MrsRobinson Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Hi all, I'm new to Xtians...here's what happened to me in my few short years of being a Christian. Well I was abandoned by my parents and raised myself, obviously got into trouble as a teen and wound up pregnant at 17. I was abandoned by the father as well. He actually brought his new gf to the delivery room. Anyhow, after that I met my husband and was madly in love with him. I got pregnant and was abandoned again. Then we were together for a short period and I got pregnant for the third time and he completely abandoned me and I had the baby by myself. After such a lonely life and being a single mom with 3 small girls, I gave my life to God. I felt like brand new, like my crappy life was a lie and now I'm gonna live a happy life because I know the truth. Everyone seen the change in me and I did all I could to be holy. I was really excited the first new years eve as I could start a brand new year with God. A few days after new years, my ears all of a sudden started ringing so loud and continuously non-stop so loud I couldn't even sleep. I tried to think if what I did to deserve it but I did nothing in my new life. I thought ok, it will go away. But it never did. It's not nearly as loud but I can hear it at night. Anyhow, because I couldn't think or care about life having my ears ringing like crazy, (just to give you an idea it was like walking in a fully packed casino with all the machines going at once on extra loud) my husband came around and met his daughter at almost 4yrs old and I ended up with him again, this time pregnant and getting beat up all the time. So he abandoned me once again and there I was with 4 daughter ages 1 through 10 with no money, no answer no family. This is where I really started hating God due to what happened next. I admitted I was the one who's made bad choices and I was determined to stick with God and make good choices in life. But that's wasn't good enough for God and I started having health problems and I didn't know how to get help and where to go. The issues were so weird I had to get blood drawn all the time and still do, I was told I was allergic to almost all food so my choice is to either not eat hardly anything and see what kinda problems that will bring or eat food and get acne, which has now scarred my face I feel so ugly. I feel like what an asshole!!! I'm young and my kids were raised so beautifully and I was always super skinny despite having 4 kids and God had to "allow permission" to satan to scar up my face and don't get me wrong, I'm at the dermatologist 1x a month and nothing he gave me over 2 yrs stopped the acne. What kind of asshole does this to his daughter??? I would NEVER allow something like that to happen to my kids. I don't know who your God is but my God hates me and abandoned me and kicked a dog when it was down. I always say my life would have been better had I not become a Christian. Oh by the way, when I did become a Christian I lost my house I owned. And now, after crying and praying repeatedly for three long years God help over and over and over he can kiss my ass. I'm gonna be insane to keep repeating something to a wall. And now, all my non-Christian friends look at what happened to my life as a Christian and they don't wanna go anywhere near God. I don't tell me kids about the bible anymore because I'm scared God will hurt them too. But you know what, God loves my enemies. He's always been against me and I don't know why I would keep reading about his love and healing and comfort when I've never experienced any of it. So then we lost the house we were renting and me and my kids are living with my parents getting abused by them and coughing from all the 2nd hand smoke. Everytime I asked a Christian to pray they would suggest welfare or some community resource. Isn't that what athiests would do?? Hello I thought you believe in supernatural. ? But they know theyve never seen anything either. Thanks God!! My kids deserve help and I deserve a good life. I'll never waste my time again with Christianity. Oh and all my friends who God was supposed to raise me up in front of...they're all living without him and enjoying thier money and trips and lavish life while I'm poor and can't provide for my family right now, living with abusive grandparents because that's the "abundant life" God planned for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirPhoenix Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Welcome MrsRobinson. It sounds like you have had a roungh few years. I think you are on the right track of realizing that the god the christians sell to you doesn't exist. I found that the things in my life that went wrong actually made a lot more sense when I no longer believed that god was allowing them to happen. I had always felt like those things were a consequence for my bad choices, but when I stopped believing in the christian god, those things seemed like random, although sucky, occurances that could have happened to anyone. Coping with the bad things in life is something every human does in one way or another. Personally I felt so much more free realizing that the bad things in my life were either in my control or not, and that there wasn't an all knowing sky daddy pulling the strings and fucking with me. I hope things improve in your life. All of us are stronger and more capable than we know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsRobinson Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Thank you Sir Pheonix. I think how I ended up here was because in 2008 I kept repeating that God has good plans for me, plans to prosper and NOT to harm me, but all I got was harm and I couldnt find any good he planned...no idea. But how long was I gonna believe that while watching things get worse for years. Anyhow if I had to think of all the lies in the bible Id be here all day. Anyhow thanks for being welcoming, it has been a rough few years. If I could erase the million prayers I prayed, things would be exactly the same so I was talking to a wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 5, 2011 Moderator Share Posted January 5, 2011 I am so happy that you found us MrsRobinson. I only found this site a month ago and it has helped me immensely as I read everyone's stories and experiences. I can really relate to your anger and your story. I also thought this god 'blessed' everyone else but me! My life has been quite a journey also! Lots of 'dramma!' I've also admitted to making a lot of mistakes and am now facing up to what I need to do (not god), to create a life that is reasonably happy, without the help (and rescuing) that I counted on for so long from this god. These wonderful friends on this forum are helping me so much with every little silly question I have.They are so patient with me. You will have friends here to guide to back to a 'sane' life again. One step at a time, like they are advising me. I recommend that you read as much as you can. The posts are incredible. I am so happy you are here. Now I will have another friend to 'converse' with. This will get better for you.I believe their promises! I am here for you. Margee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Droptail Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Welcome to Ex-C, MrsRobinson, and I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles. It's great though that you've found out religion doesn't remedy the problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsRobinson Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks Margee its great to meet you. Yeah this is a great site and we all felt let down by some deity we trusted so, no one else would really understand. I was given false hope in the Word and by Christians. Hope became a torment because it kept me waiting in my Christian life for an expectation that never came. Thats one thing I hated when they say they trust a supernatural God but start praying and reccomending community services which is what anyone would do. But its not just the decisions I made, I felt cursed and ignored no matter what I was doing, obeying or not. I just tried everything and theres nothing left to trust but myself. A bitter pill to swallow at first but, the beginning of a real life this time!! Feels good admitting that nothing was there except pretending to bring others to something thats not there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsRobinson Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Nice to meet you! Like I said, if I erased all my prayers, everything would have happened the same. Actually maybe better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Hi, MrsRobinson, and welcome to ExC. So sorry to hear of the tough times you have been through. I hope things improve for you and your children. I think you know this based on all of your posts, but god doesn't hate you and he never abandoned you since the god of the bible does not exist. What abandoned you were, in addition to the men whose babies you bore, the empty promises made by Christians and the bible. And I think you are on the right track having recognized that. In an important way, it is better to recognize that this god does not exist than to feel betrayed and abandoned by him. At least you have no supernatural enemies to worry about since there are none in existence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsRobinson Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 I wonder when the bible was written and by who and for what purpose. I heard it was written by some authorities to keep people in line who would otherwise be a problem for society... but I never looked into it much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyjj Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 I wonder when the bible was written and by who and for what purpose. I heard it was written by some authorities to keep people in line who would otherwise be a problem for society... but I never looked into it much. Investigating this is one of the major roads to freedom taken by many on this site. Long story short.. 1. OT - largely written down after the Babylonian exile after ~580 BC - the last book being written is Daniel, (~150 BC) I think 2. NT - Authentic letters of Paul around 50 AD onwards, Gospels ~80-90 AD onwards - Revelations last I think What many people find interesting is that the idea of afterlife punishment is absent from the OT until Daniel I think the motivation for the OT was national identity rather than social control as such - but that's just my opinion Definitely worth pursuing your investigations further. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MultifariousBirdLady Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Welcome, Mrs Robinson. I've also admitted to making a lot of mistakes and am now facing up to what I need to do (not god), to create a life that is reasonably happy, without the help (and rescuing) that I counted on for so long from this god. This is huge... a very important idea. It's what finally helped me turn my life around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShakenNotStirred Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Welcome, Mrs Robinson. I've also admitted to making a lot of mistakes and am now facing up to what I need to do (not god), to create a life that is reasonably happy, without the help (and rescuing) that I counted on for so long from this god. This is huge... a very important idea. It's what finally helped me turn my life around. Welcome, Mrs. Robinson! Hope you enjoy it here. It's helped me immensely, as it has many people. If "God" existed, and really who Christians claim he is, he would certainly have had the power to show you something different than you'd ever known, and as promised in the Bible, he would never have let you out of his grasp. Reality is a bitter pill, isn't it? For me, too... Margie and MBL are right... finding out there is no god to take care of us is only the beginning. I've had to learn that though there are many things in life beyond my control, there are also many things that absolutely are within my power to change. My destiny depends much more on my own choices than the whims of the cosmos or especially any supernatural being. I encourage you to have the strength to go forward and change the things you can. Take some time to deal with your emotions, your anger, sure... then let them go and go forward. I wish you the best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnceConvinced Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 It's so sad you had to go through all that shit. Life can be cruel and unfair. But try to remember, that God didn't put you through any of that and he didn't abandon you, because the God of the bible doesn't exist. It's like saying that Santa Claus is a bastard for no longer bringing gifts to you at Christmas and for giving the good stuff to the rich kids, while the poor kids get sweet FA. I'm just saying this, because Christians try to put us all into the category of "God haters", when you can't possibly hate something you don't believe in. It would be a little like me saying I hate Voldemort and Darth Vader. Just wouln't want you to unwittingly endorse that stereotype. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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