Moderator Popular Post Margee Posted February 4, 2011 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted February 4, 2011 Dearest Heavenly Bible God, Father, Jehovah, Jesus, Holy Spirit, The Creator of the Universe,I come to you with the utmost sincerity of my heart, to talk with you. I have wanted to please you all my life. I have searched for you all my life. I have wanted to be one of your chosen. I never wanted to worry on this earth about going to your hell. So I tried to be good. Yes, I screwed up quite a few times, made quite a few mistakes, but they told me it was because I was 'blood and 'flesh' and that you were like the potter, taking this ‘blob’ of sinful clay and turning me into a diamond. I have always asked for your forgiveness and to give me another chance to prove myself to you. I hated letting you down. I always wanted to strengthen myself and be a woman of god for you – but you did not want to prove yourself for me, no matter how much I asked or prayed to you.....Please forgive me for missing any signs that you did try to give me.I have also, throughout the last 30 years, asked for more faith because I always felt as if I didn't have enough. I was honest with you about this. I told you everything. I confessed everything. I was told by many, that the 'mustard seed’ was good enough and that's all I had to have. But I wanted more than a seed of faith. I wanted big faith; enough to convince my mind of you, enough to stop the questions that I continued to drive you crazy with. Enough to move all the mountains in my life.... Please forgive me for this lack of faith that I had during all the past years.I even joked with you, so many times that YOU were the one who gave me this inquisitive personality. You are supposed to be all powerful and therefore you could have changed me? I asked you to change me. Why didn't you? Why did you hesitate? Were you testing me all along like you did your servant, Job? I was even straightforward about that and told you that I would not pass that kind of test. Then I asked you why you would even want to test us? Why would you – a loving, kind father, even permit this devil you allowed to fall from grace, sit by our side and watch as we suffered through many horrific things in life? We are your children. You made us. You created us. You didn’t answer.....Please forgive me for my reservations with this issue.Now I am learning that you might not be there at all. You have watched me at my computer. You have seen the research I’ve been doing in the past 5 years. You have seen and heard me questioning the bible since the night I was ‘saved’. I have asked you a hundred times in the last year to show yourself to me. I have screamed in agony. I have told you that are about to lose me. I have asked you if you care that I am falling away from the faith. And still you do nothing. You don’t even kill me. I was honest before you concerning this ‘doubting Thomas’ syndrome...Can you really see what’s in my heart? If you can, and you are truly a loving entity - will you please forgive me?You give me no clues whatsoever. The world is falling apart. We are killing each other. There are murders, rapes, poverty, and slavery. There are people fighting over whose land is whose and bombings everywhere. Do you see this? Did you understand that your ''Holy Bible' promotes this?? There is torture, starvation, cancer, drowning, dismemberment, and very painful diseases. You are supposed to be ‘all knowing-all powerful’. You could give us the cure for cancer and yet you remain silent. There is an epidemic of depression and suicide and thus far - you do nothing. How could a good and powerful God who loves you stand aside, unmoved to action, while such things happen? Please forgive me for being angry at you.My biggest problem with you is you are supposed to be all powerful; Omnipotent, Omnipresent, and Omniscient. You are supposed to be all good...full of love and yet all this evil exists? They have reassured me that when I get to heaven, you will explain all these mysteries to me. Why wait? Why not explain them to me now? Why not appear at the bottom of my bed in the late of night to have a talk? Why not appear in the sky (or wherever), even one community at a time and tell us that ''you will bring all things together for good'' as you promised in your bible. So many unanswered prayers... Please forgive me for questioning your invisibility and indistinguishable lack of presence. You are hiding from me so effectively, that the world looks just as I would expect it to look, and be, without a God running the show. It doesn’t have any of the characteristics I would be anticipating to find, if there was a caring, intervening, superseding God. All of my attempts to confirm your existence have come up empty handed. You are hiding so successfully. I have to admit that in order to believe like I did for years, I must do it by ignoring the contrary evidence. I must resolve to this concept called ‘faith’. You are hiding so stubbornly, I must conclude, among other things, that you do not want or care if I believe anymore. If you wanted me to believe, you think would show me evidence in a thousand obvious ways, because my heart has yearned for the proof....Please forgive me for giving up the search.One last quick discussion. Why didn’t you make us the way you wanted us to be in the first place? It could have been so simple – you are the God of the universe! Why tempt us in the garden? Why make hell? Why scare people? Why would you do this to us? I have been taught that all who accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour will go to heaven, and the amount of reward in heaven will be directly related to how closely each one followed God's will in his life. I really tried to do this. Likewise, all those who reject Jesus Christ will go to hell, be tortured forever and will be punished to the degree of how much evil and sin they committed in their life. And you created this for us, your children??Please forgive me for thinking you are cruel.Why did you need to resort to human sacrifices to ‘satisfy’ the sin disease - which you created and tempted us with in the first place? Why be so cruel? Obviously, I will go to this hell you created for people who reject. It’s not that I want to reject you – I just don’t trust you anymore. Trust is reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, of a person or thing; confidence. It is the confident expectation of hope that someone really cares for your well-being. It gives you confidence in the certainty of the future. It is a loving person on whom one relies. It is the condition of one, to whom something has been entrusted with, like custody or care. It is a commitment of love, and that love would not hurt you.....Please forgive me for not trusting you anymore.I loved you for a long time and yet, you scare me with hell? And then you tell me that you are a loving God. Would you be affectionate and forgiving enough to take my hand and walk in hell with me?I really wanted to believe in your existence, but you have gone to extraordinary lengths to make that difficult for me. The world looks just like there is no Bible God to me and I am heartbroken. It saddens me from the bottom of my heart to admit that I do not believe that the Holy Christian Bible is the ‘Word of God’ anymore. It grieves me very much to say goodbye to the God of the bible. It is your ‘Holy Scriptures’ taken literally from all over the world has made the planet into the mess it’s in today.....Please forgive me for saying this.One last prayer of forgiveness:I pray that you will understand all my questions and forgive me for not believing the ‘Holy Bible’ that I was brought up to believe in. I am asking for your forgiveness for my doubting. I am asking for forgiveness for not really believing in you – but please, if you do exist and I have missed it – before I end this letter – would you always try to remember the heart that searched long and hard for you? I will forgive you – if you will forgive me.Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart – Your Child, Margee 39 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Margee, that was one of the most beautiful testimonies I have ever read. You speak straight from your heart and in so doing, you speak about what others feel, too. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Well done. Standing ovation with flowers and a hug. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemybrain Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Wow...that was amazing. I am so sorry for your pain. You are a brave beautiful woman with a strong heart and you will make your own life worth living. I'm so glad you're here. (((((hugs))))) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isawthelight Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hi Margee, I have felt your pain in a number of your posts. You are a gifted writer and have an uncanny ability to express your feelings so that a person reading your words can immerse themselves in your experience. This post was an excellent display of your disappointment with a god that failed to live up to his promises to you. I don't think that you or anyone needs to ask forgiveness from an abusive father figure though. It is almost like asking an abusive husband to forgive you for not looking forward to his next beating. You need no forgiveness Margee. Just live what is left of your life to the fullest. Free from the shackles of the abuser. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hey Margee. Great post. Glad to have you here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 /me begins slow clap 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemybrain Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 :clap: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jds22 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Very nice, I really enjoyed that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Margee, that was SO good. Thanks for posting it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xandermac Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Well Done! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulyfree Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Margee, that was very moving! You describe the emotional struggle of letting go very well. The sadness, pain, guilt. There is nothing to forgive, there is no god to hear. You've done nothing wrong. If god existed he would make sure we couldn't deny him. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawlbringer Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Margee, that was a wonderful and very touching. I can relate to it and believe we all have dealt with this in one way another. Thanks! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawlbringer Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Margee, that was wonderful and very touching. I can relate to it and believe mostl have dealt with this in one way another. Thanks! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Pappy Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Very well said Margee - great formatting and tense. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anzgoatee Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 One last quick discussion. Why didn’t you make us the way you wanted us to be in the first place? It could have been so simple – you are god! Why tempt us in the garden? Why make hell? Why scare people? Why would you do this to us? I have been taught that all who accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour will go to heaven, but the amount of reward in heaven will be directly related to how closely each one followed God's will in his life. I really tried to do this. Likewise, all those who reject Jesus Christ will go to hell and will be punished to the degree of how much evil they committed in their life. Margee, thank you, you've said it all! Excellent! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dronemaker Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Absolutely magnificent. A breathtaking prayer, one of the most sincere I've ever heard. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Absolutely magnificent. A breathtaking prayer, one of the most sincere I've ever heard. And yet some say we weren't really Christians. I suggest they aren't truly Christians. If anyone reads this and comes away untouched, they must have a seriously hard heart. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dB-Paradox Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Every time you post something Margee, I can see the sincerity in your heart, and it reflects what I felt, and sometimes still do. I think you speak for so many of us! The devout Christian would do well to read your posts and see the agony one goes through, wrestling with the existence of God. They cannot say we choose to not believe. They cannot say we are rebelling. All they can say is that we are genuine. And your posts, especially this one, reflect that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 9, 2011 Author Moderator Share Posted February 9, 2011 I just don't know how to thank you all for the kind remarks about my letter. I have had some very sad things happen to me in my life (things that I can never tell) and I probably was at stage one,(thoughts) of a plan to end my life. Life without god makes more sense to me, because now I understand, 'wrong place-wrong time' and the whole question of 'where were you god, when this happened'? doesn't need to be discussed any further. People can be monsters, people can be cruel, people are just animals and a lot are 'still back in the cave'. Now I understand. I don't need to forgive. What a relief. I can let go. that's all I have to do. Now I just have to figure out how to be really happy and live life before I die and don't go to heaven. Yes,I am crying right now because this is so hard. Saying goodbye to the last thing you had hope in, is unbearable. But I know I can do it - you guys are my 'god' right now. It's like your loving this unknown person you never met before, back to health. Thank you all so very much. From the bottom of my heart.................................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest I Love Dog Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 But I know I can do it - you guys are my 'god' right now. It's like your loving this unknown person you never met before, back to health. Thank you all so very much. From the bottom of my heart.................................. Yes, you can do it, and do it you will! Several advantages to having us as your "god"; you don't have to grovel to us, praise us, sing silly songs to us(unless you want to!), pray knowing that nothing will happen, worry about hell and heaven. In return for not doing all those things we will offer REAL love and understanding, albeit at a distance across the ether, but you will feel it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foolish girl Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I just don't know how to thank you all for the kind remarks about my letter. I have had some very sad things happen to me in my life (things that I can never tell) and I probably was at stage one,(thoughts) of a plan to end my life. Life without god makes more sense to me, because now I understand, 'wrong place-wrong time' and the whole question of 'where were you god, when this happened'? doesn't need to be discussed any further. People can be monsters, people can be cruel, people are just animals and a lot are 'still back in the cave'. Now I understand. I don't need to forgive. What a relief. I can let go. that's all I have to do. Now I just have to figure out how to be really happy and live life before I die and don't go to heaven. Yes,I am crying right now because this is so hard. Saying goodbye to the last thing you had hope in, is unbearable. But I know I can do it - you guys are my 'god' right now. It's like your loving this unknown person you never met before, back to health. Thank you all so very much. From the bottom of my heart.................................. aw Margee. I love you. Dare I say, I love your spirit? What a wonderful, sweet spirit you are. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kol Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Dear Margee, your testimony is so beautiful. It's so similar to my experiences. You touched my heart. Thank you. Be strong! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 If I may revert to a former life, "AMEN, SISTA!" that so reflects my own experience. You will find the sense of freedom comes as you no longer see things in black and white but rather many shades of grey and even color! So much to learn now - from all sources of rational thought. So many people to 'fellowship' with and enjoy without the pressure of converting them. That is the freedom I feel and the excitement in anticipation of new discoveries and friendships on the horizon! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petunia Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Beautifully written. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reprobate Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Thank You!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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