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Born Again Experience - Always Chasing An Elusive God


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I've been thinking about my previous life as a born again christian and trying to narrow down what it was that kept me ensnared for so long.

 

I've come to the conclusion that, like many aspects of christianity, I was chasing an emotional carrot on a stick for all those years. My initial experience with "getting saved" was emotionally powerful and it felt like I had had an experience with God. My worldview and my outlook on life completely changed. So for the rest of my christian life I was continually chasing that experience with the one true God again. An experience that constantly eluded me.

 

If only I prayed more, fasted more often, cried out to God more, he might touch me and I'd feel his presence again. He was always just around the corner. I'd hear testimonies of healings and miracles and it would prove to me again that God was moving in people's lives. If only I was spiritual enough or did more for the Lord would he use me in these last days and he'd show me one more glimpse that he's real.

 

So that's what kept me going. Blind faith that I would experience God one more time. I KNEW he was real since he made himself real to me when I got saved.

 

Then one day, some events in my church caused me to look at my church's doctrines more closely. I found many of the doctrines I was taught were false and unbiblical (such as tithing). Finding this out caused me to have what I felt was a second salvation experience. I felt like I understood the bible better and was closer to God because of it. All those doctrines I had believed for years were wrong and were now replaced with these new, more biblical, more Jesus-like doctrines. That was fine for a while.

 

Now, since I stopped believe the bible a couple months ago, ironically I would describe the experience is just like getting "saved" ...yet again. All of a sudden I have a greater understanding of the bible, and my worldview has been changed again.

 

So what was "getting saved" but a transformation of one's worldview and outlook on life?

 

Any thoughts?

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I too had this dilemma that why could that high one experienced, the epiphany last?

 

The pat answer is that was a taste of what heaven would be like.

 

The euphoria that one experienced can be replicated in a controlled environment giving the exact same goofy feelings by targeting certain areas of your brain with stimulation.

 

What puzzles me is how well this lie works and how effective it is in baiting the gullible. It worked on me.

 

There was a vid on you tube where an atheist uses the exact same techniques you see in the church. Folk come up for prayer and they ask for helpers to minister (aka catchers) and then when hands are laid on you, you fall. Power of suggestion. When someone is aware how easy it is to manipulate other peoples thought processes, they can apply this technique at will. This atheist did and convinced 50% of non believers in his audience that god was real. He had to then deconvert them again.

 

And before I was saved, I was adamant I would NEVER fall for this BS, guess what, I did fall for it.

 

The system is designed to fuck with your mind no matter how subtle. In my case, with the birth of my first child, there was the christening and I was not allowed to answer the vows, only my wife but I still had to stand up there with her. That was pretty embarrassing, didn't have this problem when we got married. So naturally, before the next kid came along, I went though adult catechism and the next round, I was allowed to say yeah. I had taken the bait.

 

Then of course the pledge forced me to attend, they learned of my guitar skills and next thing I am playing in the main service and one thing led to another. Back then I loved to perform as I was pretty good, odd thing is since ditching it all nearly 6 years ago, I have never picked up my guitar again.

 

What you should see here is a pattern of distraction. Keep you occupied in "good works", it serves their ends and you don't really have time to get questions of stuff like hell answered.

 

I then ended up in an evangelical woo woo church and there was made to think I was a teacher. The thing is, I still managed to read my bible a lot and had good head knowledge of content but not context. I had become a good lil' conformer.

 

I too chased the anointing of that first delusion but those circumstances only seem to work once in reality. At the time of conversion, many tears of repentance but then you are saved and now not so much a wretch as you used to be, this is why you never experience the reborn experience twice. The mindfuck only works once then they move on to mindfuck 2.0 which insists that you prove yourself worthy of your salvation, albeit subtly.

 

Maybe one day I will write a book. I sure have a shitload of material from my experiences.

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I agree. It's a mind game polished for centuries to make god seem real. After all, they have no real proof, so they prey on emotions.

Most of us swallowed it hook line and sinker too, and now wonder how.

Welcome to the forums, BTW.

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