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Margee

Please Forgive Me?

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Margee, the depth of feeling behind this letter is astounding. You have captured so many things that I would say to God if I still believed that he exists.

 

I will be posting my own testimony at some point, but I wanted to let you know that your letter really hit me emotionally. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us.

 

Trapped, I want to welcome you to EX-C. I have been on this site everyday (3-4 times a day) to check in and get my 'encouragement' for the day.

I would have never made it this far without my friends at EX-C. Stay with us. We need you! I am looking so forward to your testimony! I am so glad my letter helped. Sincerely, Margee

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Thanks, Margee! My story isn't very different from many others that I've seen here, but it is mine. I've been doing a lot of reading here as I've tried to gather some of my thoughts. Your letter has been another in a long line of confirmations that I'm finally going in the right direction.

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Wow, Margee that was beautiful, I really don't know what else to say...I'm speachless

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Margee, that was incredibly honest and beautiful.

 

Thank you.

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Margee, this was so sadly beautiful. I think you have captured the essence of all that I, and probably most of the people here, have felt and struggled with. You have such a beautiful soul, such compassion and humbleness, that if there truly was a god, it would be "its" greatest joy to embrace you and, at least whisper, "I'm here." Yet, "it" remains silent.

 

I feel your pain. It's like praying to the wall. Hell, even my dogs express more love to me than god ever did. The initial emptiness is vast, but, over time you may heal and fill that void with the people (yes, mere humans) who can relate and show you more love and compassion than an invisible myth.

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Well said Margee with certainly a great deal of emotion and passion. Should be read by everyone on these forums!

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(HUGS) Margee. I figured you need that, after opening up to us like this.

You put into words what I think many of us have felt for quite awhile.

 

 

I decided a long time ago, when I came to the conclusion that Bible god was an absurd poorly written fiction that my whole family had lived in worship and fear of, all their days, and even to the extent my mom left this world in a home Hospice program to the sound of the hymns she loved singing her to rest, that if there was a god, a supreme to humans intellect being, that it would be incumbent upon it to believe in us.

 

Otherwise, how in the world could our limited intellect conceive of a being so superior in every way?

 

So I share this.

If you want to see god, look in the mirror. There she is. She loves you with all her heart and she wants only what's best for you.

If you have need to pray, do so. You were talking to yourself all along before, why not again when it means something new. Those things you can pray for, can be answered by your will and determination. Know what you want and go for it, because you deserve it.

 

The temple of god, is your self. Head to toe. Foundation to roof. Sacred, holy, and if physics is right, eternal. Every day is ritual, every action is a sermon to your self and your will be done.

And when your journey in this life is over, where you've strode within heaven and the hell humans can create at will, you will be remembered by those who will grieve your passing. Your legacy are those things you've done and those you've impressed with your goodness, as they remember you all their days.

 

And what comes after, well that was always faith anyway. But whatever it is, it is the one thing we all hold in common. Death and what comes after as a matter of fact we're not privy to.

 

I once had someone ask me; "You do believe in god, right!?" They sounded afraid of the answer. I said, I believe in power.

And I am goddess.

 

So are you, Margee. Sacred in the flesh. Isn't it grand?

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Beautiful, heartfelt words. Thanks for sharing Margeesmile.png

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Margee, thank you for sending me the link to this. It made me cry. This is so very much where I've been at for the last year. Thank you so much for sharing your letter.

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Margee, thank you for sending me the link to this. It made me cry. This is so very much where I've been at for the last year. Thank you so much for sharing your letter.

Llilcopper - I am sorry you are going through the pains of deconverting. That's why I sent you this link - to let you know that you are not alone. I still read my own letter to continue to help me grow strong. This letter to the O.T. god was the beginning of my true deconversion.

 

I have been trying to 'un-brainwash' myself for a long time. This site will help you so much.The friends here really do care. Stay with us hon! We need you too!! I am glad my letter helped you figure more out. Sincerely, Margee

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Margee, your letter was beautiful. Just beautiful. You said everything that I've felt but didn't know how to put into words.

 

It's so comforting to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

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Margee, your letter was beautiful. Just beautiful. You said everything that I've felt but didn't know how to put into words.

 

It's so comforting to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

I am so glad it helped TW...I really am. Welcome to EX-c!

 

It's almost one year that I wrote that letter and posted it here. It was the real beginning of my deconverting. It's been a hard journey, but I still feel the exact same way......but much stronger than I did last December when I joined this site.

 

I was VERY depressed when I came to EX-c......all these people have given me such hope. Stick around with us. We need you!! biggrin.png

 

Best wishes on your healing journey.

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Margee, your letter was beautiful. Just beautiful. You said everything that I've felt but didn't know how to put into words.

 

It's so comforting to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

I am so glad it helped TW...I really am. Welcome to EX-c!

 

It's almost one year that I wrote that letter and posted it here. It was the real beginning of my deconverting. It's been a hard journey, but I still feel the exact same way......but much stronger than I did last December when I joined this site.

 

I was VERY depressed when I came to EX-c......all these people have given me such hope. Stick around with us. We need you!! biggrin.png

 

Best wishes on your healing journey.

 

Thank you so much for the welcome! I will definitely be sticking around - this is the one place I can actually talk to other people who understand what I'm going through.

 

I am currently VERY depressed right now - my whole world as I knew it has fallen apart and I'm now trying to figure out how to rebuild my life knowing that no wizard in the sky is going to help me (not that he ever seemed to help me often anyway, but there was always that hope).

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Topic Pinned.

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As I read the testamonies here it pains me what people have gone through. It is becoming more apparent that Ex-Christian is filled with those who hearts were more devoted to god then the traditional pew warmer...hence the great trauma.

In general, I do believe that the people that are on this website were probably some of the most sincere christians.

 

I too would tend to think this is true. I know in my case, I was so devoted to believing and living God's way that in my teens I was all set to go out to the mission field and be a missionary to Papua New Guinea. I used to turn down guys who "weren't godly enough". I was the "Jesus loves you" girl all throughout high school - the one who ran the Bible club and made evangelism and street evangelism my summer job (Child Evangelism Fellowship and Open Air Campaigners)... Haven't gotten around to writing my own ex-timony yet, but it took me more than a decade of wrestling with doubt and questions before I finally let go.

 

 

Margee, I totally relate to your prayer. I prayed something similar a while back when I was begging God to show himself to me. I remember praying "If you're real, please don't let me go." And later: "If you're real, please don't send me to hell - I want to believe, I just can't anymore." *hug*

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As I read the testamonies here it pains me what people have gone through. It is becoming more apparent that Ex-Christian is filled with those who hearts were more devoted to god then the traditional pew warmer...hence the great trauma.

In general, I do believe that the people that are on this website were probably some of the most sincere christians.

 

I too would tend to think this is true. I know in my case, I was so devoted to believing and living God's way that in my teens I was all set to go out to the mission field and be a missionary to Papua New Guinea. I used to turn down guys who "weren't godly enough". I was the "Jesus loves you" girl all throughout high school - the one who ran the Bible club and made evangelism and street evangelism my summer job (Child Evangelism Fellowship and Open Air Campaigners)... Haven't gotten around to writing my own ex-timony yet, but it took me more than a decade of wrestling with doubt and questions before I finally let go.

 

 

Margee, I totally relate to your prayer. I prayed something similar a while back when I was begging God to show himself to me. I remember praying "If you're real, please don't let me go." And later: "If you're real, please don't send me to hell - I want to believe, I just can't anymore." *hug*

hi kruszer! I'm so glad you're here with us my friend.I truly wonder sometimes if the christians think we wake up one morning and say; ''I just don't believe in god anymore and I'm not going to church either.....like we're the devil's rebellious children or something. One of my old favorite christian friends gave me a dirty look at the grocery store the other day....Walked right by.. never even said hi.

 

I remember so vividly, crying and saying to god; 'Don't you care that you're losing me'?I knew after so much 'begging' that this truly was a 'faith' walk and I couldn't do it anymore. When I found this site - I just couldn't believe there were others who felt the same way as me. I still (besides having EX-c) feel quite alone in this. Like my really good friend Overcame says, ''Life without god is no picnic either.'' There was always a certain 'hope' when I believed all those years.

 

I am looking forward to reading your ex-timony! Good wishes for you on this journey!

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I deconverted in '08 and your letter took me right back to how a heartbreaking it was for me. I can relate to all what you wrote and I too asked for forgiveness. It was a really sad time for me. It still stirs up some feelings in me. And I can sense how sad it was for you too. Your letter is beautifully and eloquently written and I thank you so much.

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Dear Margee,

 

I know you wrote that beautifully written prayer over a year ago, but I'm new here and only just found it. So much of what you said then is where I am now. I was a sincerely seeking Christian, wanting so much to please God, wanting so much to have that loving relationship the preachers say we can have with God, but it was all one sided.........I tried my best, and I failed at faith. Your letter is a testament to so many of us former believers who sincerely struggled to hang on and then were cast into despair as the hope we once had, faded to nothing. Thank you for sharing Margee. You put into words the complex emotions and mental anguish many of us have felt on the cusp of our deconversion. I was very moved by them.

 

Hugs,

 

Muse

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Dear Margee,

 

I know you wrote that beautifully written prayer over a year ago, but I'm new here and only just found it. So much of what you said then is where I am now. I was a sincerely seeking Christian, wanting so much to please God, wanting so much to have that loving relationship the preachers say we can have with God, but it was all one sided.........I tried my best, and I failed at faith. Your letter is a testament to so many of us former believers who sincerely struggled to hang on and then were cast into despair as the hope we once had, faded to nothing. Thank you for sharing Margee. You put into words the complex emotions and mental anguish many of us have felt on the cusp of our deconversion. I was very moved by them.

 

Hugs,

 

Muse

 

Thank you Muse!

 

It is sooooo good to have you here with us!! When I wrote this letter over a year ago, my heart was in agony.

 

God did not heal my heart in the last year.......EX-c did! So, girlfriend, stick around and you're goin' to feel a whole bunch better in the next few months!! I am looking forward to hearing more from you!!

 

Sincerely, Margee

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Hey Margee. I'm also new around here, but I've been lurking for a while and your post was one of the first I ever read. It's really beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.

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Hey Margee. I'm also new around here, but I've been lurking for a while and your post was one of the first I ever read. It's really beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.

 

Welcome scriptor! Stick around!! We need you!! I am so glad you have come out of 'lurking'! I still read this letter once a week to see if I've changed my mind after 15 months and the answer is no. I really never wanted to write such a letter.

I never would have believed that I, the faithful christian girl, would someday write such a letter to the so-called 'master of the universe'. It's really amazing when you start to question what you really believe. Finally, I admitted to myself that I do not see ANY evidence for god. It was heartbreaking.

 

I hope you will continue to post and grow with us here on EX-c! good to have you! biggrin.png

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It is a beautiful post Margee, I just read it to my exhusband and current partner, a heartfelt and beautiful plea to a god who isnt listening. Thank you for it :)

 

I love the ability you have to share your heart the way you do, with such clarity and honesty.

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It is a beautiful post Margee, I just read it to my exhusband and current partner, a heartfelt and beautiful plea to a god who isnt listening. Thank you for it smile.png

 

I love the ability you have to share your heart the way you do, with such clarity and honesty.

 

Thank you Galien, I appreciate this very much. biggrin.png

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Oh, Margee. Magnificent and so true. Thanks for the inspiration.

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Oh, Margee. Magnificent and so true. Thanks for the inspiration.

 

Welcome MerryG! biggrin.png I am so glad you are here with us on EX-c.! I am really looking forward to hearing more from you!

 

I have to admit, it's always nice to see that letter I wrote back then, to appear every now and again.... and to know that, what I felt and wrote could benefit someone else. I read that letter about once a month to see if I have changed my feelings about anything and the answer is 'no'! I still feel the same way.

 

If only god would have shown me a 'burning bush' or let me speak to a talking donkey in the last couple of years ....it might have changed my mind... but so far.. nothing... I see no evidence for a loving, powerful bible god in this world. wink.png

 

Good to have you!!

 

Sincerely, Margee

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