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Telling My Mom Today


Autumn girl
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My husband and I told our kids that they won't be going to AWANA or the church we've been a part of anymore. They were sad and confused, but took it surprisingly well otherwise. No tears. No talking about it after the fact.

 

And I'm telling my mom (not my dad yet, because he can be crazy about these kinds of things) about my changes in religious beliefs this afternoon. We're going to a public place, like a coffee shop or restaurant, to talk. I plan on telling her, for my kid's sake, because I don't want them to tell her first and have her reply with something shocking or rude back. So, wish me luck!

 

I'll report back with an update when I can...

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Good luck, Autumn girl. I assume your mother is religious? Hopefully being in public will help her reaction to be more tempered.

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Keep us updated! Good luck! I hope she takes it well, the public setting was probably a pretty good idea.

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  • Super Moderator

I hope all goes well.

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And no matter what happens, at least your husband is with you- that means so much.

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I've been out of the loop - did dh deconvert as well? I know you mentioned he was looking into it. I'm hoping everything goes ok telling your mom! :)

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Ditto what everyone else said. I think it was wise to decide to tell her before the kids do. I'll need to consider that myself. I've been an atheist for quite a while and haven't told my mom because it will be nothing but bad for her. And we're not close enough for it to really matter much anyway. But she's visiting soon, and kids have big mouths. I'm not going to tell her during her christmas visit (unless it becomes unavoidable), but maybe I should before our next visit.

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Yes good luck! Hopefully she will be able to see past religion and remember first and foremost that you are her daughter.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm sorry I've been incognito for so long. I've wanted to update the group here but felt like I needed some more anonymity. My mom told me during our conversation at the restaurant that day over a month ago that she had googled my name, trying to find out what the heck was going on with me lately. She came upon some amazon.com reviews and a couple other things. Anyway, I felt like I could not be a part of this group for a while because she knew I was getting support from somewhere but I wouldn't tell her where. I didn't want her to read threads of mine here and figure out it was me...and then track all my discussions from here on out. So I've let time pass and hopefully she won't read any of my stuff.

 

But, that said, Mom, if you are reading this, would you please do me a favor and stop? I'd like to be a part of this group, but not if you are reading everything. Ok? Thanks.

 

Anyway, it has been a crazy, sad, turbulent ride with my parents for quite some time now. My dad has practically gone insane with my news of questioning Christianity and the bible (well, more than questioning it...having some very serious doubts that seem to lead me further and further away the more I study and learn). I hope to go into more detail soon. I'm just so tired. So sick of the drama and the lack of love, patience, and understanding. My mom has done her share of things to harm our relationship as well...not just my dad.

 

Oh, and my husband is just as dissapointed about Christianity and the bible as I am. We're both doing the best we can to figure out how to move forward and what it is that we do believe (or choose not to believe). Our kids have been taken out of AWANA. I'm not homeschooling anymore - the oldest two are in public school for the past two weeks. They are enjoying it. A lot has happened with in a month and a half time span, and Christmas was very difficult for me, personally. I cried and cried when I heard songs about Jesus. I miss Jesus, and/or what I thought of him. Maybe I'll just end up not being a fundamentalist and instead be a liberal Christian who takes what is good and leaves the rest. I don't know. I have so much more I could say, but I'll leave it for another time.

 

 

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gald to hear from you autumn.

 

sorry to hear bout the drama.

 

Know that we are here to help and will as we are able.

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I'm sorry I've been incognito for so long. I've wanted to update the group here but felt like I needed some more anonymity. My mom told me during our conversation at the restaurant that day over a month ago that she had googled my name, trying to find out what the heck was going on with me lately. She came upon some amazon.com reviews and a couple other things. Anyway, I felt like I could not be a part of this group for a while because she knew I was getting support from somewhere but I wouldn't tell her where. I didn't want her to read threads of mine here and figure out it was me...and then track all my discussions from here on out. So I've let time pass and hopefully she won't read any of my stuff.

 

But, that said, Mom, if you are reading this, would you please do me a favor and stop? I'd like to be a part of this group, but not if you are reading everything. Ok? Thanks.

 

Anyway, it has been a crazy, sad, turbulent ride with my parents for quite some time now. My dad has practically gone insane with my news of questioning Christianity and the bible (well, more than questioning it...having some very serious doubts that seem to lead me further and further away the more I study and learn). I hope to go into more detail soon. I'm just so tired. So sick of the drama and the lack of love, patience, and understanding. My mom has done her share of things to harm our relationship as well...not just my dad.

 

Oh, and my husband is just as dissapointed about Christianity and the bible as I am. We're both doing the best we can to figure out how to move forward and what it is that we do believe (or choose not to believe). Our kids have been taken out of AWANA. I'm not homeschooling anymore - the oldest two are in public school for the past two weeks. They are enjoying it. A lot has happened with in a month and a half time span, and Christmas was very difficult for me, personally. I cried and cried when I heard songs about Jesus. I miss Jesus, and/or what I thought of him.

 

 

I'm sorry your parents are not handling this in a mature, loving manner. If they're reading this, they should really take a good look in the mirror and ask themselves if this is how they should be treating their own daughter.

 

 

Maybe I'll just end up not being a fundamentalist and instead be a liberal Christian who takes what is good and leaves the rest. I don't know. I have so much more I could say, but I'll leave it for another time.

 

 

So, basically ignore justified criticism of the Bible and water it down so you can hold onto a myth? I suggest you find something more healthy to fill the hole in your life. It can be scary for people coming out of religion, but most people end up learning to deal with the truth. Being watered down cherry pickers is just going to confuse your children and keep them and you a part of a f*cked up belief system. Even if you don't believe the crazy, hateful stuff, it still helps perpetuate the religion for others that do.

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