Here I Am, 23 Years Old, And I Have Never Kissed A Girl

[Randi]

I, much like vomit comet was also like you until the age of 27. As a matter of fact, I had my first kiss in December and had sex for the first time about a week and a half ago. Having sex was absolutely what I needed. Seriously, I discovered parts of myself I didn't know were there. I now see myself in a whole new light, and I have more self esteem that Jesus ever gave me. Not necessarily just because I had sex, but becausI felt validated in some ways. The repression I suffered under Christianity did so much damage. I'm still learning and it will take time, but I'm glad I have a patient man who is willing to teach me. That's the most important thing. Don't rush out and get after it, make sure the timing is right, and for the love of Jeebus, do it with someone who knows what they're doing! Oh, and good luck!

[Jedah]

Don't do it, protect your purity of mind and your virginity and get married as soon as you can to a moral person.

 

You do realize that because of this mentality, Atheists have a lower divorce rate than Christians.

 

[Galien]

Don't do it, protect your purity of mind and your virginity and get married as soon as you can to a moral person.

 

 

Sounds like someone needs a really good blowjob.......

[bdp]

I just turned 48 and have still never deeply, passionately kissed a woman. Have had sex, though not until I was past 40. And today, on my birthday, I'm alone.

[Galien]

I just turned 48 and have still never deeply, passionately kissed a woman. Have had sex, though not until I was past 40. And today, on my birthday, I'm alone.

 

I would kiss you bdp

[FourDogBrewing]

I was curious about other ex-fundamentalist Christians who were true to their chastity vows as a Christian to the point of insanity. That is, like me, they did not even kiss a member of the opposite sex.

Well, I became an atheist over the past 6 months, so the sensual act of "kissing" is no longer reserved for marriage anymore. LOL. Thus, I just turned 23, and I have yet to even kiss a girl.

 

Just curious is anyone else was in a similar situation.

 

 

I am just going to be very frank here, please don't construe it as rude.

 

I grew up in christian boarding schools etc... my parents were missionaries, so you get the idea. While I was not as strict as you were (I had kissed a few "girlfriends" here and there in high school) I intentionally avoided many what would have been sexual relationships, up into my twenties. That is a regret of mine. I am happily married now, however if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have "saved" myself, I would have had some fun.

 

So if you ever find yourself wanting to progress in a sexual relationship, and you are both ready, don't let guilt get in the way. Of course don't feel preasured and be safe yada yada yada.

 

As for any advice on kissing, wait for the right moment and the rest will come naturally, don't try too hard. haha

[Mling]

Yup, had my first relationship at 25. Granted, there were other issues with me--I'm extremely shy, and gay, and went to a Christian college.

 

Get involved in clubs and things, and if the idea of asking somebody out is frightening, ask when there are really low stakes. I asked out a random waitress who seemed pretty sweet--I would have legitimately liked to go out with her but I also just wanted the experience of asking the question.

 

If you're up for trying meaningless sex or casual relationships, go for it. At the very least, you'll figure out whether you like it or not Basically, try stuff! See what happens. Just don't go in expecting that you're going to fall desperately in love forever with the first person you're with.

[OpheliaGinger]

I too am 23 years old and have never kissed a dude before, but in all honesty, I don't really care. I've done ok thus far without it.

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

I'm 21, but I hear you! I never wanted to kiss a girl, but I was way too damn afraid to disobey God and kiss a boy. I wanted to though, and shunned guys I thought were cute and who I knew one was gay, simply to avoid those tempting thoughts. I'm gay, and still a virgin. Religion made it hard to come to terms with the fact that I was gay for 6 years after my deconversion!!!!

[ClaraOlive]

Maybe if you have a few female friends with a little more experience, you could confide in them that you're concerned about being inexperienced with women (it's not really that uncommon for a 23 year old). You'll be letting people know that you're available and your friends may want to find someone to set you up with.

 

Beware of getting wrapped up in a relationship that you're not thrilled about just because you want the experience.

 

I "protected my virginity" and it wasn't worth it. I got married before having sex and it was not satisfying at all. To make things worse, I'd always been told that when I found "the one", god would make it so that sex between us would be the most wonderful experience, so it wasn't just mediocre, it was a huge disappointment. (But how could anyone possibly know that virgin sex after marriage was better?) And then of course, I felt guilty that I wasn't finding sex to be a great experience, and trying harder made me enjoy it less. It wasn't until I was divorced and deconverted that I could enjoy sex, because then it wasn't all tied up in Christian judgments.

[shockwaves]

Dude...same happened to me. I'm 22, and have also never kissed a girl. I remember back in the day when my parents used to "guide" me spiritually through everything, I remember the girls in high school that I used to like, that liked me back, and then I kick myself for not being a rebellious type, and instead trying to "figure it out." My dad told me I couldn't ride in the same car as the girl I was going to go to prom with, couldn't kiss, etc. Then, last minute, he even stopped me from going to prom to save me from sinning.

 

Terrible. Now i'm at a university, lets see what happens. I am way behind in knowledge about girls though haha

[Raul]

Here I Am, 23 Years Old, And I Have Never Kissed A Girl

Well,you know , there was a time when I could say the exact same thing. And it's not like my conversion to xtianity had much to do with it. It was basically because I was,to say the least,deeply introverted person.

Online dating did the trick for me,though it took me some time to find someone worthwile that way.

No one seems to have brought it up, but there is NOTHING wrong with having sex for the sake of having sex. Meaningless sex is ok. It is not a substitute for real intimacy, but so what. A quarter pounder from Mc Donalds is no substitute for the burgers I can cook on my grill, but I still enjoy eating them. Sex fucking rocks. If you feel so inclined, fucking go for it, dude. Unprotected meaningless sex is, of course, a bad idea. Also, having meaningless sex with someone under the pretence of wanting a meaningful relationship IS WRONG. But there are plenty of sluts out there who are happy to have meaningless sex.

Well said,my friend. I would object to the use of word "slut" though,because it's generally used to stigmatise female sexuality (e.g. "Normal women only enjoy sex,if it's a part of a long-term relationship,and the rest are sluts") ,even if that wasn't your intention here.

Don't do it, protect your purity of mind and your virginity and get married as soon as you can to a moral person.

Sounds like someone needs a really good blowjob.......

Me! Me!

[MagickMonkey]

No one seems to have brought it up, but there is NOTHING wrong with having sex for the sake of having sex. Meaningless sex is ok. It is not a substitute for real intimacy, but so what. A quarter pounder from Mc Donalds is no substitute for the burgers I can cook on my grill, but I still enjoy eating them. Sex fucking rocks. If you feel so inclined, fucking go for it, dude. Unprotected meaningless sex is, of course, a bad idea. Also, having meaningless sex with someone under the pretence of wanting a meaningful relationship IS WRONG. But there are plenty of sluts out there who are happy to have meaningless sex.

Well said,my friend. I would object to the use of word "slut" though,because it's generally used to stigmatise female sexuality (e.g. "Normal women only enjoy sex,if it's a part of a long-term relationship,and the rest are sluts") ,even if that wasn't your intention here.

 

Yeah, that wasn't my intention. The term does correctly convey the idea of sexual promiscuity, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with being a slut, regardless of gender.

[foolish girl]

No one seems to have brought it up, but there is NOTHING wrong with having sex for the sake of having sex. Meaningless sex is ok. It is not a substitute for real intimacy, but so what. A quarter pounder from Mc Donalds is no substitute for the burgers I can cook on my grill, but I still enjoy eating them. Sex fucking rocks. If you feel so inclined, fucking go for it, dude. Unprotected meaningless sex is, of course, a bad idea. Also, having meaningless sex with someone under the pretence of wanting a meaningful relationship IS WRONG. But there are plenty of sluts out there who are happy to have meaningless sex.

Well said,my friend. I would object to the use of word "slut" though,because it's generally used to stigmatise female sexuality (e.g. "Normal women only enjoy sex,if it's a part of a long-term relationship,and the rest are sluts") ,even if that wasn't your intention here.

 

Yeah, that wasn't my intention. The term does correctly convey the idea of sexual promiscuity, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with being a slut, regardless of gender.

 

being open to experiences and being promiscuous are two different things. Promiscuity usually menas reckless and irresponsible. Think babies and STD's and psychological issues.

 

Anyway, openness and discernment should live in equilibrium.

 

Oo-oo-ahh ahh!

[MagickMonkey]

No one seems to have brought it up, but there is NOTHING wrong with having sex for the sake of having sex. Meaningless sex is ok. It is not a substitute for real intimacy, but so what. A quarter pounder from Mc Donalds is no substitute for the burgers I can cook on my grill, but I still enjoy eating them. Sex fucking rocks. If you feel so inclined, fucking go for it, dude. Unprotected meaningless sex is, of course, a bad idea. Also, having meaningless sex with someone under the pretence of wanting a meaningful relationship IS WRONG. But there are plenty of sluts out there who are happy to have meaningless sex.

Well said,my friend. I would object to the use of word "slut" though,because it's generally used to stigmatise female sexuality (e.g. "Normal women only enjoy sex,if it's a part of a long-term relationship,and the rest are sluts") ,even if that wasn't your intention here.

 

Yeah, that wasn't my intention. The term does correctly convey the idea of sexual promiscuity, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with being a slut, regardless of gender.

 

being open to experiences and being promiscuous are two different things. Promiscuity usually menas reckless and irresponsible. Think babies and STD's and psychological issues.

 

Anyway, openness and discernment should live in equilibrium.

 

Oo-oo-ahh ahh!

 

I guess my idea of promiscuity is a little different. I certainly think recklessness is a bad idea. I guess growing up, french kissing your girlfriend/boyfriend was considered promiscuous.

 

Ahh Ooo Ahh OOh OOh AA!!! *monkey beats his chest as he says this*

[JadedAtheist]

I was curious about other ex-fundamentalist Christians who were true to their chastity vows as a Christian to the point of insanity. That is, like me, they did not even kiss a member of the opposite sex.

Well, I became an atheist over the past 6 months, so the sensual act of "kissing" is no longer reserved for marriage anymore. LOL. Thus, I just turned 23, and I have yet to even kiss a girl.

 

Just curious is anyone else was in a similar situation.

 

yeah, my beliefs were pretty much in line with no kissing/touching ("It is better for a man not to touch a woman" as the Bible says). As a result I am 24 and I have only kissed a girl once (I was 13 and she was dared to kiss me, so it doesn't really count IMHO) so I feel for you.

[Vomit Comet]

being open to experiences and being promiscuous are two different things. Promiscuity usually menas reckless and irresponsible. Think babies and STD's and psychological issues.

 

Anyway, openness and discernment should live in equilibrium.

 

Hey, that's a pretty useful distinction. I'll have to use it.

[Vomit Comet]

To reiterate, there's a growing online community of people trying to overcome this goddamned thing. Little is known about involuntary celibacy and I can think of exactly one (to date) scholarly journal article that has been published specifically about it. But it's real enough. Hopefully in the near future, professionals (and I don't mean sleazy pickup artists) will be able to assist people in overcoming it. Right now the best anybody has, aside from their own willpower, is a handful of internet support groups.

 

incelsupport.org

 

Wiki: Involuntary Celibacy

 

From Wikipedia:

 

Involuntary celibacy is the absence in human sexuality of intimate relationships or sexual intercourse for reasons other than voluntary celibacy, asexuality, antisexualism, or sexual abstinence. The term (which is sometimes shortened to incel) describes those who, despite being open to sexual intimacy and potential romance with someone and also making active, repeated efforts towards such an end, cannot cause any such end(s) to occur with any significant degree of regularity—or even at all.

 

As a concept, involuntary celibacy distinguishes itself from other various celibacy types by two major overall characteristics: First, it is a pattern-like, semi-perpetual condition that cannot seem to improve despite concerted effort of the affected individual towards improving sex appeal and social skills to try to attract sexual partners. Second, involuntarily celibate individuals are at a complete or near-complete lack for intimate physical connection for very long spans of time—years and even sometimes decades, not merely weeks or months—and are also at a complete or near-complete lack of opportunities for sexual advancement in the first place, thereby making betterment of their own sexuality through accumulation of "sexual experience" impossible.[1]

 

Many types of celibacy, including voluntary or semi-voluntary celibacy, exist throughout the spectrum of human sexuality; such instances of lack of sex are very common in the human experience. Involuntary celibacy is seen (chiefly by those who are affected by it) as a separate psychosocial issue to be taken seriously in its own right both because of the sheer extended lengths of time involved in incel "dry spells", and also because such extended lack can have actual discernible negative consequences on a person's sexual development. However, despite corollaries such as sleep-pattern clinics that study insomnia, sex research clinics do not seem to have much interest in studying incel.[2]

 

What makes involuntary celibacy an especially difficult condition for its sufferers to deal with is the fact that most of the time the circumstance cannot be explained through external personal factors—most incels, based on inquests by researchers into the population, are not especially physically unattractive, and most resemble in an interpersonal sense their peers who are not involuntarily celibate.[1] Although a few of the involuntarily celibate population may have discernible personality disorders that preclude current and future sexual opportunities, the small amount of research done on this subject indicates that the incel population are on the whole socially normal, healthy individuals whose frustration is merely a product of their lack of sex, and not vice versa.[1] This makes an individual's involuntarily celibate situation extremely difficult to resolve through the standard psychological methods of pinpointing and "fixing" internal and external life circumstances.

 

I wish the article was written more clearly, but it covers a fair amount of ground.

[Xerces]

Don't do it, protect your purity of mind and your virginity and get married as soon as you can to a moral person.

 

That's fucking stupid.

[foolish girl]

Don't do it, protect your purity of mind and your virginity and get married as soon as you can to a moral person.

 

That's fucking stupid.

 

Indeed. oh! Hey! Let's Define a "moral Person"...nah...it has been done to death.