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Fundi Trouble


MiggyEvans
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Hey all,

 

So let me get straight to it. I have a friend who is a former catholic, she was raised in it. Catholic girls school, church, mass. The whole shebang, only with her, it never took. She always thought it seemed silly and as a result she was constantly harassed growing up. She was the black sheep of the family and has paid a lifelong price for it.

 

Her younger sister also thinks little of Catholicism and is in fact, a lesbian. You can imagine how that one's gone over. So for simplicity, lets call them Black Sheep and...i don't know....Ellen.

 

So, they are from Venezuela and both live in different regions of the States now, along with third Sister: Crazy Fundi Lady. (CFL)

 

She is older than both of them and is the super controlling type of girl. CFL used to read Black Sheep's diary. She would sneak into her room, read it and then complain to the family about the things she wrote, very likely in a big, loud, obnoxious wailing voice. Their mother was not much better, as this seems to be where CFL inherited the CF. Black Sheep was once so angry at her mother that she wrote her a letter detailing her frustrations. Mother promptly showed it to the rest of the family and they all gave Blackie shit for it. During this time, Ellen remained firmly in the closet.

 

Ellen has still not officially come out, because how could she. While Blackie couldn't give a shit, CFL certainly does. She caught her wearing "man-like clothes," made the assumption and lost her CFL Shit.

 

Now, this brings me to the current predicament. In spite of the crazy, they are still family and in latin america especially, such chains are hard to break. Blood being thicker than water and all that. So...they thought it would be nice to get a bunch of the sisters all under one roof. (there are 5 sisters and one brother, plus the parents, and just the two are nonbelievers). They invited CFL who also lives in the States...this is like a recipe for something, I just can't place my finger on it....

 

Anyway, CFL arrived yesterday. Today she caught Blackie smoking a cigarette, saw a tattoo on her back, "caught" Ellen in boy clothes and went on a goddamned fucking tirade, and I quote:

 

"Being gay is BAD!" "Blackie, you might even like girls too now, you spend enough time with this one" "Blackie, your whole lifestyle is bad. You smoke, you probably also do drugs, and now girls and who knows what else" "God created man and woman to be together, that's it"

 

Blackie: "Give me some proof that God created men and women this way, since that would mean he also created homosexuals."

 

CFL: "aaah, no. I can't even talk to you! I don't need any proof, I have my faith!"

 

She locked herself in the guest room and is now calling all the members of the family to complain about how awful these two are. They already think of Blackie as the immoral one of the family and the quietly try to deny Ellen's "sexual choice."

 

 

So....I'm sure this is not an unfamiliar story to some of you out there. My advice to her was that she kick CFL out and banish her to a hotel room. I said she should use the reason of "this is my house. You will not insult me here. You will control your childlike temper tantrum, or you will find a hotel and then you can do whatever the fuck you want after that. This is your first and only warning."

 

But that's my protective nature kicking in, as I only care about my friends and not the CFL. Not to mention that this will probably only enrage CFL to the point of IFL and may only strengthen her cause as she tries to raise a small, army behind her Insanity (I).

 

How have any of you dealt with similar situations?

 

I'd like to first say that "leaving the family, telling them to fuck off and die, permanently breaking relationships" are not really options on the table. She still loves her sister, but she gets out of hand.

 

I was pushing for her to retake control of the situation and her life and set some boundaries, but as you know, Fundies are a bit like rabbid fucking badgers when it comes to fighting back, no matter how reasonable the effort.

 

So, have at it, Xers! What would you do?

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Many words can and probably will be written to address this subject, but as always it comes down to this:

 

People treat you the way you train them to treat you.

 

Seriously, if you have a dog that won't stop shitting on your carpet you can (1) Learn to love having dog shit in the house (2) exhaust all efforts to train the dog, (3) keep the dog outside at all times, (4) get rid of the dog.

 

It isn't a mystery and it isn't difficult. It's just that some people aren't willing to pay the price to make changes.

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Many words can and probably will be written to address this subject, but as always it comes down to this:

 

People treat you the way you train them to treat you.

 

Seriously, if you have a dog that won't stop shitting on your carpet you can (1) Learn to love having dog shit in the house (2) exhaust all efforts to train the dog, (3) keep the dog outside at all times, (4) get rid of the dog.

 

It isn't a mystery and it isn't difficult. It's just that some people aren't willing to pay the price to make changes.

 

Yes, I agree. I even told my friend: "Why do you feel you have no recourse? She only treats you like shit because you don't do anything about it"

 

Her Response: "What can I do? Its always been like this"

 

She really couldn't even see the options. She thinks, though by the end she was starting to see, that she must just endure the temper tantrum and the following onslaught.

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Her Response: "What can I do? Its always been like this"

 

Too bad. Life doesn't have to be as painful and difficult as some people insist on making it.

 

Now, good luck to you in getting her to stop whining to you about her own choices.

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I think your advice about CFL being a guest in Black's home is good place to start.

 

Even in Latin america they should respect that. I think anyway.

 

Besides that, there doesn't seem to be much to do other then endure it, or cut ties completely. Personally, I would work with her with setting boundries as long as I could bear it, starting with this is my house, my rules.

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Many words can and probably will be written to address this subject, but as always it comes down to this:

 

People treat you the way you train them to treat you.

 

Seriously, if you have a dog that won't stop shitting on your carpet you can (1) Learn to love having dog shit in the house (2) exhaust all efforts to train the dog, (3) keep the dog outside at all times, (4) get rid of the dog.

 

It isn't a mystery and it isn't difficult. It's just that some people aren't willing to pay the price to make changes.

 

Yes, I agree. I even told my friend: "Why do you feel you have no recourse? She only treats you like shit because you don't do anything about it"

 

Her Response: "What can I do? Its always been like this"

 

She really couldn't even see the options. She thinks, though by the end she was starting to see, that she must just endure the temper tantrum and the following onslaught.

This can be hard to watch. After a period of time and counseling, if things don't get better I find myself inclined to put distance between myself and the doormat.

There are so many times a girl can say "MY boyfriend is SOOOOO mean to me" Or "My Sister is such a bitch".....before I can't take it anymore.

 

At some point your friend has to tell her sister "I love you, but STFU"...."Go scream in a pillow and come back when you can play nice"- rather than enable the behavior with "oh that is just how she is"

But people get addicted to these unhealthy interactions. It is difficult to change. Ever watch The dog whisperer? (dovetailing on Florduh's idea)...she needs to be "calm assertive", as Ceaser always says- until the behavior changes.

 

Never back down. Ever......Calm...Assertive. If IFL is (I)...she can be that way on her own. (can you get your friend to read the thread here?)

 

oh- and I *heart * Ellen! lol

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