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Extraordinarly Sick And Tired Of Family


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Okay, I just need a moment to vent...long story short, my father is getting remarried. Great, go for it, I hold nothing against it. I would NOT want to see him and mom back together under any circumstances. That being said, I have never met the woman his is planning to marry - they've been going out for just over a year, and I live across the country. He supposedly wants me home for his wedding...problem is, without talking to either me or my sister, they planned their wedding for nearly the worst part of our school semester.


To put this into perspective, even if I flew, was there for the 5 hour wedding, and flew back home, I'm still going to lose at least 3 days of work - since I already have 80 hour weeks, finding 3 whole days with nothing better to do is basically impossible, and definitely not during the busiest part of the semester (post spring break, pre finals). Add on that this is my final semester to basically finish off my thesis project, which means I will have to be busting ass all semester...I'm going to be going insane as it is.


I tried to nicely tell my father (who is offering to buy my plane ticket) that I can't say if I can make it yet or not, that it will depend greatly on where my stuff is come that time. My work is not transportable, so I can't just work on it on the plane or sitting in the airport. I also explain that if I'm going to take the time to come back "home" that I would much rather have some time (say a week or so) when I could use my paid vacation at work, and between semesters, and actually spend some time with my father and his new wife (in addition to seeing other people if I'm going to spend that long dealing with travel) and get to know her/them rather than seeing them in passing at their 5 hour civil ceremony wedding.


In response I get a just-over-a-page letter dripping with attempts at emotional manipulation. Now, I can see this for what it is, but it still pisses me off. All in all he spends this entire times trying to say how important it is to him that me and my sister are there (even though we are both in college full time, she in VA, me in CA, they are in WI, and he never asked either of us if there were times better than others), drolls on and on about how much he wants us there, how important it is for he and his fiance to have the "loving" support of their families, etc etc.


Then, interspersed in the bullshit are a few choice pieces - my personal favorite, where he tries to drag my mother into it. Understand, I refuse to discuss the other parent with either of them...so in any conversation regarding his wedding, my mother has NEVER been mentioned. He then goes on to say how even though they could afford to fly me out there for 5 hours, they wouldn't be able to fly me out for a future visit because they are setting this money aside for their wedding (um, you just shot down all the bullshit about wanting to develop a relationship....).


Needless to say, my response to his "eloquence" will probably be dissappointing - most likely it will consist of the following: "Dad, I know the ceremony is important to you and XXXX. My Master's Degree is just as important to me. Therefore, if you need an answer now, I will have to say no. If you don't need an answer yet, let me know when you do and I will base my decision off any further information I have at that time."


There's a lot more I want to say, such as "how the fuck am I supposed to "develop a relationship" in 5 hours, and "I don't care if it's a 30 minute ceremony, with my travel time I still lose a minimum of 3 days," and a number of other responses that would do nothing more than engage the manipulator...which I know is pointless. But it doesn't make me any less pissed.


My father is such a selfish ass....





And to clarify, I wouldn't care if his response was more along the lines of "we really do want you there, if you can't make it we understand, but please try since it is important to us." Instead, he tries (and fails miserably) to sound like he has gone out of his way to work around us (me and my sister - who make up 2/3 of his kids) yet never even bothered to ask us if certain times were better.


It's his wedding, he can plan it when he wants, but don't expect me/us to give up our lives to be there...and definitely don't try to emotionally blackmail me into it, because that REALLY pisses me off!!!

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All I can say is to repeat that this wedding comes at the most inopportune time, and there is no way you can make it.

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