"you're Going To Fail Epically"

[Vendredie]

So I read this article this morning, and of course the "cons" part pissed me off.

 

I have a friend with benefits and the "pros" article is more my experience with it (though not exactly). I actually lost my virginity to my FWB, something I'm sure Ms. Klausner would have a fit over. I just can't get over how fucking preachy the "cons" article is.

 

Once you start sleeping with a friend, you are going to end up (a) in a relationship or ( not speaking.

 

That's basically what it is. You're going to wind up having feelings for the FWB, you're going to wind up in a relationship, you're going to get into a huge fight and break up, you're going to etc. etc. etc. And the dumbass started out having feelings for him. It wasn't that she just started sleeping with a friend, it was that she picked out a guy solely to sleep with and did want a relationship.

 

Just because you can't have a FWB relationship without fucking it up, does not mean that nobody else can or should. It's the same preachy bullshit I got from those stupid abstinence classes. If you have sex, it will end HORRIBLY, and the guy will just abandon you and break your heart because you are a weak female with "female feelings" and will do anything for love and attention, and you will never, ever be the same again, you worthless slut. You can't have sex unless you (general female "you") are married to a good Christian man first. Because married couples never have problems with sex, ever. That's impossible, and those wedding rings protect you from bad sex and shitty relationships.

 

While I'm not assuming Ms. Klausner was implying "no sex till marriage", it certainly gave me those vibes, and seemed to be preaching "no sex outside a committed relationship because it will end in tears".

 

I've got news for you, Ms. Klausner. I have a FWB, no strings attached, and we're fine. Not everyone is like you.

 

I'm 18 and I realize that. What the fuck is wrong with all of these so-called adults...

[Yrth]

no room for risk analysis?

[BrotherJosh]

It sounds like the writer of the "cons" part of the article wasn't even an actual friend with her FWB? She comes off as sounding extremely bitter and jaded, "We had little in common" "He wasn't even funny". Why the hell are you friends with him than?? The "pros" writer actually describes her relationship, history and vision of the future for her and her friend with benefits. The second writer does neither of these things and simply says, "well if it didn't work for me, it won't work for anyone else" I've had a few friends with benefits relationships over the years, along with a number of my own friends being in the same boat, and yes they can be very tricky and sometimes may lead to something, but like in every relationship, communication and honesty is key which is what I do not see happening in the "cons" article. She basically (from the article) picked out some schmuck to bang for awhile, ended up becoming jealous, bitter and possessive and ended up driving the guy off. She mentions being heartbroken, to me it seems the guy in this relationship was up front with what he wanted and where he was in his life, she was not.

 

"The thrill of regular sex faded." Must not have been very fun sex if it "faded"

[Vendredie]

It sounds like the writer of the "cons" part of the article wasn't even an actual friend with her FWB? She comes off as sounding extremely bitter and jaded, "We had little in common" "He wasn't even funny". Why the hell are you friends with him than?? The "pros" writer actually describes her relationship, history and vision of the future for her and her friend with benefits. The second writer does neither of these things and simply says, "well if it didn't work for me, it won't work for anyone else" I've had a few friends with benefits relationships over the years, along with a number of my own friends being in the same boat, and yes they can be very tricky and sometimes may lead to something, but like in every relationship, communication and honesty is key which is what I do not see happening in the "cons" article. She basically (from the article) picked out some schmuck to bang for awhile, ended up becoming jealous, bitter and possessive and ended up driving the guy off. She mentions being heartbroken, to me it seems the guy in this relationship was up front with what he wanted and where he was in his life, she was not.

 

"The thrill of regular sex faded." Must not have been very fun sex if it "faded"

That's exactly what it seems like. I was friends with my FWB long before I ever slept with him. That's not a FWB, as they didn't even seem to be friends. Really, she fucked everything up from the get-go and doesn't realize she did.

[David.P]

The two parts of that article are written by 2 different people to answer the question “Can "Friends With Benefits" Ever Work?”. One answer is ‘Yes’, the other answer is ‘No’ (the “cons” the I believe you mention.)

 

If the woman’s ‘yes’ answer is truthful, then deductively it is possible. It may be a 1 in 2 chance that it may work or 1 in 100, but that only means that it can work. That answer alone is a satisfactory (albeit not in depth) answer.

 

The ‘No’ response is clearly the objectification of ones woman’s personal (subjective) experience. She is makes universal statements that a FWB relationship can not work, from her personal experience of hers that did not work. She states that ‘if you do this, this will happen because I did this and it happened to me’ (paraphrasing). Clearly she is taking her experience and claiming this will be the result of anyone else who tries it.

 

I would not take the woman’s ‘No’ response more than a grain of salt. The article itself is shallow and anecdotal anyways, certainly lacking a well thought out and analytical response to the question. Human relationships are complex and dynamic; there are simply too many variables to account for when it comes to answering a question like that. I also presume that anybody looking for such simple answer to a complex human dilemma, with the intent of taking action accordingly, does not have the intrapersonal and interpersonal awareness to make a good decision in the first place.

 

BTW, I like your breakdown of it BrotherJosh. I had not seen your response before i had mine prepared.

[Ro-bear]

I did the FWB thing 1985-1989. And yes, the terminology was already in place.

 

No complaints here.

[Thackerie]

I have a FWB relationship in addition to my relationship relationship. (It's OK; we're all adults here.)

 

I can't say yet whether my FWB relationship will end in epic failure. It's only been going on 28 years so far.

[Vomit Comet]

I lost my virginity to FWB when I was 27, shortly before my deconversion. I fucked that one up though, because of inexperience and naivete; I didn't know how to handle it. She would say "you're just not that into me" and I would get all defensive and say "well sure I am!" because I thought that's what I was supposed to say. The truth eventually came out and the whole thing went off like an IED. Her and I are still bestest of friends but after the smoke cleared she said "you should have told me you just wanted to fuck" and I glibly said "yeah, I should've." The look in her eye when I said that... but we managed to patch things up.

[viridia]

Wow lol, ridiculous. Her sweeping generalizations are just so true >_>

 

I haven't had a FWB nor do I think I could (just don't think I have the confidence for that; I still get a bit nervous/embarrassed when my boyfriend of 1.5 years sees me naked). But I could see me and a couple close friends having a one-night fling...thingy. And I doubt it would hurt our relationships as friends at all.

 

This article though is silly. She maybe just had a bad experience, and I'm sorry for that, but she shouldn't be giving advice on it while making such broad statements.

[R. S. Martin]

It looks to me like the Yes answer knows what FWB means. She describes it as "loving placeholder until our next big loves" come along. The No answer apparently was looking for a boyfriend but called it FWB, then cried foul when she got neither a boyfriend nor just a friend.

 

That she actually wanted a boyfriend is evident from her comments that "he was cute," and that no matter how badly she felt about the relationship and the sex, "Still, oddly, I found myself wanting him to be my boyfriend." She describes how she kept wanting to get texts, etc. from him--all things indicating she couldn't get enough of him.

 

I think she calls it a FWB for one reason only: She thought the guy "was cute, but not a good long-term match." In other words, she wanted him but she knew it wouldn't work. Yuck! He rightfully dumped her.

 

So I agree with everyone else here. Just because it doesn't work to go with someone you know you don't like or get along with or have anything in common with, has no bearing on how--or even whether--FWBs work or do not work. Pretending to be an authority on it is...stupid.

 

That is the way it looks to me, based on what I know about human nature.

 

.................

 

I'll go further than some here and say I do assume that the author thinks sex outside of marriage is wrong. For that reason, (for such people) there's simply got to be something wrong with FWB. Period.

[Brought None]

I want a FWB.

[Redeye_Reprisal]

I've had a few FWB Relationships, and haven't experienced anything like the "con" part of this article.

 

The key here is communication between partners. One (apparently) had a firm grasp on it, the other did not.