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Went To Church This Week


Freedom from Guilt
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Since hubby and I are having continued issues, I thought that I would offer to go to church with him on occasion. I really thought I could do it on my own terms now. I figured I would just go in, listen to the music, help with the kids and ignore, ignore, ignore everything the pastor said. But I couldn't. Instead, I got really angry that I am LETTING my children go to THIS church with THIS toxic pastor EVERY week. Here are just a few of the gems that were shared with the congregation:

 

1. We can't wait for this evil world to be over so we can spend eternity worshiping in the presence of God.

2. The world is getting worse and will continue to "get worse".

3. God doesn't put people in Hell but He does give them the chance to ESCAPE Hell.

4. People in the OT were saved because the *knew* a messiah was coming????? Explain that one to me please??

5. Once you die, you have lost your chance at salvation

6. Everything can be explained because God doesn't work on linear time. He knows who is going to Heaven and who is going to Hell but he doesn't put anyone in Hell. He just knows who is going to choose him (explaining the whole "elect" and "predestined" problems in Christian doctrine.

 

I walked away feeling like it's all a bunch of exclusionary garbage. Us vs. Them, God vs. World, Heaven vs. Hell, Your selfish sinful desires vs. God's plan for your life.

 

I don't think I can keep going back there, even to bring peace to our home. I hate feeling so helpless.

 

freedom

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Oh god. This makes my stomach hurt. Don't go.

 

Tell him what it was like for you. Tell him you want to go for him, but listening to that crap is going to make it worse and not better.

 

I wish I could give you the magic answer.

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Thanks FG- I am going to tell him that, I'm just trying to decide how to say it best without being confrontational about it. I'm really bad about taking it too far.

 

I also forgot to add the best part! The heaping helping pile of guilt "inspiration" at the end about how we are not taking it serious enough and we would be sharing the gospel and filling up the church if we really meant it! Gotta love that "inspiration"

 

freedom

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I really feel for you. Many years ago I was in a somewhat similar situation -- going to church with DH in order to keep the peace. One easter sunday after church, our kids who were about 5 & 7, said that their teacher in children's church asked the kids to raise their hands if they had an easter basket at home. Most kids did. The teacher then proceeded to tell them they were all partaking in something evil and had better throw out those satanic easter baskets, bunnies, candy, etc. The kids were crying and I was livid. I told DH that the kids were never going back there and if he had a problem with that, too fucking bad. I really don't think I've ever been so angry in my life. Neither the kids nor I ever went back to that church. DH wanted them to attend a church somewhere. He wouldn't consider a UU church (of the devil, ya know). I said the only other option was for me to take them back to my old church--very liberal catholic--and I never let them out of my sight while we were at church. I was actually surprised he agreed to that since "catholics are evil" too.

 

Those were some rough years. But other than weddings, funerals, and grandchildrens' plays, I haven't been in a church for close to 20 years now. DH and I are still together and get along pretty well most of the time. He mellowed some and I had to come to learn that I could be happy with or without him. Once I stood my ground, he actually gradually became more reasonable.

 

But trust me, it was a long, slow, and sometimes painful process -- not to mention lonely (this all happened in the days before the internet).

 

Know you are not alone. I wish you well through this situation and great big hugs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I would not return to that Church either. This is one reason religion is so evil especially if you are in a family where one believes and one doesn't. Its funny how all the problems are blamed on the one who doesn't believe and they are the ones who have to be accepting and try to please the one who does. What makes it harder is throwing children into the mix because that can become a power struggle over what their beliefs are. In my opinion you cannot live your life unhappy and trying to please others. I have done that and to be honest it made me miserable. Only after I divorced and learned to live for myself first did I realize how liberating it is. I am in no way telling you to divorce....Maybe just putting your foot down and explaining how it makes you feel will be enough. I would be worried how much this actually terrifies your children. Depending on their ages, younger kids can really be overcome with some of the scarey things that the ones they look up to say. I don't think I would be very happy if my child said he or she couldn't wait for the world to end. I know my child would not be going back to church.

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He mellowed some and I had to come to learn that I could be happy with or without him. Once I stood my ground, he actually gradually became more reasonable.

 

But trust me, it was a long, slow, and sometimes painful process -- not to mention lonely (this all happened in the days before the internet).

 

Know you are not alone. I wish you well through this situation and great big hugs.

 

 

 

I guess it's different for us because we both used to be 'on the same page": My resolve seems to set him off and make things worse. I'm trying to figure out how to stand my ground but it's difficult. I'm walking this fine line and sometimes it feels like if I falter there is no net there to save me or us.

 

freedom

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I guess it's different for us because we both used to be 'on the same page":

 

 

 

 

What is ironic in my situation is that when DH and I met/married, we were both on the same page too -- both of us were former catholics/agnostics. He didn't become a born-againer til many years and two kids later. I think I understand what you mean about walking the fine line. I did it for many years before that "easter basket" incident. I guess that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back because I sure blew a gasket over it! It was (still is at times) a tough, frustrating, and lonely situation -- trying to be true to yourself while also trying to keep your family intact, happy, and somewhat normal.

 

With each passing day, I agree more and more with Christopher Hitchens -- religion poisons everything. It sure fu(ked up my family.

 

((hugs))

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I love when they try to explain away predestination. The truth is that the bible quite clearly states that god arbitrarily choose a group of humans to give salvation to and the rest of creation shall be evil and defeated. Really, he just got bored and made up a story book where we are the characters. These kinds of beliefs are totally harmful, especially to children.

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