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Church Production Fiascos!


Vomit Comet
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Anybody got some funny stories about church productions (Christmas plays, Easter plays, HellHouses, Heavens Gates Hells Flames, etc. etc.) gone horribly or hilariously wrong?

 

Or, just some crazy or fucked up stories in general?

 

Here's something I'll quote from another thread, if I may:

 

The Hell House at the Baptist church I used to attend seemed to be more like a comedy routine going on than scaring kids into converting. One year the pastor's sons decided to do some skit which involved Hitler fighting a werewolf in Hell, but it didn't go too well as the two teenage boys started to actually fight after the one brother in the huge werewolf costume called his brother in the Hitler costume an asshole. People thought the boys punching and cussing at each other was an act and started laughing until the one in the werewolf costume ran out of the Hell House crying "Mama!". :lmao:

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Never had something like that happen.

 

Though I did set my sleeve on fire when lighting the advent wreath. I felt it and slapped my elbow and it went out. I didn't realize what happened until I sat in the pew and looked and saw the charred hole in my sleeve. Note to self, lite the candels farthest from you first.

 

I did see a video on youtube about a church that did a live animal christmas pagent. The camel was walking down the isle and stopped and decided this was a good place to lay down, right on the people in the pews.

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They picked me to be Mary in the Christmas pageant. Me.

 

Would you pick me to represent the holy mother of Jesus?

 

Phanta

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Have been singing with the choir when the CD player quit - that happened twice actually. The new guy in the sound booth played "Joy to the World" during intermission at an Easter drama - the head sound guy cut it off when he figured out what was going on. During a Christmas dance scene, one of the women fell down - she talked about sending the video in to America's Funniest Videos - don't know if she ever did or not. So, nothing real big.

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When my brother was in elementary school every year at xmas there would be a big xmas show with choirs and a big nativity play. They would have costumes, a real donkey, huts made of straw, a lot of detail. This one year a hut caught fire during the little drummer boy song. Very amusing.

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They picked me to be Mary in the Christmas pageant. Me.

 

Would you pick me to represent the holy mother of Jesus?

 

Phanta

 

Phanta,,,,

 

would have pick you for mary, mother of jesus if you are engaged, had an affair, gotten pregnant and put the blame on god and claimed still a virgin with a bloated tummy.

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Never had something like that happen.

 

Though I did set my sleeve on fire when lighting the advent wreath. I felt it and slapped my elbow and it went out. I didn't realize what happened until I sat in the pew and looked and saw the charred hole in my sleeve. Note to self, lite the candels farthest from you first.

 

I did see a video on youtube about a church that did a live animal christmas pagent. The camel was walking down the isle and stopped and decided this was a good place to lay down, right on the people in the pews.

 

That reminds me of a few years ago when I was at work on Christmas Eve. I work for a 911 center, and we got a call about a camel that ran off from a live outdoor Christmas pageant and took a stroll downtown until the cops caught up with him.

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A few months ago SuperFZL posted a vid from his church VBS where a guy showed up dressed like Satan, and the kids were supposed to quote verses at him to make him go away, but instead the mob of children freaked out and tried to beat the shit out of him with their bibles.

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Well, the the last Church I went to had a bit of a fiasco. The praise and worship leader started yelling, "the devils a liar, the devils a liar" then he told the whole congregations to say with him and messed up saying, "Gods a liar!" And everyone repeated, TWICE!!

 

I loved it so much.

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Various fucked up things that I witnessed or was told:

 

A lady fainted in the middle of the service and no one came to her aid. It was only after I started moving towards her that the lady who happened to be a nurse next to her did something.

 

There are a few overweight people in the congregation, some of them REALLY overweight. Early last year, one of the elders (who is like one foot in the grave) preached a sermon on eating healthy and losing weight. He also indirectly equated obesity with sin. This same preacher also based sermons on completely misunderstood verses which annoyed the shit out of me as a Christian.

 

I also know of a pastor who warned an entire congregation about a former member after hearing that he "sinned" in Bible college. He went into details about what happened and basically shunned him from his old community. This was something incredibly private that is frankly no one's business. He was threatened with legal action and was told to make a public declaration that he was at fault. He was really really scared and said he'll "pray" about it. "Surprisingly", God told him not to hurt his image. Unfortunately the matter wasn't pursued. I really wish it was.

 

Several people from my first church were written letters telling them to GTFO. Most of them were told off because they dressed too casual to church (one of them is essentially homeless so the fact that he has clean clothes every Sunday is phenomenal). One of them had pictures of him and his girlfriend on facebook that was a little too touchy for the pastor's liking.

 

One of the deacons from my old church would often pray to the pastor accidentally. It always made me chuckle.

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What the hell is a HellHouse in a church? Is this some sort of American phenomenon?

 

 

Well every year at Halloween, the haunted houses spring up like weeds and over charge people to, sometimes literally, get the shit scared out of them. Seriously, at the Darkness here in Saint Louis, MO people have died from heart failure becuase of the excellent special effects.

 

SO...the fundies, being pricks, offered an alternative where they depict scenes from Hell that all sinners will face. Then ask you at the end if you want to give you heart to Jesus. Unsuprisingly, many do. So they claim it as victroy over the devil or some shit.

 

 

Edit: the simpsons paradoied it in Treehouse of Horror XVIII scene: Heck House.

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@Vomit it might be. I tried to find it but kept getting stupid user created crap. Since I was at work at the time I didn't spend a lot of time looking.

 

you could try this

 

It was season 19 episode 5.

 

 

 

 

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I was in my church's drama troop. We had an Easter production where Jesus goes to hell to take the keys to the underworld away from Satan. We had this huge stage with smoke effects and strobe lights. There were about 20 or so demons who Jesus goes all Chuck Norris on with a climatic scene where Satan (who in real life was a Christian Karate instructor) and Jesus start Kung Fu fighting. All the demons were choreographed to circle around Jesus counterclockwise. The only problem was the strobes and smoke were blinding. As the demons encircled our Lord and Savior, several fell off the stage and it was about an 8 foot drop. Jesus couldn't see it until after about the 6th one fell. Then he broke character and approached the edge of the stage to see if everyone was OK. Satan didn't realize what was going on a started the fight scene with a head kick that blind sided the Son of Man. The kick lands right behind Christ's ear and Jesus accidentally shouts "Ow! What the fuck are you doing?" in front of a congregation of about 2,000 Pentecostals on Easter Sunday.

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Anybody got some funny stories about church productions (Christmas plays, Easter plays, HellHouses, Heavens Gates Hells Flames, etc. etc.) gone horribly or hilariously wrong?Or, just some crazy or fucked up stories in general?Here's something I'll quote from another thread, if I may:

The Hell House at the Baptist church I used to attend seemed to be more like a comedy routine going on than scaring kids into converting. One year the pastor's sons decided to do some skit which involved Hitler fighting a werewolf in Hell, but it didn't go too well as the two teenage boys started to actually fight after the one brother in the huge werewolf costume called his brother in the Hitler costume an asshole. People thought the boys punching and cussing at each other was an act and started laughing until the one in the werewolf costume ran out of the Hell House crying "Mama!". :lmao:

 

 

VC, I think the Christmas nativity play with the snotty nosed toddler angels picking and eating boogers is twice as funny as this incident, but whatever floats your boat.

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Satan didn't realize what was going on a started the fight scene with a head kick that blind sided the Son of Man. The kick lands right behind Christ's ear and Jesus accidentally shouts "Ow! What the fuck are you doing?" in front of a congregation of about 2,000 Pentecostals on Easter Sunday.

 

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! Priceless!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Man, all this shit really illustrates just how wacky and corny and crazy our religion really was.

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