ilovemybrain Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 It was a year ago today that my two or three years of questioning and reading and struggling all came together and I realized I am no longer a christian believer. And within the following week I came out to everyone, just "ripped the band-aid off". (I think I found ex-c a month or two later). What a year. I read about the stages of deconversion, and I thought "well that's, funny, I have no grief at all! I'm happy as a clam!" But yes it has hit, and now I'm feeling the loss of my imaginary friend who was kind of an asshole anyway. But I have my self-respect, I have my freedom. I no longer waste hours and hours every week on church, bible study group, indoctrinating little kids in sunday school, etc etc. I no longer try to make my thoughts, feelings, and actions fit my particular church's interpretation of an ancient collection of stories. I don't have to hide who I am and pretend to go along with the fairy tale. I know you've seen a lot of my ups and downs as I share how things are going with my fundy husband in this "unequally yoked" marriage. And I was sure it wasn't going to work out. Until this very morning, like just a few hours ago when we finally had a huge talk about marriage. Without boring you with yet more rambling, I will say he is starting to "get it" how he can love and respect me regardless of my beliefs, and really try to know ME instead of his idea of me. And I am thinking 20 years of marriage, with 4 kids, it's worth another good try. So that's where things stand now. And I'll shut up about it for a while and not share every single up and down with y'all. It is still very hard not to fit in with the people around me, but I am finding new friends who accept me as I am, and strengthening old friendships that are non-judgmental as well. Ex-c continues to be part of my healing and growing process as I rant, think aloud, encourage others, and see a range of ideas and personalities not accessible to me otherwise in my daily life. Some of you have become very good friends to me, some just here on the forums, and some outside of Ex-c, and I am so thankful to have a support group of seemingly the only other people in the world who understand how hard deconversion is. Plus it's just really fun here! Thank you ex-c !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 congrats!! 20 years is not something to be tossed away lightly. Glad you talked about it more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagickMonkey Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 It was a year ago today that my two or three years of questioning and reading and struggling all came together and I realized I am no longer a christian believer. And within the following week I came out to everyone, just "ripped the band-aid off". (I think I found ex-c a month or two later). What a year. I read about the stages of deconversion, and I thought "well that's, funny, I have no grief at all! I'm happy as a clam!" But yes it has hit, and now I'm feeling the loss of my imaginary friend who was kind of an asshole anyway. But I have my self-respect, I have my freedom. I no longer waste hours and hours every week on church, bible study group, indoctrinating little kids in sunday school, etc etc. I no longer try to make my thoughts, feelings, and actions fit my particular church's interpretation of an ancient collection of stories. I don't have to hide who I am and pretend to go along with the fairy tale. I know you've seen a lot of my ups and downs as I share how things are going with my fundy husband in this "unequally yoked" marriage. And I was sure it wasn't going to work out. Until this very morning, like just a few hours ago when we finally had a huge talk about marriage. Without boring you with yet more rambling, I will say he is starting to "get it" how he can love and respect me regardless of my beliefs, and really try to know ME instead of his idea of me. And I am thinking 20 years of marriage, with 4 kids, it's worth another good try. So that's where things stand now. And I'll shut up about it for a while and not share every single up and down with y'all. It is still very hard not to fit in with the people around me, but I am finding new friends who accept me as I am, and strengthening old friendships that are non-judgmental as well. Ex-c continues to be part of my healing and growing process as I rant, think aloud, encourage others, and see a range of ideas and personalities not accessible to me otherwise in my daily life. Some of you have become very good friends to me, some just here on the forums, and some outside of Ex-c, and I am so thankful to have a support group of seemingly the only other people in the world who understand how hard deconversion is. Plus it's just really fun here! Thank you ex-c !!!! I hope your husband really gives it a good try. You deserve to be loved and appreciated. And I bet at this point, he knows not to take your marriage for granted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noob Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Happy Ex-iversary to you!!! I'm glad you're here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted January 13, 2011 Super Moderator Share Posted January 13, 2011 Happy Ex-iversary To You! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Happy Ex-iversary! Things sound positive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darklady Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Keep talking Glad to have you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piper Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I say keep sharing the ups and downs! My formerly fundy wife has crossed over to my side now, something that I never dreamed would happen!!! Praise the lard! Keep hope alive, yours may do the same! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemybrain Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thanks every buddy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest riverrunner Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I am happy for you and I love your brain too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemybrain Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I am happy for you and I love your brain too. aww thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulyfree Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Happy Ex-iversary! So brave to 'rip the bandaid off'. I hope your marriage works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foolish girl Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 and really try to know ME instead of his idea of me. And I am thinking 20 years of marriage, with 4 kids, it's worth another good try. ...sister do I hear ya! I am glad things are going well. Feel free to post the ups and downs. We love you here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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