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Margee

Please Forgive Me?

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Margee, I'm sure many of us have felt the way you did in your post. I know I did - you posted exactly what I went through. I prayed for YEARS for more faith, for answers, for explanations that made sense. I clung to my shreds of faith and I begged Him for forgiveness. I screamed at Him in anger. I cried over his seeming abandonment of me in my time of questioning. Finally I felt that I had no choice but to just give up. Your words could have been mine, your story was so familiar. I read it with tears in my eyes, because I know your pain. Thank you for your beautiful post. It really conveys the sincere struggle to keep believing that so many of us have experienced. Many Christians just don't seem to understand how hard we've tried.

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I also must admire your prayer as a very heartfelt expression. It truly is a difficult journey to come to the realization that the religion we were indoctrinated with is merely silly superstition.

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Margee, your post expresses the thoughts in my heart and mind for the many years I was an xian. Thank you for posting this. You are a great writer! :notworthy:

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Wow, that really hit home. It describes much of my life's journey to a tee, but I would never be able to word it as beautifully as you just did.

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Wow!! How did I miss this earlier? Very well written!

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Margee,

Your letter describes perfectly the way I have been feeling over the last few years. I have struggled with addiction and I see all these people give their testimony about how "God took the desire away from me. I just prayed for him to take it away and he took it."

 

Well, that has never happened for me. I pray every day for God to take the desire away. I pray every day for God to get me out of this nightmare of a relationship I am stuck in with this crazy person. I lack the financial ability to get out on my own right now and I refuse to go live in a homeless shelter. I never know what I'm going to come home to.

 

I've prayed. And prayed. And waited. And waited.

 

No. Fucking. Answer.

 

My final conclusion: Either God hates me or he doesn't exist.

 

Isiaih 47:5 says it perfectly!

"I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things."

So, if the christian god did exist, he's one sicko. And he hates me.

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I haven't the words. Thank you so much for that.

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I haven't the words. Thank you so much for that.

 

you guys got me cryin' again!

I never dreampt my letter to god would get this many beautiful responses - we truly are all in this together!

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I haven't the words. Thank you so much for that.

 

you guys got me cryin' again!

I never dreampt my letter to god would get this many beautiful responses - we truly are all in this together!

 

You truly share your heart the way I used to wish christians would. I love your honesty and transparency. The ability to share those things is a gift. Thank you for your gift to us :woohoo:

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Excellent! Why haven't I read this yet, ought to kick my own ass. Very good Margee, glad to have you here.

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What an absolutely fabulous letter. I think most of us here could have written the same thing but NOT so eloquently;)

 

I think that for so many people black & white is just so easy. I have never looked at anything in black or white. I see so many shades and that is probably why I just couldn't accept god anymore. My sister sees everything as either good or bad. It doesn't even occur to her that when people have problems (no matter what kind) there are so many reasons why they could have them. They are either just too weak, stupid or whatever. The things she says are just so inhuman in my view. It doesn't sound anything like what I thought being a christian meant.

 

Now that I have been away from it for so long I am constantly amazed at the things they say. They just seem so heartless.

 

Thanks so much for sharing your letter!!!!!!

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I sincerely hope there comes a day when you stop asking God for forgiveness, and demand that He ask for YOUR forgiveness for putting you through all this torment. You should demand the same of all those clerics who terrified you with threats of hellfire whilst taking your money.

 

I hope you manage here in the real, secular world. It's really not that bad, once you get used to it.

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Very touching and meaningful Margee, thank you. I can really relate to this. Thank you thank you.

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Margee, this is beautiful. It speaks of all I'm feeling and wrestling with. Thank you for sharing.

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Margee, I feel wrung out emotionally after reading this. You have captured my journey better than I could have. Now let me go weep awhile...

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That was extremely moving Margee. Thank you for sharing. My own prayers have gone in much that direction. If God can't give a single hint that he's there after a prayer from the heart like that then... well... he's either not listening, doesn't care, or just isn't there.

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Thank you for posting this Margee...beautifully written and seriously honest. You've hit on all the reasons why I left the church.

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AMAZING letter, Sister Margee. Wow. Just... WOW.

 

You voiced your own struggles with faith and believing in the God of the Bible with so much deep emotion and clarity, and yet at the same time you voiced -- and captured perfectly -- the similar agony that so many of us who have lost faith and walked away from the Christian God and faith have experienced, and at times continue to experience.

 

:17::17::17:

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I posted this topic to Facebook. No doubt it will get ignored by most, if not all, of my Christian friends. But maybe, just maybe, one or more of them will take the time to honestly read your letter and consider it. I can hope so, but I won't bother praying that they will...

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Thank you for sharing.

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Wow Margee, Just read your letter to God. That was an incredible read. I came to the end of my christian rope in a comparable fasion. My last prayer can be summed up as "If you are real God...I hope your grace is sufficient".

 

As I read the testamonies here it pains me what people have gone through. It is becoming more apparent that Ex-Christian is filled with those who hearts were more devoted to god then the traditional pew warmer...hence the great trauma.

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In general, I do believe that the people that are on this website were probably some of the most sincere christians.

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This is one of the most sincere things that I have ever read. Christians commonly like to accuse extians of not truly believing in Jesus in the first place. How could any Christian ever accuse you of not being a true believer, especially after reading something so heart-felt and beautiful? The next time I hear a Christian make that accusation I'm going to direct them to your extimony.

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Thank you for that. You have managed to descibe everything that I have felt!

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Margee, the depth of feeling behind this letter is astounding. You have captured so many things that I would say to God if I still believed that he exists.

 

I will be posting my own extimony at some point, but I wanted to let you know that your letter really hit me emotionally. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us.

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