed the conversation after that but I felt bad afterwards. He has some spiritual belief now that seems to be helping him through what he is going through but I am no longer that believer who can support him in that belief.

 

Then yesterday I met up with another friend who was helping one of his friends by giving him a few pointers and tips while driving (the guy came from India and needed to get an Australian drivers license as the use of his would expire soon). The guy was going through a tough time as he lost several jobs due to not having his Australian license and other issues he is going through on top of it but what helped him go through his trials was that he knew God was there for him and strengthening him et cetera. He asked if we were Christians (I would normally be annoyed if someone asked this but I didn't mind for some reason when he asked) and I said I was but no longer am and changed the conversation. Once again I felt bad. Don't even really know why.

 

This is on top of all the email exchanges I've been having with people who have now since stopped their replies to my emails. I'm assuming they gave up due to frustration. I once again feel bad they cannot see my point of view and can only see through their Christian lens. (I.E. I was never truly saved and never really understood Christianity and I left to abound in sin et cetera).

 

Anyways, thanks for hearing me release/rant

[pitchu]

Alen, there are so many people on this board who, over the years, have voiced feeling bad for exactly the same reasons you do now. Whether trapped in it or finally freed from it, the shock waves of a toxic religious view can reach far and last long. But it does get better, especially if one carries what seems to be in you -- an essential kindness of character.

[HRDWarrior]

At some point you're bound to run into people who knew you before, and who you may even feel a sense of responsibility for them getting into religion when you have since left it. Basically, I try to look at it as the past is the past, and at the time I was doing what I felt was the best thing I could do given my knowledge, experience and wisdom at the time. It doesn't change that you feel a sense of guilt, but just be prepared if the topic ever comes up and you have the chance to say why you left.

 

Don't dwell on it too much - you never forced them to believe in anything, nor did you choose to deconvert. It's their lives, and you are not responsible for their choices - they are free to choose for themselves.