Geting Past The Fear And Succeeding!

[lifeofbrian]

Hi All

 

I felt I had a real story which I hope will inspire some of you to get past the fears that often stop us from really letting go of this crazy Christianity.

 

Basically how I created Fabulous and Slim WITHOUT any help, any prayers, any trust in fact anything at all from the Christians. Considering 22 years or so in the Christian faith before I quit the nonsense this is quite something.

 

A very brief intro: Brought up in a Baptist heavily religious home in the UK and yet I couldn’t stand the damn thing being a lad with football and music on my mind, so made no effort to get involved much to the disgust of my mother. During my teens my mother became so obsessed with evangelical Christianity we had regular exorcisms in our home with these pompous blokes turning up and patronising me whilst chanting some nonsense upstairs – all very weird – my mother kept claiming all problems were the devil attacking us with the usual mantra of god will help. Well god certainly didn’t help at all.

 

Trouble is when you’re brought up in such a domineering environment there is bound to be some deep seated effect and eventually when I reached 20 I retuned home (having left at 16) without a job or money and dreading living with my mother. In truth I was very vulnerable and I began to crack under the inevitable pressure to give my life to god. So I did – what a mistake – I went along and joined the merry brigade with all the hands in the air and speaking in tongues – believing everything I was brainwashed with and became a shadow of myself.

 

After a year or so my entire instinct was to run a mile but now I’m hooked in and worried about what the church will think but more importantly “what god will think of me”.

 

I had developed the fear – you know the one - fear of disapproval from god, fear of hell, fear of the devil prowling around like a lion – fear of blasphemy – fear of sex before marriage – literally anything and everything. I hated my life but felt like such a coward daring not to stand up to any of them. I became so disillusioned as my only real prayer was to stop feeling so worthless and hope to be more confident in myself – no change at all. I got married and when my wife told me she was expecting our first child that just did it for me.

 

I said to myself no way was any child of mine going to suffer the misery I did – no way on earth am I going to bring them up with this stupid dreadful region stuffed down their throats.

 

I worked hard to overcome the fears through self help books BUT no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t seem to get rid of that basic fear – I have done ok and eventually started my own business. Fear once again began to cause me to doubt myself so once again I fell foul of the Christian mantra of “trust in the lord – ask anything you will and he will do it” blah blah – I stupidly did that and thought I would have to trust in god to make the business work – It failed massively and cost me everything even my home.

 

Now I’m not pretending, in hindsight, for one moment it was anything other than my failure to make it work through a recession and in truth I simply allowed the nonsense of Christianity to overpower my own instincts having not enough belief in myself. I guess I felt torn and tormented between sticking to my own belief and a trust in this god.

 

To lose everything I worked hard for was the final straw after 22 years of this damn faith draining me of my energy and causing nothing but fear and dread I simply had enough.

 

What did I do? I just stood back for a while and asked myself these questions. Has one of your prayers ever been answered - honestly? –No- ‘Has God ever changed anything for you personally that has resulted in positive change’ – NO – Have you ever actually experienced his so called love within yourself after giving everything – NO.

 

Not once. All I had ever done was ‘excuse’ god for doing nothing because that was what I was taught to do – it must be my fault as God is perfect so all I ever really did was beat myself up as how can you argue with a perfect god?

 

I decided that the lesser of the two evils was to walk away and never pray or think of god again and if he was real and cared like they proclaim he will find me. I’m fresh out of giving a toss.

 

To put this new change of attitude to the ultimate test I decided to rebuild my life and start a new business again on my own terms. Through my own hard work I’d see where it led me. After all if it failed then fine I can live with that because it is down to me but never again will ever allow the metal brainwashing to crush my ambition, drive and desire for life again.

I wanted to do something good and make a decent living and enjoy life as best as I can and certainly do one thing I feel I haven’t done too much of and that’s laugh –just laugh a lot more.

 

When Fabulous and Slim (.co.uk – sorry I don’t wish to break any rules here just proud and want people to see it ) was finally finished and went live online this weekend I felt proud of my achievement. My wife has been just amazing and a very brave lady for being the weight loss model on the front of the website.

 

I close in saying simply this nothing is ever worth sacrificing your right to be who you are for anyone. No one has any right to impose their will on. You owe it to yourself to make this step and be free.

 

I did and now I’m happy enough, relaxed and beginning to laugh a lot more – life is good. If you like you’re more than welcome to visit my new website Fabulous and Slim (.co.uk).

 

Sorry if I’ve rambled on a bit..lol

 

Cheers