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My Friend Called Me, And I Jumped Out Of The Closet


foolish girl
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So it happened.

Well, Kind of.

My friend that I work with (photography)...who is the preacher's kid...She called me today. She has been put in charge of getting teachers for the kids classes for the next rotation (I used to kick ass at that.)

She called me and caught me unaware. Will I teach the Science and Art class in the rotation, she asks.

 

"Theresa", I tell her " I can't".

 

"Oh! But I saved this one for you, because I know you love Science and you are creative, so this will be JUST RIGHT for you...PLUS you only have to teach three classes! PLEASE??!!"

(She really does need the help- people don't pitch in)

I am on the phone with her and this is awkward.

 

So I told her "Look, you're my friend and I know you are in a pinch. I want to do this just to help you. Just to make you happy, but I can't- I'm sorry."

 

"Why can't you?"

 

"Well......................There are a few things (yeah, understatement)...that I just don't believe anymore, and it would make it difficult for me to teach."

 

___________________________________________________________________long pause___________________________________________________

 

 

She says "Like what?....................what don't you believe?" (flabbergasted and dismayed)

 

"Well", I say " I have been thinking about talking to you about it, but it isn't really a conversation for the phone. I'd be happy to get a cup of coffee with you if you want to talk about it though." (I really didn't want to have to do this yet, but it was a surprise attack).

 

"But What don't you believe?"

 

"Listen, T...just- I want you to understand that I am not qualified for the job. You don't want me to teach. We can talk about it later, I promise- but right now I have to go do my homework, and it will probably be a pretty long conversation."

 

_________________________________________________________________________long pause_______________________________________________--

 

"O----K. .....?" she says. "Talk to you later."

 

So now I feel burdened rather than relieved! It will be a curiosity to see how this plays out. She is loyal AND neurotic. An interesting combination. Also She is moving soon and has been telling me that she will leave all of her business to me.... we'll see.

 

*sigh*

Oh yeah- AND she is a gossip. Maybe this will be just the kick out of the fucking nest that I need. I hope I don't see a bunch of people feeling sorry for my husband. That will make me crazy.

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Ohhh dear. Well, it has to happen sometime, for your own sanity. It may get weird, but you are strong and smart and will be able to handle it. I'm here for you - you know half a dozen ways to get in touch with me ;)

 

The thing about people being sorry for your husband. I totally get that. I can handle that kind of but the WORST, the SUCKIEST WORST PART OF ALL is when he's sorry for himself. Make sure whoever really matters, understands how hard this is for YOU as well.

 

You know I got your back! :10:

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Hang in there. We know that all things work together for good for those who love... oops! Wrong platitude!

 

Seriously, I hope it turns out well for you. Stay true to yourself and remember you're not alone.

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I'm sorry that happened. But I don't think there is ever a time when you are ready. Maybe since she's moving the "blow back" won't be as bad as you fear.

 

If I may suggest, only get into the specifics you want to get into. Just say you are having some problems with the church's doctrines and don't get more specific than that. If you don't want to discuss it with her, then determine what you want to say and stay on message.

 

You don't want to cast your pearls before sheep, to twist another old platitude. You know the sheep turn to wolves whenever you threaten the security of their mythic bubble.

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Rip the band aid off quickly. There really isn't any way you can tell her that is going to soften the blow. Sometimes just spitting it out is the only way to go.

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Only do what you want do to do. If you haven't felt the impulse to inform her of your skepticism, why now? Don't feel guilted into doing something just because you feel you have to. If you aren't comfortable talking to her about it, than don't. If it makes you feel better than do it. Or if it makes you feel good because you can shoot a fish in the bucket than do that too! I really don't have much advice on this, because you know the situation the best, so probably you have the best answer about what you should do, other than us offering our own perspectives. In my own experience it's best to be honest and "rip the bandaid off" like Phoenix said.

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In my own experience it's best to be honest and "rip the bandaid off" like Phoenix said.

 

It certainly makes for less facades to maintain.

 

foolish girl, you're obviously the closest to the situation & best able to take the best course of action; the only thing I'll offer is that there's pros and cons to consider whether you stay in the closet or come out with your changed beliefs. Either way, hope it goes as best as it can for you.

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Wait, I'm confused. She wants you to teach you creation science at a Christian school or something?

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Dancing around and hiding it just makes it all the harder to really be yourself and enjoy your life.

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Wait, I'm confused. She wants you to teach you creation science at a Christian school or something?

 

Hey VC. THe Sunday school curriculum is a Rotation model. Each age group goes to a different class each week. Each class takes a different approach to the same story. Story telling, geography, SCIENCE (*snort*..etc

 

I can't have any part in it!

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Thanks everyone for the advice. I am just going to let it unfold naturally. I'm not scared. Just...ugh- you know? This girl will either pick it like a boo-boo until I give up and let loose (nice metaphor, eh?), or she will become cold and distant and other people will start looking at me funny soon. Either way it will be okay. I told my husband's sister, who is also my friend and she said "me too!"- what a shock! I also have my own sisters and you guys here for support.

 

It could be worse.

 

This really might be my ticket out of church, if it were to become dramatic!

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Wait, I'm confused. She wants you to teach you creation science at a Christian school or something?

 

Hey VC. THe Sunday school curriculum is a Rotation model. Each age group goes to a different class each week. Each class takes a different approach to the same story. Story telling, geography, SCIENCE (*snort*..etc

 

I can't have any part in it!

 

So, foolish girl.

 

The CoC . . . are they "creation scientists" of the 6,000 year old earth variety? Do they subscribe to guided evolution?

 

I used to tangle with various CoC people over doctrine (I was a Southern Baptist), but I never picked up on their views about Science, evolution and the age of the earth.

 

It does seem odd having a "science" curriculum in Sunday School.

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So, foolish girl.

 

The CoC . . . are they "creation scientists" of the 6,000 year old earth variety? Do they subscribe to guided evolution?

 

I used to tangle with various CoC people over doctrine (I was a Southern Baptist), but I never picked up on their views about Science, evolution and the age of the earth.

 

It does seem odd having a "science" curriculum in Sunday School.

 

Hey oddbird :)

 

They don't "subscribe". That is they don't really talk about it. Except creation is literally true. Nobody talks about a timetable. When I was a really devout believer, I believed in an old earth and creation. I understood that the 6,000 years thing was pieced together by a monk with too much time on his hands- and a Bible.

My husband agreed with me on this.

Since I "came out" to him, he has started running to Answers in Genesis and the Institute for Creation Research and they have brainwashed him into a "probable" young earth. But CERTAINLY it is not billions of years old and evolution is a conspiracy. (*cry*).

 

But generally, I can't tell you what the people at the church believe, besides creation.

 

The science class goes like this: "Shadrack, Meshack , and Abednigo in the fire?".........(set a piece of paper on fire).."Wow! That would hurt! but God protected them! isn't that GREAT?!"

 

*facepalm

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The science class goes like this: "Shadrack, Meshack , and Abednigo in the fire?".........(set a piece of paper on fire).."Wow! That would hurt! but God protected them! isn't that GREAT?!"

 

*facepalm

 

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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All I can offer Foolish is be direct, sincere and stand your ground.

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Wow fg I'm sorry to hear that... sounds very awkward. And I am even more sorry that you are surrounded by people who believe answers in Genesis is real, not an epic troll.

 

We're here for you, got your back, and don't let the nonsense get you down!

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So in the hall this morning- with big eyes, she says "I still need a teacher for that class...............

................I said "I still can't do it"......

 

Then later in the hall, she says "I still love you, you know"....( I never implied she didn't ;)

Me: "do you?"

Her: "YA! but you HAVE to tell me why. We're friends, you can just say something like that and then not tell me WHY..."

Me: "We;;, I don't HAVE to, but I can"

Her: "We should get together this week"

ME:..."Ok".............

I'll be too busy this week. I will treat it as no big deal....we'll talk when we do and I will say as much or as little as I choose.

 

Now you are updated ;)

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At least things seem to be going alright between you and her. My friends were surprisingly understanding when I told them, and I wish you the same fate.

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Now you are updated ;)

 

I was wondering. thanks for the update.

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Wow, foolishgirl. Interesting times. You are a trooper for having stayed in church this long. I wish you the best during your outing.

 

One thing that annoyed me after I came out was that all my church and Bible study friends assumed that I was in deep anguish and turmoil. I made it a point to always tell them that I was actually excited and happier than I had ever been. They just could not understand this.

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Jeremy. I FEEL like a trooper sometimes, lol- thanks. :)

I know it won't last forever though (My will to "get along"). I will be able to say that I did my best though.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wow, how did I miss out on this? Sorry for not paying attention. If anything more happened after this, I hope it all turned out ok.

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Yeah, how DID that go? We need an update...

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Hey guys. She and I are supposed to go out and take pictures tomorrow, for fun.

We haven't talked yet, but I skipped church today- so she will notice that.

I'll let you know how it goes.

I feel like canceling, but I have to give her a chance.

I am not going to be the one who brings it up though.

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One thing that annoyed me after I came out was that all my church and Bible study friends assumed that I was in deep anguish and turmoil. I made it a point to always tell them that I was actually excited and happier than I had ever been. They just could not understand this.

 

 

I'm in the same boat right now. They all seem to think I'm absolutely miserable. I've never been happier!

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